The Invisible Mentor

Posts Tagged ‘Learning from Experiences of Others’

I just made a  major mistake, and I am writing about it so that others may learn from it. I have been conducting interviews with people who are great Invisible Mentors because I know that I can learn from them, and I know that you can learn from them as well. I registered with a free conference call company so that I have the capability to record the interviews.

Just before I called in (the first time I was officially using the service), my instincts told me to have a low tech back-up where I put the telephone on speaker phone and use my digital recorder to record the interview. I decided not to listen because I had tested the recording function for the conference call service and it worked well.

During the call something happened and the call got cut off. I dialed back in and so did my interviewee, and we continued with the interview. I am a very good listener, but I was very relaxed, and didn’t pay as close attention as I should because I was recording the interview, so I thought that I could always listen to it if I missed something important. I became a “slave” to technology, instead of using my excellent listening skills. I temporarily forgot that technology is a tool and not a crutch. How many times have you made these types of mistakes?

When I went to the conference call service’s website to download the interview, I was able to only download the portion of the interview after the call got cut off. I panicked and called them, and at that time, I was told that the second call overwrote the first. What did I expect from a free service?

I screwed up, I dropped the ball. I was devastated because it was a great interview. Here are the things that I did wrong:

1. I didn’t prepare the way I usually do by going into the Alpha Brainwave state. If I had, I would have remembered all the interview
2. I didn’t practice active listening, I slacked off and relied entirely on technology
3. I didn’t follow my instincts, which told me to use a back-up device, which I had handy
4. I relied on a free service for something that is very important to me

How did I solve the problem? I contacted the interviewee and admitted that I screwed up and asked if I could conduct the first portion of the interview again. She was very gracious and said yes.  Most of the people who I interview want to help others, and believe in the Invisible Mentor concept, so they have a very helpful and accommodating disposition. Despite this, the next time that I conduct an interview, I have to set aside the “ego” and listen to the inner voice that is my guide. I also have to practice what I preach about about active listening and not rely on, or use  technology or other things as a crutch.

Has anything similar happened to you? How did you deal with it?

Photo Credit: Public domain

Grand Etang Forest Reserve, Grenada

The past five years have often felt like I was a runaway train heading for derailment. There were far more valleys than peaks. My bread and butter client disappeared overnight as a result of being acquired by a firm with a very different focus from theirs. Many other projects disappeared and suddenly I was without a safety net. Ninety percent of my income came from that one client.

I scrambled and tried to make it work with little success, until I finally learned to let go. I let go of the control freak within me, and I let go of the intense fear that I was feeling. Realization came crashing down like a cement wall; I no longer enjoyed what I did for a living and felt trapped. I had been feeling that way for a long time but refused to acknowledge those feelings.

My life now felt like a threadbare garment that had seen better days. I often wondered how I would go on. I was stuck in a familiar place that was not so comfortable. I looked at my life and compared it to a large project that’s overwhelming at first. Whenever that happened I would take on bite sized portions, and in no time the project became bearable. So, I viewed my life like one of my research projects taking one step at a time, and suddenly my life seemed less daunting.

And like a research project, I conducted a needs assessment, but in this case I was assessing my life. During this period of darkness, I became more self-aware and wiser. I learned that I didn’t have to discard my research skills, because they would be critical to whatever I decided to do. I learned that even though you are very good at something doesn’t mean that it’s your calling.

I spent a lot of time in solitude reflecting on my life and evaluating everything.  I became wiser and more aware of myself. I learned to be easier on myself. Despite the tough times, I still managed to write my first book Tales of People Who Get It and its companion workbook, Journey to Getting It. I marvel now at how much I accomplished even though I felt like I was going nowhere fast.

I experimented with writing poetry, short stories and about life in Jamaica. I was transported back to a simpler time when I would go to the market with grandma on Saturday mornings. I re-experienced happiness. It’s amazing how it took an adversity, the loss of my safety blanket to explore what would really make me happy.

Each day, I take one step closer to the life that I want to live. It’s not easy, but one step is all that I can take. The pieces in the jigsaw puzzle of my life are fitting into place and for the first time in my life I feel as if I am going exactly where I want to go, and exactly where I need to go. Here is one of the poems that I wrote during my time of transitions.

The Square Peg

All his life he tried to fit in,

A square peg into a round hole.

All his friendships were superficial at best.

He worked hard at being liked,

Always being a people pleaser – the “yes” man,

And the “go-to-it” guy.

He catered to everyone else’s needs,

Except his very own.

One day he wised up,

And took stock of his life.

He realized he could no longer,

Continue living his life this way.

For the first time in his life,

He stopped trying to fit in,

And working so hard to be liked.

In the blink of an eye, like a flash,

He was surrounded by square pegs.

All this time he wasted,

When all he had to do,

Was simply be himself.

I believe that we can learn from the experiences of others. And I believe that we can use the words of others as Invisible Mentors. What lessons have you learned from others? Does the poem resonate with you? Do you work very hard at fitting in? How do you deal with adversity?

 This post is an entry in the What I learned from Adversity Group Writing Project hosted by Robert Hruzek, Middle Zone Musings.

Photo Credits: Avil Beckford