Overcoming the Gender Confidence Gap with Sheena Yap Chan

Hi there. My name is Avil Beckford, and I am the host of the One Problem podcast. There are tons of problems in the world. We will not get overwhelmed because we're tackling them one problem at a time. As has been the case, most of the guests on this podcast are people who I know or have some prior relationship with. Our guest today, Sheena Yap Chan, I attended a webinar where she was the guest speaker. And I discovered she is a fellow Torontonian. Now, Sheena is a keynote speaker, a consultant, a podcaster, and a bestselling author. Over to you, Sheena.

Sheena Yap Chan

Hi, Avil. Thank you so much for having me on the podcast today. It's always great to connect with fellow Torontonians. So the one problem that I'm going to state is that there's this thing called the gender confidence gap where men are a lot more confident than women, especially when they go out and ask for a promotion. Women tend to over prepare, but something still holds them back. Meanwhile, men, they're about 60% ready and they're going to go out there.

They're just going to make it happen. I realized that one of the main reasons women have low self-confidence is because of inaction. And there's been studies where if women just take action, they actually perform a lot better than men. And so for us to eliminate the gender confidence gap, I share different things on how to do that, and building self-confidence is so important.

So one thing I talk about is being able to embrace our fears because we all have fears, right? We all get scared of something. But being fearless isn't about not having fears. It's really about having that fear and doing it, anyway. And I've been through so many experiences in my life where I just push through my fears to get onto the other side because it's not as bad as we think.

Eliminating the Gender Confidence Gap: Empowering Women to Embrace their Fears and Collaborate

I know sometimes when it's like the first time; you make it seem like it's this big thing to accomplish. But once you push through it, you're like, that wasn't so bad. I didn't die. I'm still here. And so that really is a big confidence booster. Being able to show up as imperfect.

Sheena Yap Chan

As women, we've been told all our lives that we have to be this perfect person, especially from a culture that I come in. We're always told to be perfect, the perfect daughter, perfect mother, perfect wife. And because of that, we don't want to make any mistakes. But when forging your own path, especially becoming an entrepreneur, you’ve got to be okay with making mistakes.

You’ve got to be okay to show up messy and not perfect because we're human beings and life is messy. And we attain this unrealistic thing of perfection, especially now that social media is around. Everyone's trying to alter their figure, alter their bodies, not realizing that it really hurts us. And mental health is also a big thing. So when we see that, we think, “Well, how are we going to do that?” It's not like you can alter your body in real life, like shave off a couple of inches through an app.

That just doesn't work. So I want people to realize it's okay to be imperfect. It's okay to make mistakes because sometimes your greatest opportunities come from your mistakes. The labels we have as women. If we forge our own path, we're told we're too ambitious, we're too much, we’ve got to bring it down a notch. But when men do the same thing, they're considered as courageous and confident. So we’ve got to break through those gender biases.

Have you read or watched?

1. LaRae Quy, Author of Secrets of a Strong Mind
2. Laura Flessner, Innovation & Leadership Coach
3. Jennifer Regular, The Soul Illuminator
4. Judith Sherven, Executive Coaching for the Brightest and Best
5. Jackie Lyles, C Level Growth Strategies to Maximize Sales
6. Jackie Maclean, Energy Innovator and Clinical Hypnotherapist
7. Leslie Nydick, The Conflict Strategist, How to Lead Inclusive Conversations
8. Holly Jackson, TEDx Speaker, Holistic Leader
9. Kes Morton, President and CEO, Pisces Research Project Management
10. Kerry Wekelo, COO of Actualized Consulting
11. Dr Pauline Crawford, The Conversation Game Changer
12. Syya Yasotornrat, Podcast Strategist and Producer
13. Becky Wolfe, Works with Burned Out Teams
14. Dena Lefkowitz, Business and Career Coach for Lawyers
15. Lisa Rangel, Executive Resume Writer
16. Lucia Kanter St. Amour, VP United Nations Women (San Francisco)

Sheena Yap Chan

Even if it means people are going to call us those names. We have to create a new normal. We have to show them that being able to forge our path means we're confident and courageous as well. Because I know it's scary to go out there and do something on your own. So we got to have the confidence to go forward and just get rid of those labels, get rid of the names. Because there was also a report that mentioned that gender parity is going to take about 132 years at the rate we're going.

And I don't think anybody really wants to wait that long. So it's important to build confidence. Another thing is as women, especially in Women's History Month, is we’ve got to learn to work together. Part of the problem is us. I used to work in an office. I used to deal with catty women. And instead of fighting them, I realized I just had to kill them with kindness. And as women, we have to learn to work together because if we don't learn to work together, guess what? We lose in the end. Collaboration is key.

Not doing it alone. Trying to do everything alone is exhausting. Trying to be the superwoman is really exhausting. It's unattainable. It's unrealistic. And that's why we’ve got to support each other. We’ve got to lift each other up instead of being jealous, bringing each other down because there's a lot of room at the top.

Sheena Yap Chan

We hear so many stories about when one woman's at the top and then another new woman comes in. It's like they're fighting for that one spot. With men, they don't fight for that. So we got to be okay. We got to make room for each other. We got to lift each other up. One thing I also say is to be okay to ask questions because you never know who's going to say yes.

I always say that if you don't ask, the answer is no. And I even share a story in my upcoming book and at other talks. When I was working at a job, my boss gave me a salary review and he mentioned I was going to go from 50,000 to 54,000. And so in Chinese culture, anything that ends in a number 4 is considered a bad omen, because if you say it out in Chinese, it sounds like the word death.

So I told them, is it okay if you bump it up to 55,000? I mean, I would not go lower. I'm going to go higher. And I told them why. I told them the number 4 is a bad omen in our culture and what it means. And so my boss laughed at me. He laughed at me thinking that sounds so ridiculous. And yeah, it might sound ridiculous when you think about it, but that's the culture I lived in.

So in the end, he gave me that extra $1,000. Yes, the $1,000 isn't a lot, but I didn't have to do anything crazy other than asking him a question and giving him a valid reason. So be okay with asking questions. I know as women, we're so afraid to ask questions. We don't want to sound stupid. Especially when you used to go to school, you were so afraid to put your hand up in case someone says, “That's stupid.”

Sheena Yap Chan

Who cares? I ask a lot of questions. If someone thinks it's stupid, it's stupid. I don't really care. It's not the end of the world. So be okay with asking questions. One quality that I instill in myself is persistence. You’ve got to go out there and keep moving, regardless of the darkness, the storms, the challenges, the pushback. Because anything you do in life that’s worthwhile, we're going to go through all those things.

And people don't become successful overnight. They keep putting their foot one step forward at a time to get to where they are. It's taking those small, actionable daily steps to yield the big results. And last but not least, be okay to ask for help. As women, we should be okay to ask for help. I come from a culture where asking for help is considered a weakness, a handout. And for the longest time, I delayed my success.

But when I realized I can ask for help, that's when everything changed and my confidence got higher because I'm not the only one doing it. So that is the one piece of advice that if you forgot anything, be okay to ask for help. And back to you, Avil.

Avil Beckford

Thank you so much. That was so good.

Next Steps

Wondering what to do next, you can do all of:

1. Buy Asian Women Trailblazers Who BossUp and The Tao of Self-Confidence by Sheena Yap Chan

2. Buy my new book, Leadership Reading: Spilling the Tea on How Top Leaders Read

3. If you want to Consult 1:1 about Effective Reading Strategies

4. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel

5. Join the Art of Learning Membership Site

6. Download Unlock Your Genius Power Reading Tips Sheet

7. Buy me a cup of coffee!

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