Leslie Nydick, The Conflict Strategist, How to Lead Inclusive Conversations

Hi there. My name is Avil Beckford, and this is the latest episode of the One Problem podcast. Most of my guests I have some prior relationship with. Today, that's the case. A very special guest, Leslie Nydick, The Conflict Strategist. I've known her for about three, four months and I met her on LinkedIn. Over to you, Leslie.

Leslie Nydick

Thank you, Avil, and thank you for inviting me to join you today. So the problem I want to share is a question that I'm frequently asked. How to provoke everyone to speak up during meetings. How to lead inclusive conversations. So what's at the core?

And that's what I want to get back to. As humans, we want to be seen; we want to be heard; we want respect. And this has to occur in meetings as well. As per quote from the Harvard Business Review, what leaders say and do, make up to a 70% difference whether an individual reports feeling included. And this really matters because the more people feel included, the more they will speak up.

So how can we lead inclusive conversations? I want to think of this as a recipe. I'm going to talk about some ingredients, add some spices in, mix it all up, and then you'll have what you need to do the cooking and the implementation. So let's start with some ingredients. These are your communication skills. What are they? It's everything from listening to summarizing, questions, stories, perception, pausing, tone of voice, body language, and, of course, much more.

Leslie Nydick, the Conflict Strategist Talks about How to Lead Inclusive Conversations

I'm going to focus on some of those ingredients today. Perception. This is a key ingredient. We need to increase our awareness that intended messages are often not received as intended. People interpret what we say based on cultural influences, their individual experiences in life, ethnicity, race, gender, age, and the list is long.

Leslie Nydick

The definition of words is also not always absolute, even though we mistakenly assume they are. And I'm going to give an example. The statement is, let's talk about this later. When is it later? For each person hearing that, it is a different time, a different day, and even a different month. Yet that word later, as well as many other similar words, are used frequently and constantly without further clarification.

So when it's important, clarify your words or statements. Another ingredient that is essential is asking questions. We have to consider the many factors that impact how someone hears your questions. Some are the format of the question, whether it's an open one or a closed one. The tone of your voice has a huge impact, and even the timing of your question. So I'd like to share an example. With meetings, there's a common question we hear.

And just as the meeting is about to end, even sometimes after the scheduled end time, the meeting leader will ask, and one more thing before you go. Do you have questions? What's the most frequent response? None. Since no time was set aside for the questions, it implies that none should be asked.

Instead, what we have to do is ask, what are your questions? And then leave time for the responses. This tweak conveys you know there are questions and you really want to hear them. That small change has a huge impact. And another essential ingredient, which I'm sure we've all heard about, is listening. We have to listen more. We have to listen to understand. As you've no doubt experienced, listening has a direct correlation to others' feeling that they've been heard and to feel respected. Why is this important?

Have you read or watched?

1. Holly Jackson, TEDx Speaker, Holistic Leader
2. Kes Morton, President and CEO, Pisces Research Project Management
3. Kerry Wekelo, COO of Actualized Consulting
4. Dr Pauline Crawford, The Conversation Game Changer
5. Syya Yasotornrat, Podcast Strategist and Producer
6. Becky Wolfe, Works with Burned Out Teams
7. Dena Lefkowitz, Business and Career Coach for Lawyers
8. Lisa Rangel, Executive Resume Writer
9. Lucia Kanter St. Amour, VP United Nations Women (San Francisco)
10. Traci Lamb, TV Show Host For The First/Only Caregiver Show in Mass Media
11. Jane Lehman, Legal Shield – Affordable Access to Lawyers
12. Gena Cox, Organizational Psychologist, Executive Coach, Speaker and Author
13. Carla Leon, Chief Executive Officer, Just Like Family Home Care Canada
14. Lillian Davenport, Leadership and Career Strategist
15. Paulette Durepos, Women Entrepreneurs Working from Home Struggling with Isolation
16. Shelley Nadel: How to Deal With the Volatile Stock Market
17. Karen Wilson Robinson, The Importance of Protecting Your Intellectual Property

Leslie Nydick

We speak at an average of 125 to 200 words per minute. We can listen to 400 to 700 words per minute. Let that sink in. That leaves a lot of space in our minds to be filled. So to really listen, we let that available space in our minds remain available so we can just listen. And a final ingredient that I'm going to share today is checking in. We need to check in on everyone.

There are those chatty people, the quiet people, the loud people, the confident ones, the abrasive ones, the busy ones. We have to check in on everyone because we know that body language and other communication may convey that everything's okay when it's not all okay.

So that overused question of how are you? Often receives a robotic one word response. I'm fine, I'm okay, I'm good. Instead, try questions like, how can I support you? What's gone well today? What was a challenge yesterday? As you know, some people will speak up in a group. Other people will not. So if you offer and invite varied options for feedback so that everyone can absorb the information, think about it, and then they'll speak up because they'll have these other options to provide you with feedback.

So I've reviewed some ingredients. Now let me share the spices. Those are your agility, your flexibility, and your adaptability. Those are key and needed in every conversation. The choice of your ingredients, the addition of those spices as you need them, and how you mix it up will facilitate inclusive conversations. There's going to be a customized mixture for each conversation. It will take extra effort. I know that.

Leslie Nydick

And it will be worth it because you will be amazed at what is shared when people feel safe to speak up. Lead better conversations by intentionally choosing those ingredients and spices. Thank you, Avil, for giving me this opportunity to be on The One Problem podcast. Over to you.

Avil Beckford

Thank you so much. Leslie, I'm thinking about what you said about the space for listening. A lot of times you say something to someone and they're not practicing active listening because they're formulating in their head how they're going to respond to what you're saying. And the other thing you talked about is body language. Those nonverbal cues are so important.

Leslie Nydick

Very much so. In that space that is in our head, we have a lot of things we can fill it with, what we're going to have for dinner, how we're going to respond, thinking about a conversation we had with someone else earlier. And we need to leave that space intentionally available to listen to the person who's in front of us.

Avil Beckford

Thank you so much.

Next Steps

1. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
2. Join the Art of Learning Membership Site
3. Download Unlock Your Genius Power Reading Tips Sheet

The One Problem is just one way to learn from me. You can also join the Art of Learning membership site.

If you want access to my Bookish Notes, please consider joining my membership site, the Art of Learning.