In this episode of The One Problem Interview Rosalin Krieger explains to us how to get unstuck.
Hi there, my name is Avil Beckford, and this is the latest segment of The One Problem interview. I bring on guests, and they talk about one problem, not all the problems in the world, just one. They have five to eight minutes to offer their solution. And this is a way for us to learn from each other. Now, continuing with the trend. This week I'm interviewing Rosalin Krieger and she is the Unstucker, but she's also an Ellevate sister. Over to you Rosalin!
Rosalin Krieger
Thank you so much for inviting me to be here. It's an honor and a pleasure. We're going to talk about one of the biggest issues of many people's lifetime, and that is being stuck. And all of us are if we're honest, are stuck at least one stage of our lives. For me, being stuck was kind of a chronic situation, and it probably was exacerbated under the current pandemic.
And what it did was to help me find my calling because I was stuck. Like so many people, I didn't know how to transition out of losing work. I was a lecturer at Ryerson University in Toronto, Canada, and I was teaching. I was hosting food tours. So after March 14th hen the food tours were canceled, I thought, oh, my gosh. And I thought, you know what, this is an opportunity to get unstuck. And I asked myself, what do you really want to do?
I always wanted to do online writing workshops. There was a local poet who I admire. I like what she does, I love the feeling she creates in the virtual space. And I love the way people react to prompts. And that for me was a very wonderful way to get unstuck, take a risk. I found that's really one of my callings to help people get clarity, get unstuck, about difficult emotions, feeling hopeless, feeling directionless.
Interview With Rosalin Krieger, The Unstucker
Rosalin Krieger
So I'll talk a bit about how do you get unstuck? First of all, you got to admit you're stuck. I think a lot of people in denial. No, I'm not stuck, maybe I'm just frustrated. Maybe I am impatient. I know it sounds like you're stuck. What do I mean, are you stuck? Are you not taking meaningful action? You do not have direction. You lack a plan and strategy.
Do you lack confidence? And do you feel you don't have a purpose anymore? Chances are if you answer three or four of those, you're stuck. So first, admit that you're stuck. Second, don't shame yourself if you're stuck. There's so much shaming. I don't have to tell you this, especially among women who are professional unpaid chambers. We shame ourselves for everything, for being human, for being alive, and also for being stuck. Like we're supposed to have all the answers all the time for everybody.
No, you're not. So divest yourself of feeling you need to never be unstuck or help everyone else get unstuck.
So with that, you're stuck, you're OK with being stuck and then start to ask some key questions like, why am I stuck? This is so basic. When I'm resisting what's best for me, when I'm self sabotaging, I sit down and ask myself, what's going on? What are you feeling? Why do you think you're doing this?
Rosalin Krieger
And even to ask yourself in the third person, Avil have you done this? This is incredible. I made this kind of linguistics, which was like, why is Rosalin doing this? And my God, the answer comes up more honestly and I find I yield better results. Ask yourself in the third person. Why do I feel stuck? In most cases, it's fear. Fear of uncertainty, fear of unknown. In my case, very common, lack of self belief, feeling I don't deserve to move forward. And this is all rooted in my childhood trauma, and things like that.
And these are deeply embedded thoughts that I'm being honest here. They're not going to melt away overnight. So if you're stuck, in addition to being nice with yourself, you must be patient with the process. There is no quick fix, but if you methodically and compassionately practice self inquiry with open-ended answers, it might be if you're looking for an answer or you think there's only one kind of answer you're not doing it right.
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You should come in there with no expectation and ask yourself what's going on here? What am I feeling? And be OK with what you're feeling. Don't change the answer, but we don't want that answer. I need to change. No, don't change your answer. That's information that you need. Because you won't be able to take any sort of meaningful action if you aren't prepared to listen to yourself honestly and without judgment, and that's what I've been doing with my therapist.
Rosalin Krieger
Otherwise, people to be curious, but compassionately ask yourself questions. And then then and only then will you be able to truly cultivate awareness. Awareness is everything. For most of my life I wasn't aware of why I did things that didn't serve me. I wasn't aware of why I self sabotage. Some will say, OK, awareness is fine if it leads to transformation. You're right. You're right. But you need to start with something you need to know, for example, if you have core values and thoughts that are deeply rooted in self sabotage you must know that, so at least you know what you're dealing with.
It's like getting a diagnosis, right? If I have chronic pain, I'm going to my doctor. I want to find out why I have this chronic pain. What are the rules? And that's why awareness is everything. I'll tell you why Avil. You know, I was doing the mentoring this week with two women and they were completely unaware of how they were appearing, for example, in the Zoom call.
One didn't understand that everybody has to have a profile photo. She really didn't understand. I checked this morning, and she still hasn't put in a photo in her profile. And one woman wasn't aware that she never answered my initial mentoring question twice. She wasn't aware that she was talking the whole time. And she wasn't aware that I wasn't able to talk because she talked almost the whole ten minutes. This is when you don't have awareness.
Rosalin Krieger
You were really, you know, a little muddled, and you're stuck in a fog. You know, you really can't see what's going on in front of your face. So really, anyone watching here, please have the courage. And this is courageous. I'm not a bodybuilder, but I ask myself courageous questions. I ask people I work with courageous questions. What is ailing you? What are the thoughts, these old calcified thoughts that you've been carrying around for 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years? What are they today? So you must be courageous to get unstuck. You must. So those are the pillars of getting unstuck.
Avil Beckford
And that's so important because there are basic things that we don't do, and we need to reflect all the time. And you're right, asking that question, what's going on? What do we need to get to the root cause of the problem so that we can solve it and solve the right problem? And there's no way we can solve it unless we understand what the problem is? It has been so good. Thank you so much, Rosalin.
Rosalin Krieger
My pleasure.
