Introduction: The Science of Self Talk by Ian Tuhovsky

When was the last time you checked the chatter inside your head? This probably isn't something you've ever thought of doing. How can we become more aware of talking to ourselves, and can we speak to ourselves differently? I'm doing something that's different. If the way you talk to yourself is mostly negative, you may find The Science of Self Talk by Ian Tuhovsky helpful.

After I took the Positive intelligence course, I’ve taken a few Silva Method courses. And they also helped with mental conditioning. I try to meditate three times a day and I focus not only on my negative self-talk. But also on my limiting beliefs. For me, I think my limiting self-talk and limiting beliefs are intertwined.

Summary of The Science of Self Talk by Ian Tuhovsky

Definition of Self Talk

“Self-talk, or intrapersonal communication, is your internal use of speech and language. It appears as thoughts that you can “hear” with the auditory part of your brain.”

It's also speaking out aloud to yourself. These inner conversations reflect our thoughts and emotions. Self-talk isn't random, and they have certain patterns that repeat themselves. Some self-talk is positive and upbeat, while others are negative and defeatist. You want to listen to your self-talk so you can identify the pattern. You'll learn a lot about yourself by doing that.

Self-Talk Affects Your Life

Negative self-talk affects your life, but you can take steps to change it. It's linked to negative emotional states, such as depression, learned helplessness, insecurity, anxiety, and so on. Your life feels overwhelming and like you cannot do anything about it. Positive self-talk is linked to more positive emotions such as happiness, confidence, optimism, success in life, and you feel you're in control.

How Does Self-Talk Work?

Self-talk is like a feedback loop. What you put into it and what you get out of it. Many years ago, when I was studying computer science, it was drilled into us that Garbage In, Garbage Out. You can break your pattern of negative self-talk by simply talking to yourself more positively. Make minor changes every day that will subsequently have a snowball effect.

Constructive Self-Talk vs Dysfunctional Self-Talk

Constructive self-talk takes you toward realizing your goals and towards becoming a better version of yourself. That's why it's so important to repeat your goals several times each day. Dysfunctional self-talk is counterproductive, making you feel stale, stuck, repeating patterns that don't serve you well.

How you represent negative emotions to yourself in your self-talk turns them into negativity. Stop ruminating – replaying negative situations. That doesn't serve your highest good. Dysfunctional self-talk tells you the wrong story. Change your story to a more positive one, where you engage in constructive self-talk. You see yourself achieving your goals and enjoying success. See yourself as capable.

Have some positive affirmations handy, so that if you see yourself going down the dysfunctional rabbit hole, you can quickly course correct by repeating the affirmations.

How Negative Self-Talk affects You

When you repeatedly engage in negative self-talk, it can have a negative impact on your life. You'll feel bad about yourself, and it's associated with anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, stress and feeling vulnerable. It can become a self-fulfilling prophecy and ultimately ruin your life. Stress can manifest in the following physical symptoms.

• Muscular tension and pain.
• Headache.
• Pain in the upper back, shoulders, and neck.
• Elevated heart rate and chest pain.
• High blood pressure.
• Insomnia.
• Compromised immune system.

Negative self-talk increases stress that distorts our perception of the challenges we face and our ability to deal with them. This increases stress levels.

Cognitive Distortions

1. Catastrophizing: You make things bigger than they really are.
2. Personalization: Taking things personally and making it about you. When it's not even about you.
3. Blaming: Either blaming yourself or others. You're not in control of everything. Be forgiving of yourself and others.
4. Filtering: Considering only the negative, overlooking the positive aspects.
5. Overgeneralizing: You fail at something one time, and automatically assume that you can get nothing right.
6. Black-or-white thinking: There are only two points on the spectrum. No in-between, or shades of gray.

Positive Self-Talk

This allows you to avoid the downsides of negative self-talk. Negative self-talk sees stressors as threats, while positive self-talk sees them as challenges you can overcome. When you embrace positive self-talk, you take ownership of your well-being. Challenge, but don't overwhelm yourself. You need to stretch yourself, but also know your limits. When you feel panicked, you've overstretched.

Have you read?

1. Self Leadership: The Art of Becoming a Leader by Ryan Reed, Summary
2. Self-Leadership and the One-Minute Manager, Book Summary

Self-Leadership

People who can lead themselves exhibit positive self-talk. Self-leadership is taking ownership of your life. Positive self-talk is connected to stronger leadership qualities and lower job stress. Negative self-talk is connected to weaker leadership abilities and lower creativity and problem-solving. Be realistic about yourself and specific about what you want to achieve and be confident that you will achieve your goals.

Make sure that you accurately interpret situations.

Positive Benefits of Self-Talk

1. Stronger motivation.
2. Readiness to take challenges as opportunities.
3. Stronger sense of agency and self-mastery.
4. Self-empathy and self-care.
5. Creativity.
6. Better problem-solving skills.

Loving Yourself

How do you talk to yourself? Would you talk to someone you love, the same way you talk to yourself? If the answer is no, then talk to yourself the way you talk to those you love. To love yourself, develop your emotional intelligence.

Get to Know Yourself

Big Five Personality Traits

1. Openness: Learning and discovering new things, as well as seeking new experiences, involve curiosity and imagination. You appreciate the world around you.
2. Conscientiousness: Orderliness and diligence. Those who score high in conscientiousness are neat, well-organized, disciplined, hard-working, and conventional.
3. Extraversion: Get a lot of energy and positive emotions from engaging with the external world. They are also very energetic.
4. Agreeableness: People who are agreeable get along with others easily and be compassionate and helpful. They are quick to make compromises.
5. Neuroticism: People who score high on neuroticism are less emotionally stable and have less control over their impulses. They have a low tolerance for stress.

Conclusion: The Science of Self Talk by Ian Tuhovsky

Negative self-talk affects your life, but you can take steps to change it. It's linked to negative emotional states, such as depression, learned helplessness, insecurity, anxiety, and so on. Talking to yourself and learning how to listen will get you closer to understanding how to rewire your brain, hack your self-talk, and use it to move toward your goals.

Next Steps

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