The One Problem: Janet Zaretsky, BS Brilliance Master

In this Episode of The One Problem, this week’s guest, Janet Zaretsky, talks about the lack of confidence.

Hi there, my name is Avil Beckford. And this is another episode of The One Problem. This is something that I had been thinking about for a while. And I finally started it because it's something that's near and dear to my heart. My guests come on, and they talk about One Problem. As you know, there are lots of problems in the world, but we don't care about that. We don't want to be overwhelmed. So we're going to zero in on one problem.

So today, my special guest is Janet Zaretsky. Get a load of this, she is the BS Brilliance Master. Doesn't that sound amazing? And she's also an Ellevate sister. Over to you, Janet.

Janet Zaretsky

Thank you. The One Problem, which speaks inside of what I'm known for, is the BS Brilliance Master. The One Problem I want to address, and I want to give you some support with, is Confidence, a lack of confidence, imposter syndrome, some women call it, but here's what I call it. You are listening to the BS in your head, instead of having your brilliant shine.

And that is the problem that I want to address today. So, you know, I have been working for nearly twenty-six years with people, and specifically with women executives owning their power. But women all over, we don't own our power. We don't own our magnificence, we do not speak into the world about how great we are.

The One Problem Interview with Janet Zaretsky

The number of times that you actually say to yourself something that is diminishing. If you allow yourself to wake up to it, get present to it, you'll be astounded. In fact, one time I had a person, I'm going to give you some exercises, that's one of my intentions today. But I want to share like a result of one of these exercises. So I had this client one time do this exercise that have her think like wake up to get conscious, do what she was saying to herself that in her particular thing and all of us have one that is consistent.

Janet Zaretsky

Hers was some version of that wasn't good, I'm not good, I'm not enough. And she called me one day, and she said, “Oh my heavens, 400 times by noon.” Now, if you're feeding yourself negative self talk, one would say. All day long, you are not going to be one who speaks up at a meeting, who stands up at any sort of networking event and says, this is what I can do.

This is how good I am. In fact, when I am coaching women, what I hear is I can't say that. I can't say that because we've been enculturated to not brag, so to speak. But here's the question, why not? If you don't own your power, why should anyone else empower you or give you power? So whether you're an individual contributor, not speaking up on what great results you produce or you are someone working in the corporate arena, not intervening and not standing for what you are and what you want, I want you to do an exercise.

So let me just say I have a neuroscience background, the neuroscience of communication. I'm actually certified in that. One of the things that I want you to get is you have a brain pattern. This is an automatic brain pattern and it got set up. I don't have time to go into the whole thing, but it got set up when you were really young, when there was a threat, and you had a response to that threat. And it has now become a brain pattern.

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Janet Zaretsky

So let's just assume maybe your parents don't brag. So sometimes you came home and said that Suzy did this and I did this and you got told, don't brag. Well, that set up a brain pattern where you diminish yourself. You know, it's just what we all do. So I'm going to give you an exercise to intervene in that brain pattern. OK, so one thing that happens is when you have whatever negative self talk, I'm going to say whatever your particular negative self talk is, is your brain pattern. We're going to intervene.

So when you have that, let's say it's I'm not good enough or I'm not smart enough or some version of that, you actually look through a myopic view for evidence. So you go through life looking for the evidence to fit that point of view. I'm not good enough. And every mistake you make there it is me. I'm not good enough. So you're literally reinforcing that brain pattern. So here is a really simple way to intervene in that.

What I'd like you to do. Is either get if you're an individual contributor and you have testimonials. And we all know you do, and you get testimonials to pull out three of them. If you're somebody working in corporate, pull out three of the greatest feedback you have ever gotten from a manager or a coworker, I don't care where it is. If it isn't written down, but you remember, I want you to write it down. Put it in a file, whether it's a digital file or a hard cover file.

Janet Zaretsky

And every day I want you to get that out and I want you to start your day by reading it and read it out loud so you can hear it. And then I want you to go through your day looking for evidence of that point of view. And what this does, and I have lots of people do it, and it's really effective. It's like, instead of looking for the negatives, it's automatic, you start looking for the positive. And then that becomes the automatic yes. You will still have a brain pattern and say, oh, I'm not good enough, but you'll get over here, this is now a stronger brain pattern.

And now I know I'm really great. So the next time you're in a situation, if you're an individual contributor and somebody says, what do you do? Well, let me share with you, just like I did a minute ago. Let me tell you how good I am. This is what my clients produce. If you're in corporate America, then you allow yourself to go. I'm really valuable. I'm inherently valuable. People have said so. And now I'm going to say so. So I can speak up, and I can speak for myself and I can go to that next promotion, or I can put my opinion out there. And I can intervene, and I can be the most boldly brilliant self that I am. And that's my one thing.

Avil Beckford

Oh, my God, that that's so fantastic. And you reminded me that I have some testimonials that I have not added to my website. And I think one of the things I take from you is that every day I'll go to my website to that page and read a few of those, because you don't really go on your website, so to speak, so you forget stuff. That was really good.

Janet Zaretsky

Great. I'm glad.

Avil Beckford

So thank you so much, Janet. This is amazing.

Janet Zaretsky

You are welcome. It was really my privilege. All I ever want is for every one of us to own our power and magnify our brilliance.

Janet Zaretsky Books

Where'd My Confidence Go… And How Do I Get It Back?

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