The Invisible Mentor

Posts Tagged ‘David Gray’

Interviewee Name: David Gray

Company Name: DSG Associates

Website: http://www.davidgraycoach.com

Avil Beckford:  What’s a typical day like for you?

David Gray: A typical week-day starts around 7:30 am with a breakfast of home-made muesli.  I very seldom miss breakfast.  While I eat, I respond to emails. Then it’s off to meet my clients.  When possible, I grab a quick lunch.  Then in the afternoon the consultation process continues with my clients.  In addition to my own practice www.davidgraycoach.com I work on large firms’ Career and Coaching delivery contracts, so there is seldom a dull moment.  By 7 PM I am usually home and enjoy spending a couple of hours with my wife, Anne, sharing a laugh while we cook and eat dinner and then settle in for a couple hours of reading or TV.  By 11 pm I am back at the computer responding to emails.  By 1 pm I am generally in bed.

Saturdays and Sundays are catch-up days.  I might see one or two clients on a Saturday, but for the most part I enjoy doing domestic chores (yes, I am that rare male who actually enjoys doing cooking, laundry etc., as I find it very relaxing.)  For exercise I swim at the Miles Nadal Jewish Community Centre at Spadina & Bloor where I am a member.  I try to fit some yoga in at the Yoga Sanctuary at College and Yonge, and I do a stretching and Pilates routine at home that Dr Darlene at Balance Fitness at Yonge & St Clair designed for me.

Avil Beckford:  How do you motivate yourself and stay motivated?

David Gray: Motivation is easy as my philosophy is simple:  We are each here for a very short time and each have gifts and burdens differing.  I intend to live my life to the fullest possible extent with as few regrets and complaints as possible.  I am always amazed to see people with long faces and sullen expressions.  Do they think this life is a dress rehearsal?

Avil Beckford:  If you had to start over from scratch, knowing what you know now, what would you differently?

David Gray: I would go my own way earlier on, rather than try to satisfy family and social expectations and win parental, sibling and societal approval.

Avil Beckford:  What’s the most important discovery you’ve made in the past year?

David Gray: The most important discovery I’ve made in the past year concerns the innate plasticity of the brain and the implications indicated by that reality.

Neuralplasticity refers to emerging scientific proof that the human brain is structured along the lines of a flexible and adaptive ecosystem whereby if one part of the brain is damaged or malformed, then other areas of the brain can be ‘programmed’ by repetitive thought or ‘patterning’ physical movements to gradually create new synapsistic links between the area of the body’s nervous system that is sending the chemical or electric impulse to the brain and that part of the brain that is taking over the original function from the damaged section of brain.

This understanding of brain capability and activity is in contrast to the previous scientific model which conceived of the brain as being along the lines of a rigid, unchangeable mechanistic apparatus.

Interestingly, this revolution in scientific understanding of brain function mirrors the radical transformation in physics from a Newtonian model of matter as existing within the framework of a universe that functions much like a gigantic clockworks, to a post-Einsteinian model of a universe where matter at a sub-atomic level can seemingly exist in two places at one time, where molecular matter can defy the laws of Einsteinian macro physics and, among other improbable feats, be in two places at once and even penetrate supposedly impenetrable physical barriers.  In essence, the current revolution in understanding the brain is little more than a variation on our understanding of universal physics principles at a sub-atomic level.  In some ways then, although literally ‘mind-blowing’ in a sense, it is not particularly surprising that our Newtonian model of the brain, perfected during the 19th century, is now, belatedly giving way to a more accurate, post-modern concept which is more in tune with our understanding as to how the external universe functions.

For access to primary sources, please refer to the following secondary source: http://www.normandoidge.com/

Avil Beckford:  What are the three greatest threats to your business success?

David Gray: Fear, procrastination and indecision.  I focus very consciously and creatively on potential available solutions to whatever current challenge I am facing in order to banish those threats.

Avil Beckford:  What do you observe most people in your field doing badly that you think you do well?

David Gray: I tend to think way outside the existing structures and definitions concerning how to help people break-through to new levels of consciousness in both their business and personal ways of dealing with challenges.

Avil Beckford:  Describe a business challenge you had and how you resolved it.

David Gray: My biggest business challenge was probably embedded in the realization that I was no longer interested in corporate life and not particularly entrepreneurial.  So, I set out to learn how to run my own business doing what I loved doing, which was working with individuals, one-to-one, to energize and inspire them with useful insights.

Although like anyone else, I have had numerous challenges in my business career, the most fundamental consisted of trying to move at the age of 47 from working within a corporate structure for 28 years either as a paid employee or as a commissioned salesperson, to working as an entrepreneur, something I had not done since I was 16 – 19 years of age when I co-founded and co-owned what started with one lawn-mower and a few tools in the back of an eight year-old car, and quickly became one of the largest landscape build/maintenance firms in Toronto.  As a teenager, I had been “Mr Inside” – the Operations guy, so even then I had not really been the entrepreneurial brains behind the enterprise.

Additionally, although I had tremendous experience in large and small organizations, in sales, marketing, line management and business consulting, I had never once worked in an HR capacity.  And my ambition at 47 years of age came to focus on working with individuals in what was in essence an HR oriented function as a coach and consultant.  It took me several months of badgering to convince a London UK based firm to allow me to operate as an unpaid Associate whereby I was given an office and administrative support on the basis that I would “eat only what I killed myself.”  It took another three months to land my first client.  Eventually, I was billing more than anyone else in the office.  However, as interesting an achievement as that was, I found myself back at square one two years later when my wife and I decided to return to Canada.  Ironically, although a Torontonian by birth, I had no credibility in terms of credentials (no coaching certification) or track-record in Canada, no understanding of the corporate HR services market in Toronto and no connections.  I tried to get hired corporately but to no avail.  So, I started my own practice and depended largely on word-of-mouth to attract new clients.  The challenges consisted primarily of generating sufficient client work to make an income, and secondarily of quickly convincing clients that I knew what I was doing despite the lack of an HR background or pertinent credentials.

The resolution of the challenge was simple and elegant:  Provide one half hour of free consultation by phone.  Then bill strictly by the hour on the basis that the client would never be on the hook for more than one hour of consulting advice at a time.  In other words, I HAD to deliver or else I would be in effect ‘fired.’  The major lesson I re-learned was one I had first learned as a teen-age.  When people are paying with their own hard cash, as opposed to soft corporate dollars, they are extremely demanding and expect fast, effective results.  It is essential to very quickly establish trust, dispense with the niceties of a more structured approach, and demonstrate an ability to understand both the individual and that person’s perceived challenges (which might in fact be very different from my perception as to their primary challenges) and then get right to the heart of how to generate solutions to those challenges.  In other words, I operated more like a surgeon in a battle field medic unit with limited access to back-up and technological resources or in an ER room of an inner-city hospital rather than in the more gentrified manner of a corporate HR practitioner or surgeon in a suburban hospital setting with access to all the best equipment and resources.

As a result, now that I am working within a more structured environment once again, in a quasi-corporate capacity as an Associate, I am able to combine the best of the corporate world (access to tremendous technological and human resources) with the best of the lean and mean entrepreneurial mind-set which demands and conditions one to think outside the box and quickly develop innovative approaches in real-time to client’s real-life challenges on an individual rather than a corporate cookie-cutter, traditional HR perspective, basis.

As arrogant as this might sound, I firmly believe that in addition to the essential traits of empathy, technical expertise and good listening skills essential to anyone who aspires to be a ‘consultant’ in any capacity, the combination of my many different life and business experiences within many different business (sales, marketing, manufacturing, telecomm, business & technology consulting) within diverse geographical contexts (Toronto, Vancouver, Winnipeg, Alberta, London, Edinburgh and Glasgow UK) is part of my secret to success as one who would aspire to advise people concerning business challenges.  Who would you rather have as a business, leadership and career advisor – someone with multiple coaching and related designations who has spent twenty five years in Toronto in various HR capacities, or someone with a wide and deep variety of business and life experience in multiple locations, an MBA majoring in Strategy, minoring in Operations with a thesis focused on Leadership and Empowerment, with a mind-set and world-view which is coming from a relatively unorthodox perspective?

Avil Beckford:  What lessons did you learn in the process?

David Gray:

1. I learned to follow my dreams regardless of what obstacles were in the way
2. To remain optimistic and persevere no matter what other people thought or said about what I was doing
3. One is never too old to reinvent oneself
4. Challenges and pursuing a dream reinvigorates one at any age
5. It’s a wonderful life
6. To never, ever be complacent or accept limitations without first trying very hard and for a very long time to overcome them
7. The more you accomplish, the more that other doors of opportunity open for you
8. The biggest obstacles any of us face generally reside within our own world and self view rather than out in the external environment.

Avil Beckford:  Tell me about your big break and who gave you.

David Gray: My big break was convincing my wife to marry me.  That relationship has been the foundation for all of my business success.

Avil Beckford:  Describe one of your biggest failures. What lessons did you learn, and how did it contribute to a greater success?

David Gray: My biggest failure was in not recognizing or having confidence in my own potential as a young adult.  As a result, I worked at manual labour and other mundane jobs while other fellow were going to graduate school.  Eventually, I wrote the LSAT (pre-law exam), scored in the 93rd percentile and realized I was actually quite bright. That gave me the confidence to do an MBA, go into Business & Technology consulting and then enter the Leadership and Career Coaching fields.

Avil Beckford:  What has been your biggest disappointment in your life – and what are you doing to prevent its reoccurrence?

David Gray: Not having children.  My antidote is to live my own life to the full.

Avil Beckford:  What’s one of the toughest decisions you’ve had to make and how did it impact your life?

David Gray: The toughest decision I have had to make was to walk away from a friendship of many years that had turned sour.  To this day I feel the loss, but despite my best efforts there was no way I could discover to turn the situation around.

Avil Beckford:  How did mentors influence your life?

David Gray: Mentors have influenced my life more by their actions and their own ways of conducting themselves rather than by any specific mentoring per se.

Avil Beckford:  What’s one core message you received from your mentors?

David Gray: Establish trust by being principled and doing what you say you will do.

About David Gray

David has advised executive clients based in Canada, the UK, Europe and Asia. In addition to his own consulting practice, David serves as President of the Board, Toronto Chapter of the Association of Career Professionals International (ACP International), and is a member of the Strategic Leadership Forum (GTA).

Prior to working as a career and strategic leadership consultant, David held management positions in Canada and the UK in business & technology consulting, and started up and managed two Divisions in Canada for a blue chip, global financial services organization.

David’s quiet, incisive, highly personalized approach has inspired many executives and entrepreneurs who are in process of redefining strategic paradigms to realize growth opportunities on both a business and personal level.

How can you use this information? What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right hand side) by email or RSS Feed.

Which book has had the most profound impact on your life, and why? If you asked successful leaders which one book had the most impact on their lives, it’s highly unlikely that they would name a business book. Most would name a book that provokes thought. Is your one book thought provoking? I have culled from the interviews, seven books that have influenced the successful leaders which I have presented to you on this blog.

The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron with its stepwise approach, and again it’s about honoring the childish side of yourself, to play, to have time that’s just for you, that’s not trying to be better, or doing your duties was a huge revelation for me when I saw how difficult that was to do. Carolyn Barber

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. It taught me to embrace life, and no matter what to always appreciate the moment, live your life in the moment and not to let the other things get in your way. It’s an amazing book. Sean MacDonald

Steven King’s The Stand, mostly because of the creative writing and the descriptions he used to set scenes, describe characters and make you, as the reader, feel like you were in this world. Don Martelli

Walden by Henry David Thoreau. I love that book and it’s probably the one that I have read more than any other book. I’ve read it about a dozen times. It really speaks to me in terms of living your true life and stepping to your own drum. It’s very emotional and if reincarnation is true I feel like Henry David Thoreau was one of my past lives. John Kremer

The Hero with a Thousand Faces by the great mythologist, Joseph Campbell.  He taught me to ‘follow my bliss.’ David Gray

David Copperfield, (Charles Dickens) – I first heard this book serialized on the radio aged 9. I read the book aged 10 and still find it an inspiration. The exploration of family life, friendship, love, hardship, death, human greatness/imperfection, as well as personal evolution encompasses just about every human emotion … Rodger Harding

Tom Peters – Brand You 50. This was one of the very first books on personal branding and started my journey. As soon as I read it I realized what he was talking about was what I had done in my career and explained a lot. It was probably more emotional because it spoke to my belief that you can do what you want to do if you put your mind and efforts to it. Paul Copcutt

How many of these seven books have you read? Please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right hand side) by email or RSS Feed.

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Here are the ways in which seven very accomplished people succeeded in their careers. The interviews are very detailed, and important information often gets buried so I like to extract information for your benefit. I have deliberately not included the fields where these individuals excelled because the information can be transferred to any field. And innovation often occurs when information is taken from one area and applied to another. What are your thoughts?

What are the steps you took to succeed in your field?

Steve Spalding

I made a lot of mistakes. It didn’t stop there though, in the wake of every failed idea or half-cocked project I tried to pull out that reason that everything went wrong. I think it’s OK to fail. I think that entrepreneurship of all stripes, especially in something as esoteric as the web, is about testing and iteration. That being said, I also think that all this embracing failure stuff only works if you understand the fact that you need to use your failures to make better decisions in the future.

Sometimes people listen to folks like me and get too comfortable failing. You should never be comfortable failing! I don’t want you to fail, ever if you can help it but most of us can’t and I want you to accept that and do your best to lose the fear, minimize failures and learn from the ones you can’t get away from.

Gina McAdam

Generally, I was never afraid to try something new and see where it would lead.  I didn’t have fixed ideas and notions about myself. When I did, I knocked on the right doors. But I was lucky always to have an orbit of good and wise people around me for support.

Deborah Koehler

Paying attention to where I spent my brain time.

David Gray

To be successful in my field one typically needs empathy, compassion, a conscientious work ethic and a background in HR. However, to be truly outstanding one additionally needs a great degree of life history in a variety of business settings as well as a high degree of intuitive and innovative intelligence in order to be able to work with people from numerous diverse backgrounds who are each struggling with very individual career and life challenges. In a word, one needs wisdom. And typically, that can only be accumulated over a long period of time after encountering a variety of challenging situations in one’s own career and life.

Michael McCleary

The big thing was really to make a decision that I was going to commit to my career choice and continue to pursue it even when times were tough.  By taking committed steps of action towards a goal, the path becomes clear, even when at first it doesn’t appear to be.

Lynn Kahle

Not so sure that I have but I do keep up and change the content of a course to be as relevant as possible.

Don Martelli

Good education. Staying grounded in my beliefs and vision for my future. Working with smart people that I can learn from. Helping others learn what I know.

How can you use this information? What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right hand side) by email or RSS Feed.

Photo Credit: Google via Apture

Related Posts

The Invisible Mentor Interviews Steve Spalding Part 1, Part 2

The Invisible Mentor Interviews Gina McAdam Part 1, Part 2

The Invisible Mentor Interviews Deborah Koehler Part 1, Part 2

The Invisible Mentor Interviews Michael McCleary Part 1, Part 2

The Invisible Mentor Interviews Lynn Kahle Part 1, Part 2

The Invisible Mentor Interviews Don Martelli Part 1, Part 2

I got the idea for this post after I read the headline “10 Reasons You Need a Mentor, Especially Mid-Career.” I decided to approach this post by presenting the responses to mentor questions that I ask accomplished people, and you get to decide if you need a mentor.

How did mentors influence your life?

Dennie Theodore

By believing in me. That’s the thing you need most when the world is feeling dark.

David Gray

Mentors have influenced my life more by their actions and their own ways of conducting themselves rather than by any specific mentoring per se.

Rodger Harding

Mentors have held up the mirror and shown me potential I did not know I had…Oftentimes I only realized the enormity of their contribution years later…

Deborah Koehler

They made all the difference in the world. They believed in me when I doubted myself.

Shannon Van Roekel

I never had a real mentor, unless I can count my mother, but I have had lots of examples of what not to do and a husband who is wise.

Brian Johnson

Interesting that I get to this question after describing the above. I have a complex relationship with mentors.

On the down side, had I followed a couple of “mentors’” advice early in my life, I never would have created my first business, eteamz. When I asked some pretty successful people what they thought of the idea, they thought it was a terrible idea and one actually told me “to take another hit on that pipe if you think you can pull that off.” They told me it would cost at least a million dollars to build the technology (we did it for less than $15,000 + 6 months of hard work and a lot of canned tuna) and reminded me I had no experience or contacts so who was I to get that money and build it (fair points as I had very little business experience and essentially no contacts). Oh, and they said I violated rule #1 of a business: the market has to “need” your product—which was a valid point because, at the time, there were only a few hundred teams and leagues in the world who were using the web so they didn’t think there was a need.

That was just the motivation I needed to rock it. I set the goal of getting 1 million teams in 5 years. (We got there in 4)

On the positive side, I’ve gotten amazing support and wisdom from some extraordinary human beings. Special thanks to Sam Wyly again, plus John Mackey (the CEO of Whole Foods) and Gay Hendricks (author of 30+ books including my favorites: “Five Wishes” and “The Big Leap”).

Being around these guys has totally changed my life. But, I’ve gotta say that it has been less what they *told* me (although they’ve each given me great practical advice) and much more about who they are and how they show up in the world and how that mojo has rubbed off.

For example, the scope of Sam Wyly’s vision is RIDICULOUSly big. He sees the world in terms of THE WORLD. So, when I’d tell him I wanted millions of people in our community at Zaadz, he’d nod his head and smile and say, “How can we do it and how much money do you need to do it?!?” (I remember one day when I met with him (a billionaire) and a nice, well-meaning potential investor (a millionaire) and the difference between how BIG they thought and the resulting advice they gave was *amazing.*)

Additional unsolicited advice: In addition to choosing your mentors wisely, I think the biggest thing to keep in mind is to trust yourself. Ultimately, a great mentor is someone who reflects back your highest potential and helps you tap into the wisdom you already have while sprinkling some tips they’ve picked up along the way. I’d personally run away from anyone who tells me I’m thinking too big or can’t do something or some such other nonsense.

As John Eliot says in his great book, Overachievement: “as soon as anyone starts telling you to be ‘realistic,’ cross that person off your invitation list.”

Steve Spalding

I like to believe that I learn something from everyone I talk to, that’s why I love chatting with different kinds of people.

As for my mentors, I think that all the people I would consider mentors had shared one thing in common — they have given me the opportunity to make mistakes.

What’s one core message you received from your mentors?

Dennie Theodore

To be yourself, ask questions and be an advocate for yourself and others.

David Gray

Establish trust by being principled and doing what you say you will do.

Rodger Harding

That I am a gifted person who has loads of untapped potential…Using this potential will benefit myself and others.

Deborah Koehler

You know what you need to do within yourself, trust yourself and move toward where you are pulled.

Shannon Van Roekel

The best thing I can do to market my book is to learn to write well.

Brian Johnson

Trust yourself.

(I vividly remember a chat with Steve Wynne (the former CEO of Adidas who we brought on as our CEO at eteamz), when he told me the two most important things about business: 1. Trust yourself. 2. Business is simple, keep it that way.)

Steve Spalding

I think that is the core message. To grow as an entrepreneur, you need to have the freedom to make mistakes. If you don’t, you can’t expect to do anything interesting.

People grossly underestimate how complex business can be, they assume that everything will work out exactly as planned. What I will say is that in all cases that I’ve seen, it never does.

One of the few good things a mentor can give you is the room to breathe that you need to learn this for yourself, find a solution (or not) and fail with your head held high.

They need to teach but only after they’ve let you do it yourself for a while.

What are your thoughts after you have read the responses to the two questions? Do you need a mentor?

Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over here The Invisible Mentor (top on the left side) and subscribe by email or RSS Feed. I created a Mini Learning Toolkit and you can grab a copy by clicking here. Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please comment.

Rodger Harding

Dabid Gray

 
Learning from the experiences of others shortens the time it takes to achieve professional success. Invisible Mentors Rodger Harding and David Gray share with us what a typical day is like and what it takes to succeed in their fields. What can we learn from them?

What’s a typical day like for you?

 Rodger Harding (RH): I start the day at 6:00 am with several cups of coffee, until its recent demise, enjoyed along with the wonderfully structured chaos of Tom Allen’s Music & Company (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation Radio 2);

I consciously take stock of being alive, my good fortune and what needs to be done that day; I tackle pressing or unpleasant tasks first, ready the office for any clients that might be due; prepare for out of office seminars; before day’s end, I ensure all paperwork/materials are ready for the next day;

I intersperse routine with personal e-mails, answering calls, a short walk or even an out of office pleasurable activity;

No two days are ever the same!

David Gray (DG): A typical week-day starts around 7:30 am with a breakfast of home-made muesli.  I very seldom miss breakfast.  While I eat, I respond to emails. Then it’s off to meet my clients.  When possible, I grab a quick lunch.  Then in the afternoon the consultation process continues with my clients.  In addition to my own practice www.davidgraycoach.com I work on large firms’ Career and Coaching delivery contracts, so there is seldom a dull moment.  By 7 pm I am usually home and enjoy spending a couple of hours with my wife, Anne, sharing a laugh while we cook and eat dinner and then settle in for a couple hours of reading or TV.  By 11 pm I am back at the computer responding to emails.  By 1 pm I am generally in bed. 

 Saturdays and Sundays are catch-up days.  I might see one or two clients on a Saturday, but for the most part I enjoy doing domestic chores (yes, I am that rare male who actually enjoys doing cooking, laundry etc., as I find it very relaxing.)  For exercise I swim at the Miles Nadal Jewish Community Centre at Spadina & Bloor where I am a member.  I try to fit some yoga in at the Yoga Sanctuary at College and Yonge, and I do a stretching and Pilates routine at home that Dr Darlene at Balance Fitness at Yonge & St Clair designed for me.

 What do you observe most people in your field doing badly that you think you do well?

 RH: I prefer to work on a subjective basis with clients, marrying their circumstance/requirements to objective market/industry/workplace realities; I have a strong aversion to labels, profiling and template driven training;

 To reach other people requires a degree of risk … I believe I take those risks recognizing, understanding and acknowledging the individuality of others is the greatest validation I can provide!

DG: I tend to think way outside the existing structures and definitions concerning how to help people break-through to new levels of consciousness in both their business and personal ways of dealing with challenges.

 What does it take to succeed in your field?

 RH: To bring the message above to as many people as possible

 Avil’s Note: Rodger’s reference to “message above” in his response  refers to his formula for success, which is immediately below:

•  Being who I am rather than who I am expected to be! This involves:
• Fully utilizing innate & learned ability
• Achieving a high degree of pleasure/happiness
• Accommodation (acceptance) in a like-minded environment
• Adequate means of survival
• The ongoing opportunity to evolve to my fullest potential….

 DG: To be successful in my field one typically needs empathy, compassion, a conscientious work ethic and a background in HR.  However, to be truly outstanding one additionally needs a great degree of life history in a variety of business settings as well as a high degree of intuitive and innovative intelligence in order to be able to work with people from numerous diverse backgrounds who are each struggling with very individual career and life challenges.  In a word, one needs wisdom.  And typically, that can only be accumulated over a long period of time after encountering a variety of challenging situations in one’s own career and life.

Are there any lessons we can learn from Rodger and David? How might we adapt some of their ideas? What are your thoughts?

Related Posts

Interview With Your “Invisible Mentor” Rodger Harding

Learn from the Experiences of Others: Interview With David Gray

About Rodger Harding: For more than a decade Rodger Harding’s Toronto based Business Leadership Consultancy has provided high level consulting, training & keynote speaking services to diverse corporate, government and not-for- profit clients.  His skill-set has evolved over almost three decades in an international career that spans, Law, Diplomacy and Business Consulting.

About David Gray: David has advised executive clients based in Canada, the UK, Europe and Asia.  In addition to his own consulting practice, David serves as President of the Board, Toronto Chapter of the Association of Career Professionals International (ACP International), and is a member of the Strategic Leadership Forum (GTA).