After my mom died, it took about two years for me to start feeling like myself again. Just when I am getting comfortable feeling like myself, my brother dies the end of February while on vacation in Jamaica. Some friends tell me that it sucks, and others tell me that it stinks. And you know what, they are right, and it was very comforting for me to hear those words. But you know something, there is always that one sanctimonious person, who cannot restrain herself, who says the most inappropriate thing to a grieving person.
In my case, she told me that the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh. Really, and do you think I needed to hear that a month after my brother died? My heart went out to Sheryl Sandberg, when her husband, Dave Goldberg died while on vacation.
It’s only been three months since my brother died, and some days are really not great for me, but I acknowledge my feelings and try to live my life. Last summer, I signed up for the Ultimate Girls Getaway, which was taking place the beginning of April, and as the date loomed near, I wondered if I should still attend since my brother had just died. In the end, I opted to go, and I am happy that I did.
There were times over the weekend, when I felt intense sadness, so I’d retreat to my room. But there were times when I felt really good because I was surrounded by nice and supportive people. And interestingly enough, the only person who I knew before attending the event, was the organizer.
So, is it okay to have fun while grieving?
Yesterday I attended an event that Prada and Ellevate Network, Toronto hosted at the Holt Renfrew Store in Yorkdale Shopping Centre, and as the president of the Toronto chapter of the organization, I had to be there. I had a really good time talking to people and just hanging out. Some very nice people attended the event. Once a year, for four days, Prada shoppers get to design their own shoes, which are delivered in eight to 10 weeks with their monogram on them. Prada is donating a percentage of the proceeds from the sale of shoes in the special collection to Komera, a charity.
So, I was wondering, if it was okay to have fun while grieving?
I’d like to think that it is okay, and if you react the way that I do when a loved one dies, some days are going to really suck, and that’s okay. Everyone grieves differently, and that’s fine. There are days when I am in a fog about my brother’s death and I ask myself, “How can someone die while on vacation?” I went to his funeral in Jamaica, and his memorial service in New York, but it still hurts. I talked to him while he was in Jamaica on vacation, not knowing that it would be the last conversation that I had with him.
Sometimes life really sucks, like now, when I am grieving, but there are moments of joy, and I hold on to that. If you are grieving now because someone close to you died, and there is an opportunity for you to go out and have fun, seize the opportunity, because there will be days when it’s difficult to even get out of bed. Give yourself permission to have fun while you are grieving. I know that it’s easier said than done.
Books About Grieving/Grief and Loss
Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through GriefI Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One
On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss
Grieving the Death of a Mother
A Grief Observed
Good Grief: Heal Your Soul, Honor Your Loved Ones, and Learn to Live Again
