The Invisible Mentor

Posts Tagged ‘Influential Books’

Interviewee Name: Chris Kulbaba, Career and Employment Counsellor, Public Speaker

Company Name: London Employment Help Centre

Website: http://linkedinheavyweight.com

Avil Beckford: Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Chris Kulbaba:  I consider myself to be first and foremost a family man so that’s really my focus. I have six children between my partner and I so family is very important. The next thing is that I consider myself to be a helper and a collector. I was told very recently that I collect people and information, and I thought that was a very appropriate description of me. And the last thing is I consider myself to be a social media fanatic – I love that stuff.

Avil Beckford: How do you integrate your personal and professional life?

Chris Kulbaba: I try to keep portions of my personal life very private, however, I also try to keep pieces of my personal life very public. As I’m facilitating I do some self-disclosure. I want to build rapport and trust, and as a mentor, if I’m willing to share some of my struggles and admit some of my own mistakes I truly believe that that lets other people know that everybody makes mistakes, everybody learns through this process and as I give people pieces of personal information I’m sharing with them but I want to keep some pieces of my life private.

As an example, if I’m going to the beach I would not necessarily tweet that I’m going to the beach. I would just go to the beach. 

Avil Beckford: When you have some down time, how do you spend it? 

Chris Kulbaba: I’m an enquiring, extroverted, feeling perceptive, so if anyone is familiar with the Myers Briggs dichotomy I love learning so figuring out how to do something a little bit better or to involve myself in learning is what I like to do. I have several clients who are Spanish so I have been teaching myself how to speak Spanish. I can speak a little bit of Spanish but I’m learning as I go.

Avil Beckford: What are five life lessons that you have learned so far?

Chris Kulbaba:

1. Everyone that you meet is fighting some sort of battle. So remember that and just give them some patience.
2. The more that you give away, the more that is going to come back to you. I never set out on any activity wondering what’s coming back I just concentrated on helping other people.
3. Everybody perceives things their own way. That’s fine! Just because I see something and I am happy about it and someone else sees something and is not, I don’t have to go and fix that.
4. There is always something to learn: There are always teachable moments around us and you just have to be open to them.
5. You never ever laugh too much

Avil Beckford: What process do you use to generate great ideas?

Chris Kulbaba: I listen. I listen to other people and ask them “what’s a challenge you are having?” I ask them “what’s going on right now that’s really frustrating to you?” because a real motivation for me is to help people. For me to have a great idea, if I have a great problem and I can meet with someone to discuss things then we can bounce ideas off each other, that’s how I generate great ideas is trying to think of ways to help other people.

Avil Beckford: What’s your favourite quotation and why?

Chris Kulbaba: My favourite quotation is a Nigerian proverb, “It doesn’t matter what you are called, it only matters what you answer to.” The reason I really like that one is that it talks about how you define yourself. It doesn’t factor in very strongly for me what other people want to call me, what resonates with me internally is what I decide I am going to answer to.

I also like “Beer is proof that God likes us,” I guess I really like beer. And that’s by Benjamin Franklin.

Note from Avil: The quote about beer is a common Benjamin Franklin misquote. What Franklin said was, “Behold the rain which descends from heaven upon our vineyards, there it enters the roots of the vines, to be changed into wine, a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy.” Source: http://urbanlegends.about.com/b/2008/09/15/misquote-ben-franklin-on-beer.htm.

Avil Beckford: How do you define success? And in your opinion what’s the formula for success?

Chris Kulbaba: I define success by when I am networking, or working with someone, how much success do they feel that they got. So as we are working together, their success is my success. If they are working to get another job, working to increase market share, get more clients, that’s where I perceive my niche, my superpower for a better word is collaborative success. In my opinion, the formula for success is to listen twice as much as you speak. I’m not arrogant enough to think that I have all the answers so I have to ask questions to figure out what is the root issue so that we can grow and be successful.

Avil Beckford: What are the steps you took to succeed in your field?

Chris Kulbaba: The first thing I did was find a mentor in the field. I asked around about who I should be following and when the same name kept on coming up again and again I approached that person and asked to get some advice on what he thought was best for me. I followed the advice then went back and asked for more. I also asked if there was anyone else who would help me out. They gave me a few contacts so I set several daily goals, weekly goals, monthly goals and long-term goals.

As I met one of those goals I re-evaluated to see what my next steps would be. The steps I took to succeed were putting all the pieces into place.

Avil Beckford: What advice do you have for someone just starting out in your field?

Chris Kulbaba: Think about what you do that other people say, “You made that look so easy.” Think about something you do, either at work or at home that you enjoy doing. Take a moment out of your day, sit there, close your eyes and think back to a story that you are really proud to tell somebody and think about what is involved, who is involved, and think if there is a way you can do this at work.

Avil Beckford: If trusted friends could introduce you to five people that you’ve always wanted to meet, who would you choose? And what would you say to them?

Chris Kulbaba:

1. The first person I would want to meet is Leonardo da Vinci. I have always been fascinated with Leonardo da Vinci because he was able to see so much hidden beauty. He was dyslexic but ambidextrous – he had a drawing of the submarine and the airplane as and the list goes on. One of the first questions I’d like to ask him is what motivates him, I’d like to figure that one out.
2. Another person I’d love to meet is Abraham Lincoln and I’d like to ask him how he felt about criticism, how he internalized criticism. He is a man who fought for what he believed in, the Proclamation of Emancipation. It took him years to get to the White House amongst a Civil War, mental breakdowns and other failures in business. He really had a dream and a vision.
3. Another person I would enjoy meeting is Benjamin Franklin. I think he had a very interesting life and I love many of his quotations – they seem very witty. He seems like a very amusing person and the one question I’d like to ask him is, “Knowing what you now know, nearing the end of his time what would he have done differently?”
4. I would like to meet Bill Gates for the simple fact that he had a real vision. He started Microsoft with software that he bought from somebody else. He started it by telling people he would do something that had never been done before, he didn’t know how he was going to do it but he just did. The only question that I’d like to ask him, “What made you say in those few moments that you could do something that had never been done?” How did he know that? How did he have that much vision inside himself, and who were his mentors?
5. The fifth person I’d like to meet is Oprah Winfrey. I would love to meet Oprah, talk about a force to be reckoned with. I think that she singlehandedly has changed millions of lives. She had a clear vision; she had a clear direction of what to do, but I think the only thing that I would really want to ask her is, “What’s next?”

Avil Beckford: Which one book had a profound impact on your life? What was it about this book that impacted you so deeply?

Chris Kulbaba: It’s not a big book. It’s not groundbreaking, but to me it was simply life altering. It was The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. This book is about a man who is dying from pancreatic cancer and is giving the last lecture of his life as a university professor. But the book is not a story about being sick or dying, it’s a story about the celebration of living life, always being willing to embrace change, being excited about who you are. I literally had to put the book down a dozen times because I was so emotionally involved in this book. It’s not a big book, it’s maybe 150 pages.

Last Lecture Revisited

If you cannot view the YouTube video please click here.

Avil Beckford: You are one of the 10 finalists on the reality show, So, How Would You Spend Your Time? Each finalist is placed on separate deserted islands for two years. You have a basic hut on the island and all the tools for survival; you just have to be imaginative and inventive when using them. You are allowed to take five books, one movie and one music CD, and whatever else you take has to fit in one suitcase and a travel on case. What would you take with you and how would you spend the two years? T he prize is worth your while and at this stage in the game there really aren’t any losers among the 10 finalists, since each are guaranteed at least $2 million?

Chris Kulbaba:

Five Books

1. One of the books I would take is How to Learn Spanish in Two Years.
2. I would bring the Bible even though I’m not overly religious. I would like to read about several life lessons and I think the Bible has many good stories.
3. I would like to bring a scrapbook of my family and friends so that would be a memory book for me.
4. I would also like to take War and Peace which is a big book and I would bring it because it’s a literary classic. It might take me a while to read but I’ve got the time.
5. I think I would bring Tony Robbins’ Awaken the Giant Within which talks about how to be good to yourself, neuro-linguistic programming and stuff like that.

The movie I would have to bring is Cast Away with Tom Hanks. The music CD would have to be a mix of different music. I would like some quiet music, energizing music, and some music that’s just plain old fun, and maybe some music where my kids are singing a few songs.

Cast Away Official Movie Trailer

If you cannot view this YouTube please click here.

For the two years, I would practice my Spanish of course. The first thing I’d like to do is just spend some time every day to meditate, relax and realize I’m in a beautiful place. I don’t really need or want for anything and I would like to get to know myself. In my suitcase I would bring some journals and I’d like to write down my thoughts and I’d like to see if I could devise a schedule on what I’ll do when I get home. I’ve got $2 million so how am I going to spend it, what will I do? I would also spend some time daydreaming; that would be a fun activity.

Avil Beckford: What excites you about life?

Chris Kulbaba: Everything. Learning, learning, learning. There is always something to learn. There is always something to do. There is always someone to meet. Helping someone to be better than they are is exciting.

Avil Beckford: How do you nurture your soul?

Chris Kulbaba: I play with the kids. I love goofing around with the kids. That’s a soul nurturing activity to be silly with the kids. I always try to find humor in everything I do. Not that I take life lightly, but there is always something to be grateful for and enjoy. The simple fact that I have a job and enough to eat puts me in the top 10 percent of the population in the world.

Avil Beckford: If you had a personal genie and she gave you one wish, what would you wish for?

Chris Kulbaba: I think that I would wish for the ability to heal my partner from her chronic pain. She suffers from a car injury and has broken her shoulder twice. She lives in chronic pain all the time.

Avil Beckford: Complete the following, I am happy when…..

Chris Kulbaba: I’m happy when I’m helping other people. I’m happy when I’m helping someone do something that makes them feel good.

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YouTube Video Credits: Wall Street Journal Digital Network

Interviewee Name: David Gray

Company Name: DSG Associates

Website: http://www.dsgassociates.ca

 Avil Beckford: Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Avil Beckford: How do you integrate your personal and professional life?

David Gray: The concept of integration is an interesting one.  In my opinion, there can be no distinction between who you are as a business leader or as an individual on a personal basis.  In other words, your ‘Self’ has to be an integrated whole.  Otherwise, by definition it would be impossible to lead with integrity and conviction.  However, one’s personal life is one’s own.  In an era of celebrity worship this concept of the private Self can be a difficult one for some people to grasp.  My solution is to advise people that I am available as a Coach during a quite broad number of hours.  Beyond that, my time is my own. 

Avil Beckford: When you have some down time, how do you spend it? 

David Gray: I spend my down time reading, walking my dog, Eddie, and doing mundane household chores.  I find all of these activities quite relaxing and conducive to engaging in a meditation of sorts.

Avil Beckford: What are five life lessons that you have learned so far?

David Gray:

1. Be humble
2. Listen actively and intently.
3. Practise empathetic understanding.
4. Reflect intently.
5. Act decisively.

Avil Beckford: What process do you use to generate great ideas?

David Gray: I try to cast a wide net in the initial research and planning phases and then take everything I have learned and turn it on its head.  This combination of broad search and contrarian analysis tends to enable new and innovative thoughts to emerge.

Avil Beckford: What’s your favourite quotation and why?

David Gray: “Seek first to understand and only then to be understood” from Covey’s “7 Habits.”  I find that the world can be understood with any degree of accuracy only if one first casts aside one’s own inevitable prejudicial perspectives.

Avil Beckford: How do you define success? And in your opinion what’s the formula for success?

David Gray: Success for me is defined in terms of relationships.  One is successful if one tries to give back to others more wisdom, more empathy and more joy than one takes for oneself.  We do not define our own reputation, our personal brand.  Other people do this for us.  And so, if our self-awareness and our reputation are to have any real congruency, then success can only be defined on a social rather than an individual basis.  Our success is inextricably entwined in what we give to others and what we share of ourselves with others, rather than what we take for ourselves and what we hold on to of ourselves solely for our own enjoyment.

Avil Beckford: What are the steps you took to succeed in your field?

David Gray: I worked, and continue to work half days.  Sometimes it’s the first half of the day, sometimes the second.  Sometimes I break the day into quarters.  But I always try to work at least 12 hours a day.  Except on Sundays.  Then I generally only work six hours or so.  In other words, I worked hard and continue to do so.  However, one can only really work hard on a sustainable basis if one truly enjoys the work.  So the first key is to identify your life’s work, your true mission or ‘vocation’ as it used to be called.  After all, each of us is only here for a very brief period of time.

Avil Beckford: What advice do you have for someone just starting out in your field?

David Gray: Figure out what you want to do in the way of a career.  Meantime, while life throws other opportunities your way – which probably on the surface appear to have very little to do with that desired career – work like the devil himself to succeed at whatever work you are doing at any given time.  There is no such thing as bad honest work.  Nor is there any such thing as undignified honest work.  So work hard and prosper.

Avil Beckford: If trusted friends could introduce you to five people that you’ve always wanted to meet, who would you choose? And what would you say to them?

David Gray:

1. Sir Winston Churchill:  Thank you, thank you, thank you Sir, for staying the course throughout the wilderness years when lesser men succumbed to grovelling group think.
2. Robert E. Lee:  What were you thinking when you decided in favour of the Southern cause?  Far too many men died and far too much unnecessary suffering was caused by this fatally flawed decision which prolonged the failed Southern War of Secession.
3. Prince Charles Stuart:  Stay in France.  The Highland Scots have sufficient problems without your intrusion into their already difficult lives.
4. Julius Caesar:  Beware the Ides of March!
5. Socrates:  Just drink the damn hemlock old man!  You have poisoned enough young minds with your hypocritical musings – and will continue to confuse a sufficient number of older ones over the course of human time.

Avil Beckford: Which one book had a profound impact on your life? What was it about this book that impacted you so deeply?

David Gray: Joseph Campbell’s, The Hero with a Thousand Faces.  This book brought me face-to-face with human mortality and our shared human journey, thus making clear the urgent need to become oneself, identify and follow one’s own ‘bliss’ and make a contribution to the human family, regardless of how humble or great that contribution might be.

Avil Beckford: You are one of the 10 finalists on the reality show, So, How Would You Spend Your Time? Each finalist is placed on separate deserted islands for two years. You have a basic hut on the island and all the tools for survival; you just have to be imaginative and inventive when using them. You are allowed to take five books, one movie and one music CD, and whatever else you take has to fit in one suitcase and a travel on case. What would you take with you and how would you spend the two years? T he prize is worth your while and at this stage in the game there really aren’t any losers among the 10 finalists, since each are guaranteed at least $2 million?

David Gray: The movie would be, The Natural.  I would seldom watch the film as I have already seen it at least three times.  But it would act as a constant reminder to focus on whatever is both relevant based on my own gifts and yet ‘doable’ based on circumstances at any given time.  The five books would include The Cat in the Hat by Dr Seuss so as to retain my sense of humour; Cervantes, Don Quixote (Penguin Classics) to ensure that I remember the absurdity of civilization; Foucault’s History of Madness  so as to understand the process as I would surely go slowly quite mad;  Kodokan Judo: The Essential Guide to Judo by Its Founder Jigoro Kano  to give me a structure that might enable me to retain some degree of physical fitness, as well as the anthology, The Poetry of Robert Frost: The Collected Poems, Complete and Unabridged so as to nurture my soul even as my brain inevitably went a bit sideways.

Avil Beckford: What excites you about life?

David Gray: The possibilities for self development and testing one’s own capabilities and limits.

Avil Beckford: How do you nurture your soul?

David Gray: Quiet reflection, exercise, and good wholesome food.

Avil Beckford: If you had a personal genie and she gave you one wish, what would you wish for?

David Gray: Enlightenment.

Avil Beckford: Complete the following, I am happy when…..

David Gray: I am happy when…I am doing what I do best…practising Leadership Coaching.

David Gray:  I am unusually direct in speech, as I consider trust to be a condition most quickly built upon a foundation of honest communication.  At the same time, I take pains to be empathetic and non-threatening in my overall approach.

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Interviewee Name: China Gorman, CEO

Company Name: CMG Group

Website: http://chinagorman.com 

Avil Beckford: Tell me a little bit about yourself.

China Gorman:  I think of myself as a business leader. I’ve spent the last 30 years of my career in the human capital management space, mostly as a leader of consulting services businesses at the local, regional, national and global levels that provide services to organizations so that they are operated more effectively as it relates to their people management strategy and behaviours. So I run businesses that support HR in helping their businesses be more effective.

Avil Beckford: How do you integrate your personal and professional life?

China Gorman: I try always to be China Gorman, not sometimes I’m China Gorman the public speaker, sometimes I’m China Gorman the blogger, sometimes I’m China Gorman the consultant, sometimes I’m China Gorman President and CEO, sometimes I’m China Gorman the Chair of the Board. I decide to be China Gorman and integrate all those roles into my life because I don’t have a set of values for being the Chairman of the Board for the Council for Adult and Experiential Learning and a different set of values as a public speaker and a different set of values as a consultant. My values are my values and so my behaviour should be my behaviour. I think that’s how you integrate it all in. You’ll always be you and not A, B, C, that kind of thing. 

Avil Beckford: When you have some down time, how do you spend it? 

China Gorman: I love to travel. I consider myself a citizen of the world – travelling whether it’s in the US or around the world. I love to travel with my husband; he’s the best travel buddy ever. I read a lot, both in business and fiction. And I’m a huge theatre buff so whenever I’m travelling if there is live theatre then I’m ‘all over that’.

Avil Beckford: What are five life lessons that you have learned so far?

China Gorman:

1. Always act with integrity.
2. Always assume the best about people and their motives and behaviours.
3. Always be true to yourself and always be yourself.
4. Be a student of the game which means never stop learning.
5. Always bring a solution. Don’t criticize or complain unless you have a solution. Always be part of the solution and not part of the problem.

Avil Beckford: What process do you use to generate great ideas?

China Gorman: I ask a lot of people a lot of questions. I don’t by any means presume in any role that I play that I’ve got all the answers or a lot of the answers. I’m always going to assume that everybody is smarter than I am. I ask a lot of questions and try to empower others to work on their big ideas and their suggestions. It’s “If this were happening to you, what would you do about it?” Or, “You know we’re challenged with this particular issue, how would you solve it, where would you go, how would you do it?” It’s a way to engage colleagues and it’s a way to add to your databank all the time.

Avil Beckford: What’s your favourite quotation and why?

China Gorman: My favourite quotation is by Mary Baker Eddy and it is, “To those leaning on the sustaining infinite, today is big with blessings.”  And it’s my favourite because it always reminds me of the blessings that are all around us and the need for us to see and acknowledge them.

Avil Beckford: How do you define success? And in your opinion what’s the formula for success?

China Gorman: The definition for success is being a positive impact in whatever situation you find yourself in – a personal situation, a business situation, whatever. It is about leaving things better than you found them, whether it’s a relationship, a branch office, a business, a market. And you do that with a lot of selflessness, it’s not who is right, what’s right, and you have to work hard, be reliable and have people understand who you stand for and only operate from a place of integrity.

Avil Beckford: What are the steps you took to succeed in your field?

China Gorman: I think it’s always assuming a positive outcome. So with the Dallas experience I shared earlier, I could have turned around in two weeks after I understood the impact and import of the situation and run away from there screaming. But I took it as an opportunity to learn, to bring healing, to engage the team on a much more positive path forward. It was being able to see everything as an opportunity for growth – personal growth, business growth, knowledge growth, market growth. It’s being able to see things as positive opportunities, and then being willing to move forward into them.

For a few years, in one of the organizations that I was in, we moved for opportunities in the organization many times. I don’t know if you remember the commercial from years and years ago where three little boys – brothers – at breakfast, and the mom puts down a new kind of cereal and the two older boys think, “Ick that looks gross,” and then they look at each other and say, “I know, let’s get Mikey to try it, he’ll eat anything.” So for a while, I was the Mikey – this operation needs to be turned around, “let’s get China, she’ll go anywhere.”

My family situation was such that we could take those kinds of opportunities because of my husband’s career he was pretty portable, we didn’t have children so we didn’t have those kinds of issues to deal with that would make frequent geographic moves a terrible challenge. So seeing things as opportunities and being able to take them on for a positive outcome for everybody, I think is what it took for me to move forward as rapidly as I did in terms of responsibility and authority, particularly at some of the early ages that I did.

Avil Beckford: What advice do you have for someone just starting out in your field?

China Gorman: For someone who is just starting out today I would encourage them that nothing is beneath you. Every job is an opportunity to learn – to learn from your boss, to learn from your organization, to learn some skills from a professional development perspective. So the big one is every opportunity is a good opportunity. As I work and mentor young people who are in college, here are the things that I generally tell them:

1. Establish a reputation for effectiveness regardless of the job that you are in. Be the go-to person. The organization knows that if they give you something it will be done and it will be done well.
2. Be a great team player and be more interested in the collective success, opposed to I did it, we did it.
3. Be a lifelong learner and learn your business inside and out, whether you’re flipping burgers, folding shirts in a retail establishment or you’re an intern doing research, or you’re in your first job out of college, or just getting your foot in the door, know the business of the organization, know how it makes money, how it innovates, how it fits in the competitive world. Because of the worldwide web, all of this data is available for every business. If you’re shy and don’t want to ask people questions you just go online. But know your business and know your organization and its place in the competitive marketplace.

Avil Beckford: If trusted friends could introduce you to five people that you’ve always wanted to meet, who would you choose? And what would you say to them?

China Gorman: There are five and the questions are the same for all of them and it would be, “How did you continue to persevere against the difficult odds that you face as a leader?” The leadership question is, “How is it that you never quit, you continued to persevere?” The five people are:

1. Abraham Lincoln
2. George Washington
3. Mahatma Gandhi
4. Mother Teresa
5. Martin Luther King

Avil Beckford: Which one book had a profound impact on your life? What was it about this book that impacted you so deeply?

China Gorman: On a fundamental personal level I have to say it’s the Bible because it’s the foundation of my values and my religious commitment and my religious life. But if you set that aside it’s even more difficult because my favourite book is the book I’m reading at any one time. Lately I’ve been reading about tribal leadership. I’ve been reading a great book called Re-engaged, but the one that moves with me from office to office, from organization to organization, is called The Leadership Challenge, 4th Edition by James M. Kouzes and Barry Z. Posner. It’s a leadership primer. It talks about exemplary leadership, credibility and finding your voice, inspiring your vision, the very basics of how to be a leader.

Avil Beckford: You are one of the 10 finalists on the reality show, So, How Would You Spend Your Time? Each finalist is placed on separate deserted islands for two years. You have a basic hut on the island and all the tools for survival; you just have to be imaginative and inventive when using them. You are allowed to take five books, one movie and one music CD, and whatever else you take has to fit in one suitcase and a travel on case. What would you take with you and how would you spend the two years? T he prize is worth your while and at this stage in the game there really aren’t any losers among the 10 finalists, since each are guaranteed at least $2 million?

China Gorman:

Five Books

1. The Bible
2. Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures
   
3. My own journal, a really big book because I would be writing in it every day.
4. Jane Austen novel
5. Large picture book of the history of painting so I’d have representation of amazing art.

I’m not somebody who watches movies over and over again, I’d rather read the book over and over again. I’d bring a CD of one of the Broadway production of Les Miserables, not a movie but a stage presentation. If I’m by myself for two years I want upbeat music, and I think I’d bring the Greatest Hits of the Manhattan Transfer.

For the two years I would work to maintain and improve my physical condition. I would be swimming, running, exercising, I would sing a lot to get my voice in shape, I would spend a lot of time in prayer and it would be cool to read the Bible straight through a couple of time.

Avil Beckford: What excites you about life?

China Gorman: What people can do when they come together, and I was reminded of this just the other day. I was speaking at a conference in San Antonio and one of the other speakers used a video clip of a flash mob scene I think in Belgium in a big train station where all of a sudden the people milling around started dancing as Julie Andrews was singing “Do-Re-Mi” and person by person, the entire place started dancing together to this incredible music in this incredible place.

Click here if you cannot view the YouTube video “DANCE TRAIN STATION BELGIUM do-re-mi The Sound of Music – Julie Andrews”.

That kind of teamwork, creativity, application of will, these were people from all walks of life – young, old, professionals, students – that kind of coming together. It wasn’t spontaneous, of course they rehearsed it, but somebody thought of that, somebody engaged all of those people, with all of these different backgrounds to come together to do this creative, beautiful thing and that just makes me weep, and it’s not sadness, it’s awe, appreciation, inspiration.

It’s just like the first time I went to see Les Miserables on Broadway, and I’d heard the music, and yet as soon as the overture started I started “leaking” and through that whole production the amazing ability of man to come together in an inspired way to produce a thing of such beauty and inspiration is what excites me and partly why I love the theatre. When I think about Les Mis as an example, the costume, the singing, the acting, the stage, the orchestra, the whole vision, and the story all coming together, for me is so powerful a reminder of what’s good, what’s possible of what’s brilliant of the collective inspiration of man. That excites and inspires me.

Avil Beckford: How do you nurture your soul?

China Gorman: I spend time with people I think are smarter than I am which would be just about everybody. I listen and ask questions, try to get to know the real them in a real authentic kind of way.

Avil Beckford: If you had a personal genie and she gave you one wish, what would you wish for?

China Gorman: I would want to be as smart as Solomon and ask for wisdom.

Avil Beckford: Complete the following, I am happy when…..

China Gorman: I’m happy when I feel like I’m living up to my potential and making the situation around me better.

How can you use this information? What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right hand side) by email or RSS Feed.

Interviewee Name: Tracy Matthewman

Company Name: Tracy Matthewman, Network Marketing Sweetie

Website: http://www.TracyMatthewman.com, http://networkmarketingsweetie.com

 Avil Beckford: Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Tracy Matthewman: I come from a corporate IT background, so I worked in IT for 15 years. After I had my daughter I had an opportunity to stay home and work for myself so I jumped at the chance. I started off doing web and graphic design and within a year or so I quickly moved into the internet marketing realm. Marketing has always been a love of mine, and the fact that it was mixed with internet and technology was right up my alley, so that’s what I’ve been doing ever since.

Avil Beckford: How do you integrate your personal and professional life?

Tracy Matthewman: I brand myself so my website is TracyMatthewman.com which is my name. You go on that site and you basically see a picture of me at the top and in the content I create, every thing that I do, I am basically just myself. I make videos and when I write I don’t worry about whether it’s perfectly grammatically done. Obviously I try to make it sound proper so people can understand it, and I pay attention to spelling errors, but when I write or go on video I talk as if I am talking to someone one-on-one.

As an example, I did a video on a tip that keeps my blogging regular, and my daughter was in my office with me when I was making the video. She was very quiet, over the other side sitting in a chair. Toward the end of the video she came and sat in my lap and I could have stopped the video and started again, but it’s really about me and part of me is that I have a daughter and I work from home, so I allowed that part of the video to continue. I continued to speak, I gave her a hug and she was in the video. It was bringing my personal life into my business to some degree. People know I’m a real person and they get to know and relate to me better. 

Avil Beckford: When you have some down time, how do you spend it? 

Tracy Matthewman: My down time is on the weekends, Thursday and Friday nights. Weekends in the summer, most of the time we spend at our cottage, so I’m in the woods by the lake. I’m living in this little house that doesn’t have all the luxuries of a traditional house, so I am living more in nature, so that’s one thing I do in my down time. I read a lot of business books, which doesn’t seem like downtime but for me it is because I love learning, so if I’m learning something, I’m really happy.

Avil Beckford: What are five life lessons that you have learned so far?

Tracy Matthewman:

1. To be present. This is a hard one because we are always busy. My brain is always on overdrive, so when I’m talking to somebody, when I’m doing something, I’m trying to train myself to be in the present moment. So right now I’m in this interview, I’m focusing on my words, and I’m focusing on your words. I’m being present in this interview trying to give everything I can. When I’m talking to friends, I really listen to them. I pay attention and try to give as much good feedback or energy back into that conversation as possible.
2. Having balance is one I mentioned before, spending equal amounts of time in all areas.
3. Setting goals that aren’t too big. I have struggled with this one. I set a goal that’s huge because Donald Trumps says to think big. Thinking big is great but when you set a goal that’s so big and you don’t accomplish it, and you do it again and again you get really discouraged. So I’ve started to set smaller goals that are achievable but still a reach for me, but not so big that when I don’t get it I become disappointed because after a few times you start to think of yourself as a complete failure. So it’s important to set smaller goals whether they are weekly monthly or even yearly. If you are only making $50,000 and you want to make a million dollars by the end of the year, that’s probably going to be a stretch. Set realistic goals with a certain amount of reach that will make you stretch a little bit.
4. Choosing to be happy which I mentioned already. When you’re feeling miserable, one of the tips I heard from someone is to look up to the sky, or if you are not near to a window, look to the ceiling of your room and smile as big as you can. A big, huge smile on your face and just stare at the ceiling for five or 10 seconds and that will help you to instantly feel better. Choose to be happy instead of waiting to be happy is important.
5. Saying no to things that are just going to distract you. Pick one or two things to focus on, and this is in terms of business, anything else that comes up you have to say no to, so you focus on the one or two goals and get them to where you want them to be. Learning to say no is a huge life lesson for people to learn.

Avil Beckford: What process do you use to generate great ideas?

Tracy Matthewman: One thing I do is communicate with my audience quite a bit, and I also ask them questions. I can do surveys or I can just look at their feedback. I always encourage comments on my blog, and so with that I get ideas. I also look at trends that are happening in the market place, and I listen to what other people are saying, and what other people are doing, and I look for trends in those types of activities.

Avil Beckford: What’s your favourite quotation and why?

Tracy Matthewman: “Be the change you want to see in the world” by Gandhi. This is ultimately my favourite quote because there are so many things in the world that I wish I could change, and the first step to changing them is by changing my own actions.

Avil Beckford: How do you define success? And in your opinion what’s the formula for success?

Tracy Matthewman: Success to me is the three areas that I previously said. In the wealth area, you have to be happy with the amount of wealth you have in your life. It’s not the first thing or the priority. In this country that we live in, this area of the world, if you don’t have a lot of money you may struggle, and a lot of money is relative. But if you do not have a lot of money, you’re unable to help other people as well. One thing I truly believe in is that if you have the capacity to make more money to help more people, I feel it’s the obligation of the individuals who have the capacity to do that – to put out into the world what they can, to get back so they can help people who may not have the opportunities that you or I or other people listening may have.

We have a lot of capabilities and just sitting back and watching those talents go to waste, you’re not helping anybody, and you’re not helping yourself, or the planet. Health is also a big thing because if you have all the wealth in the world and your health is terrible, what kind of life is that? But if you have your health and no money, that’s not much fun either. The last one is happiness and that’s where other aspects come in like balance, less stress, being emotionally and mentally stable, being spiritual and giving back, all those other things that are more for the soul. I think those are the three main things we should focus on in balancing our lives and when we do that our lives will be filled with abundance.

Avil Beckford: What are the steps you took to succeed in your field?

Tracy Matthewman: Ongoing learning and doing. I’m a doer and usually when I go to any training program, or buy a new training program, I’m drooling at the mouth to start learning it and then when I’m done, and usually before I am done, when I’m going through chapters and modules I usually implement things right away. The step is to first learn how to do something and then implement it right away. If and when you fail, learn from your failures and implement again. That’s the only way you’re going to get better.

Avil Beckford: What advice do you have for someone just starting out in your field?

Tracy Matthewman: Find something you love doing and figure out a way to make an income from it. And incorporating that with giving back to the world, we should be helping people or helping the planet. If I look at my own story, I love marketing and I love technology, and I’m a logical thinker. I come from a programming background, to take that element of my natural talent, combine it with marketing which is something that I really love, and combine that into a business that helps people. It doesn’t matter what your love is, somebody is out there being successful doing it, so it’s just a matter of figuring out what that is and how to do it.

Avil Beckford: If trusted friends could introduce you to five people that you’ve always wanted to meet, who would you choose? And what would you say to them?

Tracy Matthewman:

• Albert Einstein because he was one of those people who was looked at by society as a little bit crazy, yet he turned out to be brilliant and changed the course of humanity.
• There are some other people who again when they first came out with ideas they were often looked at as out of the norm of society and those are the types of people who create revolutions and transformations on the planet. I would say something to those types of people and it would be, “Thank you for being you! Thank you for being unique because your uniqueness changed the world.”

Avil Beckford: Which one book had a profound impact on your life? What was it about this book that impacted you so deeply?

Tracy Matthewman: There has been a lot just looking at my library right now. One book which had an impact on me is UnMarketing: Stop Marketing, Start Engaging by Scott Stratten. That was an excellent book and I realize that today’s marketing arena is so much more personal. It’s not the advertising it’s more based around a relationship experience or a personal touch. That book brought that home for me.

Another book I read a long time ago is The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari: A Fable About Fulfilling Your Dreams & Reaching Your Destiny. That book started me on the personal development road and it made me think differently because before that time in my life I was brought up as an average thinking person who didn’t have any sort of personal thoughts going on in her head. I led a fairly normal life. My parents weren’t necessarily all that encouraging of me to do whatever I wanted to do in life. It’s was “why don’t you become a secretary?” There was nothing really inspiring in my life. That book completely changed the way I think and the way my life was responding to my thoughts.

Avil Beckford: You are one of the 10 finalists on the reality show, So, How Would You Spend Your Time? Each finalist is placed on separate deserted islands for two years. You have a basic hut on the island and all the tools for survival; you just have to be imaginative and inventive when using them. You are allowed to take five books, one movie and one music CD, and whatever else you take has to fit in one suitcase and a travel on case. What would you take with you and how would you spend the two years? T he prize is worth your while and at this stage in the game there really aren’t any losers among the 10 finalists, since each are guaranteed at least $2 million? 

Note from Avil: I have changed this question a lot, so Tracy’s response is to one of the many iterations of the question.

Tracy Matthewman: I would make a little hut, have camp fires every night, eat coconuts and bananas, make friends with the monkeys, braid my hair, soak up the sun, walk barefoot on the sand, make or build something that took a long time because if I’m going to be there for two years I need something to keep me going for a while so I don’t get bored – something intricate and detailed.

Avil Beckford: What excites you about life?

Tracy Matthewman: What excites me is change. I love change and one of the things that I definitely want to do before 2014 is to move to another country. I have set that date for myself. To me, that’s a big change, and it excites me. For some people, those types of change are way too scary. So I love change and I love new things, and obviously those are closely related.

Avil Beckford: How do you nurture your soul?

Tracy Matthewman: Recently with meditation and reading books that help me to get to know myself better, and also taking part in activities that are helping my personal mission in life. I mentioned my favourite quote, “Being the change you want to see in the world,” so I nurture my soul by being that change.

Avil Beckford: If you had a personal genie and she gave you one wish, what would you wish for?

Tracy Matthewman: I would use it to change the dream of the Western world because the Western world right now is into consumption, and we feel like we have to have all this stuff, and because of that huge demand for stuff, it’s actually destroying our planet. And if I could change one thing it would me that dream that everybody have this idea in marketing that tell us we have to have all these things. So if we could change that dream of consumption to something that would help the planet, that would be great.

Avil Beckford: Complete the following, I am happy when…..

Tracy Matthewman: At the cottage in the hammock looking at my daughter barefoot playing in the sand.

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Interviewee Name: Heather White, Director Membership – Large & Mid Markets

Company Name: Board of Trade

Website: http://www.bot.com 

Avil Beckford: Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Heather White: I’m a wife, mother, volunteer and a hardworking professional doing a job that I really like. I am married to a guy I really love and have two kids that I really love.

Avil Beckford: How do you integrate your personal and professional life?

Heather White: I’m not sure if I do a very good job, but I do keep things separate. So when I’m at work, I don’t do personal stuff, and when I’m at home I don’t do work stuff. Sometimes I do some work stuff but I try not to mix the two. If it’s family time, it’s family time. However there is a transition time, so if there are issues at work, when I go home I will talk to my husband about them, so I need that transition period. But outside of that, there is no real integration per se because some of the things that you tolerate at home you wouldn’t tolerate at work and vice versa. 

Avil Beckford: When you have some down time, how do you spend it? 

Heather White: I love to travel – driving or going away, and I love to read and I love to play sports. I play basketball, table and lawn tennis. I play whatever the kids play. I love movement.

Avil Beckford: What are five life lessons that you have learned so far?

Heather White:

1. Be sure of who you are.
2. Stay focused.
3. You always have to study and find ways to improve yourself.
4. I have a range of interests that have served me well. I don’t know if everybody can handle it but it has worked very well for me to have a wide range of interests.
5. Every person you meet you should treat them well andwith respect.

Avil Beckford: What process do you use to generate great ideas?

Heather White: I’m a groupie so I find conversations with people help me to generate new ideas because someone might say something that you can build on, or might trigger something for you. I also think that you have to listen to what other people have to say because no idea is off limit. That has helped me but the group dynamics has been my biggest idea generation tool.

Avil Beckford: What’s your favourite quotation and why?

Heather White:

“Until you make peace with who you are, you’ll never be content with what you have.”  Doris Mortman

“We are what we repeatedly do; excellence therefore is not an act but a habit.”  Unknown

Avil Beckford: How do you define success? And in your opinion what’s the formula for success?

Heather White: Success is a very elusive term for me. I think you have to be good at what you do, so that’s a big thing and if you’re good at what you do you’ll make money at it easier than someone else. But I think it has to benefit more than just yourself. I grapple with the definition for success all the time. But I don’t think that success is in your wealth, it’s in products or services that you offer that can help a wide range of people, or even help to make the quality of someone’s life better. The formula for success, especially in the early part of your career, is to work hard, be open to suggestions on how to improve yourself, and be a subject matter expert. And never think that you know everything there is to know about that area.

Avil Beckford: What are the steps you took to succeed in your field?

Heather White: I don’t know if I’m successful, but I know that I’m good at what I do because my clients affirm that all the time. The people aspect was very critical for me and I was never intimidated by people who were not nice. I deal with senior level executives daily, some are rude and intimidating, but for the most part they are nice. I think it’s a reflection of how you treat people – I treat them with respect, but I am also very confident in myself.

I learn a lot from people and I evaluate criticisms. If someone said something about me I always analyze it and I take it back to my mentors, my family and say, “This is what someone said about me, is that how you perceive me?” I also have people in the office who I can talk to, and my mentors are good for me. Family and mentors play a key role in my life.

Avil Beckford: What advice do you have for someone just starting out in your field?

Heather White: I would say to be flexible in the early stage of your career. Be open to learning a lot of things. I’m a trained forensic chemist, and now I’m in sales and account management. I had to be open. You have to be open to opportunities, learn from others and get a mentor.

Avil Beckford: If trusted friends could introduce you to five people that you’ve always wanted to meet, who would you choose? And what would you say to them?

Heather White:

1. I’d like to have met Abraham and Daniel in the Bible because of their stories – moving from one place to next, to the unknown, and hearing the voice of the Lord.
2. Nelson Mandela has had an incredible life so I would like to meet him personally. I read his book Long Walk to Freedom and I thought the time he spent in prison all those years was simply incredible. I think his focus is amazing.
3. I’d love to meet Barack Obama and I’d love to meet him now when the markets are crashing. The challenges he has are pretty incredible.
4. I would also love to have met Winston Churchill.

Avil Beckford: Which one book had a profound impact on your life? What was it about this book that impacted you so deeply?

Heather White: For me it has to be the Bible because it has nuggets of truth that have helped me. It’s tried and proven and it works like clockwork. It also helps you to focus on the real things in life and that’s my reference points. I have read some wonderful books, but nothing compares for me like the Bible.

Avil Beckford: You are one of the 10 finalists on the reality show, So, How Would You Spend Your Time? Each finalist is placed on separate deserted islands for two years. You have a basic hut on the island and all the tools for survival; you just have to be imaginative and inventive when using them. You are allowed to take five books, one movie and one music CD, and whatever else you take has to fit in one suitcase and a travel on case. What would you take with you and how would you spend the two years? T he prize is worth your while and at this stage in the game there really aren’t any losers among the 10 finalists, since each are guaranteed at least $2 million?

Heather White: I have several praise and worship music CDs that I listen to so I would take one of those and I would take The Color Purple for the movie. I would take the Nelson Mandela book Long Walk to Freedom: The Autobiography of Nelson Mandela. I love Debbie Macomber who wrote two books, one on giving and the other on how things work out in your life. I also read a nice book Return to Fitness: Getting Back in Shape after Injury, Illness, or Prolonged Inactivity that I really like.

For the two years, I would read and exercise because it would be a great opportunity to lose some weight. I would exercise, eat healthy and memorize the Bible. I would try to find other people because I have never had to be alone.

Avil Beckford: What excites you about life?

Heather White: People, experiences and how those two can come together.

Avil Beckford: How do you nurture your soul?

Heather White: Reading, going to the spa and spending time with friends.

Avil Beckford: If you had a personal genie and she gave you one wish, what would you wish for?

Heather White: I wish I had the resources, know-how and power to help my friends in Africa and make life better for them – people in places like Somalia, Darfur and Congo.

Avil Beckford: Complete the following, I am happy when…..

Heather White: I’m happy when I’m with my good friends and family and in an environment where I feel loved and people think a lot of me. I am happy at work, with the people I work with because I like them and we get along very well.

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