Hi there. My name is Avil Beckford, and this is the latest episode of The One Problem Podcast. There are tons of problems in the world. We will not focus on all of them because we don't want to get overwhelmed. We're going to deal with them one problem at a time. As has been the case most of the time, the people who come on this podcast, I have some prior relationship with them. And this week is no different.
My very special guest today, I've known her for about two months. I met her on LinkedIn, and we support one another. Her name is Dena Lefkowitz. She is an executive and business coach for lawyers. And she recently published a book, Winning in Your Own Court. Isn't that a fantastic title? Over to you, Dena.
Dena Lefkowitz
Thank you. Avil, I love the one problem idea that you have for your podcast. Because as a coach, I help people with their careers, and very often they come to me, and they have a laundry list of 15 things that they want to accomplish immediately. And what do I do? I say, let's pick the most important one and start there, because you're already trying to do 15 things at once. And how's that working for you so far?
So that's why I wanted to come on your program, because I love the idea of solving one problem at a time. And the problem that I want to talk about today is why so many of us wind up in jobs we don't like. In companies, we don't enjoy working with people we don't like. And this is a problem that interests me professionally and personally because it happened to me. And I'm a pretty smart cookie.
I went to college; I put myself through college, and then I went to law school. And then I was in my 30s working in a litigation firm, and I was miserable. I hated the work. I cried on Sunday nights, knowing that I had to go in and do it all again the next day.
Dena Lefkowitz: Why Do So Many People Stay in Jobs They Don't Like
So how does that happen? How does that happen to a reasonably intelligent person who has all that education and access to so much information? Well, what I think is the root cause, and I'm sure there are people in your audience who are in this exact situation right now, just like I was. The root cause of being in a job that you don't like is usually an astounding lack of data. Different data, starting with yourself.
Dena Lefkowitz
So starting with me. Who was I? What was important to me? What did I enjoy spending my time doing? And what was I good at? What were my natural strengths and abilities? What did I care about? Did I care about money, recognition, security? I did not know what I cared about or what was important to me. I just threw a dart at a high paying profession, and it was one that I had heard of – a lawyer.
And I also had an astounding lack of data about the work. People encouraged me to go to law school Avil because I'm smart and articulate. But lawyers don't walk around being articulate all day. They sit at their desks writing briefs and dealing with problems all day.
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So I did not know what the day-to-day job of a litigation attorney would be before I signed myself up to be one. And then I also had an appalling lack of data about the setting in which I would perform that work, which in this case was the private practice of law. A private law firm now graduating from law school. I could have gone into government work. As in house counsel, I could have taken a job at the company. I could have taken a job where a law degree was preferred, but not essential.
Dena Lefkowitz
But no, I went into the private practice of law, where billable hours and making money were the most important things. And I didn't really know what that would be like until I signed up for it and started working. And then I think the last thing, the last root cause that we have for being miserable in our work, is an overestimation of our ability to tolerate misery.
We see a giant paycheck and we think, OK, I can put up with anything to make that kind of money. With that kind of money, I'll be able to send my kids to private school, have a great vacation, and live in a beautiful house.
How bad could that be? And I always think of an executive that I worked with at a big corporation who had about five years left before he would get this incredible golden parachute. Where he'd never have to worry about anything again in his life, pretty much, if you can imagine. And his wife really wanted him to hang in there for this, and he said he was going to do it. And then I ran into him about two years later and he had quit that job. Why? Because he just couldn't tolerate it for five years. It was too much. And he underestimated his ability to tolerate it.
Dena Lefkowitz
So what are the solutions if you're in a job that you don't like right now? First, don't put a time frame on figuring out what the next thing is going to be. That's how we end up in this problem sometimes, because we tell 18- and 20-year-olds that they're supposed to pick what they want to be for the rest of their lives. And so they go into pre-law pre-med. And they follow a trajectory that might not be right for them because they don't even know themselves yet.
We also listen to what other people tell us to do. And we need to stop doing that. I just heard an interview with Bruce Springsteen on the radio. His parents wanted him to be a lawyer or a doctor, you know. So as long as parents are encouraging kids to do things that just sound good on paper but aren't, tapping into that child's inherent skills and interests and talents, it's never going to work. So don't put a time frame on it. The next thing is to assess the situation in yourself.
I highly recommend a personality assessment and at the least, a values assessment. So you can figure out what's really important to you in life in order. If you ask me what's important to me, I say all the same things everyone else does: family, health, all these things. But when you rank them in order, then you can start living a life that is aligned with what's important to you. The next thing is to investigate your situation. Assess it. How aligned are your values to the place where you're working? If there's no alignment there, that's going to explain why you're unhappy.
Dena Lefkowitz
I coached a lawyer who was super high in altruism, meaning he liked to help other people. And he was working in a soul-sucking corporate job that was actually harming poor people. So there was no alignment there, and that's why he was unhappy. And, then, my last tip would be, before you jump into the next thing, investigate. Investigate before you commit, because otherwise you'll wind up in another job you don't like. Over to you, Avil.
Avil Beckford
Thank you so much. You have given me a lot of food for thought and it makes so much sense. The values piece, the assessment, all about knowing yourself. You're spot on. So thank you so much, Dena.
Dena Lefkowitz
Thank you.
Next Steps
- Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
- Join the Art of Learning Membership Site
- Buy and Read, Winning in Your Own Court by Dena Lefkowitz
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