The Invisible Mentor

Posts Tagged ‘books that influence’

Invisible Mentor: Shannon Moroney, Author, Advocate & Speaker

Website: http://www.shannonmoroney.com/ 

Avil Beckford: Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Shannon Moroney:  I’m the author of a book that just came out titled Through the Glass. It’s my memoir of a personal experience as a victim of crime but moreover of the spouse of an offender and the journey through the justice system. I’m based in Toronto, and I travel all over the place doing public speaking and putting some of my efforts into restorative justice.

Avil Beckford: How do you integrate your personal and professional life?

Shannon Moroney: It’s a challenge! I think so much of my professional life is personal because it is about sharing my story. When I go to do a speaking engagement I always bring somebody with me who is just for me – my husband, my mom, my dad, a friend – and that brings everyone together so that I’m not alone with my experiences. When I go out and speak to a community group or work in a prison, somebody is there with me just to share it, and to debrief afterwards and that’s a really wonderful thing and I I’m lucky can do that. 

Avil Beckford: When you have some down time, how do you spend it? 

Shannon Moroney: I spend it doing the things I want to do, and spend it with people who I love to be with. The work that I do is very emotional and involves a lot of output so I really have to focus my downtime on recharging my batteries. I love to cook. I like to do yoga. I can’t wait until I’m not pregnant so that I can really exercise again – that would be good. I try to do things that are a pleasure, relaxing. Definitely the most helpful and grounding activity for me, other than spending time with my loved ones is doing creative work, whether it’s painting or knitting or making a photo album, something that involves creativity is a really grounding force for me.

Avil Beckford: What are five life lessons that you have learned so far?

Shannon Moroney:

1. Know yourself. Act within your own values else you’ll be very uncomfortable.
2. Prioritize the people in your life over possessions and work.
3. The days sometimes go by slowly but the years go by quickly, and it’s good to embrace what you have every day because you don’t know how quickly it can change. I was grateful before this trauma happened I was somebody who was quite aware, and appreciated my life. When the life I knew suddenly came to an end, I knew that I hadn’t wasted any time before that happened.
4. Let people talk about you, sometimes you have to stand up for yourself, and other times you have to try not to take things personally, because most people when they criticize, they are coming from where they’re at in their own lives.
5. Be compassionate and hope that the compassion you show for other people, and the understanding and trying to put your feet in somebody else’s shoes is what you can expect from other people, and that you’ll be shown that same compassion.

Avil Beckford: How do you define success? And in your opinion what’s the formula for success?

Shannon Moroney: Success is a generalized feeling of positivity, of the right combination of purpose, fulfilling your purpose that you define for yourself, and having people around to share it with. For me, that’s really important. We use the word balance a lot these days, and I think it’s important to try to achieve the right balance of work and play, volunteering and having time for yourself – that’s a good formula to try to achieve. It’s different for every person.

Avil Beckford: If trusted friends could introduce you to five people that you’ve always wanted to meet, who would you choose? And what would you say to them?

Shannon Moroney:

1. Frida Kahlo, the Mexican self-portrait artist. I would thank her for being an example of someone who could be open to the pain she was in, and not try to make it pretty. She’s not trying to please anybody but herself through her artwork, and in so doing, impacted a lot of people.
2. I’d love to meet Lucille Ball just because in my family whenever anyone was feeling sick, the solution was always to eat cinnamon toast and watch I Love Lucy, so I feel like she is a member of my family.
3. There are some authors that I’d like to meet and have dinner with. But mostly I would be very nervous about what I would say to them. I would listen to what they have to say to me and not do too much of the talking myself. Authors I admire are Barbara Kingsolver and Jeannette Walls who wrote a fantastic memoir called The Glass Castle and Lucy Maud Montgomery who wrote all the Anne of Green Gables books because I feel the values she puts forward in her books, as I read them as a young girl, impacted how I grew. The character of Anne shaped who I wanted to be – how she was different from other people, coped with her own frustrations. All those authors are people I’d like to thank for what they give, and for giving me a story or a book I can read and learn so much from.

Avil Beckford: Which one book had a profound impact on your life? What was it about this book that impacted you so deeply?

Shannon Moroney: There are many books but I’ll say The Catcher in the Rye even though I haven’t read it for years and years. At the time, I was 16 or 17 when I read it and the main character Holden Caulfield, I felt that I understood him and the actual catcher in the rye is a person that all they want to do is stand on the edge of a cliff and save all the little children who are playing, from falling over the edge of the cliff.

When I read The Catcher in the Rye as a teenager, I knew that’s exactly what I wanted to do in the world was to keep the little children from falling over the cliff, so much so that I wrote that as my ambition in my yearbook, my career ambition. By becoming a teacher, by working with young people who’ve experienced violence, and by finally becoming a mother myself, my passion is for children and young people and trying to keep them away from the dangers, and allow them to grown and fully be themselves. I hold that to the main character Holden Caulfield in The Catcher in the Rye.

Avil Beckford: You are one of the 10 finalists on the reality show, So, How Would You Spend Your Time? Each finalist is placed on separate deserted islands for two years. You have a basic hut on the island and all the tools for survival; you just have to be imaginative and inventive when using them. You are allowed to take five books, one movie and one music CD, and whatever else you take has to fit in one suitcase and a travel on case. What would you take with you and how would you spend the two years? T he prize is worth your while and at this stage in the game there really aren’t any losers among the 10 finalists, since each are guaranteed at least $2 million?

Shannon Moroney:

Two Years

If there is anyway I could bring my guitar with me, I would because the guitar is the best travel companion. I would try to build a connection with nature around me, observe and get involved with the natural life rather than try to fight it, and look for ways to survive and realize that everything I need would be around me.

I would also spend a lot of my time crying, I’m sure, because I’m a very social, outgoing person, very extroverted, and that would be the number one hardest thing about being on my own, would be not having other people around me.

Five Books

1. I would take a really long book that I have never read before, something really hard like War and Peace, something that would make me a better person. I have actually lived in some very isolated places where you read anything because there is nothing else to do so it’s a good way to get through hard books.
2. I would take some of my favourites that I can really escape into. I would take something like Anne of Green Gables: The Collection, or Little Women (Sterling Classics) – these classic books from my childhood that I could escape and love.
3. I would take one of my favourite Buddhist books of literature, which is The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times (Shambhala Library) by Pema Chodron because I think that would give me guidance as I coped with being on this isolated island.
4. I’d take a Barbara Kingsolver book, maybe Prodigal Summer: A Novel or the The Poisonwood Bible: A Novel. These are the kinds of books that each time you read them you get more so it would be okay to reread them.

Movie & Music CD

For music I would take the Indigo Girls, the album that has “Closer to Fine” (Indigo Girls) which has been a staple of my life. I’m not a big movie person, but it would probably be Little Women. I don’t watch new movies all the time, but Little Women is one I like to watch every year and I feel so comforted. I think where I’m going for this life on the island is for comfort and security and not new or scary or anything like that.

Indigo Girls – Closer To Fine

Cannot view this video, click here. Uploaded by IndigoGirlsVEVO on Oct 25, 2009

Little Women (1933) – Trailer

Cannot view this video, click here. Uploaded by warnervod on Jun 13, 2011

Avil Beckford: What excites you about life?

Shannon Moroney: Possibilities, the opportunity to travel, the growth I have in my relationships. I’m at a wonderful point of new beginnings with my new husband, with our children about to be born. There are a lot of things. I feel so lucky to have the life that I do, to have the perspective that I do, to have come through such a horrible situation. I feel very lucky to live in Canada, very lucky for the opportunities that I have. I’m very lucky for my education and all of those things make life a lot easier, and it’s something that lots of people in the world don’t have, is the opportunity even just to dream and get excited about life because work and daily survival is so important.

For me, even though I lost my ability to dream for a while when I was just having to survive day-to-day and make all these difficult decisions that when I finally emerged and got back that ability to dream and have hope, it’s a wonderful experience. So lots of things excite me about life, and I hope it’s long.

Avil Beckford: How do you nurture your soul?

Shannon Moroney: Connecting with nature is the number one thing for me. Usually if I see myself coming off balance because I haven’t spent enough time in and around trees, connecting with the beautiful wilderness that we have in Canada. But I do live in a big city so I also have little practices that I do that offer me a chance to reflect, whether it’s lighting a candle, burning some sage, or just sitting quietly is very important to me. And my soul is nurtured so much by other people and by being around the people who I love.

Avil Beckford: If you had a personal genie and she gave you one wish, what would you wish for?

Shannon Moroney: I would wish for more compassion in our world – that’s the number one thing I could think of, less judgement and more compassion.

Avil Beckford: Complete the following, I am happy when…..

Shannon Moroney: I’m happy when I’m with the people I love.

Please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right hand side) by email or RSS Feed.

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Invisible Mentor: Miranda Vande Kuyt

Website: http://mirandavandekuyt.wordpress.com

Avil Beckford: In a couple of sentences, tell me a little bit about yourself.

Miranda Vande Kuyt: I am a mother of three kids, married to a youth pastor, and have been working in the career development field for the past 10 years. I am an eager overachiever person, and I consider myself a renaissance personality – I do a little bit of everything and whenever I need to learn something new, I go and learn it. Right now, since 2006, I coordinate a lot of blogs for different companies. Most of them are in the career development field so I write, but I also take people who don’t know how to write, and coach them on how to become better writers. I spend a lot of time doing that and I also facilitate an e-course on self-employment for a company, and I’m a student advisor for a career development company, Life Strategies.  I just finished editing a suite of curriculum for another company, and they are all in career development. I’m working in the field but I’m not necessarily a career coach right now, I’m in the middle of branding and figuring out what I want my business to be.

Part Three: Life

Avil Beckford: Describe a major challenge that you have had in life and how you resolved it. What lessons did you learn in the process?

Miranda Vande Kuyt: When I decided to have kids, I had to figure out a way to make an income. My supervisor at the company I was working for gave me a big break because he suggested that I take part of my job, which was running a little youth employment website. I took that part of my job with me and did it by contract from home and I quickly realized that I couldn’t do everything myself so I got other staff members involved. That was my major challenge, how to raise a family and still stay connected to the field that I enjoy working in so much. I look at life as seasons then figure out how I am going to solve a problem. I love to solve problems and since then I have been self-employed meaning and work has always found me. I have never gone out and looked for contract work, work has always found me. This year I have decided that I want to be more intentional about my business so I’m trying to figure out what my business is going to be about, what I’m going to do and what I’m not going to do, who I’m going to do it for and who I’m not going to do it for.

Avil Beckford: Describe one of your biggest failures. What lessons did you learn, and how did it contribute to a greater success?

Miranda Vande Kuyt: My biggest failure is that back when we first got married – I finished college and then I got married – we moved and I had to start a career, all within a couple of months. I couldn’t do it and I struggled with depression for a number of years. That consumed me that I was really lost for a number of years and I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I had the mindset that the world was against me. One day, that supervisor that I have mentioned a few times now, that believed so much in me, gave me an opportunity to go to a conference. Someone else was supposed to go but she got pregnant and couldn’t go, so he asked me if I wanted to go and it was presenting at Cannexus about the websites that I had been working on. It was a good idea but technically I wasn’t employed there anymore because I was home as a subcontractor for them.

When I went to the conference, I attended a session on positivity, and I learned some strategies on how to be a more positive person and probably a year or so before, I had woken up and decided that I was tired of feeling sorry for myself. I wanted a different life, so I made some choices on how I went about living my life. So I would say one of my biggest challenges, I wouldn’t say failure, was depression because I had to see that the world was more than just me. I had to see that true joy comes from investing in and helping other people succeed in life using the experiences I’ve had to help other people to find their life purpose and live it out daily.

I don’t necessarily look at things as failures because I’m always trying new things and there are lots of stuff that do not work, but this is the biggest challenge because at the time it didn’t feel like a choice. It didn’t feel like something I had caused, but overcoming it was mind over matter. It got to the point where I had to choose to live, and now I take all those lessons and help other people to also find success.

Avil Beckford: What’s one of the toughest decisions you’ve had to make and how did it impact your life?

Miranda Vande Kuyt: It was following my husband across the country several times. I had to decide to make his career more important than mine. We moved from British Columbia to Ontario, to British Columbia to Ontario, to British Columbia and now we live in Alberta and that led to the depression.

Avil Beckford: What are three events that helped to shape your life?

Miranda Vande Kuyt:

1. When I was 15, I went to a leadership summer camp and that’s where I started to make some choices about what I was going to do with life and what I valued.
2. Having kids, once I had kids, I didn’t have time to be depressed anymore because they needed me and I didn’t have time to sit down and worry about myself. I had to put myself aside and realize that they needed me more.
3. Taking the job as an admin assistant, even though it was a low paying position and it wasn’t what I wanted to do, but that’s where I met that supervisor, and his belief in me empowered me to believe in myself.

Avil Beckford: What’s an accomplishment that you are proudest of?

Miranda Vande Kuyt: This one is exciting. A couple years ago I won a national contest. I had to do a write-up of what my biggest “fit” challenge was in dressing myself. I had to send a full body picture of myself. I did that and forgot about it. A couple months later, I got an email that I had been chosen as a finalist for this contest. They gave each of the 12 finalists, four in each category – four petite, four regular, and four plus sizes, so I was one in four in the regular category – $200 to go to Reitman’s. The contest was between Reitman’s and Canadian Living. I had to go to Reitman’s and use the $200 to purchase three outfits, and then I had to do a write-up for three outfits and take a picture of me in those outfits and send them in.

Each week they posted the picture and the write-up then the public had to vote on who they liked the best out of those four contestants. At the end of the first week, one person was eliminated, and then they put up the second outfit and at the end of the second week another person was eliminated. In the third week there were only two people left. When I found out that I was a finalist I started researching voting campaigns to find out how I was going to win the contest. I’ve always been involved in social media, so I created a very detailed, elaborate strategy on how I was going to win this contest.

The original reason I entered, I had just started to get excited about writing and I was looking for a contest that I could write, and I came across this contest in either an email or Facebook. I wrote and I was very intentional about what I wrote in my write-ups. I wrote to the audience, and thought about how I was going to connect to the most amount of people in my write-ups. Of course my friends are going to vote for me, but I want to get other people to vote for me, so after three weeks, with a very strategic voting campaign, I won this contest.

Eighteen hundred people entered, they chose 12 finalists and I won in my category of regular size. I got a trip to Toronto, over $1,500 in clothes, accommodation at the Royal York in a suite bigger than my house, and a camera. They took us shopping and we did a photo shoot for Canadian Living magazine. I am in the November 2010 issue. I blogged about the experience on http://mirandavandekuyt.wordpress.com, so the article is also there. It was a life highlight and I did it by myself, yes I needed to get people to vote for me, but it was very cool.

Avil Beckford: What are five life lessons that you have learned so far?

Miranda Vande Kuyt:

1. Take care of yourself because it’s no one else’s job to take care of you. Make sure that you’re doing well.
2. Know your life purpose and live it out daily.
3. Say no to things that do not support you, taking care of yourself and living out your life purpose.
4. Make a plan to do the important things otherwise they won’t get done.
5. Love people because the “stuff” doesn’t really matter. Having people around you matters.

Avil Beckford: If trusted friends could introduce you to five people (living or dead) that you’ve always wanted to meet, who would you choose? And what would you say to them?

Miranda Vande Kuyt:

1. Jesus Christ because that’s a huge part of my life.
2. Sheryl Sandberg the COO of Facebook.
3. Billy Graham
4. Catherine Marshall who is one of my favourite authors and I read a lot of her books when I was in high school. She was married to the Chaplain to the President back in the early 1900s. She writes about her journey and I really connected with it when I was in high school because she had kids, her husband died, she struggled with depression and she got very sick and through it all she kept her faith and still knew what her life purpose was.
5. Arlene Dickinson

The question I would ask is how do you balance it all? How do you have a life, a business and a family?

Avil Beckford: Which one book had a profound impact on your life? What was it about this book that impacted you so deeply?

Miranda Vande Kuyt: On a regular day I would say the Bible because I read that one the most out of everything, but when I was thinking about this, I was thinking about career development, and I wrote down Happenstance (Luck is No Accident: Making the Most of Happenstance in Your Life and Career), (Planned Happenstance: Making the Most of Chance Events in Your Life and Your Career) by John Krumboltz because that when I realized that I don’t have to have all the answers of how I’m getting there. He suggests that you don’t even need to know where you’re going, but you need to be moving, and you need to capitalize on opportunities. That’s what I have been doing for the past several years is to follow the opportunities, and this year I’ve decided to figure out what it is that I want from life so I’ll know what opportunities to accept.

Avil Beckford: You are one of the 10 finalists on the reality show, So, How Would You Spend Your Time? Each finalist is placed on different deserted islands for two years. You have a basic hut on the island and all the tools for survival; you just have to be imaginative and inventive when using them. You are allowed to take five books, one movie and one music CD, and whatever else you take has to fit in one suitcase and a travel on case. What would you take with you and how would you spend the time? The prize is worth your while and at this stage in the game there really aren’t any losers among the 10 finalists, since each are guaranteed at least $2 million.

Miranda Vande Kuyt: The first thing I wrote is that since I have young kids I would never consider it.

Two Years

If I could, I would bring a laptop because I would spend that two years writing my story. If I ran out of things to write, I would scrapbook or if there was internet I would take courses. I would spend that time putting into that area of my life.

Five Books

1. The Bible
2. Dictionary
3. Something More by Catherine Marshall
4. The Love Dare Day by Day: Wedding Edition (The Love Dare) by Stephen Kendrick
5. Practical Grammar: A Canadian Writer’s Resource
   by Maxine Ruvinsky

Music CD & Movie

My favourite movie of all time is Anne of Green Gables (Anne of Green Gables: The Collection) because she had a challenging life and overcame it and kept her spunk. I would want to take a music CD of my dad playing guitar and singing. My dad plays and sings, and he is great. I love him.

Avil Beckford: What excites you about life?

Miranda Vande Kuyt: My kids. I love to see my kids grow, learn and become the people that they are meant to become. That’s the most exciting thing and the reason I’m doing it all is so I can spend more time with my kids.

Avil Beckford: When you have some down time, how do you spend it? How do you nurture your soul?

Miranda Vande Kuyt: I journal. I don’t get to do it as much as I used to, when I was younger. I hang out with my friends and I take my kids to the park.

Avil Beckford: Complete the following, I am happy when…..

Miranda Vande Kuyt: I’m helping somebody else succeed.

Anne of Green Gables (Official HD Trailer)

Cannot view the video? Click here. Uploaded by sullivanmovies on Jan 12, 2011

Happenstance

Cannot review this video? Click here. Uploaded by MSUiMovie on Apr 14, 2008

Please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right hand side) by email or RSS Feed.

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“Don’t prejudge what’s ahead, take your life in sips, swallow slowly and it will all come together.” Jo Ann  Langer

Invisible Mentor: Jo Ann Langer, Senior Retail Executive 

Avil Beckford: Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Jo Ann Langer:  I’m an American now living in Canada. I was born and raised in New York and left two years ago with my dog to come to and live in Toronto. I survive with my puppy, and I like the city, job and I maintain relationships and friendships as best as I can back in the States including a very special boyfriend. I’m a senior executive for a large retailer. That’s basically where I sit today.

Avil Beckford: How do you integrate your personal and professional life?

Jo Ann Langer: It’s one and the same. I find that as I get older what I find is that they are so inter-related that it isn’t even funny. If I appreciate a challenge I appreciate it in both, I appreciate support in both. Whatever it is for me, my work is part of my life and my life is part of my work. My biggest issue that I mentioned earlier is about finding that balance but they both are very important to me and one begets the other. So while I’m shopping, I’m looking at things that might me work-related for me. If I read a book, I might read a book about work, about leadership or something like that. And I think about what it has to do with my personal life. It’s all pretty integrated day-in-and-day-out. There aren’t big divisions for me. I don’t have a family or children so I don’t have those responsibilities when I come home. I think somehow that may force a bigger blend than if I had to come home and totally change who I was and what I was thinking if I had other responsibilities in my household but I don’t. 

Avil Beckford: When you have some down time, how do you spend it? 

Jo Ann Langer: Because of my moving, I spend it with my boyfriend and friends. I also love photography. I love to cook and entertain and I also love fine arts and music. So in my down time I spend a lot of time doing those things. Some of these require solitude and the other require interaction with others, so there is a little bit of both.

Avil Beckford: What are five life lessons that you have learned so far?

Jo Ann Langer:

1. It’s not so hard to be tall. I thought it was going to be gruesome growing up.
2. The meaning of life is more about what you feel than what you think it ought to be. It took years and years for me to understand. I created goals that I didn’t even want to achieve, I thought I needed to have goals about certain parts of my life, and how I measured success, so that was important.
3. Losing people close to you, and I’ve lost a few. Everyone has taught me something and I look for that. Whenever I have a loss, I look at what I’m going to take from them with me to make me better so that has been an important lesson for me because some times we forget that when people leave, they leave behind life lessons and that’s been critical for me in my life
4. I learned the importance of family.
5. Self-confidence is important.

Avil Beckford: What process do you use to generate great ideas?

Jo Ann Langer: I’m very spontaneous so there isn’t a process. Someone asked me that question in a different way, “Why did you do that? How did you think of that?” I don’t really know. It’s not like I go home and draw a plan and figure it out. I’m very spontaneous so for me I’ve got a pretty good right and left side and they seem to come together quite nicely most times. Most of my creativity, and most of the process come from my gut first and then my brain second, and that’s how I run my life, good or bad.

Avil Beckford: What’s your favourite quotation and why?

Jo Ann Langer: I don’t have one, but I picked up something that I thought was interesting and it’s, “If you could write a book about your life, and you could write the last sentence first, what would it be?”

Avil Beckford: How do you define success? And in your opinion what’s the formula for success?

Jo Ann Langer: I define success when I feel good about myself and the world around me. If I feel good about myself and the world around me doesn’t, I’m miserable. I’m very interconnected personally with lots of people in my life as I’ve said before. It’s not about how much money I make, it’s not about the stimulating job, it’s not about a pretty apartment in Canada versus taking risks. It’s about what makes me feel whole, and when it all comes together that’s how I feel – pretty darn good.

That’s my measure of success and how you get there – unfortunately it has to do with the passage of time, and the rest has to do with absorbing what’s around you and paying attention to it and prejudging life. Don’t prejudge what’s ahead, take your life in sips, swallow slowly and it will all come together.

Avil Beckford: What are the steps you took to succeed in your field?

Jo Ann Langer: You have to look straight ahead and you cannot look backwards too often. Don’t rely on history too often, you have to keep that creativity, and you cannot go back to the well too many times. You have to look to the left and to the right but in the end you come back to looking straight ahead. You don’t look behind because you get caught in history, and in the past and you can’t go forward by dwelling in the past.

When I met my boyfriend I was widowed, and my husband’s name was Joe, so they called him anti-Joe because he was so different – the way he looked, sounded, what he does. And I started judging what he wasn’t instead of trying to figure out what he was. Don’t worry about the past, just keep moving forward and keep your eyes straight ahead.

Avil Beckford: What advice do you have for someone just starting out in your field?

Jo Ann Langer: I would give the same advice as what I said above, don’t over-guess yourself. Take it in and pay attention. Don’t try to figure out what you’ll grow up to be. I think that’s an issue with management, with people who are dealing with young people – we need the freshness, we need the newness, and we need that looking forward because we get bogged down in history because we’ve been around for so long. What youth and talent bring to the table is about moving forward. It’s not about moving backward, and stick to your guns and slowly and surely move into your space in your own way with certain acknowledgement and appreciation for what the environment and what you can bring to it, but don’t become one of them, become the next one.

Avil Beckford: If trusted friends could introduce you to five people that you’ve always wanted to meet, who would you choose? And what would you say to them?

Jo Ann Langer:

1. I would want to talk to my late husband.
2. Rudolph Nureyev from the ballet.
3. Alexander McQueen
4. Madeleine Albright

To each one I would say something different but it really is about how do you lose your fear and move forward. Through all odds, how do you manage to maintain your individuality and your freedom of expression? And that’s very important to me. Most people that I would talk to would be more senses and not artists driven relative to the issue of being able to express yourself and maintain your individuality despite public opinion and all the things that we have to deal with based on what the world thinks we should be and what we really want to be when we grow up.

Avil Beckford: Which one book had a profound impact on your life? What was it about this book that impacted you so deeply?

Jo Ann Langer: The book was called Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw, and if you want to talk about a turning point in your life, it’s a book that deals with the fact that most of us is born with good and bad shame, and maybe too many of us with bad shame, so there are many things that may not be the right things to you, and there are things that human beings teach us that maybe the right things but they tell us they are the wrong things so we grow up not feeling good about ourselves and what we bring to the table. Bradshaw is a Jesuit who went to a monastery. The book is an amazing book because he expresses the fact that you’re a part of a larger community and you’re born under the influence of the rest of the world, and it’s up to us to nurture ourselves in these environments and it was just one of those books at the right time at the right place and it was a huge awakening for me.

John Bradshaw – Healing the Shame that Binds You

Cannot view the video? Click here.

Avil Beckford: You are one of the 10 finalists on the reality show, So, How Would You Spend Your Time? Each finalist is placed on separate deserted islands for two years. You have a basic hut on the island and all the tools for survival; you just have to be imaginative and inventive when using them. You are allowed to take five books, one movie and one music CD, and whatever else you take has to fit in one suitcase and a travel on case. What would you take with you and how would you spend the two years? T he prize is worth your while and at this stage in the game there really aren’t any losers among the 10 finalists, since each are guaranteed at least $2 million?

Jo Ann Langer: I have to tell you that I’d have to bring a couple of lipsticks, I wouldn’t bring a lot of makeup but I need some colour on my face to make me feel good. I would pack the most indestructible clothes I could find and I would have to pack my camera, solar batteries and a way to manipulate and enjoy my photos. $2 million wouldn’t change my life but living on a deserted island would. That’s exciting because it’s life altering, it’s life changing! You are not stranded on the deserted island you have two years to do whatever you’d like to do and I find that very exciting.

Two Years

The first six months I would spend getting used to living in the wild, developing some sort of rhythm and some type of routine. Before I start exploring I would make it a safe environment. I would have a hut, but I would make sure that I could feed and clothe and protect myself. I would take care of the basic things first however long that would take. As I grew comfortable, then I would start exploring. I would take paper and pencil so I could paint and write, and capture what I was seeing and feeling in some other media than my memory. I would explore and think a lot about the good things I’ve had and the challenges I’ve had and I would take in whatever I wanted to take in. I’d take the quiet time to do that and yet at the same time take advantage of exploring the challenges of a new world and a new environment.

Five Books

1. I’d bring a book written by St. Thomas Aquinas when he was imprisoned and it’s about being alone, and how he wrote novels in his head while totally being isolated and shut down for many years. I would bring that book with me because it has always fascinated me.(The Summa Theologica of St. Thomas Aquinas (Five Volumes), Aquinas: Political Writings (Cambridge Texts in the History of Political Thought))
2. I would bring some John Irving books with me because I like what he does. He twists reality, and yet it’s still reality and I like the way he stretches your mind, at least for me he does, what’s real and what isn’t.
3. I would bring a book on decorating on a deserted island if it existed.
4. I would bring a book about cooking without carbs.

Music CD and Movie

I wouldn’t bring a movie because I’m not a movie girl. I go to movies but there hasn’t been one that changed my life. I would bring Maurizio Pollini doing Chopin as my music CD – there is no doubt about it.

Maurizio Pollini plays Chopin Nocturne no. 8 op. 27 no. 2

Cannot view this video? Click here.

Avil Beckford: What excites you about life?

Jo Ann Langer: People, People and People.

Avil Beckford: How do you nurture your soul?

Jo Ann Langer: With my photography, my boyfriend and I’m not saying these in order of importance. I love my space and I have a nice single space, whether I’m in that space be it with a book, or my photography. Sometimes I come home from work and I’ll cook the most amazing meal for one just because.

Avil Beckford: If you had a personal genie and she gave you one wish, what would you wish for?

Jo Ann Langer: I would ask to stay loved until I die.

Avil Beckford: Complete the following, I am happy when…..

Jo Ann Langer: I happy when I’m whole. I’m happy when I can laugh.

Please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right hand side) by email or RSS Feed.

Book links are affiliate links.

Video Credit: John Bradshaw – Healing the Shame that Binds You Uploaded by JohnEBradshaw on Aug 4, 2010, Maurizio Pollini plays Chopin Nocturne no. 8 op. 27 no. 2 Uploaded by joynes89 on Jun 18, 2006.

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• The Chief Mentoring Officer Interviews Annemie Ress, Senior HRD eBay & Global Engagement Lead at eBay (theinvisiblementor.com)

Interviewee Name: Annemie Ress, Senior HRD eBay & Global Engagement Lead at eBay

Company Name: eBay EU

Website: http://www.ebay.com 

Avil Beckford: Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Image via CrunchBase

Annemie Ress:  I’m South African by birth and grew up there. I studied law, worked in Switzerland for a short while and have been living in the United Kingdom for the past 13 years. For the past 13 years I have worked for Pepsi (for a short while because I worked for them in South Africa). I also worked on the trading floor for the International Petroleum Exchange and since then I have been working at eBay. I have had multiple careers at eBay.

I’m totally passionate about diversity, positive psychology, human rights and I just did the New York Marathon with my husband.

Avil Beckford: How do you integrate your personal and professional life?

Annemie Ress: I’m not going to lie to you, it’s very hard working for an American corporation, working in an environment that we work in now, I’m not great at integrating my personal and professional life. Although I say all these things, and the reason why now is so important to me as a concept, is I feel I’m always rushing. I started doing yoga with my husband a year ago, and hatha yoga has been fundamental in terms of transforming and just bringing a sense of calmness into my life. And again surrounding myself with diverse people. I make sure that I also read a very diverse range of material, and I constantly listen to diverse conversations, articles and podcasts so in that way I do fun things, but sometimes they are professional things that contribute to my work-life but I do them while I’m walking. Or I learn while I’m out exercising. I’m not great at it but that’s how I try to connect and keep both parts going. 

Avil Beckford: What are five life lessons that you have learned so far?

Annemie Ress:

1. Don’t be afraid of the unknown.
2. Surround yourself with people who are very different from you – people who you do not think you have anything in common with.
3. Live in the now or try to live in the now.
4. Have compassion.
5. Realize that not everything is black and white. Grey is an interesting colour.

Avil Beckford: What process do you use to generate great ideas?

Annemie Ress: I don’t have a specific process. Most often when I’m not thinking is when ideas come to me. I will consciously try not to think about a challenge or a solution that I’m facing but switch to doing something creative or relaxing, and that’s when the best ideas come.

Avil Beckford: What’s your favourite quotation and why?

Annemie Ress: I don’t have one, there are so many and I think I’ll do an injustice by just choosing one. I’d say the one for today is “Honesty without compassion is cruelty.” I think the quote relates the concept that life is complex, and it’s not a set of rules by which we play – if you do A, B will happen. It really helps us to understand the full complexity of life.

Avil Beckford: How do you define success? And in your opinion what’s the formula for success?

Annemie Ress: I think success is very personal and I don’t think there is a formula for success. I can be very self-help-like and say this is the formula for success so read the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. I think for me success is all about being able to go to bed at night and go to sleep feeling that you’ve had a fulfilled day and contributed in a small way to making the world a better place and I know that sounds idealistic, but I really mean that. For me, failure would be going to bed at night and not being able to say, “I showed compassion to someone today,” or I did something that was hard to do, but I did it in a way that helped someone to do something that was really tough.

Avil Beckford: What are the steps you took to succeed in your field?

Annemie Ress: Relationships and sponsorships and being authentic. It’s about building meaningful relationships with key opinion makers and stakeholders at all levels in your organizations. It could be with the person who brings you your coffee in the mornings, if you work in that type of environment. Or it could be with the security guard who is at the entrance when you come in to work, or the president of the corporation. But it’s not just about the relationships it’s also about celebrating the uniqueness in the other person and really connecting with them authentically. In my environment that’s the one thing I’ve tried consistently to do because it builds trust, integrity and respect and that stands you well in both good and bad times.

Avil Beckford: What advice do you have for someone just starting out in your field?

Annemie Ress: Be brave and don’t think that you have to have a planned journey in life. Go a little bit with the flow and be open to what may come your way, and unexpected things will happen.

Avil Beckford: If trusted friends could introduce you to five people that you’ve always wanted to meet, who would you choose? And what would you say to them?

Annemie Ress:

1. I’d like to meet some evil people because I want to really understand their minds, I think that would be interesting because I cannot understand how one can commit some really commit some horrendous things, whether it’s Stalin, Hitler. I would try to understand how their minds worked. One could say they’re delusional but who knows. I just don’t understand that level of evil. Out of the two I think I would choose Stalin because so much has been written about Hitler.
2. I’d like to meet Mother Teresa because I know she’s had moments of doubts – I read that in a book recently – in her life and faith and I find that really interesting.
3. I met Nelson Mandela briefly, but I would love to understand the compassion he could show after all those years in jail and the wisdom that he had.
4. I would love to meet someone who lived in the Middle Ages – people who were suspicious of everything, and believed in witchcraft. I would find it fascinating interacting with them.

Avil Beckford: Which one book had a profound impact on your life? What was it about this book that impacted you so deeply?

Annemie Ress: The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho and the Power of Now
by Eckhart Tolle. Both those books impacted me. I have read all of Paulo Coelho’s books and I loved all of them. I love how he combines mystery, religion, magic and life experiences, challenge and it started with The Alchemist, and that unlocked my interest in him as an author. I find it a powerful story that never dates. And for the Power of Now, back to my earlier comment that we have nothing now but the second, what’s passed is gone, and we can’t ever be sure of what happens next, so value every minute that you have.

Avil Beckford: You are one of the 10 finalists on the reality show, So, How Would You Spend Your Time? Each finalist is placed on separate deserted islands for two years. You have a basic hut on the island and all the tools for survival; you just have to be imaginative and inventive when using them. You are allowed to take five books, one movie and one music CD, and whatever else you take has to fit in one suitcase and a travel on case. What would you take with you and how would you spend the two years? T he prize is worth your while and at this stage in the game there really aren’t any losers among the 10 finalists, since each are guaranteed at least $2 million?

Annemie Ress: I have a Lisa Se Klavier CD of Afrikaans – which is my mother tongue – of folk music that is lovely poetry that I’d like to take with me. It’s about a girl who sits and plays the piano while the sun goes down in Cape Town. It’s absolutely beautiful. I love The Killing Fields as a movie and the books I would take:

1. The Alchemist
2. Power of Now
3. Blank book that I could write in. I love writing poetry and I would love to write a story. I’m trying to so about all my memories from childhood. Everyone says that, but if I had two years on an island I’ll take the blank book and do it.
4. I would like to take a Chinese language lesson book that teaches me how to speak Chinese.
5. A children’s story, something that makes me really happy, whether it’s Dr Seuss or something like that. That would keep me smiling in a fun and uncomplicated way.

During the two years, I would write the book and I would meditate, sit quietly and look at the waves, clouds, just calm down and breathe a lot, and practice everything I’m being taught in yoga. I would slow down and become in touch with my body, mind, and nature and really connect with who I am.

“Lisa se Klavier” – DOZI – Afrikaans Lyrics with English Translation

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The Killing Fields Trailer

If you cannot view the YouTube Video please click here.

Avil Beckford: What excites you about life?

Annemie Ress: The unknown, both the scariness and the excitement of it – we don’t know what will happen. I don’t know what’s ahead for me and I really don’t want to know.

Avil Beckford: How do you nurture your soul?

Annemie Ress:  I have to read more than one book at a time. Reading is absolutely critical. I love to listen to philosophical arguments, debates and podcasts and stay in touch with news in Africa, and without that I don’t feel alive.

Avil Beckford: If you had a personal genie and she gave you one wish, what would you wish for?

Annemie Ress: I’d wish that my mother and my husband who are the most important people in my life would always be happy.

Avil Beckford: Complete the following, I am happy when…..

Annemie Ress: I have the freedom to do whatever I want to do.

How can you use this information? What do you have to add to the conversation? Please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right hand side) by email or RSS Feed.

Book links are affiliate links.

YouTube Video Credit: http://www.youtube.com/user/Afrikitty, http://www.youtube.com/user/francesco99?feature=watch

Related articles

• The Chief Mentoring Officer Interviews Annemie Ress, Senior HRD eBay & Global Engagement Lead at eBay (theinvisiblementor.com)

Interviewee Name: Jennifer Graham

Company Name: M. Moser Associates Ltd

Website: http://www.mmoser.com, http://www.lmnopnyc.org

 Avil Beckford: Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Jennifer Graham: I work as a project director for M. Moser Associates, a global firm with 650 employees worldwide, and I am one of 46 directors in the firm. Our work is primarily focused on corporate interiors. My role as project director is a combination of two roles – one is for projects and the other is having oversight for project staffing for the office. From a directorial standpoint I interface with the global directors for strategic process implementation and improvement across the firm.

I came to the USA specifically to study design, and I have a degree in interior design as well as an MBA. I was born in Barbados and lived there for 18 years. I came to the US 30 years ago – I am a single mom with twin girls.

Avil Beckford: How do you integrate your personal and professional life?

Jennifer Graham: I do not separate the two. I find positions that have supported me where I am in life. 

Avil Beckford: When you have some down time, how do you spend it? 

Jennifer Graham: With my girls – most likely reading together. It is my ‘daily down time’ even if it is only 10 minutes.

Avil Beckford: What are five life lessons that you have learned so far?

Jennifer Graham:

1. Patience
2.  Accept others for who they are – if I don’t get on with them – move on.
3.  I am not always right
4.  The more I know the more I have to learn.
5.  If I don’t like what someone has to say to me, first evaluate if it is a good critical remark, if it’s not, I ignore it and move on.

Avil Beckford: What process do you use to generate great ideas?

Jennifer Graham: Get away from my daily routine and then get enough sleep!

Avil Beckford: What’s your favourite quotation and why?

Jennifer Graham: “Low aim, not failure is the crime.” It speaks for itself.

Avil Beckford: How do you define success? And in your opinion what’s the formula for success?

Jennifer Graham: Accomplishing attainable dreams early enough in life so that every day is a blessing and new experiences are pure icing on the cake. And the formula for success is:

1. Do what you enjoy
2. Gain respect
3. Have the experience of loving unconditionally and receive love unconditionally
4. Be recognized  by your peers for contributions to one’s profession
5. Be able to pay your bills!

Avil Beckford: What are the steps you took to succeed in your field?

Jennifer Graham:

1. Study, BFA.
2. Good positions and experience.
3. Very hard work.
4. MBA and other professional accreditations.
5. Being good at budgets, problem solving and a good leader.
6. Having my own high standards.

Avil Beckford: What advice do you have for someone just starting out in your field?

Jennifer Graham: Love what you do.

Avil Beckford: If trusted friends could introduce you to five people that you’ve always wanted to meet, who would you choose? And what would you say to them?

Jennifer Graham:

1. Elton John – thank you for the music
2. Michelle Obama – I am curious
3. Stephen Hawkins – I am awed
4. My future love – where have you been?
5. The fifth person would be someone who had influenced others without having known that what they did would have such a broad impact. And people who fall into that category could be Mahatma Gandhi, or Mother Teresa. They might not have expected that their lives would have had such an impact. There are also everyday people who have that kind of impact who may not go down in history but actually end up changing the path of others. I would want to pick someone I don’t know.

Avil Beckford: Which one book had a profound impact on your life? What was it about this book that impacted you so deeply?

Jennifer Graham: The Encyclopedia Britannica. I could visit anywhere I wanted as a child (in my imagination) and it prepared me for my move to NY by taking the mystery out of foreign places but showing that everything is mysterious in a foreign place and I would never be at a loss to learn if I left Barbados.

Avil Beckford: If you were stranded on a deserted island, what are five books that you would like to have with you and why? Summarize the book in two sentences. 

Jennifer Graham:

1. The Bible. Each time you read it you see something you have never seen before and I am not well read or well versed of the Bible.
2. Paradise Lost - the eternal story about the fall of man
3. A book of poems through the ages. For memory, rhythm, romanticism
4. Webster’s Dictionary
5. Ulysses (I have never read it!)

Avil Beckford: What one music CD and movie would you like to have with you (on the deserted island) and why?

Jennifer Graham: I would have to choose Bach’s Brandenburg concertos. The movie is a hard choice. Maybe the Sound of Music because of the scenery, humour, romance, love, the perseverance of the human spirit and music and dance.

Bach – Brandenburg Concertos No.5 – i: Allegro

If you cannot view the YouTube video, please click here.

The Sound of Music – Trailer, Please click here to view the YouTube video.

Avil Beckford: What excites you about life?

Jennifer Graham: Everything.

Avil Beckford: How do you nurture your soul?

Jennifer Graham: Hug my children and be thankful everyday for all I have.

Avil Beckford: If you had a personal genie and she gave you one wish, what would you wish for?

Jennifer Graham: To give myself enough time and resources to have time to focus on health each day of each week.  I would manifest a personal trainer/chef.

Avil Beckford: Complete the following, I am happy when…..

Jennifer Graham: I am with my children and family.

How can you use this information? What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right hand side) by email or RSS Feed.

Book links are affiliate links.

YouTube video credits: Bacholoji, MoviesHistory