The Invisible Mentor

Posts Tagged ‘Mentoring’

Big Breaks + Mentoring + Hard Work = Success?

I am reading Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers: The Story of Success and it got me thinking about interviews that I have conducted, so I decided to explore an idea. I have only read a third of the book so far, but when you ask most people about Outliers, they’ll mention 10,000 hours to become an expert at a craft. But from what I have read so far, hard work doesn’t equal success, you also need opportunities and talent.

I have taken five of The Invisible Mentor interviews that I have published on the blog, and extracted the responses to big breaks, mentor influence, and steps to success. As you read the responses, what ideas and thoughts come to mind? Are there ways you can create your own opportunities if you haven’t had your big break as yet?

Name: Patty DeDominic

Big Break: Thirty years ago, one of our neighbours in business brought us a request for proposal to do business with the local government and they said they were not going to bid on the small contract, and asked us we would like to bid on it, that was a big break for us. That got us started with government contracting and opened up a new world of a certain type of customer, which over the years I did many millions of dollars worth of business with the government – the city, county, state, national government.

Mentor Influence: y father being a very successful business person, and my mother being a wonderful homemaker, and active community volunteer. They mentored me, and taught me the value in volunteer work, always trying to line your head and your heart and making sure that your values are not compromised by making a living. I had other business mentors, from early bosses and friends who helped and advised me on buying real estate. When I married my husband 25 years ago, he was more experienced than I in different kinds of businesses so he helped to mentor me in regard to some of the systems he used when he worked for multinational corporations so I’ve been very fortunate to receive many coaching opportunities and mentors along the way.

Steps to Success: There were many: I had to study, I had mentors, I had to believe that I could do it, I had to experiment and practice, make mistakes and learn. So those are the steps – it’s conceive, believe, receive, and achieve. Being grateful is an important part of being successful. I think you must be grateful for the things you have that you have been given.

Name: Kamel Hothi

Big Break: I would say my biggest break was from my line manager going back three lines ago, a gentleman by the name of Arif Mushtaq. He was parachuted in from another company into Lloyds Bank. I encountered him when I was setting up the effort for the Ethnic Minority Network, and he was the one who sponsored the event. It was great to meet Arif. When we started discussing the event and he heard some of my views and ideas he really encouraged me to take a risk. He had faith, he saw something in me that I suppose other people didn’t see, so that encouraged me to take a risk from the position. Yes I could have lost my job. He gave me a blank sheet of paper and said he would support me, and to be honest, that empowerment was the best gift I have ever had. It increased my confidence and since then I have never looked back, so I’m really grateful to Arif.

Mentor’s Influence: I have had a number of mentors I would say, and some were good and some were bad. Most were not what you call formal mentors in the beginning, but certainly people who you admire who you see can add value in different ways. My mother was a huge mentor to me, she helped me to shape my personal life, helped me to focus on the core things to look at, how to overcome when things are not quite going right. And at work, Arif Mushraq was a huge mentor to me, he helped me, and he understood what other people thought were weaknesses, were strengths and he had a real influence on my career.

Steps to Success: For me, it was really understanding the psyche of what’s in it for me. That’s very cynical, selfish thinking, but that’s how people tend to live in the corporate world. It’s using that thinking and putting it into my strategy. When we were building the Asian strategy, it was very much what’s in it for them, what’s the business case, what would they achieve, would they pay attention? So once you can show them what the case looks like and get their juices flowing, then it’s mapping that out and how it can be realized. That’s what I would say is what I have done in my field.

Name: Runa Magnusdottir

Big Break: I’ve had so many! I’ve been so fortunate to have so many big breaks. There has always been a woman who stood behind me, who helped me. If I go back in time, when I was about 20 years old, the private secretary for the Minister of Culture and Education in Iceland who was a woman, gave me a huge break. She appointed me to help out with computerizing the ministry. That was a huge break. Another huge break was when my mother asked me to join her company which I later bought. And that was definitely a huge break in my life. And I can name so many that have come to me and it has always been women who gave it to me.

Mentor’s Influence: The idea behind mentors in Iceland is a fairly new thing so I had to think outside the box when it came to mentors. I would say overall in my life my biggest mentors were my parents. In my adulthood, and how they did it was feeding me with information, and talking openly about life and that the thing I think mentors in my mind has influenced me is to be open and to listen to other people’s views that has been my biggest learning point from mentors.

Steps to Success: The steps I took to succeed in my field were to do a lot of personal development, and find out what was important to me. I think it’s important for everyone to find their purpose.

Name: Nadja Piatka

Big Break: My first big break was getting the account for McDonald’s, and that was selling my low fat muffins to them. And I got to be good friends with the CEO and he grew to be a really great mentor to me. But it was starting as someone coming to them in a regional office with my idea, my low fat muffins, and finally getting to head office. It was a process, but it was through believing and having the best product out there and not thinking that what I was doing was impossible. Though later, the CEO of McDonald’s said that generally it’s a slam door policy and I had a better chance of winning the lottery.

Mentor’s Influence: I really believe in mentors, whether you are a mentor or mentoree. We grow and we really need to have other people’s experiences. I have always belonged to a group of women called the Equinox, and it’s just a cluster of women that we formed in Calgary. We are businesswomen who meet once a month, have dinner and share our challenges, our successes, anything that we can talk about freely and confidentially amongst ourselves. That was such a beneficial experience that when I moved to the United States, to western New York, I formed a group of women. We call ourselves the Equinox and continue to meet once a month for dinner and just share our experiences, our businesses, personal, whatever there is to talk about. We take turns to tell everyone how we are doing and it’s a great thing to do because sometimes when you are an entrepreneur it can be a solitary occupation. The mentors I have gathered around me or mentor to, have been really great. Also, I find in my consulting business it allows me to mentor, and again I feel there is so much for you to learn from everyone around you.

Steps to Success: Because I didn’t have the resources to go the easier route, the first step was to start small in my kitchen. I would get up in the morning at 4 o’clock and start baking and I would sell to little coffee shops in the city I lived in.

After I was on the Oprah show people contacted me because they had this product, this idea, and they would give it to friends and family for free and everybody loved it. But when you are giving things away for free you don’t have a neutral or unbiased focus group. You have to test the market with your product, and have people who are willing to buy it, and buying it more than once, then you have a product that the market will sustain.

If you’re just depending on friends and family, if they like it, it really isn’t a true sense of what the market will do in this very competitive business that we’re in. And every business has to have the ability to rise above everyone else’s, so what I did was tested it in the field with smaller shops, and then grew from there. That is one of the ways that I would recommend to people is to find out if the market will sustain their products.

A lot of people have an idea, they have a product that they want to get out to the market and they spend an awful amount of money on the packaging. By the time you have something that you haven’t even sold, I see people have put hundreds of thousand of dollars into a product before they have even sold one dollar of it. There are ways to do that without such a huge investment with your product and I try to advise people that there are ways to do that. There are many steps to be successful in your field and one of the biggest steps is controlling and having a handle on how much money you’re spending. I’ve seen people run out of money before they made one sale.

Name: Annemie Ress

Big Break: I have never really planned anything and things usually just happen, but the biggest opportunity I had was being asked if I wanted to work in Switzerland by a professor I was studying with, and saying, “Yes, that would be great,” not thinking for one second that I’d get the job. He obviously had more confidence in me than I did in myself and the next thing I knew I was on a plane and working in Switzerland. That’s my biggest break, having someone have faith in me. I had no international experience, I was South African, and had never worked abroad, but had someone believe in me and that has opened doors for me to work globally.

Mentor’s Influence: My mentors have taught me the amazing power of powerful questions, and how you don’t necessarily need to guide by telling, but that wonderful things can happen if you’re open to asking questions and always thinking that you don’t have all the answers but that by asking powerful questions in a given circumstance you can unlock many possibilities.

Steps to Success: Relationships and sponsorships and being authentic. It’s about building meaningful relationships with key opinion makers and stakeholders at all levels in your organizations. It could be with the person who brings you your coffee in the mornings, if you work in that type of environment. Or it could be with the security guard who is at the entrance when you come in to work, or the president of the corporation. But it’s not just about the relationships, it’s also about celebrating the uniqueness in the other person and really connecting with them authentically. In my environment that’s the one thing I’ve tried consistently to do because it builds trust, integrity and respect and that stands you well in both good and bad times.

From what you have  read, does Big Breaks + Mentoring + Hard Work = Success? Tomorrow we will look at five men.

How can you use this information? What do you have to add to the conversation? Please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right hand side) by email or RSS Feed.

Further Reading

Patty DeDominic Interview (Part I), (Part II)

Kamel Hothi Interview (Part I), (Part II)

Runa Magnusdottir Interview (Part I), (Part II)

Nadja Piatka Interview (Part I), (Part II)

Annemie Ress Interview (Part I) (Part II)

These are some of the people I interviewed this year to act as your mentors. In case you missed any of the interviews, when you get the opportunity, take a moment to read them. While you are reading the interviews, think of what you have in common with the interviewees, and ask yourself, what can I learn from them that I can use in my work and life? You can also find these interviews and more on the Mentors page of the blog

1. Mind your Qs please! She was the first female CEO of a steel company in Canada (Part I) (Part II)
2. She left a successful search consulting business to become a human excellence coach (Part I), (Part II)
3. The life coach who is also an artist (Part I), (Part II)
4. Someone who knows what leadership is about (Part I), (Part II)
5. The “hip accountant” (Part I), (Part II)
6. The entrepreneur’s friend (Part I), (Part II)
7. Head of PR for a technology firm, a writer, and very witty (Part I), (Part II)
8. The social justice film producer (Part I), (Part II)
9. A mentor directed her path to success (Part I), (Part II)
10. Someone who is a career and employment counsellor and a LinkedIn Heavyweight (Part I), (Part II)
11. A leadership and career coach, and a very straight shooter (Part I), (Part II)
12. An internet marketer and social media trainer (Part I), (Part II)
13. Someone who is a relationship builder (Part I), (Part II)
14. An IT executive who sang at her own wedding (Part I), (Part II)
15. Someone who is into food safety (Part I), (Part II)
16. She is an Assistant Deputy Minister (Part I), (Part II)
17. As a youngster he read biographies (children’s) of “great people” which taught him the importance of reading and learning from the experiences of others (Part I), (Part II)
18. The founder of Athena International (Part I), (Part II)
19. A successful business owner who attended 17 schools in three countries while growing up (Part I), (Part II)
20. Founder of Connected Women (Part I), (Part II)
21. Someone who was a former editor of Chatelaine Magazine (Part I), (Part II)
22. She started in the library and ended up in the executive suite (Part I), (Part II)
23. She launched the International Women’s Festival, and also operated a very successful business which she sold (Part I), (Part II)
24. Someone who died for four minutes (Part I), (Part II)
25. Someone who used to hide under the table from bill collectors, now she is a success story (Part I), (Part II)
26. When she first became a leader, she was referred to as Godzilla, but a mentor helped to smooth off the rough edges, now she is a remarkable leader (Part I), (Part II)
27. His best friend was embezzling so he gave him the opportunity to do the right thing (Part I), (Part II)
28. A busy senior level banking executive who escapes from it all through fiction (Part I), (Part II)
29. Someone who is a CFO of a restaurant chain (Part I), (Part II)
30. Someone who is a marketing and communications consultant (Part I), (Part II)
31. Someone knows what it means to fall down seven times get up eight (Part I), (Part II)
32. Someone who is an entertainer and comic artist (Part I), (Part II)
33. Someone who is a goldsmith and jewelry designer (Part I), (Part II)
34. An entrepreneur who blends health and technology (Part I), (Part II)
35. The medical doctor (Part I), (Part II)
36. The serial entrepreneur with mild superpowers (Part I), (Part II)
37. Serial entrepreneur and expert interviewer (Part I), (Part II) (Part III), (Part IV)
38. Founder of First Fridays (Part I), (Part II)
39. Someone who does cross-culture consulting (Part I), (Part II)
40. This senior executive made a tough decision that no parent should ever have to make (Part I), (Part II)
41. The reinvention guy (Part I), (Part II)

How can you use this information? What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right hand side) by email or RSS Feed.

Interviewee Name: Mike DeSousa

Website: http://www.mikedesousa.ca

Avil Beckford: Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Mike DeSousa:  I am a Career Social Media specialist who helps recruiters & employers find superior employee talent FAST using Social Media.  As well, I am a Public Speaker who trains Non-Profit Agency staff on how to market their job-seeking clients, helping them to find work FAST.

Avil Beckford: What’s a typical day like for you?

Mike DeSousa: Waking up at 6am, work at 7am reviewing daily goals set the night before, create presentations, researching clients online/phone networking, sourcing opportunities, setting up appointments, cleaning up paperwork, invoicing clients/following up on  building an online presence & my community, and learning new Social Media.

Avil Beckford: How do you motivate yourself and stay motivated?

Mike DeSousa:  I focus on attainable short-term & long-term goals that move me towards my desire outcomes that I list on my Vision Board. Also I LOVE learning about new resources (Social Media & other), acting on new opportunities, and CREATING innovative opportunities & successes. Speaking to me puts me in the Zone, especially when my audience appreciates both the knowledge that I impart and my entertainment value (“edu-tainment”).  About 5-10 people approach me after one of my presentations, which tells me that I’m adding value to their lives and helping them out, as a “Social-preneur”. I love helping others, using my gifts — this is what makes me happy and I strive for in my legacy: being of service to others and making an empowering impact in their lives that moves them forward toward their committed goals. Conversely, I dislike working with people who state their goals, though are not committed to do the prep, work to reach them, and expect these goals to magically appear.

Avil Beckford: If you had to start over from scratch, knowing what you know now, what would you do differently?

Mike DeSousa:  Take entrepreneurial courses, found business mentors, apprenticed under great people, start my own part-time business earlier, set compelling goals with deadlines, act on my gut instinct — I saw the value in the web in the early 90s, before it was mainstream, and my lack of action to follow my gut instinct cost me huge financial opportunities.  Never waste time crying over spilt milk: there are always other opportunities — look, observe, read, ask questions, study…don’t wait for them to find you: find them and create them.

Avil Beckford: What’s the most important business or other discovery you’ve made in the past year?

Mike DeSousa: That I can do and achieve great things NOW (vs. in the future) and that I need to leverage the power of volunteers and interns to help me get there.  Setting aggressive goals and finding ways to achieve them are critical.

Avil Beckford: What are the three threats to your business, your success, and how are you handling them?

Mike DeSousa: 1. Not acting fast enough 2. Self-limiting beliefs 3. Not working on priorities & getting caught up with trivia.  I resolve these three threats by:

1. Waking up earlier to get more work done
2. Giving myself positive self-talk, and
3. Focusing on 1-3 long-term, capacity-building priorities each day (am getting time management software to help me with this last one).

Avil Beckford: What’s unique about the service that you provide?

Mike DeSousa:

1. The creative way that I combine many different sources & the way that I show people how to apply this (vs. theoretical knowledge)
2. Innovative workshops on the latest programs, before most people have heard about them (early adopter)
3. Imparting wisdom while entertaining/motivating my audience & challenging them to take one action step right after the seminar

Avil Beckford: Describe a major business or other challenge you had and how you resolved it. What kind of lessons did you learn in the process?

Mike DeSousa: Failing swimming classes as a kid and watching other kids get their swim badges was a pivotal moment and great learning experience for me.  It resolved me to work harder, set goals, persist, get help, have patience with myself, and persevere in front of a challenge.  To this day, when I am faced with a challenge, I draw upon this experience to remind myself of the habits that caused me to climb out of a valley of a “learning experience”, into a successful mountain peak.  Failing a few swimming lessons as a kid was the best thing that ever happened to me, because it allowed me to react positively to it and gave me a great background that I use to this very day. Incidentally, the determination that I gained from these early “learning experiences” propelled me to eventually train/teach swimming instructors and lifeguards, rank in the finals of one Provincial Lifeguard Competition in Spinal rescues, and complete an Olympic Distance & IronGuard triathlon.

Avil Beckford: Tell me about your big break and who gave you.

Mike DeSousa: My Best Friends kept on pestering me to act on my Public Speaking gifts, and I finally listened to them when I realized that other speakers who were less polished and knowledgeable than me were making a great living because they were marketing better.  My Best Friends take credit for my “Big Break” with helping me to ‘reprogram’ my self-limiting beliefs, reminding me of my strengths, and encouraging me to take action.

Avil Beckford: Describe one of your biggest failures. What lessons did you learn, and how did it contribute to a greater success?

Mike DeSousa: One of my biggest failures was entering a depression (which I didn’t recognize or know what a “depression” or its symptoms were, so it remained undiagnosed) and consequently failing first year university.  I took an inventory of all the lessons that I learned that year, knowing that I would eventually return. When I did return, I took out my “lesson sheet” and created an action plan that fuelled my work ethic, goal-setting, and discipline, and propelled me to the top of my class.

Avil Beckford: What’s one of the toughest decisions you’ve had to make and how did it impact your life?

Mike DeSousa:  One of the toughest decisions I’ve had to make was to face the fact that I “quit” in a couple of key pivotal moments in my life, when I promised myself that I would never do this.  With reflection and journaling, I discovered that sometimes, there is nothing wrong with “quitting”, as long as you learn something, grow from it, re-frame your experiences, strive to be a better person, help others, develop patience, compassion, kindness, and understanding for both yourself and for others.  I developed new meaning from this to learn the “assumptions” that informed my “quitting”:

1. Avoid comparing myself to others in certain ways (rather than to myself and seeking to focus on my own “Personal Bests”)
2. Not finding and communicating with a mentor who could explain to me how my self-limiting beliefs were holding me back.
3. Not willing to admit/refusing to admit my weaknesses to myself or to others

Avil Beckford: What are three events that helped to shape your life?

Mike DeSousa:

1. Moving to Toronto as a teenager, and having to re-start my life in a new environment, having to make new Friends from scratch, and emerging successful from a tough transition
2. Going into Leadership Aquatics, which developed my teaching skills, speaking skills, and supervisory skills
3. Going back to school (university) as a mature student, which opened up new opportunities to me, helped get self-limiting beliefs and the monkey off my back, increase my awareness of undiagnosed depression in my life (which I got help for, keeping me healthy and stable for the past 4 years) and propelled my career in a new direction.

Avil Beckford: What’s an accomplishment that you are proudest of?

Mike DeSousa: Winning a 1,200m high-school wide running race as a 15 year-old. I had just had a growth spurt after being a pudgy kid, and I resolved to become more athletic.  I had a great cross-country fall running season, and a good track training season.  I trained in track and got some advice from our gym teacher (“stick with the race leaders from the beginning”).  At the starting line, I tripped and fell. I picked myself up and started jogging, when all of a sudden I felt a roar inside me “NO!!!” (Don’t give up), and knew that I would give it my all, and that I would rather fail this way than to just throw in the towel. I caught the race leader on the 1st lap, and stayed with him for the whole race, despite feeling like I was going to die.  Each time someone cheered for him, it strengthened my resolve and I pretended that they were cheering for me.  I breezed past him in the final 300m.

Avil Beckford: How did mentors influence your life?

Mike DeSousa:  I’ve learned many great things and unique lessons from different mentors.

1. As a youngster, I would read the (kids version) biographies of Great People (e.g. Louis Pasteur, Madame Curie, Benjamin Franklin, etc.), fables and stories, and Marvel Comic Books, all of which made me feel that there was World-Class Greatness and a Hero inside of me awaiting to emerge — in what area I didn’t know, though I knew it in my gut and Soul that I “had it, whatever this area of greatness was.”
2. Peter Fujiwara, my most important mentor and high-school teacher taught me to strive for Excellence in all aspects of one’s life, to seek balance, and to believe that you could do anything and not to listen to the “experts” or take self-limiting advice from “mentors.”
3. Mr. Dixon, another mentor high-school teacher taught me the value of hard work (“Brains without hard work is wasted talent, Mike.”).
4. Alexander the Great taught me to be strategic. A common lesson each of these taught me was to wake up early and outwork others.

Avil Beckford: What’s one core message you received from your mentors?

Mike DeSousa: Outwork, out-strategize, and be of service to others.

Avil Beckford: An invisible mentor is a unique leader you can learn things from by observing them from afar, in the capacity of an Invisible Mentor, what is one piece of advice that you would give to readers?

Mike DeSousa:  Pick an invisible mentor from one of the “Greats” of all time and an existing one who resonates with your personality, your needs, and/or your direction.  Read everything you can and learn from each. Picture them talking to you, giving you advice.  Contact the “existing/living” mentor!

How can you use this information? What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right hand side) by email or RSS Feed.

Interviewee Name: Kamel Hothi, Director

Company Name: Lloyds Banking Group

Website: http://www.lloydsbankinggroup.com

Avil Beckford: Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Kamel Hothi: I’ve been working for 32 years in the banking world. I’m a Director at Lloyds Banking Group. I’m married, I have two children and I live in a very strict Indian traditional family.

Avil Beckford: What’s a typical day like for you?

Kamel Hothi: Very, very busy. To be honest, there is no me-time. I tend to leave the house at about 6:30 to get into the office in London (UK). It’s about an hour and a half’s drive. I look after three remits – the Asian market, as well as the world’s internal infrastructure between us and corporate banking, and I also support the procurement for supply to the Group so we work on those, then tend to go home around 7:30, 8:00 pm. I arrive home at about 9 pm and head straight to the kitchen, and see what needs to be done. I get to bed around 12:00 am and I’m back again in the morning.

Avil Beckford: How do you motivate yourself and stay motivated?

Kamel Hothi: I think that’s a difficult one. One goes through the peaks and troughs of life and I divide my life very much at work and home and I suppose at work I like to be very structured. I need to know exactly what I have to achieve at the end of the year, what success looks like for me, and see if I can carve that down into bite-sized chunks and monitor and track that. I’m a bit of a control freak, so as long as I know what I need to achieve that keeps me motivated because I know I’m achieving the bits that I need to do.

And at home, it’s making sure that the family gets attention, that they are on track. I’ve got two children so I ensure I’m giving them my time and that’s important to me so I try to do that on the weekend as much as I can, trying to find a couple of hours to make sure that I stay in touch with them. And if I know about their life that keeps me motivated that they are doing the right thing.

Avil Beckford: If you had to start over from scratch, knowing what you know now, what would you do differently?

Kamel Hothi: Coming from a very different culture, we came from India to the UK without speaking a word of English and being brought up in a very traditional household where the females didn’t really have a career. So I was very fortunate to get into banking and convinced my parents to allow me to continue. But I had other aspirations and I wanted to go to university and I wanted to do further studying but I was very nervous about approaching those subjects with my parents because it’s such a complete no-no area. Now looking back, I wish I had the confidence to address these issues and have a conversation with them, partly to reassure them that I wasn’t going to rock the traditional boat, it was just that I had these burning ambitions that maybe my other siblings didn’t have. But certainly better communication with the family I think would have been much better for me when I was younger.

I feel I’ve still got so much more to give and I’m at a crossroads in my career now after 32 years in banking. I love educating people. I love mentoring and I’m certain that’s the route going forward in the future. I’d like to get involved with some charity. So I like bringing people together, and I work better in collaboration with businesses and business units, that’s where my skill is really, so I don’t work very well in silos. I think that’s where I want to go and develop further in my next stage of life.

Avil Beckford: What’s the most important business or other discovery you’ve made in the past year?

Kamel Hothi: I suppose in banking I would say it’s IT (Information Technology). It has completely changed the way that we work, whether it’s from emailing to the online banking system, that’s certainly made the pace so much faster and much hungrier and somewhat easier to communicate. It also has some negative downfalls because when people are on holidays the Blackberry is constantly on, you’re always in touch, it’s a good thing but also a bad thing that the pace of change is so fast that you have to constantly be on the run. So I would say that IT is the biggest change in our industry.

Avil Beckford: What are the three threats to your business, your success, and how are you handling them?

Kamel Hothi:

1. For banking I would say it’s what’s happened in the financial world. The world is shrinking so an impact in America or Asia will have a huge impact on our business so that’s something that’s even more crucial as we speak now.
2. Regulation is getting really tight and very difficult to operate in the areas that we do.
3. And now with times changing with acquisitions and mergers, I’ve gone through three in my lifetime in a huge organization. You never know what’s on the horizon with Asia growing so fast. Some of it is exciting but certainly it impacts the business and the branding and therefore lots of changes are happening.

Avil Beckford: What’s unique about the service that you provide?

Kamel Hothi: What I’m really good at is building strategies, so it’s really understanding what the business case is for a particular strategy, what are the barriers, how can these be overcome, finding and implementing the solution. That’s what makes me unique and that what I bring to the forefront. And that’s what I’m known for. I was the architect behind the Asian strategy for Lloyds Bank and I’m really proud of the legacy that I’ll hopefully leave behind.

Avil Beckford: What do you observe most people in your field doing badly that you think you do well?

Kamel Hothi: It is really two things. Working in a huge organization you do find that divisions tend to work in silos, and it’s very much about them and their particular business, whereas our customers only obviously see the whole brand. It’s ensuring that these divisions are working together, I would say that’s what I’m very good at. I tend to work with the whole group and think of the whole group as a whole and I totally empathize with the customer, and our customers are at the forefront of everything that I try to do.

This also leads to the second thing in that sometimes I get frustrated with my colleagues with the follow-through — when you are networking, making sure that the commitments that you’ve made, that they are followed through right to completion, and it’s the speed of follow through. I’m proud of myself to make sure that my credentials say that I’ll get back as quickly as I can once I’ve met all the promises that I’ve made.

Avil Beckford: Describe a major business or other challenge you had and how you resolved it. What kind of lessons did you learn in the process?

Kamel Hothi: I come from a very Jekyll and Hyde lifestyle, that I live at home in a very traditional culture to the corporate world that I operate in, in the daytime job. That is the biggest challenge, balancing those two different worlds and keeping both of them content and the people that are my key stakeholders both at work and at home, and that they are aware of what I do and are appreciative of what I try to deliver.

It is a totally different world, from one end I’m standing and having a board meeting with a room full of men, and then going home and being the daughter-in-law in a very different household where it’s still a quite sexist environment, but it’s the culture I was brought up with. I would say that my biggest challenge is constantly battling with the differences and helping both of them move slowly forward into the world.

One of the things that’s helping me and helping others around me to understand the cultural differences and if I look at myself earlier, at my first 15 years in banking, it was hugely challenging. I felt I was really delivering the results, I felt I worked hard but just couldn’t understand why my colleagues were either promoted above me or quicker, and it wasn’t until later in life that I realized that it was really those first impressions and things and the subconscious behaviours you bring to work.

As I’ve said before, I come from a very traditional background where it is seen as keep your voice very feminine, behave very feminine and you don’t challenge back and shouldn’t be assertive, and you respect your elders. And so subconsciously you bring those behaviours into work and although I was working hard and producing 200 percent of my results, but because I was so respectful, and my voice was quite timid, my manager translated that to being, she is not hungry, she is not assertive enough to be a leader and therefore why move her, she is doing the results for me and not giving me a hard time. I won’t promote her.

So it’s really understanding what is in fact the opposite, and a number of times when I was early in my career would result in me becoming bitter and rather than challenging back, would either move divisions or find another role. Now I coach other ethnic minorities across the organization to help them understand their own differences, and then once you’ve understood what the differences are then you can make an informed choice, but I also educate line managers, mainstream managers that they may have a burning star amongst their employees, who may not be shining in their eyes as they see them but actually once you give them the empowerment, give them the go ahead, they could be one of their biggest talent pool amongst their employees.

Avil Beckford: Tell me about your big break and who gave you.

Kamel Hothi: I would say my biggest break was from my line manager going back three lines ago, a gentleman by the name of Arif Mushtaq. He was parachuted in from another company into Lloyds Bank. I encountered him when I was setting up the effort for the Ethnic Minority Network, and he was the one who sponsored the event. It was great to meet Arif. When we started discussing the event and he heard some of my views and ideas he really encouraged me to take a risk. He had faith, he saw something in me that I suppose other people didn’t see and so that encouraged me to take a risk from the position. Yes I could have lost my job. He gave me a blank sheet of paper and said he would support me, and to be honest, that empowerment was the best gift I have ever had. It increased my confidence and since then I have never looked back, so I’m really grateful to Arif.

Avil Beckford: Describe one of your biggest failures. What lessons did you learn, and how did it contribute to a greater success?

Kamel Hothi: Going on the personal front, both at work and at home in the early stages of my career was having the courage to stand up for myself. I knew that I had a burning ambition in my stomach and didn’t really know how to articulate it. That actually took me several years to get the strength to talk about it or to demonstrate that I wanted to do this, which wouldn’t rock the boat at home. But also at work, there were a number of promotions that I allowed to pass me by without questioning and challenging the lines, why they made the decisions. I had no information on their outcomes, so I would say that my biggest failure in the beginning is not talking up and giving myself the confidence to do that so that’s certainly something I’ve learned over the years and I’ve learned something about myself . And I learnt that when I’m contributing I’m adding value to the organization that I’m working for so that’s given me the confidence to be much more confident in what I do. And I found that therefore the people around me accepted what I do, and certainly at home my family where they were uncomfortable in the past now see it as something they are really proud of.

Avil Beckford: What has been your biggest disappointment in your life – and what are you doing to prevent its reoccurrence?

Kamel Hothi: One of my biggest disappointments is that my parents passed away many years ago, so they haven’t witnessed the change in myself and seen the achievements over the last decade that I have done both at work and at home, so that’s always going to be something that you can’t really undo. However, that also helped me to understand that every day is so precious, for me it’s making sure that my children are part of my journey, and they are certainly involved in my career. They encourage me, I encourage them. We talk a lot, I seek their advice on what I’m doing, the next steps I should be taking, so they actually feel they’re the ones that’s been supporting me so they are part of the whole equation.

So for me, my children are very important and we stick together and I want to be a part of their future. We talk a lot, we talk about their future, it’s something in the Indian community that’s not done often. Coming from a first generation where my father was very dominating, discussions that were open were very rare. That’s something we’ve hopefully undone in our family and that we’ve given our children the empowerment to say what they need to say but at the same time we are guarding them and steering them to what’s best for them as well.

Avil Beckford: What’s one of the toughest decisions you’ve had to make and how did it impact your life?

Kamel Hothi: I think it’s taking the new role in corporate banking. The previous role I had to this one was very comfortable, and one that I was very familiar with. I had been working in that division for a number of years. I got a lot of kudos and people knew who I was and in coming into a division that I had never worked in before, hardly knew any of the executives there, it was a huge jump and starting from scratch again and having to prove myself. It was a tough decision, do I want an easier life or a tough life and I took the tough path but it was a challenge I was prepared to take because I could see the opportunity in that division to help them understand the market that I was being asked to come and help and support them in. That’s where I started the architecture of the Asian strategy and was delighted that it got embedded because it could have easily been thrown out. They accepted it and to this day they are still supporting it.

Avil Beckford: What are three events that helped to shape your life?

Kamel Hothi:

1. I got married at the age of 19 and it was an arranged marriage, which completely changed my life. I was the youngest of six children from a very protective family and all of a sudden parachuted into a very tough environment at the tender age of 19, and in our culture you are married into the extended family, you do not marry an individual.
2. The second was having my children. Balancing work, life, home and children was a huge, difficult task but at the same time it was one of the most rewarding things.
3. The third was coming into corporate banking. I love the role, I love the division, and it has empowered me and opened so many opportunities. Networking in the Asian community, I have met so many special individuals through my daytime job. I wouldn’t be here today if I hadn’t made that particular decision.

Avil Beckford: What’s an accomplishment that you are proudest of?

Kamel Hothi: I would say that it’s writing the Asian strategy for Lloyds Group. It’s wonderful to educate a huge organization like ours to help them understand the Asian market, how to reach out to them, what products we need to develop, the cultural differences, and how to communicate with them, and now we’ve seen leaders in our field in the UK and to know that I was the architect behind that, and am now seen as an ambassador for the company, having attended hundreds of events each year. But at the same time, the reason I’m so proud is I think the community has done so much for the UK, achieved so much, many coming here with no money, working without speaking a word of English then they are now running multimillion pound companies and it’s wonderful through the work I do, through the events that I sponsor to be able to give them a platform to showcase these entrepreneurs who have done so much, and added so much to the UK.

Avil Beckford: How did mentors influence your life?

Kamel Hothi: I have had a number of mentors I would say, and some were good and some were bad. Most were not what you call formal mentors in the beginning, but certainly people who you admire who you see can add value in different ways. My mother was a huge mentor to me, she helped me to shape my personal life, helped me to focus on the core things to look at, how to overcome when things are not quite going right. And at work, Arif Mushraq was a huge mentor to me, he helped me, and he understood what other people thought were weaknesses, were strengths and he had a real influence on my career.

Avil Beckford: What’s one core message you received from your mentors?

Kamel Hothi: Believe in yourself and listen to your gut feelings. More people believed in me than I believed in myself. They could see that there was something there, the decisions I made through my career, were very well thought out and balanced. Believe in myself is the message that has come out over and over again.

Avil Beckford: An invisible mentor is a unique leader you can learn things from by observing them from afar, in the capacity of an Invisible Mentor, what is one piece of advice that you would give to readers?

Kamel Hothi: Really understand yourself. We can all get on this conveyor belt of pushing for a career, but step off the conveyor belt for a minute and assess where you want to get to. Where do you see yourself in five year’s time? And how do you get there and carve your path both at home and work. I do believe they go hand-in-hand because one can’t do without the other. So have two paths, one for work and one for home, and see them together. Do they match up? Is one conflicting with the other? Life will change accordingly but if you have some visible path to guide you then you can divide that into small chunks on how you are going to get there.

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Interviewee Name: Sunniva Heggertveit Aoudia, Founder

Company Name: NORSUN Diversity and Cross-Culture Consulting

Website: http://diversity-and-cross-culture.com/

Avil Beckford: Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Sunniva Heggertveit Aoudia: I am Norwegian, I have lived in Switzerland, Cyprus and the US, now I’m living in France. I am a consultant, trainer and coach – and also mentor on a voluntary basis for the European Professional Women’s Network (EPWN). And I recently started up my company NORSUN Diversity and Cross-Culture Consulting.

Avil Beckford: What’s a typical day like for you?

Sunniva Heggertveit Aoudia: Not sure I have a typical day yet, as my company is still in the making. But the day always include morning, afternoon and evening walks with my Golden Retriever. The last few months I have been working on three trainings, and recently I have been busy setting up a blog and using Twitter.

Avil Beckford: How do you motivate yourself and stay motivated?

Sunniva Heggertveit Aoudia: It is rather easy, as my work is something I feel passionately for. Otherwise it is important for me to keep a balance between work and leisure, and this balance keeps me motivated.

Avil Beckford: If you had to start over from scratch, knowing what you know now, what would you do differently?

Sunniva Heggertveit Aoudia: Concerning my business, I would have contacted more large consulting companies to freelance at an earlier stage. The financial market is still tough in the consulting business and if I had more freelancing contacts I think that would have been better.

Avil Beckford: What’s the most important business or other discovery you’ve made in the past year?

Sunniva Heggertveit Aoudia: It has been a pleasure to discover that the consulting business is very supportive. I had expected fierce competition, whereas what I find is that my “competitors” if you like are very willing to share information and be supportive

Avil Beckford: What’s one of the biggest advances in your industry over the past five years?

Sunniva Heggertveit Aoudia: I would say that it’s E-learning, blended learning, more structure – and demand for certification – around what it means to be a coach and mentor

Avil Beckford: When you say blended learning, what do you msn by that?

Sunniva Heggertveit Aoudia: I mean training that has many different elements so that could mean an e-learning element within the blended learning. It could be that you have to do exercises, or group training combined with more traditional face-to-face training.

Avil Beckford: What are the three threats to your business, your success, and how are you handling them?

Sunniva Heggertveit Aoudia:

1. The financial market and competition.
   1. It is all about networking and creating trust so that customers choose me despite the above.
2. Gender discussion “fatigue”. By that I mean I have noticed that some people feel tired of the subject “women on boards, leadership.” I think that communication that focuses on a better future for men and women in business and at home is the way to go forward.

Avil Beckford: What’s unique about the service that you provide?

Sunniva Heggertveit Aoudia: To do that I have to go back a little. It is proven that a diverse company with an inclusive environment produces better bottom line results. I help businesses increase organisational performance through focus on inclusion, a diverse workforce and a better understanding of working across national cultures.

As a consultant, coach, mentor and trainer, my strength lies in my combination of strategic and operational experience, as well as having worked internationally cross-border and living in different countries. I am a good listener and have a solution-minded attitude.

Avil Beckford: What do you observe most people in your field doing badly that you think you do well?

Sunniva Heggertveit Aoudia: I don’t like to focus on what others do badly. But I see a danger in cross-cultural trainers getting too hung up on the theories of intercultural specialists like Trompenaars and Hofstede. Their tools are helpful, as long as one does not forget about individual differences and taking the time to get to know people.

Avil Beckford: Describe a major business or other challenge you had and how you resolved it.

Sunniva Heggertveit Aoudia: It was actually to get all the paper work done to set up my business. With my cultural background (Norwegian) it is not natural for me to chase people, it is considered rude in my culture. But here in France it is more common to chase people to get things done. I learnt it by doing, and I got it done, but it was hard for me.

Avil Beckford: What lessons did you learn in the process?

Sunniva Heggertveit Aoudia: Listen to the people who have “inside information” and follow their advice, even if it is difficult to do.

Avil Beckford: Tell me about your big break and who gave you.

Sunniva Heggertveit Aoudia: It wasn’t a big break, but I would like to mention the story. In high school I had a gym teacher that had the ability to “see” people. One time I was going through a difficult time, she saw it without me having to say a word. She asked me if I wanted to talk and I said yes. It was a relief to talk with an adult that showed so much understanding. It is something I have carried with me, the importance of “seeing” people and reaching out a hand. Sometimes I fail, but I try the best I can.

Avil Beckford: Describe one of your biggest failures. What lessons did you learn, and how did it contribute to a greater success?

Sunniva Heggertveit Aoudia: One time I did not work well with a superior. I learnt that there may be greater cultural differences than one would expect between neighbouring countries. It forced me to flex my style, it wasn’t comfortable, but it gave better results.

Avil Beckford: What has been your biggest disappointment in your life – and what are you doing to prevent its reoccurrence?

Sunniva Heggertveit Aoudia: I rather tend to have many small disappointments, and they come in squadrons, as they say in French. When these periods arrive, I focus on “what happened instead?” “What positive outcome has there been from this disappointment?”

Avil Beckford: What’s one of the toughest decisions you’ve had to make and how did it impact your life?

Sunniva Heggertveit Aoudia: Well, I think the toughest decisions in life are most likely to be very personal ones. One that I can share was the decision to settle in France with my French husband. I knew that it would be a long process to integrate, as I had to learn the language (which isn’t easy!) and get used to yet another culture. The result is that I have indeed learnt the language, although it took longer than I liked, and I live in a very beautiful country with a wonderful climate – and we live a blessed life.

Avil Beckford: What are three events that helped to shape your life?

Sunniva Heggertveit Aoudia:

1. The fact that I decided to take an education abroad set the scene for my intercultural experience. I had traveled over longer periods of time before that, but actually spending years abroad gives a stronger impact.
2. My husband. He provides a balance to my life that is amazing.
3. It is rather a personality trait than an event, but it does shape my life; I tend to take calculated risks (e.g. quitting my job before having another one, starting my own business). These risks have brought me exciting challenges (e.g. international job in a large petroleum company).

Avil Beckford: What’s an accomplishment that you are proudest of?

Sunniva Heggertveit Aoudia: I am very proud of a blended learning on working across cultures that I produced (main designer and team leader) in 2009 for a large petroleum company.

Avil Beckford: How did mentors influence your life?

Sunniva Heggertveit Aoudia: I have had many invisible mentors, and some formal ones. They help me to trigger off new ideas or push me to get done things I already have in mind.

Avil Beckford: What’s one core message you received from your mentors?

Sunniva Heggertveit Aoudia: That they believe in me

Avil Beckford: As an Invisible Mentor, what is one piece of advice that you would give to readers?

Sunniva Heggertveit Aoudia: Follow your interests and don’t give up.

How can you use this information? What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right hand side) by email or RSS Feed.