Introduction: The Self Help Book by Jared Graybeal
I saw this book on Instagram, and the title intrigued me so I decided to read it. You can learn from anyone. However, had I known the age of Jared Graybeal, I probably wouldn’t have gotten this book because I would have thought that he hadn’t lived enough life yet to write this book. He was born in February 1990.
I’m glad that I didn’t know his age because one of the commitments I made to myself is to read more diversely. I do a pretty good job overall, but there are a few areas I have to improve. And one of those areas is reading books that young people write.
The information in The Self Help Book is not earth shattering, and sometimes a bit simplistic. But that’s not the point. I need to understand what’s on the minds of people who are in Graybeal’s age group. And reading what they write is one way to find out. Also, in a few instances, there are people who pack a lot of living in a short amount of time.
I don’t necessarily agree with everything the author says. But it’s very important to have access to multiple points of view and diverse perspectives. Jared Graybeal did not consider himself a writer. However, the following Benjamin Franklin quote inspired him to write.
“If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead and rotten, either write things worth reading or do things worth writing.”
Writing The Self Help Book was an important step for Graybeal because he needs to share his thoughts with the world. And there are many people who need to hear what he has to say.
Summary of The Self Help Book by Jared Graybeal
The author loves to teach, and The Self Book is based on his teachings. He shares practical information. This book is more for younger people, and is not ideal for more seasoned professionals.
5 Reasons Why People Get Stuck
Stop Learning
After leaving school, most people stop learning intentionally. Committing to lifelong learning may seem like a lot of work to most people. To thrive, you have to make ongoing learning a priority.
Don’t Set Goals
There are several reasons why people don’t set goals. And here are some of them.
- Lack of confidence: Your self-talk is more pessimistic than optimistic, so it’s hard to have the confidence to pursue something new.
- Fear of failure: The author thinks that the fear of failure is rooted in pride. He thinks the issue is that people fear others seeing them fail.
- Laziness and comfort: People are not ambitious enough to step outside their comfort zone to set goals and pursue growth. That’s just too much work for them.
- Impatience: We live in a world of instant gratification. People want things now. This attitude spills over into every aspect of life. So people expect growth to be like that. When you plant a seed, you have to nurture it. And it takes time to grow before you can harvest.
People Are Not Good at Goal Setting
People were never taught in school how to set goals and achieve them, which is a tragedy. To succeed in life you need to have goals and a plan of how you are going to achieve them.
People Are Single-Minded About Growth
Many people think that growth is linear. So if they want to achieve something, they focus exclusively on that one thing at the exclusion of everything else. Life doesn’t work that way. It’s a balancing act. This single-mindedness causes you to get stuck.
Growth Can be Painful
With growth comes change. And many people find change painful. Who wants that level of discomfort? Accept that pain is a part of growing. That’s why it’s called growing pain. Once you accept pain, you’ll start to reap the reward of your labor.
Confidence
“Self-confidence can fuel success, while low self-esteem can impede it.”
The book has a set of questions to answer to make sure you don’t fall into patterns of low self-esteem and lack of confidence.
To develop confidence there are a few tips to help you.
Tip 1: Change Your Self-Talk
Self-talk is that inner monologue you have with yourself. For most people, the chatter is more negative than positive. The irony is that you wouldn’t talk to others the way you talk to yourself. Self-talk is tied to your sense of self and it is essential for planning, problem solving, self-reflection, self-image, critical thinking, and emotions.
Reframe what you’re saying to yourself. Negative self-talk is stressful and prevents you from realizing your true potential.
Consequences of Negative Self-Talk
- Lower self-esteem
- Higher levels of stress
- Decreased motivation
- Greater feelings of helplessness
- Depression
- Relationship challenges
4 Steps to Shift from Negative Self-Talk to Positive Self-Talk
- Journaling: Write down your negative self-talk every day so you can examine your inner process.
- Think like a good friend: Ask yourself, “Would I say this to a friend?” Your answer will be very telling.
- Use the rubber band trick: When you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk, pull the rubber band and let it snap. That sting is a great reminder not to engage in negative self-talk.
- Realistic reframing: Reframe what you say to yourself. You could say in the past I did ‘X’ so now I need to do ‘Y.’
Tip 2: Groom Yourself
When you’re well put together, you feel better about yourself. Here are six recommendations.
- Keep your teeth healthy: Practice good oral hygiene.
- Wear deodorant: This helps you to smell fresh.
- Practice a nighttime hygiene routine whatever that is for you.
- Always a light coat of perfume or cologne. I disagree with this. These scents give me a headache.
- Have a few outfits you’ll wear.
- Identify your hairstyle.
Some of these suggestions suggest that the author lacks intercultural awareness.
Tip 3: Set Small Goals and Make Sure Your Achieve Them
The author talks about SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-Bound) goals. I don’t agree with it because that’s what everyone says. I prefer big, hairy audacious goals. Or SMURT (Smart, Measurable, Unrealistic, Resourceful, Time-Bound) Goals.
Have you read?
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Tip 4: Smile More
I tend to be a serious person, so this is something I work hard at. When you smile at another person, the physical action releases endorphins in your brain. They make you feel happy and raise your self-esteem. And others view you as being more personable.
Tip 5: Take a Step Forward
Take a step, you don’t have to see the entire staircase. Take a risk. Get started and that will build your confidence.
Connections
Making connections is an important part of success. And learn how to leverage your connections. But it’s not about taking, you also have to give back to your connections. Do you have a process for meeting new people? Which groups are you a member of? Some people join BNI (Business Network International) groups. I never had any success with BNI, but I know many people who did. Join a Rotary or Kiwanis Cub. Or even your local Chamber of Commerce. You can find a group for any industry, or for any job function. Church Community Groups are another option. I’m very active in my church.
To find new connections you can attend Evenbrite events. I have attended several. More recently, I’ve been meeting people through Lunchclub. There are countless places you can meet people and of course there is LinkedIN. Another important way to meet people is to volunteer. What cause is important to you? What skill do you want to learn? You can always find a group to meet your needs.
Meeting new people helps you to gain new perspectives, come up with more creative ideas, and make better decisions because you get additional information.
Conclusion: The Self Help Book by Jared Graybeal
As I said before, The Self Help Book by Jared Graybeal isn’t for seasoned professionals. It’s more suitable for people just starting out in their career.
Next Steps
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- Buy and Read The Self Help Book by Jared Graybeal
