Having a sidekick – or a co-mentor or a peer mentor – is important. There are many famous duos – Batman and Robin; Batman and Wonder Woman; the Lone Ranger and Tonto; Siskel and Ebert; Abbott and Costello; Laurel and Hardy; Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson; Cagney and Lacey – you get the picture, so who is your sidekick?
In some of the well-known duos mentioned, not all of them are equal partners, but the relationships are strong enough that I mention them. Today we’re talking about mentors, specifically a co-mentor, and why it’s important to have one.
You may not be familiar with the term co-mentors, because it was mostly used in academic settings, and is now becoming more mainstream. I am introducing you to this form of mentoring, since it is closest to having a sidekick. As I update this post, it occurred to me that I should mention having a co-mentor to help you master skills in the workplace.
Before I delve into the topic of co-mentors, let me talk about the origin of mentoring, which to me is quite fascinating.
Origin of Mentoring
In the classic, Homer’s The Odyssey
, when Odysseus, also known as Ulysses, the Greek King of Ithaca, leaves his home to fight in the 10-year Trojan War, he leaves his old friend, Mentor, in charge of his household and his young son Telemachus. Mentor as himself, is not mentioned an awful lot in the Odyssey. However, in this epic poem, the immortal Goddess Athena – Goddess of Wisdom, Courage, Justice, and Arts and Literature – disguises herself as Mentor, and encourages Telemachus to stand up to the men who are courting his mother, Penelope.
Athena also encourages the young man to go abroad to seek word about what has happened to his father, who at the time had been away for almost 20 years. Athena also acts as a “mentor” to Odyssey as he goes through the many difficulties he faces on his return to Ithaca. The word, Mentor, as we know it today, that of trusted friend, counsellor or teacher, first appeared in François Fénelon’s Les Aventures de Telemaque in 1699. Wikipedia (2009)
“Co-mentoring relationships are reciprocal and mutual (Kochan and Trimble (2000)) and co-mentors play dual roles, both teacher and learner. This type of relationship is less formal than traditional mentoring relationships but, “By documenting goals and accomplishments, scheduling regular meetings, structuring dialogue during meetings and creating a system of accountability, you formalize an informal relationship” McGuire and Reger (2003).
Co-mentoring relationships were created to address the weaknesses and limitations of traditional mentoring relationships. While embarking on graduate studies, Gail M. McGuire and Jo Reger documented their co-mentoring relationship. At the time, both students had traditional mentors, but found gaps in their mentoring relationships with their traditional mentors that they needed to fill. In their paper, “Feminist Co-Mentoring: A Model for Academic Professional Development,” they “address the limitations of traditional mentoring, in particular, its hierarchical structure and limitations and its availability” McGuire and Reger (2003).”
Source: Connecting the Dots: Invisible Mentors, Co-Mentors and Mentoring Circles, Avil Beckford
I have talked about the importance of a support network in “Support Network: When You’re in a Tight Corner, Who Would You Call?” We are continuing the conversation this week. When you examine the famous duos that I mentioned earlier, their relationship is a professional one.
Even though the relationship may have evolved into friendship – it started out as a professional one. This is very important because everyone needs a professional sidekick, or co-mentor, someone who supports you and who you support. A co-mentor is someone who you can talk through things with. Your professional relationship lifts you up, and both benefit from the partnering.
How to Find a Co-Mentor That’s Right for You!
- Think of people whom you respect and admire.
- Eliminate those who are your colleagues or competitors. You want someone who has complementary skills.
- Screen out the ones who are not your peers.
- Contact the remaining people on your list, and be very specific about your needs and what you expect from her. Also find out what your co-mentor expects from you.
What is Required from Co-Mentors
- When you find the right co-mentor for you, set a schedule and stick to it.
- Meet regularly for about an hour or two.
- At the first meeting:
- Establish accountability guidelines because you are going to hold each other accountable to goals and commitments.
- Establish a baseline, so each party can benefit equally from the relationship.
- Assess strengths and weaknesses.
- Formulate goals.
- Observe different styles of behaviour.
- Establish learning goals.
- Equally spend time discussing things that matter to each partner. That is, rotate roles and responsibilities between co-mentors.
- Test drive the first few meetings to identify the fit between co-mentors.
- If the relationship is not working after the first few meetings, are there others on your initial list, who you can contact?
- You may have to start the process again.
Benefits of Co-Mentoring Relationships
- It doesn’t cost any money – only time.
- No hierarchical imbalance.
- Can evolve into friendships.
- Most likely to understand and empathize with each other.
- Aids professional growth and success.
Limitations of Co-Mentoring Relationships
- It's unlikely that each partner can open doors for the other because of the non-hierarchical nature of the relationship.
- They cannot provide stretch assignments to each other like a traditional mentor or sponsor can.
Characteristics of Successful Mentoring Relationships
Although we are talking about co-mentors today, all successful mentoring relationships have certain characteristics. These characteristics are important because they increase the likelihood that the relationship is an enduring one.
- Established ground rules.
- Clear purpose and well-defined expectations.
- Noncompetitive relationship.
- Safe and secure environment.
- Absolute confidentiality.
- Pool knowledge and resources.
- Each person gives back as much as she gets.
- Encourage each other to achieve personal and professional goals.
- Support and encourage each other to overcome obstacles.
- Personal chemistry is important.
- Respect for diverse backgrounds and needs of co-mentor.
- Values between co-mentors are aligned.
- The person whom you trust.
- Have to be people with whom you can speak freely to.
- Improve upon each other’s unique skills.
- Recognize the professional and non-professional achievements of each other.
- Commit to meet between one to two hours every two weeks.
- Evaluate regularly to determine if needs are being addressed.
There are many benefits to having any form of a mentoring relationship. If you do not have a sidekick – a co-mentor, perhaps it’s time that you made it a priority. You have to master the key skills needed for future jobs, a co-mentor will accelerate the learning process, and both of you can benefit from discussing the books you read. Spend some time reflecting on this!
Co-Mentors: Famous Sidekicks
Batman & Robin, Vol. 1: Batman Reborn
Batman & Robin Vol. 2 Batman vs. RobinBatman & Robin, Vol. 3: Batman & Robin Must DieThe Complete Sherlock Holmes: Volumes 1-4 (The Heirloom Collection)Laurel & Hardy: The Essential CollectionThe Lone Ranger (2013)Lone Ranger – Volumes 1-3 (3-DVD)The Lone Ranger: Lost Episodes and Rare Footage
Books on Mentoring
One Minute Mentoring: How to Find and Work With a Mentor–And Why You'll Benefit from Being OneGetting There: A Book of MentorsForget a Mentor, Find a Sponsor: The New Way to Fast-Track Your CareerBe Your Own Mentor: Strategies from Top Women on the Secrets of Success
