The One Problem Interview: Rose-marie Fernandez, Founder Coaching Worx

In this week’s episode of The One Problem interview, Rose-marie Fernandez shows us how to move from overwhelm to abundance.

Hi, my name is Avil Beckford, and this is another episode of the One Problem podcast. You know, there are tons of problems in the world, but let's focus on one. We don't want to overwhelm you. And this is a way for us to learn from each other. Today, my special guest is Rose-marie Fernandez. She is the founder of Coaching Worx. In her coaching practice, she moves people from overwhelm to abundance. I met her through Ellevate Network. Over to you, Rose-marie.

Rose-marie Fernandez

Thank you, Avil and it's such a wonderful idea of yours to bring this out to people, because I'm sure the people that listen to The One Problem resonate with what's going on. And in the short time, we'll talk about a problem, and then I'll offer some solutions. And the problem that I want to put forward today and talk about, is so appropriate for the current times, it's that everyone is in a state of overwhelm, overwhelmed from the pandemic, overwhelmed from working on that, overwhelmed from being at home, overwhelmed from the uncertainty of the future.

And just as people think, okay, we're getting used to this, there's something else being thrown out, just like you just said to me. And now they're talking about the fourth wave, correct. So I thought, you know, when I work with my clients to most of them share with me that they're in a state of overwhelm. They are working people, senior executives.

The One Problem Interview With Rose-marie Fernandez: How to Move from Overwhelm to Abundance

And why are they in overwhelm? Well the pandemic, and this whole Covid-19 brought forth a big change last year in March. And we have to make a forced upon change in our lives. They work at home, many people even lost their jobs, those that are working from home, and the expectation is because you're working from home, you're available 24/7. So I really want to address the working person. But it doesn't mean that the non-working person will not benefit from some of the solutions that I provide when you're in a state of overwhelm.

Rose-marie Fernandez

It doesn't start in overwhelm. It first starts with a small little worry and then the worry can lead to anxiety, then the anxiety can build up into frustrations. And then before we know it, it builds up and builds up and we are in overwhelm. And overwhelm can lead us into depression. We end up having a lack of energy. We end up having forgetfulness. We end up being paralyzed because we have a fear of what's going to happen tomorrow.

We've got the vaccine. We don't trust the vaccine. Some people think they trust the vaccine. And now we're seeing the fourth wave is coming. What do we do every time there's a change? And I say that when you're in a state of overwhelm, you're living in a state of fear. And so, what I do is, I work with people. I connect with them. But really, some measures or tools that I suggest for them to use is to try to move out of that.

Well, because all of them really, is a situation, a situation that is controlled by the mind. It's a mindset. With thoughts and emotions that throw us into overwhelm and fear. Fear of what's going to happen. Well, we have to remember that fear is not a tangible thing. It has no signs. And it has no color. It's something that we create as a figment of our imagination. And so I tell people, so you're busy making movies again.

Rose-marie Fernandez

And you're not going to get any awards for the movies that you are creating in your head. But the way our mechanisms work, that when we imagine, and we create, our mind believes that it actually happens to us. So it goes into our memory. You know, so anything that we create, that's negative or positive, it goes into one database. And then that's exacerbated because it's like we've already experienced one fear, and we build on it. It can have devastating effects, where people sometimes need to go on medication to bring them out of the depression or the sadness they are experiencing.

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I always suggest we got to nip it in the bud, when that little thought appears, and you're questioning, “Oh, my God, what's going to happen?” If we build on it, it becomes a mountain. But if we were just to stop for a minute to say, “I don't need I don't need this thought right now.” But it's easier said and done. What tools can be used to help us get rid of these negative thoughts, get rid of plots that are taking us into a fear zone?

And so I ask people to think about: Number one is, instead of feeling fearful, I encourage journaling, because journaling helps you to do reflective thinking. It's not about this happened to me today and that happened to me today. You're telling me is really more about something I call a mind dump. You write in it whatever fears you have. All the things you want to do, you might recollect things from your past.

Rose-marie Fernandez

But this method of journaling, the intention of the journaling, and I'm using the word deliberately, the intention of the journaling is to create a mind dump. Dump all these negative thoughts that come into your head. And so it's not meant to be read again, and it's not meant to be shared with anybody else. It's literally meant to be a dump. So you write it on paper. You can start with one page, you can go to two pages.

But it's highly recommended by psychologists that you focus on three pages. And then you write it, and then you can dump it, and throw it out because it's of no use to you in the future. It's a way for you to rid yourself of the fears. The next tip that I give people, is to move out of your comfort zone. The only way to conquer your fear, is to do it, as Nike says. So move out of your comfort zone, look at it as a learning exercise.

So from your current state of discomfort comfort zone, you get into the learning zone, and then you get into the growth zone. So when you start going into the growth zone and accept it as a learning experience, that also helps you because you're building new skills, new thoughts that also help you to step away from.

Rose-marie Fernandez

A third tip is when you're going through whatever it is you're going through, is to sit down and ask yourself what is this feeling? And if you give that feeling a label. I'm feeling sad, I'm feeling upset, I'm feeling angry, I'm feeling overwhelmed. Once you label that emotion, your mind says, okay, so what am I going to do about this? But if you don't label it, and don't address what it is you're feeling at the moment, it's going to stay with you. You're not going to be able to release it. Once you say, I am feeling sad right now, you can grieve for five or 10 minutes and then let it go.

If we look at some of the studies that psychologists have done on handling grief and loss, you move from denial, which we did. This isn't going to happen. It's not going to last very long, this pandemic, and now it seems that it's never going to end well. At least we started to think about accepting it. When we get into acceptance, then we can start thinking of more creative ideas of how we can live.

So even myself, someone like myself, I'm an extrovert. I have had 15 months just living by myself. So I've moved into an environment where I can share with somebody and safety and be with a companion and being with friends. And we can share meals, and we can discuss that day. And I'm already feeling like, wow, I'm creating an abundance mindset. So I think I've given you three tools.

Rose-marie Fernandez

The fourth one is really, really powerful. And Richard Boyatzis has written tons on this topic of intention setting. He is one of the gurus of emotional intelligence. And he works with Daniel Goleman, and he talks about intention setting, which is when you combine your thoughts with your emotions and your family. And when you're working with intentions, and not out of goals, which is something where you're doing something that's mandatory, a compulsion.

When you're doing it from your desire, from your heart, it comes a lot more easily. And then you're doing it with joy and there's no feeling like I have to finish this, and by the end of the month I have to lose five pounds or whatever it is, or I have to accomplish something, to take so many courses. But if you say I intend to, that alone has so much power. That can move you from an overwhelming mindset to that of an abundance mindset. And, I think it's over to you now.

Avil Beckford

Thank you so much. A while back, someone defined fear as false expectations appearing real. And some of what you said, you alluded to that. So thank you so much for being on the podcast.

Rose-marie Fernandez

You're welcome.

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