Hi there. My name is Avil Beckford, and I'm the host of the One Problem podcast. Most of you know that there are tons of problems in the world. We don't want to get overwhelmed, so we're going to tackle them one problem at a time. As has been the case, most of the guests who come on, I have some prior relationship with them. Our guest today is Caroline Ferguson. I've known her for probably about seven years now. We met when we both participated in a 30-day blogging challenge that Sarah Arrow hosted. Over to you, Caroline.
Caroline Ferguson
Thank you, Avil. Hi, everyone. My solution today is going to get you unstuck. And we all feel stuck for different reasons. Maybe we have a problem we're facing and that we don't know the answer to. Maybe we're trapped in a particular emotion due to a relationship that's not working. Or maybe that somebody has asked us to do something and we don't feel that we can deliver for them. There are so many ways that we can feel stuck. Or it might be just one of those situations where on a day-to-day level, our energy levels are down and we're not able to, we don't feel that we're moving forward or we're trapped in some feeling of not being good enough.
The One Problem Podcast with Caroline Ferguson
Whatever's keeping you stuck, I've got a solution for you here. This is something I came up with. I'm a mindset trainer and cognitive behavioral hypnotherapist, and I work with clients who want to think in a healthier, more flexible, more resilient way. So I have tools and processes that I use to help them with this. And this is one tool that I actually call mindset training in a nutshell, and it encompasses almost everything that we need to do in three very simple questions.
I call them my three empowering questions. And the first one, I actually call it the world's most important question. So I'll just dive into those, and then I'll tell you how they work.
Caroline Ferguson
Question number one. When you feel that stuck feeling, and it's usually an emotional feeling, a frustration, or an anxiety, or a shame, or a hurt, or a guilt, or something like that, when you feel that difficult feeling, you ask question number one, what's the story I'm telling myself about this situation that is leading me to feel like this? And what that question does is it identifies that there is a situation, that you have a feeling about it, and that feeling is caused by a story that's in your head, by a belief or several beliefs that you're holding.
Number two, once you've asked that question, what's the story I'm telling myself about this situation that's leading me to feel like this? Number two is, what would better look like? And please note that what we're not saying is, what is the perfect outcome here? What's the perfect long-term solution? What we're saying is, what would better look like right now?
And then number three is, what do I need to do to make better happen? And in that case, what we're thinking about is, what do I need to do? What's within my power? Within your power are your thoughts and are your actions. So what do I need to think? How do I change that story that's creating the situation to make things better for me? What actions do I take to make the better outcome work for me? And these are three incredibly simple questions, which I'll just recap again in a minute.
Have you read or watched?
- Barbara Feigin: Journey Breaking Through Career Barriers
- Impactful Presentations: Overcoming the Fear of Vulnerability with Meridith Grundei
- Overcome Sunday Scaries with Jess Harrington, The One Problem Podcast Episode
- Navigating Insomnia, Anxiety, and Stress with Stephanie Dalfonzo
- Janice Shokrian: Mastering Time Management Journey to Success with Tausi Pillows
- Kadine Cooper, Executive Coach and Job Search Advisor
- Jennifer Mrozek Sukalo, Transformational and Wellbeing Expert
- Brenda Pearson: Crush Impostor Syndrome & Boost Confidence NOW!
- Crush Chaos in Life & Work, Master the CHAOS Model with Vitality Coach LaChelle Adkins
- Mastering Difficult Conversations: Expert Tips from Madeline Schwarz
- Boost Your Productivity with Professor Margo Berman’s 5-Step Process
- Overcoming the Gender Confidence Gap with Sheena Yap Chan
- LaRae Quy, Author of Secrets of a Strong Mind
- Laura Flessner, Innovation & Leadership Coach
- Jennifer Regular, The Soul Illuminator
- Judith Sherven, Executive Coaching for the Brightest and Best
- Jackie Lyles, C Level Growth Strategies to Maximize Sales
- Jackie Maclean, Energy Innovator and Clinical Hypnotherapist
- Leslie Nydick, The Conflict Strategist, How to Lead Inclusive Conversations
- Holly Jackson, TEDx Speaker, Holistic Leader
- Kes Morton, President and CEO, Pisces Research Project Management
Caroline Ferguson
The reason that they work is number one, the world's most important question, what's the story I'm telling myself about this situation that's leading me to feel like this? What you're doing there is interrupting your spiral of emotion, and it's the emotion that governs the stuckness, the inability to take action. You are interrupting that action, and you are engaging what I call your dragon mindset, your wise adult solution-focused mindset, which is all about your prefrontal cortex here, your executive functioning. And when we are trapped in that spiral of emotion, we can't make it work. We can't access our solution focus.
So that question, bang, it takes it out of your unconscious mind and into your conscious awareness, where you have more control over yourself. And once you've engaged that enormous power, creative power of your solution focus mind, you ask question number two, what would better look like? Sometimes, better is not to make this situation magically disappear. Sometimes the better is, I should feel less anxious, that I feel less stuck, that I feel more in charge of myself. Okay, let's talk about small, those baby steps to get you out of that stuckness.
And then question three, how do I make better happen? And that, again, engages this enormously powerful, solution-focused mind of yours to come up with solutions and ideas and steps and processes that you can follow to make better happen. So perhaps it's to go out for a walk and regain control over myself and get out of my head and into my body. Perhaps there are these two small actions I can take right away. So whatever the actions that you take, how can I make better happen? That question number three. It puts you back in control of yourself.
Caroline Ferguson
It's like grabbing the steering wheel with your hands, and you're now in charge of your own drive and of your own direction. And these three questions can help you in any situation in which you feel stuck, even ones that seem incredibly serious. Just as soon as you feel that feeling of stuckness and that emotion, that difficult emotion that's within you, immediately dive in and ask the world's most important question, What's the story I'm telling myself that's leading me to feel like this?
Take responsibility for your emotions. And then it's, What would better look like? Number three, how do I make that happen? Over to you, Avil.
Avil Beckford
Thank you so much. It's amazing because some of those stories that we tell ourselves, there's not much truth to it. So when we unpack it. So this is fantastic. It's so simple and straightforward. We just start taking action. Thank you so much.
Caroline Ferguson
It's a pleasure. Thank you for having me on.
Next Steps
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