The Invisible Mentor

Posts Tagged ‘Gay Hendricks’

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This is what we talked about on The Invisible Mentor Blog this week: Review of The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks, Charles Lindbergh, First Person to Fly Solo from New York to Paris and Interview with Mike DeSousa.

Mondays at the Salon

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results,” is a quote that’s attributed to both Albert Einstein and Benjamin Franklin. It means you have to do things differently to get different results.

Do Something You’ve Never Done Before

Booked on Tuesdays

This week we reviewed The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks which shows us how to start performing at our peak. In the book, we learn how to tap into our true genius, instead of taking hops we take big leaps.

Review: The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks

Wisdom Wednesdays

Charles Lindbergh was the first person to fly solo from New York to Paris. He won $25,000 for his efforts. We can learn so much from Lindbergh by the way he prepared for his solo flight –  he paid attention to the details. And that’s possibly why he succeeded where so many had failed before.

Charles Lindbergh, First Person to Fly Solo Across the Atlantic

Perspective Thursdays and Workshop Fridays

This week we featured Mike DeSousa, public speaker and career coach. Imagine reading about the greats such as Marie Curie, Alexander the Great and Benjamin Franklin from when you were a child, what would your body of knowledge look like today? Here are Part One and Part Two of Mike DeSousa’s interview.

How can you use this information? What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right hand side) by email or RSS Feed.

Book links are affiliate links.

Related articles

• Lindbergh’s historic flight, and what led to it (boston.com)

Cover via Amazon

The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level by Gay Hendricks is the best personal development book I’ve read in a long time. The book gave me a new way to look at my capabilities. There are four main zones that anyone of us operates in: Incompetence, Competence, Excellence and Genius. But we should strive to operate in our Zone of Genius all the time.

Four Main Zones

Zone of Incompetence: You are bogged down doing tasks that you are not good at, that others can do much better. The solution is to avoid doing them altogether.

Zone of Competence: You are competent at doing the activities but others can do them equally well. Delegate and let others do those tasks and free up your time to do the things that make you unique.

Zone of Excellence: You perform activities extremely well and make a great living, but you are capable of much more. You are quite comfortable and may be tempted to take it easy. But there is only one place that you will truly thrive and that’s in the next zone.

Zone of Genius: This is the zone where you liberate your true genius and it puts you on the ultimate path of living a successful and satisfied life.

According to Hendricks, with an investment of 10 minutes every day you can end up spending 70 percent or more of your time operating from your Zone of Genius. The reason that most of us never reach our Zone of Genius lies in the Upper Limit Problem, which is actually four hidden barriers based on fear and false beliefs. When you identify and remove the fear and false beliefs you are ready to rewrite your life story and invent a new life based on your true genius.

Four Hidden Barriers

Hidden Barrier One: Feeling Fundamentally Flawed – You feel that something is wrong with you. Perhaps you have feelings of undeservedness and unworthiness so you think it’s impossible for you to live a successful and fulfilled life. In the past, every time you experienced success, these thoughts infiltrated your mind and somehow you sabotaged yourself. Now when you experience success and the thoughts of being flawed or unworthy come into your mind creating cognitive dissonance, acknowledge the thought and recognize that you are facing an Upper Limit Problem. It’s decision time, you can go back to how things were or you can let go of the limiting belief and move to a higher level.

Hidden Barrier Two: Disloyalty and Abandonment – You refuse to expand and embrace true success because you feel that if you do, you will have to leave your friends and family behind and you do not want to be alone. One way to find out if you are facing this hidden barrier is to ask yourself two questions: 1) “Did I break the family’s spoken or unspoken rule to get to where I am?” and 2) “Even though I am successful, did I fail to meet the expectations my parents had for me?” If you answered yes to either of the two questions, you are facing Hidden Barrier Two. Look at the pattern in your life, do you experience success then punish yourself by putting the brakes on things? The best way to move beyond this Upper Limit Problem is through communication. Speak openly with your family and friends, most likely things will work out.

Hidden Barrier Three: Believing That More Success Brings a Bigger Burden – If you have feelings that somehow you are a burden to others, those feeling will immobilize you and prevent you from rising to your true potential. Whenever these feelings of guilt are triggered, recognize that it’s because of the Upper Limit Problem and realize that you have nothing to be guilty of so release the guilt.

Hidden Barrier Four: The Crime of Outshining – You believe that if you become too successful you will make others look bad. It appears that Hidden Barrier Four is prevalent among gifted and talented children, and often continue to play out in their adult lives. Gifted children are often blamed for taking the spotlight off other family members. Look back to when you have experienced successful breakthroughs, were you gripped by fear? Were you afraid of outshining someone from your past? Did you feel that that person deserved the success more than you did? Be honest when answering these questions. Now is a great time to read Marianne Williamson’s poem “Our Deepest Fear.”

Our Deepest Fear, by Marianne Williamson

From A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

You may be wondering how you will identify your Upper Limit Problem so that you may breakthrough to your Zone of Genius, and that’s an excellent question. The reason why I loved The Big Leap is that it walks you through the Upper Limit Problem, shows you how to spot the Upper Limit Problem in your life and how to live in your Genius Zone. The book provides many examples so you can get a sound understanding of the issues. While I was reading The Big Leap I was able to figure out what my hidden barriers were and you will be able to do that as well.

To accomplishing more in life, Hendricks dealt with the issue of time. Most of us believe that we do not have enough time to do everything. The author suggests that instead of viewing time in the Newtonian manner, we should instead view it in an Einstein manner, which is that we control our time. According to Hendricks, “You’re where time comes from.” At first I couldn’t wrap my head around that statement, but after I read the examples I understood what he meant by that. Essentially it means that you have enough time to do the things that are most important to you and to work on them. To do this, you have to take full control of your life.

Four Great Quotes from The Big Leap

1. “In the face of so much evidence that life hurts and is fraught with adversity on all fronts, having a willingness to feel good and have life go well all the time is genuinely a radical act.
2. The seductive comforts of success can lull us into accepting the status quo.
3. Discovering your Zone of Genius is your life’s Big Leap. Everything up until now has been about hops, not leaps. Hopping, though it seems safe, is actually hazardous to your health. If you confine yourself to hops, you run the risk of rusting from the inside out.
4. Fritz Perls, MD, psychiatrist and founder of Gestalt therapy said, “Fear is excitement without the breath.” This intriguing statement means that the very same mechanisms that produce excitement, also produce fear, and fear can be transformed into excitement by fully breathing into it.”

Four Genius Questions

1. What do I most love to do?
2. What work do I do that doesn’t seem like work?
3. In my work, what produces the highest ratio of abundance and satisfaction to the amount of time spent?
4. What is my unique ability?

I recommend The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Levell by Gay Hendricks for those who want to realize their full potential. The book gives practical tips for us to use. To get the most from the book you have to do the exercises so you can discover the issues to rectify them. The Upper Limit Problem often manifests in the form of illnesses, you make yourself sick so that you do not have to do something that you fear.

How can you use this information? What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right hand side) by email or RSS Feed.

Book links are affiliate links.

I got the idea for this post after I read the headline “10 Reasons You Need a Mentor, Especially Mid-Career.” I decided to approach this post by presenting the responses to mentor questions that I ask accomplished people, and you get to decide if you need a mentor.

How did mentors influence your life?

Dennie Theodore

By believing in me. That’s the thing you need most when the world is feeling dark.

David Gray

Mentors have influenced my life more by their actions and their own ways of conducting themselves rather than by any specific mentoring per se.

Rodger Harding

Mentors have held up the mirror and shown me potential I did not know I had…Oftentimes I only realized the enormity of their contribution years later…

Deborah Koehler

They made all the difference in the world. They believed in me when I doubted myself.

Shannon Van Roekel

I never had a real mentor, unless I can count my mother, but I have had lots of examples of what not to do and a husband who is wise.

Brian Johnson

Interesting that I get to this question after describing the above. I have a complex relationship with mentors.

On the down side, had I followed a couple of “mentors’” advice early in my life, I never would have created my first business, eteamz. When I asked some pretty successful people what they thought of the idea, they thought it was a terrible idea and one actually told me “to take another hit on that pipe if you think you can pull that off.” They told me it would cost at least a million dollars to build the technology (we did it for less than $15,000 + 6 months of hard work and a lot of canned tuna) and reminded me I had no experience or contacts so who was I to get that money and build it (fair points as I had very little business experience and essentially no contacts). Oh, and they said I violated rule #1 of a business: the market has to “need” your product—which was a valid point because, at the time, there were only a few hundred teams and leagues in the world who were using the web so they didn’t think there was a need.

That was just the motivation I needed to rock it. I set the goal of getting 1 million teams in 5 years. (We got there in 4)

On the positive side, I’ve gotten amazing support and wisdom from some extraordinary human beings. Special thanks to Sam Wyly again, plus John Mackey (the CEO of Whole Foods) and Gay Hendricks (author of 30+ books including my favorites: “Five Wishes” and “The Big Leap”).

Being around these guys has totally changed my life. But, I’ve gotta say that it has been less what they *told* me (although they’ve each given me great practical advice) and much more about who they are and how they show up in the world and how that mojo has rubbed off.

For example, the scope of Sam Wyly’s vision is RIDICULOUSly big. He sees the world in terms of THE WORLD. So, when I’d tell him I wanted millions of people in our community at Zaadz, he’d nod his head and smile and say, “How can we do it and how much money do you need to do it?!?” (I remember one day when I met with him (a billionaire) and a nice, well-meaning potential investor (a millionaire) and the difference between how BIG they thought and the resulting advice they gave was *amazing.*)

Additional unsolicited advice: In addition to choosing your mentors wisely, I think the biggest thing to keep in mind is to trust yourself. Ultimately, a great mentor is someone who reflects back your highest potential and helps you tap into the wisdom you already have while sprinkling some tips they’ve picked up along the way. I’d personally run away from anyone who tells me I’m thinking too big or can’t do something or some such other nonsense.

As John Eliot says in his great book, Overachievement: “as soon as anyone starts telling you to be ‘realistic,’ cross that person off your invitation list.”

Steve Spalding

I like to believe that I learn something from everyone I talk to, that’s why I love chatting with different kinds of people.

As for my mentors, I think that all the people I would consider mentors had shared one thing in common — they have given me the opportunity to make mistakes.

What’s one core message you received from your mentors?

Dennie Theodore

To be yourself, ask questions and be an advocate for yourself and others.

David Gray

Establish trust by being principled and doing what you say you will do.

Rodger Harding

That I am a gifted person who has loads of untapped potential…Using this potential will benefit myself and others.

Deborah Koehler

You know what you need to do within yourself, trust yourself and move toward where you are pulled.

Shannon Van Roekel

The best thing I can do to market my book is to learn to write well.

Brian Johnson

Trust yourself.

(I vividly remember a chat with Steve Wynne (the former CEO of Adidas who we brought on as our CEO at eteamz), when he told me the two most important things about business: 1. Trust yourself. 2. Business is simple, keep it that way.)

Steve Spalding

I think that is the core message. To grow as an entrepreneur, you need to have the freedom to make mistakes. If you don’t, you can’t expect to do anything interesting.

People grossly underestimate how complex business can be, they assume that everything will work out exactly as planned. What I will say is that in all cases that I’ve seen, it never does.

One of the few good things a mentor can give you is the room to breathe that you need to learn this for yourself, find a solution (or not) and fail with your head held high.

They need to teach but only after they’ve let you do it yourself for a while.

What are your thoughts after you have read the responses to the two questions? Do you need a mentor?

Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over here The Invisible Mentor (top on the left side) and subscribe by email or RSS Feed. I created a Mini Learning Toolkit and you can grab a copy by clicking here. Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please comment.