The Invisible Mentor Interviews Lois Fallis Part Two

There is a certain amount of raw honesty that comes out in the interviews, which allows you to understand people and put yourself in their shoes. When I asked Lois Fallis to name five people that she'd like to meet, two of the five people were family members who have died, that's not so strange because other interviewees have done that. It made me think how important it is for us, not to wait, but to let the people in our lives whom we love and appreciate know how we feel. Here's what Lois said:

“I think that I’d like to meet my mom again to tell her that I appreciated what she did in her music world and how she encouraged us. I’d tell her she was a wonderful woman. She lived until she was 96 years old and was still driving her car at 93. She was full of life and many people loved her.

I would like to talk to my brother who was killed in the Second World War. He was a spitfire pilot and the sad part is that he went missing the day before the war was over. He wasn’t found until five years later in a graveyard in Hamburg, and that’s when we learned what had happened to him. His remains were buried in a British cemetery in Germany. I would like to talk to him because he left when I was sixteen and I never saw him again, and I’d like to tell him that I was sorry that he didn’t make it because it would have made a big difference. He had a girlfriend, who was a good friend of mine and I’m sure they would have married, and there would have been a family that we’d have enjoyed so I’m sorry about that.”

Before I publish part two of Lois Fallis' interview, here are my takeaways now that I've digested the entire interview:

1. Make it work by moving toward a win/win outcome
2. Experiencing failure makes you more compassionate
3. Be active and get involved
4. It's never too late to be who you want to be
5. Embrace change
6. Take risks and do not worry about what others think
7. Go for what you want in life even if the odds are against you. You may possess what's needed, even without your knowledge, to give you the edge that's needed
8. Pay it forward
9. Assess the people who are in your sphere of influence
10. Read, Read, Read, Learn, Learn, Learn

Have you read?

The Invisible Mentor Interviews Lois Fallis

Tell me a little bit about yourself.

We had quite a large family, and this was after the Second World War (World War II), and many people were having large families at that point. I was one of two children, and my brother was killed in the Second World War so I became an only child in a way. I had a great deal of music instruction in my life because my mom was an organist and choir leader, and I had singing and piano lessons from her. As I became older I developed that, and one of my major jobs in life was being a musician. I have six children, three boys and three girls.

What’s a major regret that you’ve had in life?

Now looking back, my community is too large. I have a son who lives in Aurelia, Ontario and I often go up there because I love their farm, I love their children, but I also love their church, and there are so many courses, and interesting things that are going on, so I go up there. And I’m at my own place in Bond Head and I have a book club, and I walk, and one of my daughters is there, and that’s also where I taught school so I have that. And then I go to Toronto, and I have my church which is very important to me, that was our local church, mom and dad were married at Trinity and my husband’s father was the minister there, so that’s how I met Fred, way back when I was seven years old.

I think that I would suggest to people that it would be good to concentrate on one place, and I know a lot of people do what I do, and I’m okay as long as I can drive, but the time will come when I cannot do this flitting about, and it’s getting to that time when I’m going to have to think about that.  I also think it is really important to make a contribution in your community.

What are five life lessons that you have learned so far?

1. Make it work, that is a phrase that we had in our family. If things weren’t going right you negotiated or talked it through. No one walked away not speaking to each other. I think that’s so important, you don’t walk away from the problem, we faced it with whomever we had to.

2. Take risks and do not worry about what other people think. Try to make decisions on your own, and do not have everybody try to tell you what to do. For instance, I just bought a new computer, a Mac, and two of the sons have Microsoft and the others have Mac and when I was deciding, everyone was telling me “oh you should get that one,” and finally I made my own decision, and somehow you have to make your own decision rather that ask everybody around what they think. It’s alright to decide and not be swayed.

3. Listening is very important and I wish I would have listened more and I would have loved to have spent more time with friends. As I’ve said, I’m all over the place.
4. I have always been interested in the church, religion and spirituality and have taken many courses in that, and I have continued because it’s important and it is not necessarily any one religion, it’s what you believe in, and try to figure that out. It doesn’t matter how old you are, you are always questioning, and you should, because for each generation you change and you aren’t the same.
5. Tell people that you love and care for them, and don’t be afraid to do that. Don’t be afraid to phone somebody, and don’t wait for someone to say, “I haven’t heard from….” I always think that’s a two-way street. You should telephone people and you should be interested in them and don’t be afraid to show love and affection.

What process do you use to generate great ideas?

I have written a couple of children’s song books and they were published and were great successes and are still out in the market. They are called Seasons and Themes, and A Glass Slipper, and I wrote all these songs myself, and it was partly because of teaching. I found that it was so easy as a teacher, the songs kept coming out of my head. I’d come out of the classroom, and I’d have so many wonderful ideas because I was where the children were, and I’d write songs about whatever, the spring, whatever they were doing I would write a song. I wrote a dinosaur song, and the songs came to me quite easily. I got ideas from being around the children. I always have ideas, if someone says something I would say why don’t you think about this, it just seems to flow.

How do you define success?

I don’t know that I would define success. I think it’s an inner thing. Success is when you feel good about yourself, your environment, and the world. I guess at my age I’m not striving anymore, I’m not pushing for some tremendous results, I’ve done it and now I’m enjoying life.

In your opinion what’s the formula for success?

You need to be challenged, but don’t do things so other people think you are wonderful, it’s more important that you feel that you are wonderful. And this idea of performance is great, and people have to be entertainers and performers, but you also have to have the audience and the listeners too, and I think that success is always inward.

What are the steps you took to succeed in your field?

As a teacher, to succeed I always seemed to take a lot of courses. I was teaching in Toronto schools before I went to Teachers’ College so I had a lot of music experience, which was what they wanted. I had been married and had all these children and grandchildren, so I was part of the scene and really enjoyed that type of scene. So part of it was being prepared. And I did a lot of work reading books about children, studied children and sang in the schools. I used to go to the schools and tell stories, and sing songs even before I became a teacher. Additionally, I was really well prepared to be a teacher because of my experience, and because of the fact that when I started teaching at fifty years old, I was a grandmother, and in fact some of the kids used to call me grandma.

What advice do you have for someone just starting out in your field?

You have to look at the skills you need to become a teacher. You have to have good listening skills and be patient, and you have to enjoy children, and it’s very important that you like to be with them and that you can just not only be an adult, but be a part of their lives as well. I would encourage them to work in the Arts and make sure that they know something about music and drama, and history, be worldly, read the newspaper and do not have a narrow mind.

If trusted friends could introduce you to five people that you’ve always wanted to meet, who would you choose? And what would you say to them?

1. I’d love to meet Lucy Maud Montgomery who wrote Anne of Green Gables because I just loved her stories and she was a great stimulus for children to read her stories and she often made orphans feel that it was okay to be an orphan because somebody would love you down the line. Montgomery didn’t have a happy life, and I would tell her that I loved her books. I’d also love to meet the character Anne of Green Gables. I read the books by Montgomery when I go to the cottage. They are just lovely, and the nice thing is that you know the ending.
2. It would be fun to meet Queen Elizabeth II because she is my age, and I am not particularly an imperialist but I loved what she did, the way she carried on with her life, and I do not think that that would be easy what she has gone through. I would tell her that I admired her and watched her life because we are both exactly the same age.

3. I think that I’d like to meet my mom again to tell her that I appreciated what she did in her music world and how she encouraged us. I’d tell her she was a wonderful woman. She lived until she was 96 years old and was still driving her car at 93. She was full of life and many people loved her.

4. I would love to meet Johann Sebastian Bach, and it must have been amazing what his mind was like. His works are so intricate and amazing to listen to, and there were so many of them. I would say, “Thank you for writing the songs and they have come down through the centuries and we’re still singing them. Thank you very much for your contribution to music. ”
5. I would like to talk to my brother who was killed in the Second World War. He was a spitfire pilot and the sad part is that he went missing the day before the war was over. He wasn’t found until five years later in a graveyard in Hamburg, and that’s when we learned what had happened to him. His remains were buried in a British cemetery in Germany. I would like to talk to him because he left when I was sixteen and I never saw him again, and I’d like to tell him that I was sorry that he didn’t make it because it would have made a big difference. He had a girlfriend, who was a good friend of mine and I’m sure they would have married, and there would have been a family that we’d have enjoyed so I’m sorry about that.

Which one book had a profound impact on your life?

I keep reading so many books, and I told you I’m part of a book club, so I have read all different kinds. It’s very difficult to come up with one book because I have read and enjoyed so many books, but one book that I just read, that I really liked is called The Help. And it was set in Mississippi, Alabama and it’s a story about white families and their maids and it was very moving. And now that I think about it, the other book would be The Book of Negroes. I really liked that book and some of the other books that Lawrence Hill wrote.

If you were stranded on a desert island, what are five books that you would like to have with you and why? Summarize the book in two sentences.

1. I’d take an inspirational book that said read one every day. And I love to read those kinds of books.
2. I would want to read a book about Christianity or spirituality. I'd want to read a book that would give some sort of support because I think that if you are on a deserted island you’d be thinking about things like creation.
3. I like some favourite classics like Jane Eyre and Pride and Prejudice. I've read all of those and they are books that I’d definitely want to have with me. There is a set of Jane Austen Books, I think six of them and they are wonderful to read.
4. I like history and I took a couple of history courses up in Aurelia. One of my sons work at Laurentian University. I took Canadian history, I love reading about that, and I’ll go to the Discovery Channel and I’m interested in anything related to Canadian history.
5. I love to play the piano and though I wouldn’t have a piano on the deserted island, I’d still like to take some music books with me.

What one music CD and movie would you like to have with you (on the deserted island) and why?

I love to listen to choral music so anything to do with that. I love Symphonies so I’d take one with me and anyone would do. I’m not a movie person but I’d like one that was based on one of the classics. I’d like Pride and Prejudice and I think I’d like some of the old movies.

Bach, Air on the G string (Air on a G string, string orchestra)

If you cannot view this YouTube video please click here.

What excites you about life?

You can always learn. I'm excited about taking courses or attending some meeting, or going to my book club meeting because I’m always learning something new. It’s so exciting when someone tells you something that never occurred to you.

How do you nurture your soul?

I nurture my soul by reading inspirational books, and I love the ones written by Joyce Rupp, a Catholic author. I nurture my soul by attending Trinity St Paul’s United Church, and I talk to my friends about Christianity and spirituality, and it’s important to be able to talk about it.

If you had a personal genie and she gave you one wish, what would you wish for? Or, if I gave you a magic wand, what would you use it for?

Although my health is pretty good, I’d wish for continued health. I had a heart attack about four years ago, I had a triple bypass. I’m okay now but it would have been nice if I could have looked back and avoided that. I think it was probably in my genes because I walk a lot, I am a vegetarian and I exercise and I do all the things required to stay healthy. I’m over eighty so things are going to happen.

Complete the following, I am happy when…..

I am with my family. I love to be around my grandchildren. I’m happy if I have something that I’m planning to do. I love routine and I love visiting friends. I love being around people who are not judgmental.

Now that you have read the complete interview, what are 10 key takeaways?

Action Steps

1. How can you use entertainer, performer, audience and listening as metaphors for what you do?
2. Get in there and get your hands dirty, make your mind a fertile ground for great ideas. What ideas emerge?
3. Have you read the key books in your field? If  you're in an emerging field, how about you take a risk and create the resources, write the book?
4. Preparation + Opportunity = Luck. Be prepared!
5. Who haven't you called in a while, who really matters to you?

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