The Invisible Mentor

Posts Tagged ‘Influential Books’

10 Self-Mentoring Ideas from Deborah Nixon

1. Build a network of contacts who you can call on, and take the time to nurture those relationships.
2. Your relationship with people is absolutely everything.
3. Follow your passion. If you’re sensible about it, usually takes you to a really good place.
4. If you come from a place of integrity, honour and humility people respond to that.
5. Most of us can survive almost anything.
6. You have to read your market very well, and be willing to change and adjust your offering because you cannot convince the market. The market is what the market is, and you have to be open to letting go.
7. When we go into things, and we assume that what we’re trying to get out of something is what the other person wants to get out of it as well, we often do not check with the other person, we don’t question assumptions, and sometimes it’s wishful thinking because we want something so badly that we won’t look critically and won’t ask the tough questions.
8. If you have resiliency it gets you really far in life.
9. Integrity is all about what you do when nobody is looking.
10. Pay attention to where things are going and read widely.

Invisible Mentor: Deborah Nixon, President/Founder

Company Name: Trust Learning Solutions, MyMoneyMindset

Website: http://www.trustlearningsolutions.com 

Avil Beckford: Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Deborah Nixon:  My area of specialization is working with leadership teams in organizations trying to build better relationships, conflict resolution, and actually to help them work more effectively together. I have another business which is quite interesting as well called My Money Mindset. I work with women helping them to look at psychological issues toward money.

Avil Beckford: How do you integrate your personal and professional life?

Deborah Nixon: They’re intertwined, they integrate well. I think when your work is your passion, when you’re doing your work it doesn’t feel like work. I love what I do so the integration is very smooth. Maybe because I work in the area of trust, and for me it’s something that I speak to my son a lot about and the way in which I live my life and model my behaviour. It’s a pretty seamless thing.

 Avil Beckford: When you have some down time, how do you spend it? 

Deborah Nixon: One of the things I do is go on retreats – that is probably the foundational thing that I do and it’s so important to me. Every quarter for three to four days I go on a retreat, and once a year, I go from seven to 10 days. On a regular basis, I try to stay away from TV and the media, and I walk with my dog.

Avil Beckford: What are five life lessons that you have learned so far?

Deborah Nixon:

1. The importance of resiliency and I teach it to my son. I think if you have resiliency it gets you really far.
2. Have a great respect for people’s journey.
3. When bad things happen we have a moral obligation to grow something good out of that.
4. There is no shortcut around working really hard.
5. If you’re not doing what you’re passionate about you really won’t be successful. Being a success requires hard work and is all about resiliency.

Avil Beckford: What process do you use to generate great ideas?

Deborah Nixon: I go on retreats. I’m most creative when I’m on a retreat. The process there is a silent retreat how I have no connection to the internet, there is no TV no newspapers, no radio, it’s just you and the silence and nature. And so much happens.

Avil Beckford: What’s your favourite quotation and why?

Deborah Nixon: It’s my own quotation and I know it sounds egotistical, but it is the one that I live by. “Integrity is all about what you do when nobody is looking.” It’s my favourite quote because it’s the measure I use to evaluate other people and it’s part of my work, and it’s part of my philosophy.

Avil Beckford: How do you define success? And in your opinion what’s the formula for success?

Deborah Nixon: Success to me is twofold and believe it or not I do think there is an element of financial success in there. For me success is doing important work that allows you to achieve a certain level of survival and comfort. So although it’s important to follow your passion, it’s not helpful if it doesn’t generate any income for you because you won’t be following your passion for very long. The formula for success is to find what you love and be really strategic about how you can make a living from it. The key to that is developing a solid network.

Avil Beckford: What are the steps you took to succeed in your field?

Deborah Nixon: I was always a very great networker very early on so I’ve built an incredible network, and what’s good about that is that there are always people to reach out to for advice, to check your ideas. You asked me earlier if I had a mentor and I don’t have a single mentor but I have an unbelievable network, and my network is very wide so some of the steps I took were: (1) I listened and paid attention to where I excelled in my career so I knew what I was good at and not good at and then I decided on what I needed to do so I decided to get my Masters and PhD. All along the way, I built the network, and my network is very wide so I spoke to people who were successful to find out what they did to learn from them about what it took and what they did, and to really engage people in my journey. So the step I took was really making connections.

Avil Beckford: What advice do you have for someone just starting out in your field?

Deborah Nixon: Focus on building your network and pay attention to what’s happening in the field, not only what’s going on today, but pay attention to where things are going. Read widely, I’m a great believer in reading, think carefully and project where things are going because things are changing so quickly.

Avil Beckford: If trusted friends could introduce you to five people that you’ve always wanted to meet, who would you choose? And what would you say to them?

Deborah Nixon:

1. I would love to meet Nelson Mandela. I have great respect for him, what would I say to him? I would say, “Thank you!” I would thank him for his commitment and his belief in his mission.
2. I would like believe it or not to meet Bernie Madoff. I’m very fascinated by his fraud and I would like to ask him about his process to do what he did and why he did it.
3. I would also like to meet Mother Teresa because she is a great inspiration for people who have a bigger mission outside themselves.
4. I would like to meet a group called the Desert Fathers and Mothers who lived in the fourth century. These are people who left society to live in the desert. I’d like to ask them about what they heard out there and what the lessons are.
5. The last person I’d like to meet is Bill Clinton because he survived a scandal, and he was someone who was a trusted leader. I’d like to talk to him about the experience

Avil Beckford: Which one book had a profound impact on your life? What was it about this book that impacted you so deeply?

Deborah Nixon: The book is The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. Joan Didion is a well-known American writer whose husband dropped dead suddenly right in front of her while they were having dinner in front of their fireplace. She wrote a book about the year following his death, and it had a great impact on me because she was very real and authentic about the craziness, the insanity when someone close to you dies.

Avil Beckford: You are one of the 10 finalists on the reality show, So, How Would You Spend Your Time? Each finalist is placed on separate deserted islands for two years. You have a basic hut on the island and all the tools for survival; you just have to be imaginative and inventive when using them. You are allowed to take five books, one movie and one music CD, and whatever else you take has to fit in one suitcase and a travel on case. What would you take with you and how would you spend the two years? T he prize is worth your while and at this stage in the game there really aren’t any losers among the 10 finalists, since each are guaranteed at least $2 million?

Deborah Nixon: If I’m stuck on a deserted island I would need something to make me laugh.

Two Years

I would do what I do when I’m on a retreat. I would write the book I’ve been wanting to write. I would write and reflect and I would always workout and I would swim. I would come out with my book on trust.

Five Books

1. The Desert Fathers
2. The Year of Magical Thinking
3. Long Walk to Freedom: The Autobiography of Nelson Mandela

These are inspirational books and books of the soul. The other two books are The Bible and a Jamie Oliver Cookbook (Jamie Oliver’s Meals in Minutes: A Revolutionary Approach to Cooking Good Food Fast).

Music CD & Movie

The CDs I would take are by Snow Patrol (Fallen Empires [Deluxe Edition]) and also another group Guster (Ganging Up on the Sun), which is not well-known. Those two groups make me feel very good. I am moved by music and their music is different and creative and puts me into a good space.  I would take Something’s Gotta Give because Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson in the movie make me laugh and I can relate to it. It’s a middle aged couple who find romance with each other and I like movies like this one because they are authentic and you look at it and go, “That’s me”.

Snow Patrol – In The End

Cannot view this video, click here. Published on Jan 13, 2012 by SnowPatrolVEVO

Guster – Do You Love Me

Cannot view this video, click here. Uploaded by GusterVEVO on Sep 13, 2010

Something’s Gotta Give – Trailer

Cannot view this video, click here. Uploaded by TheMovieSceneUK on Jul 20, 2010

Avil Beckford: What excites you about life?

Deborah Nixon: The possibilities. I’m a very hopeful person and I always expect something exciting and special to happen down the road. And what’s exciting is that we’re in more control than we think. And even when we get upset and think about why something happened, we have a lot of power to change our direction. And I think that’s really exciting.

Avil Beckford: How do you nurture your soul?

Deborah Nixon: Going on retreats. I’m very spiritual and I nurture my soul through my faith and it’s very important to me.

Avil Beckford: If you had a personal genie and she gave you one wish, what would you wish for?

Deborah Nixon: Oh my God I’d wish for money! I would wish for a lot of money so I could do my work for free. There are so many people who I know I can help who can’t afford to pay me and the reality of life is that the bank wants their mortgage payment. So I would like money, I’d like a benefactor who would give me enough money so that I can live on, so I can take my work out to the community, to people who can’t pay me.

Avil Beckford: Complete the following, I am happy when…..

Deborah Nixon: I’m on a retreat – that’s my happiest moment.

Please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right hand side) by email or RSS Feed.

Book links are affiliate links.

Interviewee Name: Nathon Gunn, CEO

Company Name: Social Game Universe

Website: http://www.socialgameuniverse.com 

OMDC Digital Dialogue 22 of 24: Visioning the Digital Future

If you cannot view this YouTube video, please click here.

Avil Beckford: Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Nathon Gunn: I am the CEO of a company called Social Game Universe and I also started another company called Bitcasters, which is still going. I’m an entrepreneur, and an innovator and I’m very passionate about creating new things. I work in new media and technology.

Image via CrunchBase

Avil Beckford: How do you integrate your personal and professional life?

Nathon Gunn: I work with a lot of my friends and sometimes that’s a good thing and sometimes a bad thing but I certainly do socialize. I work with the people I love, and often these are the same folks I’m friends with. In that way my life is integrated. I try to have a balance, try to make sure I have time away from the office, but I also do enjoy, on a personal level, all the travel that work brings for me, so I often try to make work go in the direction of the personal side of my life. I will go to New York to do business because I like being in New York and seeing my friends there, so I do integrate in those ways. But I also try to keep some healthy distance because you can’t be at work all the time. 

Avil Beckford: When you have some down time, how do you spend it? 

Nathon Gunn: You mean not at Birmingham? (he laughs). I’m not usually at Birmingham. I like to go to the movies because it’s kind of a nice way to relax. My best friend Duane and I play tennis, my friend Ian and I play tennis as well. I love going to the island here in Toronto and get away from the city a little bit, and occasionally I play computer games though making computer games sometimes you don’t want to play them after you get off work.

Avil Beckford: What are five life lessons that you have learned so far?

Nathon Gunn: I’m no guru so I guess I’ll just be parroting what other people have said because clichés are clichés for a reason.

1. You have to just do it to quote Nike. It’s the same thing I said about radical self-reliance, put one foot in front of the other or the old adage, every journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step.
2. Then you have to stick to it, putting one foot in front of the other doesn’t complete the journey, putting many feet in front of the other does complete the journey.
3. The journey is never really over. If you don’t enjoy the process then you’re doing the wrong thing. If you’re living for the destination then I know these are clichés but they are really true. I have noticed a whole year or months and months go by, and said to myself, “What was I doing?” and I said, “I was working on this thing to get to here.” And I realized that here never arrived, and it’s really killed me how I wasted three months, and in one case a year doing something that in the end I didn’t care about.
4. Happiness is an important part of everything. I read about happiness, I think in the Harvard Business Review, that there were a few key aspects to happiness. You have to feel like you’re making progress at something that’s a challenge and meaningful to you. Those things have to all go hand-in-hand because if you’re not making progress, and its’ challenging and meaningful, that doesn’t do it and if you are making progress but it’s not challenging, even though it’s meaningful then that isn’t good, and if it’s not meaningful, and you’re making progress, even though it’s challenging then that doesn’t do it. So there has to be all those things and I try to focus myself on that.
5. Remember that at the end of the day, all the work stuff is secondary to making sure that you leave the world a better place, and that you have friends that you can say at the end of the day that their lives are better because you were there.

Avil Beckford: What process do you use to generate great ideas?

Nathon Gunn: I steal them!  Maybe that’s one of the few times you hear people say something like that but it’s an honest part of creating ideas. I don’t think many things come from absolutely nowhere. I think you have to be an absorber of great ideas to put things together in new ways. I work with a big team of creative, brilliant people so we get together as a group and generate great ideas together. We bounce ideas off each other. Moses Znaimer, my old boss, used to sign his name to various TV shows that he did, and that’s fine, but along with those signatures was a long list of credits for the other people who worked on those products. When you watch the end of a TV show you see those names and it’s a collaborative process. I think it’s a big part of generating great ideas, since you’ve asked, I have to tell you one of the funniest ways that I’ve generated great ideas – when we have creative brainstorming sessions, I notice I will hear a really good idea from somebody and I would repeat it back to the person I heard it from, and they will laugh and say, “You misheard me totally, that’s not the idea? It’s this other idea.” And often enough, the idea I misheard is a really good idea so sometimes bad hearing helps us to generate great ideas.

Avil Beckford: What’s your favourite quotation and why?

Nathon Gunn: “Do not squander time for that is the stuff life is made of,” Benjamin Franklin, or “I conceive that the great part of the miseries of mankind are brought upon them by false estimates they have made of the value of things,” Benjamin Franklin.

Avil Beckford: How do you define success? And in your opinion what’s the formula for success?

Nathon Gunn: My definition of success is accomplishing our goals and we choose what our goals are. I have chosen goals that have to do with innovating and creating new products that hopefully will be delightful to people, but also make a difference and be positive in the world. I select those goals based on what is realistic, what’s going to be unique, not just copying other people but how we can take things a step further, but not reach so far that we automatically fail.

Some of those decisions in terms of choosing the goals and aiming for and working on them, is the formula for success. But if there is one thing that I have found, is the big part for the formula for success because you can pick the wrong goal, have the timing wrong, you can make mistakes along the way, and none of those have to necessarily fail if you persist, if you don’t give up. If you keep refactoring what you learn, and keep reapplying it to what you’re trying to do, and sometimes adjusting what you’re trying to do, that’s the formula for success.

Avil Beckford: What are the steps you took to succeed in your field?

Nathon Gunn: I made a point of working with the best people I could find. I made a point of conceptualizing the most interesting projects that I could imagine that were realistic opportunities that would be in demand by the customers and the audience. And I used those conceptual ideas for really exciting and interesting products to inspire the best people I could find, and then together we went and found support, and opened doors to the kinds of partners who we wanted to work with. I would say it requires reading about things, it requires meeting people to make sure you have access to talent requires understanding your industry, know which doors you want to open, and which people you need to talk to. It requires learning how to talk to those people, in their language, about the things that you want to do, and then it just requires work and persistence, – not to beat a dead horse – but that’s been my formula, and it seems to work.

Avil Beckford: What advice do you have for someone just starting out in your field?

Nathon Gunn: There are a lot of tactical things I talked about in the question above, but none of it would be possible if I wasn’t passionate about what I was doing. I’ve really been excited about the ideas in my head, the people around me, now I’ve designed it so that the people around me are exciting, and I’ve tried to focus my thoughts on exciting things. I’ve tried to find people and partners to work with who are exciting and interesting to me. But if I were to give a piece of advice that could work for anybody, I think it has to be that old saying that you have to love what you do. Because everything will follow from there if you love it, something will wake you up in the morning and ask you what you will do next and you will find an answer, if something wakes you up in the morning and says, I want to do this. And it has to come from inside you, so if you don’t have it you have to look for that. Before you can study the mechanical parts of making it work you have to find the fuel and the fire inside that going to make the mechanical parts do their job.

Avil Beckford: If trusted friends could introduce you to five people that you’ve always wanted to meet, who would you choose? And what would you say to them?

Nathon Gunn:

Nelson Mandela is an incredible human being. I’ve always wanted to meet him and in fact I wrote a letter to his elders’ organization and was asked to do some work, but we haven’t had the right opportunity, but that would be one of the great heroes for me. There are obvious ones, people who have character and strength – Winston Churchill would be a fascinating guy to meet. He was a man who had his mistakes and foibles and maybe wouldn’t have been a great leader without the challenges at the time, but it was phenomenal. Gandhi of course – those are big names that anybody could easily cite but of course they are big names because they have done incredible things. I would of course be delighted to meet them. In terms of living people, I have met Richard Branson but we didn’t get to chat. He is a fascinating character because he did things through creative pursuit, passions but turned them into businesses and he’s also had a flair for making a big name for himself without coming across as a pompous jerk so I’ve always admired his ability to generate publicity for his companies without looking like a pompous jerk.

The fifth person should stand for all the people who I meet every day, to say that they are all famous isn’t fair. I think sometimes you meet a hero in a book shop. I was looking at antique furniture, I met the woman running the store, and she started telling me a story about how she escaped Berlin when she was a little girl. Moses Znaimer told me a story when I went into his office and said hey, “look at this photo of you and Jack Nicholson, what was it like to meet him?” And Moses said, “Well it wasn’t as interesting as the conversation that I had with the woman who has been working in my garden.” It turns out that she had escaped from Eastern Europe as well so we compared notes on that. And I had to say that’s an interesting point he made to me, so I’ll share that point. There are people who you cross paths with every day and they are heroes in their own way and that’s important.

It would be interesting to meet my grandparents. I had a grandfather who worked on the railroad and a grandmother who died before I could meet her, a great grandmother who died from leukemia, all of whom I’ve heard stories, who lived through such incredible times. They had such an impact on my parents, wouldn’t it be amazing to know them?

Avil Beckford: Which one book had a profound impact on your life? What was it about this book that impacted you so deeply?

Nathon Gunn: It was Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence. He wasn’t a doctor but he spoke to many doctors who had been studying the idea of emotional intelligence. Many people will be taking this for granted at this stage in history because his book had such a big impact and changed so many people’s views about what smart really is. But before that book came out, the further back you go, generally the accepted view on intelligence was that it’s analytical skills, can you do the math, can you remember the answer to this question? I had a number of people around me in my life who had high IQ. They had numerous degrees, and they worked from 5 am in the morning to 5 at night, and to be very honest it kind of intimidated me. I thought, “God I’m not that smart, will I ever want to get up at 5 am and do what these people do?” I sure like sleeping in.

The first time I was exposed to that book was in the form of an article in Harvard Business Review and it was emotional intelligence applied to leadership, and it talked about the qualities of a good leader. And the qualities that were cited were things like empathy for people, the ability to understand the people you work with is a quality that makes you a good leader. You look at Warren Bennis and other books on leadership, and look at some of the older stuff and you see things important to be the head of General Motors, the head of General Electric, but really inspired leaders have empathy. Other qualities in the list include ability to be self-deprecating and look at your own self and laugh.

These were things I couldn’t believe were including in a list for a leader. I thought being a leader and being smart meant you could do the math puzzles, you could boss people around, you could get up at five in the morning, and you never showed any weakness, so that book changed my view of what being a good leader really meant, and what being a success in business really meant. And I have quoted that book many times to friends. I’ve had friends say, “I’m not smart,” and these are some of the smartest people I know. For people who are not familiar with the concept of emotional intelligence should take a look at it because it goes to the qualities that you need to have to make the brain do the things it needs to do to succeed in life.

They had one study in the book where they looked at all the smart people who worked at Bell Labs where PhD and Nobel Laureates worked and they found the guys who did very well were the one who walked around and talked to other guys. Because instead of sitting at their desks working on a puzzle for a month, they might find out it had already been solved just down the hall. So some of those social and emotional skills are part of intelligence and that book changed my life by showing me that.

[See article Read Study science and math to get ahead in the future of work, right? Gigaom.com]

Avil Beckford: You are one of the 10 finalists on the reality show, So, How Would You Spend Your Time? Each finalist is placed on separate deserted islands for two years. You have a basic hut on the island and all the tools for survival; you just have to be imaginative and inventive when using them. You are allowed to take five books, one movie and one music CD, and whatever else you take has to fit in one suitcase and a travel on case. What would you take with you and how would you spend the two years? T he prize is worth your while and at this stage in the game there really aren’t any losers among the 10 finalists, since each are guaranteed at least $2 million?

Nathon Gunn:

Two Years

I could build a boat out of the book and try to leave, books wouldn’t float, darn it. I think the thing that is most interesting to me about being on a deserted island for two years is the idea that for once I do not have to do some of the things that I do here in Toronto, so I would want to meditate, a lot. I wouldn’t have a lot of choice, would I? I would start by saying I would want to think deeply about things that I just don’t have time to think about. When my life is spent trying to accomplish goals, and move fast from thing to thing, the thing I don’t get to do enough of is to actually read philosophical books that deal with really deep issues and spend time meditating on it.

My first answer was going to be that I would bring all sorts of gadgets and digital goodies in my suitcase so I could keep inventing things, but maybe the best thing about being on your island, is I could stop inventing things and start meditating on things.

I would probably go stir crazy at some point and start trying to invent things with whatever else I had, but that’s about it.

Five Books

The five books would be nothing about accomplishing things. There would be a book on physics, literature, philosophy, politics and humanities. So books with big ideas that you can put in your head and let them jumble around.

Movie and Music CD

I love movies, you have taken all my fun away! I don’t think I could pick just one movie, I love so many movies. I would bring a movie that a friend had made because I have a number of friends who are film makers. I would bring one of their films so I could think about the process of creativity, and the process of my friends being artists, and participate in their art. And if it was only one music CD, I would burn it myself with mp3 so that I could fit 600 songs on there and it would be a mix of everything.

Avil Beckford: What excites you about life?

Nathon Gunn: I love life and I get excited everyday by new things. I love to discover new things. I’m addicted to new experiences and I like to travel and discover new things and I can do that inn my work. I like meeting new people and I like discovering new interactions with people and new things about myself through all of that.

In general, I like the wild, creative, exciting adventure that is life everyday when you go out and try new things.

Avil Beckford: How do you nurture your soul?

Nathon Gunn: I spend time with good friends, and on my own, and I think about the ways I can try to improve and the mistakes I’ve made and the ways I can correct them. I try to remind myself to think about other people, and put their needs and thoughts ahead of mine and then go back at life with that in mind. But I think I nurture my souls largely around people who I admire who have qualities that inspire me.

Avil Beckford: If you had a personal genie and she gave you one wish, what would you wish for?

Nathon Gunn: I’ve been very lucky to have support from mentors, and the world, so I can’t say I haven’t had it, but the hardest things in life have been when the support has been inconsistent or when I couldn’t find the support to make progress through the difficult challenges. If the genie could give me one reasonable thing, it would be consistency and stability and support that you can always count on, that’s always there. I know a lot of people think that’s a bunch of money, but I think it takes different forms at different times so I would ask the genie in a very vague way so that I could have money one time, friends another, and just a nice place to sleep at night.

Avil Beckford: Complete the following, I am happy when…..

Nathon Gunn: I’m making progress in something I care about that is a challenge, especially when I’m doing it with friends.

Please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right hand side) by email or RSS Feed.

Book links are affiliate links.

Video Credit: OMDC Digital Dialogue 22 of 24: Visioning the Digital Future Uploaded by OMDConline on Aug 3, 2010

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• Mentor Yourself With Nathon Gunn, CEO, Social Game Universe (theinvisiblementor.com)
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• The Chief Mentoring Officer Interviews Annemie Ress, Senior HRD eBay & Global Engagement Lead at eBay, Part Two (theinvisiblementor.com)
• Mentor Yourself: Interview With Maggie Berry, Women in Technology Part II (theinvisiblementor.com)

Interviewee Name: Chris Kulbaba, Career and Employment Counsellor, Public Speaker

Company Name: London Employment Help Centre

Website: http://linkedinheavyweight.com

Avil Beckford: Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Chris Kulbaba:  I consider myself to be first and foremost a family man so that’s really my focus. I have six children between my partner and I so family is very important. The next thing is that I consider myself to be a helper and a collector. I was told very recently that I collect people and information, and I thought that was a very appropriate description of me. And the last thing is I consider myself to be a social media fanatic – I love that stuff.

Avil Beckford: How do you integrate your personal and professional life?

Chris Kulbaba: I try to keep portions of my personal life very private, however, I also try to keep pieces of my personal life very public. As I’m facilitating I do some self-disclosure. I want to build rapport and trust, and as a mentor, if I’m willing to share some of my struggles and admit some of my own mistakes I truly believe that that lets other people know that everybody makes mistakes, everybody learns through this process and as I give people pieces of personal information I’m sharing with them but I want to keep some pieces of my life private.

As an example, if I’m going to the beach I would not necessarily tweet that I’m going to the beach. I would just go to the beach. 

Avil Beckford: When you have some down time, how do you spend it? 

Chris Kulbaba: I’m an enquiring, extroverted, feeling perceptive, so if anyone is familiar with the Myers Briggs dichotomy I love learning so figuring out how to do something a little bit better or to involve myself in learning is what I like to do. I have several clients who are Spanish so I have been teaching myself how to speak Spanish. I can speak a little bit of Spanish but I’m learning as I go.

Avil Beckford: What are five life lessons that you have learned so far?

Chris Kulbaba:

1. Everyone that you meet is fighting some sort of battle. So remember that and just give them some patience.
2. The more that you give away, the more that is going to come back to you. I never set out on any activity wondering what’s coming back I just concentrated on helping other people.
3. Everybody perceives things their own way. That’s fine! Just because I see something and I am happy about it and someone else sees something and is not, I don’t have to go and fix that.
4. There is always something to learn: There are always teachable moments around us and you just have to be open to them.
5. You never ever laugh too much

Avil Beckford: What process do you use to generate great ideas?

Chris Kulbaba: I listen. I listen to other people and ask them “what’s a challenge you are having?” I ask them “what’s going on right now that’s really frustrating to you?” because a real motivation for me is to help people. For me to have a great idea, if I have a great problem and I can meet with someone to discuss things then we can bounce ideas off each other, that’s how I generate great ideas is trying to think of ways to help other people.

Avil Beckford: What’s your favourite quotation and why?

Chris Kulbaba: My favourite quotation is a Nigerian proverb, “It doesn’t matter what you are called, it only matters what you answer to.” The reason I really like that one is that it talks about how you define yourself. It doesn’t factor in very strongly for me what other people want to call me, what resonates with me internally is what I decide I am going to answer to.

I also like “Beer is proof that God likes us,” I guess I really like beer. And that’s by Benjamin Franklin.

Note from Avil: The quote about beer is a common Benjamin Franklin misquote. What Franklin said was, “Behold the rain which descends from heaven upon our vineyards, there it enters the roots of the vines, to be changed into wine, a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy.” Source: http://urbanlegends.about.com/b/2008/09/15/misquote-ben-franklin-on-beer.htm.

Avil Beckford: How do you define success? And in your opinion what’s the formula for success?

Chris Kulbaba: I define success by when I am networking, or working with someone, how much success do they feel that they got. So as we are working together, their success is my success. If they are working to get another job, working to increase market share, get more clients, that’s where I perceive my niche, my superpower for a better word is collaborative success. In my opinion, the formula for success is to listen twice as much as you speak. I’m not arrogant enough to think that I have all the answers so I have to ask questions to figure out what is the root issue so that we can grow and be successful.

Avil Beckford: What are the steps you took to succeed in your field?

Chris Kulbaba: The first thing I did was find a mentor in the field. I asked around about who I should be following and when the same name kept on coming up again and again I approached that person and asked to get some advice on what he thought was best for me. I followed the advice then went back and asked for more. I also asked if there was anyone else who would help me out. They gave me a few contacts so I set several daily goals, weekly goals, monthly goals and long-term goals.

As I met one of those goals I re-evaluated to see what my next steps would be. The steps I took to succeed were putting all the pieces into place.

Avil Beckford: What advice do you have for someone just starting out in your field?

Chris Kulbaba: Think about what you do that other people say, “You made that look so easy.” Think about something you do, either at work or at home that you enjoy doing. Take a moment out of your day, sit there, close your eyes and think back to a story that you are really proud to tell somebody and think about what is involved, who is involved, and think if there is a way you can do this at work.

Avil Beckford: If trusted friends could introduce you to five people that you’ve always wanted to meet, who would you choose? And what would you say to them?

Chris Kulbaba:

1. The first person I would want to meet is Leonardo da Vinci. I have always been fascinated with Leonardo da Vinci because he was able to see so much hidden beauty. He was dyslexic but ambidextrous – he had a drawing of the submarine and the airplane as and the list goes on. One of the first questions I’d like to ask him is what motivates him, I’d like to figure that one out.
2. Another person I’d love to meet is Abraham Lincoln and I’d like to ask him how he felt about criticism, how he internalized criticism. He is a man who fought for what he believed in, the Proclamation of Emancipation. It took him years to get to the White House amongst a Civil War, mental breakdowns and other failures in business. He really had a dream and a vision.
3. Another person I would enjoy meeting is Benjamin Franklin. I think he had a very interesting life and I love many of his quotations – they seem very witty. He seems like a very amusing person and the one question I’d like to ask him is, “Knowing what you now know, nearing the end of his time what would he have done differently?”
4. I would like to meet Bill Gates for the simple fact that he had a real vision. He started Microsoft with software that he bought from somebody else. He started it by telling people he would do something that had never been done before, he didn’t know how he was going to do it but he just did. The only question that I’d like to ask him, “What made you say in those few moments that you could do something that had never been done?” How did he know that? How did he have that much vision inside himself, and who were his mentors?
5. The fifth person I’d like to meet is Oprah Winfrey. I would love to meet Oprah, talk about a force to be reckoned with. I think that she singlehandedly has changed millions of lives. She had a clear vision; she had a clear direction of what to do, but I think the only thing that I would really want to ask her is, “What’s next?”

Avil Beckford: Which one book had a profound impact on your life? What was it about this book that impacted you so deeply?

Chris Kulbaba: It’s not a big book. It’s not groundbreaking, but to me it was simply life altering. It was The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. This book is about a man who is dying from pancreatic cancer and is giving the last lecture of his life as a university professor. But the book is not a story about being sick or dying, it’s a story about the celebration of living life, always being willing to embrace change, being excited about who you are. I literally had to put the book down a dozen times because I was so emotionally involved in this book. It’s not a big book, it’s maybe 150 pages.

Last Lecture Revisited

If you cannot view the YouTube video please click here.

Avil Beckford: You are one of the 10 finalists on the reality show, So, How Would You Spend Your Time? Each finalist is placed on separate deserted islands for two years. You have a basic hut on the island and all the tools for survival; you just have to be imaginative and inventive when using them. You are allowed to take five books, one movie and one music CD, and whatever else you take has to fit in one suitcase and a travel on case. What would you take with you and how would you spend the two years? T he prize is worth your while and at this stage in the game there really aren’t any losers among the 10 finalists, since each are guaranteed at least $2 million?

Chris Kulbaba:

Five Books

1. One of the books I would take is How to Learn Spanish in Two Years.
2. I would bring the Bible even though I’m not overly religious. I would like to read about several life lessons and I think the Bible has many good stories.
3. I would like to bring a scrapbook of my family and friends so that would be a memory book for me.
4. I would also like to take War and Peace which is a big book and I would bring it because it’s a literary classic. It might take me a while to read but I’ve got the time.
5. I think I would bring Tony Robbins’ Awaken the Giant Within which talks about how to be good to yourself, neuro-linguistic programming and stuff like that.

The movie I would have to bring is Cast Away with Tom Hanks. The music CD would have to be a mix of different music. I would like some quiet music, energizing music, and some music that’s just plain old fun, and maybe some music where my kids are singing a few songs.

Cast Away Official Movie Trailer

If you cannot view this YouTube please click here.

For the two years, I would practice my Spanish of course. The first thing I’d like to do is just spend some time every day to meditate, relax and realize I’m in a beautiful place. I don’t really need or want for anything and I would like to get to know myself. In my suitcase I would bring some journals and I’d like to write down my thoughts and I’d like to see if I could devise a schedule on what I’ll do when I get home. I’ve got $2 million so how am I going to spend it, what will I do? I would also spend some time daydreaming; that would be a fun activity.

Avil Beckford: What excites you about life?

Chris Kulbaba: Everything. Learning, learning, learning. There is always something to learn. There is always something to do. There is always someone to meet. Helping someone to be better than they are is exciting.

Avil Beckford: How do you nurture your soul?

Chris Kulbaba: I play with the kids. I love goofing around with the kids. That’s a soul nurturing activity to be silly with the kids. I always try to find humor in everything I do. Not that I take life lightly, but there is always something to be grateful for and enjoy. The simple fact that I have a job and enough to eat puts me in the top 10 percent of the population in the world.

Avil Beckford: If you had a personal genie and she gave you one wish, what would you wish for?

Chris Kulbaba: I think that I would wish for the ability to heal my partner from her chronic pain. She suffers from a car injury and has broken her shoulder twice. She lives in chronic pain all the time.

Avil Beckford: Complete the following, I am happy when…..

Chris Kulbaba: I’m happy when I’m helping other people. I’m happy when I’m helping someone do something that makes them feel good.

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YouTube Video Credits: Wall Street Journal Digital Network

Interviewee Name: David Gray

Company Name: DSG Associates

Website: http://www.dsgassociates.ca

 Avil Beckford: Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Avil Beckford: How do you integrate your personal and professional life?

David Gray: The concept of integration is an interesting one.  In my opinion, there can be no distinction between who you are as a business leader or as an individual on a personal basis.  In other words, your ‘Self’ has to be an integrated whole.  Otherwise, by definition it would be impossible to lead with integrity and conviction.  However, one’s personal life is one’s own.  In an era of celebrity worship this concept of the private Self can be a difficult one for some people to grasp.  My solution is to advise people that I am available as a Coach during a quite broad number of hours.  Beyond that, my time is my own. 

Avil Beckford: When you have some down time, how do you spend it? 

David Gray: I spend my down time reading, walking my dog, Eddie, and doing mundane household chores.  I find all of these activities quite relaxing and conducive to engaging in a meditation of sorts.

Avil Beckford: What are five life lessons that you have learned so far?

David Gray:

1. Be humble
2. Listen actively and intently.
3. Practise empathetic understanding.
4. Reflect intently.
5. Act decisively.

Avil Beckford: What process do you use to generate great ideas?

David Gray: I try to cast a wide net in the initial research and planning phases and then take everything I have learned and turn it on its head.  This combination of broad search and contrarian analysis tends to enable new and innovative thoughts to emerge.

Avil Beckford: What’s your favourite quotation and why?

David Gray: “Seek first to understand and only then to be understood” from Covey’s “7 Habits.”  I find that the world can be understood with any degree of accuracy only if one first casts aside one’s own inevitable prejudicial perspectives.

Avil Beckford: How do you define success? And in your opinion what’s the formula for success?

David Gray: Success for me is defined in terms of relationships.  One is successful if one tries to give back to others more wisdom, more empathy and more joy than one takes for oneself.  We do not define our own reputation, our personal brand.  Other people do this for us.  And so, if our self-awareness and our reputation are to have any real congruency, then success can only be defined on a social rather than an individual basis.  Our success is inextricably entwined in what we give to others and what we share of ourselves with others, rather than what we take for ourselves and what we hold on to of ourselves solely for our own enjoyment.

Avil Beckford: What are the steps you took to succeed in your field?

David Gray: I worked, and continue to work half days.  Sometimes it’s the first half of the day, sometimes the second.  Sometimes I break the day into quarters.  But I always try to work at least 12 hours a day.  Except on Sundays.  Then I generally only work six hours or so.  In other words, I worked hard and continue to do so.  However, one can only really work hard on a sustainable basis if one truly enjoys the work.  So the first key is to identify your life’s work, your true mission or ‘vocation’ as it used to be called.  After all, each of us is only here for a very brief period of time.

Avil Beckford: What advice do you have for someone just starting out in your field?

David Gray: Figure out what you want to do in the way of a career.  Meantime, while life throws other opportunities your way – which probably on the surface appear to have very little to do with that desired career – work like the devil himself to succeed at whatever work you are doing at any given time.  There is no such thing as bad honest work.  Nor is there any such thing as undignified honest work.  So work hard and prosper.

Avil Beckford: If trusted friends could introduce you to five people that you’ve always wanted to meet, who would you choose? And what would you say to them?

David Gray:

1. Sir Winston Churchill:  Thank you, thank you, thank you Sir, for staying the course throughout the wilderness years when lesser men succumbed to grovelling group think.
2. Robert E. Lee:  What were you thinking when you decided in favour of the Southern cause?  Far too many men died and far too much unnecessary suffering was caused by this fatally flawed decision which prolonged the failed Southern War of Secession.
3. Prince Charles Stuart:  Stay in France.  The Highland Scots have sufficient problems without your intrusion into their already difficult lives.
4. Julius Caesar:  Beware the Ides of March!
5. Socrates:  Just drink the damn hemlock old man!  You have poisoned enough young minds with your hypocritical musings – and will continue to confuse a sufficient number of older ones over the course of human time.

Avil Beckford: Which one book had a profound impact on your life? What was it about this book that impacted you so deeply?

David Gray: Joseph Campbell’s, The Hero with a Thousand Faces.  This book brought me face-to-face with human mortality and our shared human journey, thus making clear the urgent need to become oneself, identify and follow one’s own ‘bliss’ and make a contribution to the human family, regardless of how humble or great that contribution might be.

Avil Beckford: You are one of the 10 finalists on the reality show, So, How Would You Spend Your Time? Each finalist is placed on separate deserted islands for two years. You have a basic hut on the island and all the tools for survival; you just have to be imaginative and inventive when using them. You are allowed to take five books, one movie and one music CD, and whatever else you take has to fit in one suitcase and a travel on case. What would you take with you and how would you spend the two years? T he prize is worth your while and at this stage in the game there really aren’t any losers among the 10 finalists, since each are guaranteed at least $2 million?

David Gray: The movie would be, The Natural.  I would seldom watch the film as I have already seen it at least three times.  But it would act as a constant reminder to focus on whatever is both relevant based on my own gifts and yet ‘doable’ based on circumstances at any given time.  The five books would include The Cat in the Hat by Dr Seuss so as to retain my sense of humour; Cervantes, Don Quixote (Penguin Classics) to ensure that I remember the absurdity of civilization; Foucault’s History of Madness  so as to understand the process as I would surely go slowly quite mad;  Kodokan Judo: The Essential Guide to Judo by Its Founder Jigoro Kano  to give me a structure that might enable me to retain some degree of physical fitness, as well as the anthology, The Poetry of Robert Frost: The Collected Poems, Complete and Unabridged so as to nurture my soul even as my brain inevitably went a bit sideways.

Avil Beckford: What excites you about life?

David Gray: The possibilities for self development and testing one’s own capabilities and limits.

Avil Beckford: How do you nurture your soul?

David Gray: Quiet reflection, exercise, and good wholesome food.

Avil Beckford: If you had a personal genie and she gave you one wish, what would you wish for?

David Gray: Enlightenment.

Avil Beckford: Complete the following, I am happy when…..

David Gray: I am happy when…I am doing what I do best…practising Leadership Coaching.

David Gray:  I am unusually direct in speech, as I consider trust to be a condition most quickly built upon a foundation of honest communication.  At the same time, I take pains to be empathetic and non-threatening in my overall approach.

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Book links are affiliate links.

Interviewee Name: China Gorman, CEO

Company Name: CMG Group

Website: http://chinagorman.com 

Avil Beckford: Tell me a little bit about yourself.

China Gorman:  I think of myself as a business leader. I’ve spent the last 30 years of my career in the human capital management space, mostly as a leader of consulting services businesses at the local, regional, national and global levels that provide services to organizations so that they are operated more effectively as it relates to their people management strategy and behaviours. So I run businesses that support HR in helping their businesses be more effective.

Avil Beckford: How do you integrate your personal and professional life?

China Gorman: I try always to be China Gorman, not sometimes I’m China Gorman the public speaker, sometimes I’m China Gorman the blogger, sometimes I’m China Gorman the consultant, sometimes I’m China Gorman President and CEO, sometimes I’m China Gorman the Chair of the Board. I decide to be China Gorman and integrate all those roles into my life because I don’t have a set of values for being the Chairman of the Board for the Council for Adult and Experiential Learning and a different set of values as a public speaker and a different set of values as a consultant. My values are my values and so my behaviour should be my behaviour. I think that’s how you integrate it all in. You’ll always be you and not A, B, C, that kind of thing. 

Avil Beckford: When you have some down time, how do you spend it? 

China Gorman: I love to travel. I consider myself a citizen of the world – travelling whether it’s in the US or around the world. I love to travel with my husband; he’s the best travel buddy ever. I read a lot, both in business and fiction. And I’m a huge theatre buff so whenever I’m travelling if there is live theatre then I’m ‘all over that’.

Avil Beckford: What are five life lessons that you have learned so far?

China Gorman:

1. Always act with integrity.
2. Always assume the best about people and their motives and behaviours.
3. Always be true to yourself and always be yourself.
4. Be a student of the game which means never stop learning.
5. Always bring a solution. Don’t criticize or complain unless you have a solution. Always be part of the solution and not part of the problem.

Avil Beckford: What process do you use to generate great ideas?

China Gorman: I ask a lot of people a lot of questions. I don’t by any means presume in any role that I play that I’ve got all the answers or a lot of the answers. I’m always going to assume that everybody is smarter than I am. I ask a lot of questions and try to empower others to work on their big ideas and their suggestions. It’s “If this were happening to you, what would you do about it?” Or, “You know we’re challenged with this particular issue, how would you solve it, where would you go, how would you do it?” It’s a way to engage colleagues and it’s a way to add to your databank all the time.

Avil Beckford: What’s your favourite quotation and why?

China Gorman: My favourite quotation is by Mary Baker Eddy and it is, “To those leaning on the sustaining infinite, today is big with blessings.”  And it’s my favourite because it always reminds me of the blessings that are all around us and the need for us to see and acknowledge them.

Avil Beckford: How do you define success? And in your opinion what’s the formula for success?

China Gorman: The definition for success is being a positive impact in whatever situation you find yourself in – a personal situation, a business situation, whatever. It is about leaving things better than you found them, whether it’s a relationship, a branch office, a business, a market. And you do that with a lot of selflessness, it’s not who is right, what’s right, and you have to work hard, be reliable and have people understand who you stand for and only operate from a place of integrity.

Avil Beckford: What are the steps you took to succeed in your field?

China Gorman: I think it’s always assuming a positive outcome. So with the Dallas experience I shared earlier, I could have turned around in two weeks after I understood the impact and import of the situation and run away from there screaming. But I took it as an opportunity to learn, to bring healing, to engage the team on a much more positive path forward. It was being able to see everything as an opportunity for growth – personal growth, business growth, knowledge growth, market growth. It’s being able to see things as positive opportunities, and then being willing to move forward into them.

For a few years, in one of the organizations that I was in, we moved for opportunities in the organization many times. I don’t know if you remember the commercial from years and years ago where three little boys – brothers – at breakfast, and the mom puts down a new kind of cereal and the two older boys think, “Ick that looks gross,” and then they look at each other and say, “I know, let’s get Mikey to try it, he’ll eat anything.” So for a while, I was the Mikey – this operation needs to be turned around, “let’s get China, she’ll go anywhere.”

My family situation was such that we could take those kinds of opportunities because of my husband’s career he was pretty portable, we didn’t have children so we didn’t have those kinds of issues to deal with that would make frequent geographic moves a terrible challenge. So seeing things as opportunities and being able to take them on for a positive outcome for everybody, I think is what it took for me to move forward as rapidly as I did in terms of responsibility and authority, particularly at some of the early ages that I did.

Avil Beckford: What advice do you have for someone just starting out in your field?

China Gorman: For someone who is just starting out today I would encourage them that nothing is beneath you. Every job is an opportunity to learn – to learn from your boss, to learn from your organization, to learn some skills from a professional development perspective. So the big one is every opportunity is a good opportunity. As I work and mentor young people who are in college, here are the things that I generally tell them:

1. Establish a reputation for effectiveness regardless of the job that you are in. Be the go-to person. The organization knows that if they give you something it will be done and it will be done well.
2. Be a great team player and be more interested in the collective success, opposed to I did it, we did it.
3. Be a lifelong learner and learn your business inside and out, whether you’re flipping burgers, folding shirts in a retail establishment or you’re an intern doing research, or you’re in your first job out of college, or just getting your foot in the door, know the business of the organization, know how it makes money, how it innovates, how it fits in the competitive world. Because of the worldwide web, all of this data is available for every business. If you’re shy and don’t want to ask people questions you just go online. But know your business and know your organization and its place in the competitive marketplace.

Avil Beckford: If trusted friends could introduce you to five people that you’ve always wanted to meet, who would you choose? And what would you say to them?

China Gorman: There are five and the questions are the same for all of them and it would be, “How did you continue to persevere against the difficult odds that you face as a leader?” The leadership question is, “How is it that you never quit, you continued to persevere?” The five people are:

1. Abraham Lincoln
2. George Washington
3. Mahatma Gandhi
4. Mother Teresa
5. Martin Luther King

Avil Beckford: Which one book had a profound impact on your life? What was it about this book that impacted you so deeply?

China Gorman: On a fundamental personal level I have to say it’s the Bible because it’s the foundation of my values and my religious commitment and my religious life. But if you set that aside it’s even more difficult because my favourite book is the book I’m reading at any one time. Lately I’ve been reading about tribal leadership. I’ve been reading a great book called Re-engaged, but the one that moves with me from office to office, from organization to organization, is called The Leadership Challenge, 4th Edition by James M. Kouzes and Barry Z. Posner. It’s a leadership primer. It talks about exemplary leadership, credibility and finding your voice, inspiring your vision, the very basics of how to be a leader.

Avil Beckford: You are one of the 10 finalists on the reality show, So, How Would You Spend Your Time? Each finalist is placed on separate deserted islands for two years. You have a basic hut on the island and all the tools for survival; you just have to be imaginative and inventive when using them. You are allowed to take five books, one movie and one music CD, and whatever else you take has to fit in one suitcase and a travel on case. What would you take with you and how would you spend the two years? T he prize is worth your while and at this stage in the game there really aren’t any losers among the 10 finalists, since each are guaranteed at least $2 million?

China Gorman:

Five Books

1. The Bible
2. Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures
   
3. My own journal, a really big book because I would be writing in it every day.
4. Jane Austen novel
5. Large picture book of the history of painting so I’d have representation of amazing art.

I’m not somebody who watches movies over and over again, I’d rather read the book over and over again. I’d bring a CD of one of the Broadway production of Les Miserables, not a movie but a stage presentation. If I’m by myself for two years I want upbeat music, and I think I’d bring the Greatest Hits of the Manhattan Transfer.

For the two years I would work to maintain and improve my physical condition. I would be swimming, running, exercising, I would sing a lot to get my voice in shape, I would spend a lot of time in prayer and it would be cool to read the Bible straight through a couple of time.

Avil Beckford: What excites you about life?

China Gorman: What people can do when they come together, and I was reminded of this just the other day. I was speaking at a conference in San Antonio and one of the other speakers used a video clip of a flash mob scene I think in Belgium in a big train station where all of a sudden the people milling around started dancing as Julie Andrews was singing “Do-Re-Mi” and person by person, the entire place started dancing together to this incredible music in this incredible place.

Click here if you cannot view the YouTube video “DANCE TRAIN STATION BELGIUM do-re-mi The Sound of Music – Julie Andrews”.

That kind of teamwork, creativity, application of will, these were people from all walks of life – young, old, professionals, students – that kind of coming together. It wasn’t spontaneous, of course they rehearsed it, but somebody thought of that, somebody engaged all of those people, with all of these different backgrounds to come together to do this creative, beautiful thing and that just makes me weep, and it’s not sadness, it’s awe, appreciation, inspiration.

It’s just like the first time I went to see Les Miserables on Broadway, and I’d heard the music, and yet as soon as the overture started I started “leaking” and through that whole production the amazing ability of man to come together in an inspired way to produce a thing of such beauty and inspiration is what excites me and partly why I love the theatre. When I think about Les Mis as an example, the costume, the singing, the acting, the stage, the orchestra, the whole vision, and the story all coming together, for me is so powerful a reminder of what’s good, what’s possible of what’s brilliant of the collective inspiration of man. That excites and inspires me.

Avil Beckford: How do you nurture your soul?

China Gorman: I spend time with people I think are smarter than I am which would be just about everybody. I listen and ask questions, try to get to know the real them in a real authentic kind of way.

Avil Beckford: If you had a personal genie and she gave you one wish, what would you wish for?

China Gorman: I would want to be as smart as Solomon and ask for wisdom.

Avil Beckford: Complete the following, I am happy when…..

China Gorman: I’m happy when I feel like I’m living up to my potential and making the situation around me better.

How can you use this information? What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right hand side) by email or RSS Feed.