The Invisible Mentor

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Interviewee Name: Annemie Ress, Senior HRD eBay & Global Engagement Lead at eBay

Company Name: eBay EU

Website: http://www.ebay.com 

Avil Beckford: Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Image via CrunchBase

Annemie Ress:  I’m South African by birth and grew up there. I studied law, worked in Switzerland for a short while and have been living in the United Kingdom for the past 13 years. For the past 13 years I have worked for Pepsi (for a short while because I worked for them in South Africa). I also worked on the trading floor for the International Petroleum Exchange and since then I have been working at eBay. I have had multiple careers at eBay.

I’m totally passionate about diversity, positive psychology, human rights and I just did the New York Marathon with my husband.

Avil Beckford: How do you integrate your personal and professional life?

Annemie Ress: I’m not going to lie to you, it’s very hard working for an American corporation, working in an environment that we work in now, I’m not great at integrating my personal and professional life. Although I say all these things, and the reason why now is so important to me as a concept, is I feel I’m always rushing. I started doing yoga with my husband a year ago, and hatha yoga has been fundamental in terms of transforming and just bringing a sense of calmness into my life. And again surrounding myself with diverse people. I make sure that I also read a very diverse range of material, and I constantly listen to diverse conversations, articles and podcasts so in that way I do fun things, but sometimes they are professional things that contribute to my work-life but I do them while I’m walking. Or I learn while I’m out exercising. I’m not great at it but that’s how I try to connect and keep both parts going. 

Avil Beckford: What are five life lessons that you have learned so far?

Annemie Ress:

1. Don’t be afraid of the unknown.
2. Surround yourself with people who are very different from you – people who you do not think you have anything in common with.
3. Live in the now or try to live in the now.
4. Have compassion.
5. Realize that not everything is black and white. Grey is an interesting colour.

Avil Beckford: What process do you use to generate great ideas?

Annemie Ress: I don’t have a specific process. Most often when I’m not thinking is when ideas come to me. I will consciously try not to think about a challenge or a solution that I’m facing but switch to doing something creative or relaxing, and that’s when the best ideas come.

Avil Beckford: What’s your favourite quotation and why?

Annemie Ress: I don’t have one, there are so many and I think I’ll do an injustice by just choosing one. I’d say the one for today is “Honesty without compassion is cruelty.” I think the quote relates the concept that life is complex, and it’s not a set of rules by which we play – if you do A, B will happen. It really helps us to understand the full complexity of life.

Avil Beckford: How do you define success? And in your opinion what’s the formula for success?

Annemie Ress: I think success is very personal and I don’t think there is a formula for success. I can be very self-help-like and say this is the formula for success so read the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. I think for me success is all about being able to go to bed at night and go to sleep feeling that you’ve had a fulfilled day and contributed in a small way to making the world a better place and I know that sounds idealistic, but I really mean that. For me, failure would be going to bed at night and not being able to say, “I showed compassion to someone today,” or I did something that was hard to do, but I did it in a way that helped someone to do something that was really tough.

Avil Beckford: What are the steps you took to succeed in your field?

Annemie Ress: Relationships and sponsorships and being authentic. It’s about building meaningful relationships with key opinion makers and stakeholders at all levels in your organizations. It could be with the person who brings you your coffee in the mornings, if you work in that type of environment. Or it could be with the security guard who is at the entrance when you come in to work, or the president of the corporation. But it’s not just about the relationships it’s also about celebrating the uniqueness in the other person and really connecting with them authentically. In my environment that’s the one thing I’ve tried consistently to do because it builds trust, integrity and respect and that stands you well in both good and bad times.

Avil Beckford: What advice do you have for someone just starting out in your field?

Annemie Ress: Be brave and don’t think that you have to have a planned journey in life. Go a little bit with the flow and be open to what may come your way, and unexpected things will happen.

Avil Beckford: If trusted friends could introduce you to five people that you’ve always wanted to meet, who would you choose? And what would you say to them?

Annemie Ress:

1. I’d like to meet some evil people because I want to really understand their minds, I think that would be interesting because I cannot understand how one can commit some really commit some horrendous things, whether it’s Stalin, Hitler. I would try to understand how their minds worked. One could say they’re delusional but who knows. I just don’t understand that level of evil. Out of the two I think I would choose Stalin because so much has been written about Hitler.
2. I’d like to meet Mother Teresa because I know she’s had moments of doubts – I read that in a book recently – in her life and faith and I find that really interesting.
3. I met Nelson Mandela briefly, but I would love to understand the compassion he could show after all those years in jail and the wisdom that he had.
4. I would love to meet someone who lived in the Middle Ages – people who were suspicious of everything, and believed in witchcraft. I would find it fascinating interacting with them.

Avil Beckford: Which one book had a profound impact on your life? What was it about this book that impacted you so deeply?

Annemie Ress: The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho and the Power of Now
by Eckhart Tolle. Both those books impacted me. I have read all of Paulo Coelho’s books and I loved all of them. I love how he combines mystery, religion, magic and life experiences, challenge and it started with The Alchemist, and that unlocked my interest in him as an author. I find it a powerful story that never dates. And for the Power of Now, back to my earlier comment that we have nothing now but the second, what’s passed is gone, and we can’t ever be sure of what happens next, so value every minute that you have.

Avil Beckford: You are one of the 10 finalists on the reality show, So, How Would You Spend Your Time? Each finalist is placed on separate deserted islands for two years. You have a basic hut on the island and all the tools for survival; you just have to be imaginative and inventive when using them. You are allowed to take five books, one movie and one music CD, and whatever else you take has to fit in one suitcase and a travel on case. What would you take with you and how would you spend the two years? T he prize is worth your while and at this stage in the game there really aren’t any losers among the 10 finalists, since each are guaranteed at least $2 million?

Annemie Ress: I have a Lisa Se Klavier CD of Afrikaans – which is my mother tongue – of folk music that is lovely poetry that I’d like to take with me. It’s about a girl who sits and plays the piano while the sun goes down in Cape Town. It’s absolutely beautiful. I love The Killing Fields as a movie and the books I would take:

1. The Alchemist
2. Power of Now
3. Blank book that I could write in. I love writing poetry and I would love to write a story. I’m trying to so about all my memories from childhood. Everyone says that, but if I had two years on an island I’ll take the blank book and do it.
4. I would like to take a Chinese language lesson book that teaches me how to speak Chinese.
5. A children’s story, something that makes me really happy, whether it’s Dr Seuss or something like that. That would keep me smiling in a fun and uncomplicated way.

During the two years, I would write the book and I would meditate, sit quietly and look at the waves, clouds, just calm down and breathe a lot, and practice everything I’m being taught in yoga. I would slow down and become in touch with my body, mind, and nature and really connect with who I am.

“Lisa se Klavier” – DOZI – Afrikaans Lyrics with English Translation

If you cannot view the YouTube Video please click here.

The Killing Fields Trailer

If you cannot view the YouTube Video please click here.

Avil Beckford: What excites you about life?

Annemie Ress: The unknown, both the scariness and the excitement of it – we don’t know what will happen. I don’t know what’s ahead for me and I really don’t want to know.

Avil Beckford: How do you nurture your soul?

Annemie Ress:  I have to read more than one book at a time. Reading is absolutely critical. I love to listen to philosophical arguments, debates and podcasts and stay in touch with news in Africa, and without that I don’t feel alive.

Avil Beckford: If you had a personal genie and she gave you one wish, what would you wish for?

Annemie Ress: I’d wish that my mother and my husband who are the most important people in my life would always be happy.

Avil Beckford: Complete the following, I am happy when…..

Annemie Ress: I have the freedom to do whatever I want to do.

How can you use this information? What do you have to add to the conversation? Please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right hand side) by email or RSS Feed.

Book links are affiliate links.

YouTube Video Credit: http://www.youtube.com/user/Afrikitty, http://www.youtube.com/user/francesco99?feature=watch

Related articles

• The Chief Mentoring Officer Interviews Annemie Ress, Senior HRD eBay & Global Engagement Lead at eBay (theinvisiblementor.com)

Interviewee Name: Irene Becker

Company Name: Just Coach It

Website: http://justcoachit.com 

Avil Beckford: Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Irene Becker:  I’m a coach, a speaker and writer who helps people to work, communicate and lead happier and smarter lives in high stress, high change environments.

Avil Beckford: When you have some down time, how do you spend it? 

Irene Becker: I make sure that I take downtime for a couple of minutes, three times a day to do exercises that build my 3Qs. I do a little exercise called the Pause that’s a two-minute stress buster and mindfulness meditation. When I have downtime, I’m either learning, praying and meditating, or I’m sharing and doing something of service that’s relationship-based.

Avil Beckford: What are five life lessons that you have learned so far?

Irene Becker:

1. Always be solution-focused. We know that our brain is automatically set to negatives, so being solution-focused is retraining our brain. But today more than ever before, we all need to move from being problem-focused to solution focused.
2. Don’t forsake your courage, integrity, or humanity.
3. Give more, share more, care more and contribute more because they are all roads to fulfillment and happiness.
4. Love more.
5. Live more and laugh more. Appreciate and be grateful for your life-inject humour wherever and whenever you can.

We look around and there are parts of the world where people go to bed hungry and yet they seem to be happier than people in North America and Western Europe. Life is a gift.

Avil Beckford: What’s your favourite quotation and why?

Irene Becker: My favourite quotation is from Pierre Teilhard de Chardin who was a palaeontologist and Jesuit priest. He said, “Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.”

Avil Beckford: How do you define success? And in your opinion what’s the formula for success?

Irene Becker: I don’t think that my formula for success would resonate with everyone, so I’m going to give you two answers. My definition for success is service above self. I had a client who was the Bill Gates of the country (Canada), and I’m really curious, here is a man who has everything, had built everything from scratch. And I asked him, “How do you define success?” and he told me in two seconds, “happiness,” so I think that’s the ultimate definition because when I define success it’s service, it makes me happy to feel that I have been of service. So success is happiness. I think the formula for success is timeless, it’s creating value for others. Whether you’re talking about business or personal success, it’s only when we’re creating value for others, that’s what success is. It’s that feeling of contributing that makes us happiest, and a sustainable business is about creating value for others. A sustainable relationship also depends on creating value for others.

Avil Beckford: What are the steps you took to succeed in your field?

Irene Becker: Learning, continuously learning, being passionate about my craft, working hard, contributing and understanding the difference between wants and needs. We used to be in a marketplace where Marketing 101 used to say, find the need, that’s no longer true. We’re so deluged with everything. When you have a product or service you have to understand the want.

Avil Beckford: What advice do you have for someone just starting out in your field?

Irene Becker: Find your passion then search for the want. Work hard, work honourably and work consistently.

Avil Beckford: If trusted friends could introduce you to five people that you’ve always wanted to meet, who would you choose? And what would you say to them?

Irene Becker: This was such a hard question because there are so many people I want to meet. So I decided that I would pick people from the past.

1. Abraham from the Bible
2. Rumi the Sufi mystic and poet
3. Dr. Martin Luther King
4. Albert Einstein
5. George Washington Carver, the peanut farmer: He was a man of such values and principles, a true leader. He was offered a lot of money but would have to give up his values and he never would. Corporations wanted to buy him out and I think it was the most incredible story.
6. Anne Frank

I would say, “Thank you!” because they all made the world a better place, and they all truly came from a place of love and service – extraordinary people.

Avil Beckford: Which one book had a profound impact on your life? What was it about this book that impacted you so deeply?

Irene Becker: I actually have a few books. I couldn’t come up with just one. The Torah, Bible, the Psalms, The Zohar, The Prophet, Les Miserables and the Wizard of Oz.

Avil Beckford: You are one of the 10 finalists on the reality show, So, How Would You Spend Your Time? Each finalist is placed on separate deserted islands for two years. You have a basic hut on the island and all the tools for survival; you just have to be imaginative and inventive when using them. You are allowed to take five books, one movie and one music CD, and whatever else you take has to fit in one suitcase and a travel on case. What would you take with you and how would you spend the two years? T he prize is worth your while and at this stage in the game there really aren’t any losers among the 10 finalists, since each are guaranteed at least $2 million?

I would take books: The Psalms, The Bible, The Zohar, Writings/Essays by my children, Poetry by Rumi.

I would take my favourite movie, Bruce Almighty as it is both very funny and very profound, spiritual.

Irene Becker: For the two years I would be praying, meditating, reflecting, and writing thoughts of value that I’d like to share with others – Thoughts about how life is a gift and how to use it. I would try to develop a routine that taps into my head, heart, soul and body. Never giving up faith that my two years was for a purpose that I cannot see, but that will be of service to others.

Avil Beckford: What excites you about life?

Irene Becker: Love!  The ability to cleave to the spark of Godliness, the spark of eternal love that is the source of all.

Avil Beckford: How do you nurture your soul?

Irene Becker: Love and prayer!

Avil Beckford: If you had a personal genie and she gave you one wish, what would you wish for?

Irene Becker: I would wish for what Pierre Teilhard de Chardin said in my favourite quote that I would see a day when…. “We shall harness for God the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.”

Avil Beckford: Complete the following, I am happy when…..

Irene Becker: I am living and leading in service to the greatest good, because it is only in service that we realize our true purpose.

How can you use this information? What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right hand side) by email or RSS Feed.

Book links are affiliate links.

Interviewee Name: Lally Rementilla, VP Finance and Administration

Company Name: Nulogy Corporation

Website: http://www.nulogy.com 

Avil Beckford: Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Lally Rementilla: I’m a senior finance professional who has had a longstanding career in the technology and media industries. By day, and most recently, I’m about all things tech and digital, and by night I’m a mother with two young kids who is trying to have lots of fun with her kids along the way.

Avil Beckford: How do you integrate your personal and professional life?

Lally Rementilla: Every so often, I would say every five years, I formulate a vision of myself and encapsulate it into a couple of words or phrase and make that the criteria by which I conduct myself. I’ll give you an example – back in the year 2000 I went through this exercise of identifying what that vision was going to be, and I called that vision Hip Accountant. Dare I say it was like a brand, though not necessarily The Brand, but it’s really that catchphrase of what I wanted to use as a criteria by which I was going to be conducting myself, and the criteria by which I made decisions whether they be for career, social or personal in nature, so I had Hip Accountant.

A couple of things contributed to creating that vision, at this point I had pursued and completed my CMA (Certified Management Accountant) designation so that’s the accountant piece. It was also around this time that I made the move from Lucent to Lavalife, and Lavalife was such a hip company with a great brand that encapsulated a lot of the values and personality that was in that Hip Accountant vision that I had. Personally I moved closer to the downtown area because I just wanted a lifestyle that fits with the vision that I had. And I also took on a lot of board memberships across a variety of different not-for-profits, but again to fulfill that vision I actually joined an arts board at that time, and getting the designation, moving to a company that was hip and happening, physically relocating myself and being involved in the community that was more related to the vision that I had, and was a way for me to integrate my personal life with all other aspects of my life. And to this day, I go about having that vision and basing the decisions of those criteria. 

Avil Beckford: When you have some down time, how do you spend it? 

Lally Rementilla: Being a very busy working mother, I would say downtime is what I define as time for myself. There are three things that I do. Obviously, one of them is practicing my yoga. Another one is I read, so on a day-to-day basis I read light business biographies. When I need something that’s more escapist in nature I read a lot of chick-lit, and sometimes I cannot peel myself away from it because it is such a way for me to relax and unwind. The third thing I do is travel. Friends I’ve known since nursery school we have tried to make it a point to get together and do a Girl’s Weekend or Girl’s Week at least once a year.

Avil Beckford: What are five life lessons that you have learned so far?

Lally Rementilla:

1. Keep things simple. It’s the KISS mentality and something that I have learned that really works. I don’t think we achieve anything by making our lives complicated. I think it’s all a matter of keeping things simple and streamlined. I guess it’s the minimalist in me talking.
2. Don’t be too greedy. I’ve seen a lot of really bad decisions being made because of greed. Having lived in both a Third World country and a First World country has given me a real appreciation of the things that are really important in life and I shake my head every time I see decisions being made because of greed.
3. In taking risks, 99 percent of the time you have nothing to lose in doing something that’s risky in nature. It’s relative, and that’s the beauty in having lived in both a Third and First World country is that you see the perspective of what’s the worst thing that can happen in life. People are going around thinking that they have so much to lose and there is not a lot in life that we can lose except obviously life itself.
4. Network, Network, Network! The power of human relationships I found is something that’s fundamental to humanity itself. In whatever we do, we should always strive to build a network of people around us, again whether it be in our professional life or your motherhood or your personal life or your social life. I think it’s always of great benefit and great strength to us to have a network around us.
5. Location, Location, Location! Obviously it works in real estate, but I also think it works well in being able to identify opportunities. I’m a believer that things happen for a reason, and a lot of it is being in the right place at the right time.

Avil Beckford: What process do you use to generate great ideas?

Lally Rementilla: I tend to take a more creative perspective in idea generation and therefore when asked to come up with an idea, I always try to identify the most unique and out-of-the-box way of doing things. And I don’t limit myself, it’s a practice of doing self-brainstorming and I let my ideas and my imagination and my brain go without filtering and I let it come out because I know that eventually I’ll see the relationships and be able to connect the dots to generate something that’s great and will be relevant to the problem or issue that I’m needing to face.

Most often than not, I take my time on things, not to say that I don’t rush to make quick decisions. Ideas tend to be more organic in nature and sometimes ideas can just happen and therefore I always keep my mind thinking and open to generating ideas as I go.

Avil Beckford: What’s your favourite quotation and why?

Lally Rementilla: When I was in high school, I remember the second year I had a religion teacher  because I went to a Catholic school. My religion teacher had always inspired us in different ways, taught us to look at the world in different and innovative ways and sometimes quirky ways. But when she gave us this quotation and the quotation by the way is “Collect then select,” she meant for it to inspire a generation of young women who were socially programmed to follow a particular path in life. But what she really inspired us to do was to collect, meaning to take the energy and the time and the opportunity to have as much opportunities as possible to be involved in something and to take the time to immerse ourselves in different ways and different walks of life, different perspectives of doing things, and then make a decision at the end that we’re going to be committed to.

The reason why she taught us this and the reason why this is something that’s resonating with me and I’m sure with some of my other classmates at that time was that she talked to us about this quotation in the context of dating where she said, “You’re young, you’re only in the second year of high school, try to meet as many boys and men as you can in your life then make a selection when you find “the one”  and stick with that decision and then commit yourself to that person.”

I found that that perspective goes beyond dating and men. I think it’s something that can be applied in life in general.

Avil Beckford: How do you define success? And in your opinion what’s the formula for success?

Lally Rementilla: For me success is the ability for you to look yourself in the eye and say to yourself that you’ve maximized every potential talent or asset that you have within you to make a difference in the life of people and it doesn’t necessarily have to be all the people in the whole country. But at least you’ve made a difference in at least one other person’s life. This is a definition that transcends the business world, so it can be applied in a personal or social setting.

As far as the formula to achieve success is concerned, the first is the relentless pursuit of excellence and not settling for what you have, and trying to use your talents for the greater good. There is a lot of hard work associated with this, especially people who are overcome with a lot of challenges have to work extra hard to address those. Integrity I think is going to be very key, it’s staying true to yourself because when you are there maximizing your potential, your assets, your talents, it’s essentially working with one main ingredient and that’s your integrity and you’re going to have to be happy in a very deep way with all the decisions that you make in order to achieve the success.

Avil Beckford: What are the steps you took to succeed in your field?

Lally Rementilla: The step I tend to take is to constantly be learning and to do that both formally whether it’s achieving a designation or informally. When I graduated from university I had a BA, but as I worked I took my MBA part-time. I did a CMA designation and I pursued a lot of other training opportunities that my organizations had supported me with. And there is also informal training whether it be immersing myself or taking on a very difficult assignment which I had no qualifications to do and that’s one way for me to learn.

The second step is to have a real strong support system both in business and in my personal life.

Avil Beckford: What advice do you have for someone just starting out in your field?

Lally Rementilla: I alluded to that earlier, which is when you start out, take time to identify your strengths. If you take my advise to play with your strengths, and collect and select which is my favourite quotation, if you put them all together, I think that’s the perfect recipe for those starting out, which is you collect opportunities, you collect different experiences, and then identify your strengths, select them then run with them.

Avil Beckford: If trusted friends could introduce you to five people that you’ve always wanted to meet, who would you choose? And what would you say to them?

Lally Rementilla:

1. Warren Buffet: I believe he is one of the world’s greatest investors and one of the most down-to-earth persons that I know. I would ask him if he could take the time out to help me pick some stocks for my kid’s portfolios so they are pretty much set to go.
2. Isadore Sharp the founder of Four Seasons: I would like to let him know that I really appreciate his vision in putting the level of customer service as something that’s key to building a successful business.
3. Vincent van Gogh: I had a chance to visit the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam last March and I think it was a big loss to the art world for someone like him who was so driven and talented to have such a  short and limited time as an artist. I would tell him that I greatly admire what he achieved in the little time that he had.
4. Arianna Huffington: I would tell her she is one of the most fearless people that I know.
5. Sheryl Sandberg: I would invite her and say, “You go girl, you define what it is like to be a female in technology.”

Avil Beckford: Which one book had a profound impact on your life? What was it about this book that impacted you so deeply?

Lally Rementilla: A lot of the business biographies that I read have had an impact on me, but if there is one that has made a practical impact in my life, it would be Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi, which is a book about networking. I also think it’s a book about humanity, relationships, having personal values and living and integrating your life. What I liked about the book, is first of all it was practical in nature, but it was also a great success story, and it taught me to be more fearless. It taught me to reach out to people more in my career. I borrowed it from the library and I loved it so much that I bought it and bought a second copy just in case I need to lend it to someone for their own inspiration.

Avil Beckford: You are one of the 10 finalists on the reality show, So, How Would You Spend Your Time? Each finalist is placed on separate deserted islands for two years. You have a basic hut on the island and all the tools for survival; you just have to be imaginative and inventive when using them. You are allowed to take five books, one movie and one music CD, and whatever else you take has to fit in one suitcase and a travel on case. What would you take with you and how would you spend the two years? T he prize is worth your while and at this stage in the game there really aren’t any losers among the 10 finalists, since each are guaranteed at least $2 million?

Lally Rementilla: I would spend the two years trying to get off the island.

Avil Beckford: What excites you about life?

Lally Rementilla: I think of life as an opportunity for us to make changes, and the ability to change things within the sphere of influence that you have and be able to change that sphere of influence as well as you grow.

Avil Beckford: How do you nurture your soul?

Lally Rementilla: I have a very deep Catholic background so I pray a lot. I also try as much as possible to talk to my kids because talking to kids and seeing the potential in them, and seeing the way they view the world I think is something that can ground people and make them feel really good about themselves, and it really nurtures your soul.

Avil Beckford: If you had a personal genie and she gave you one wish, what would you wish for?

Lally Rementilla: I have been working with so many spreadsheets in my life that I would wish for a perfect vision to last me for the rest of my life.

Avil Beckford: Complete the following, I am happy when…..

Lally Rementilla: I make someone laugh!

How can you use this information? What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right hand side) by email or RSS Feed.

Interviewee Name: David Gray

Company Name: DSG Associates

Website: http://www.dsgassociates.ca

 Avil Beckford: Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Avil Beckford: How do you integrate your personal and professional life?

David Gray: The concept of integration is an interesting one.  In my opinion, there can be no distinction between who you are as a business leader or as an individual on a personal basis.  In other words, your ‘Self’ has to be an integrated whole.  Otherwise, by definition it would be impossible to lead with integrity and conviction.  However, one’s personal life is one’s own.  In an era of celebrity worship this concept of the private Self can be a difficult one for some people to grasp.  My solution is to advise people that I am available as a Coach during a quite broad number of hours.  Beyond that, my time is my own. 

Avil Beckford: When you have some down time, how do you spend it? 

David Gray: I spend my down time reading, walking my dog, Eddie, and doing mundane household chores.  I find all of these activities quite relaxing and conducive to engaging in a meditation of sorts.

Avil Beckford: What are five life lessons that you have learned so far?

David Gray:

1. Be humble
2. Listen actively and intently.
3. Practise empathetic understanding.
4. Reflect intently.
5. Act decisively.

Avil Beckford: What process do you use to generate great ideas?

David Gray: I try to cast a wide net in the initial research and planning phases and then take everything I have learned and turn it on its head.  This combination of broad search and contrarian analysis tends to enable new and innovative thoughts to emerge.

Avil Beckford: What’s your favourite quotation and why?

David Gray: “Seek first to understand and only then to be understood” from Covey’s “7 Habits.”  I find that the world can be understood with any degree of accuracy only if one first casts aside one’s own inevitable prejudicial perspectives.

Avil Beckford: How do you define success? And in your opinion what’s the formula for success?

David Gray: Success for me is defined in terms of relationships.  One is successful if one tries to give back to others more wisdom, more empathy and more joy than one takes for oneself.  We do not define our own reputation, our personal brand.  Other people do this for us.  And so, if our self-awareness and our reputation are to have any real congruency, then success can only be defined on a social rather than an individual basis.  Our success is inextricably entwined in what we give to others and what we share of ourselves with others, rather than what we take for ourselves and what we hold on to of ourselves solely for our own enjoyment.

Avil Beckford: What are the steps you took to succeed in your field?

David Gray: I worked, and continue to work half days.  Sometimes it’s the first half of the day, sometimes the second.  Sometimes I break the day into quarters.  But I always try to work at least 12 hours a day.  Except on Sundays.  Then I generally only work six hours or so.  In other words, I worked hard and continue to do so.  However, one can only really work hard on a sustainable basis if one truly enjoys the work.  So the first key is to identify your life’s work, your true mission or ‘vocation’ as it used to be called.  After all, each of us is only here for a very brief period of time.

Avil Beckford: What advice do you have for someone just starting out in your field?

David Gray: Figure out what you want to do in the way of a career.  Meantime, while life throws other opportunities your way – which probably on the surface appear to have very little to do with that desired career – work like the devil himself to succeed at whatever work you are doing at any given time.  There is no such thing as bad honest work.  Nor is there any such thing as undignified honest work.  So work hard and prosper.

Avil Beckford: If trusted friends could introduce you to five people that you’ve always wanted to meet, who would you choose? And what would you say to them?

David Gray:

1. Sir Winston Churchill:  Thank you, thank you, thank you Sir, for staying the course throughout the wilderness years when lesser men succumbed to grovelling group think.
2. Robert E. Lee:  What were you thinking when you decided in favour of the Southern cause?  Far too many men died and far too much unnecessary suffering was caused by this fatally flawed decision which prolonged the failed Southern War of Secession.
3. Prince Charles Stuart:  Stay in France.  The Highland Scots have sufficient problems without your intrusion into their already difficult lives.
4. Julius Caesar:  Beware the Ides of March!
5. Socrates:  Just drink the damn hemlock old man!  You have poisoned enough young minds with your hypocritical musings – and will continue to confuse a sufficient number of older ones over the course of human time.

Avil Beckford: Which one book had a profound impact on your life? What was it about this book that impacted you so deeply?

David Gray: Joseph Campbell’s, The Hero with a Thousand Faces.  This book brought me face-to-face with human mortality and our shared human journey, thus making clear the urgent need to become oneself, identify and follow one’s own ‘bliss’ and make a contribution to the human family, regardless of how humble or great that contribution might be.

Avil Beckford: You are one of the 10 finalists on the reality show, So, How Would You Spend Your Time? Each finalist is placed on separate deserted islands for two years. You have a basic hut on the island and all the tools for survival; you just have to be imaginative and inventive when using them. You are allowed to take five books, one movie and one music CD, and whatever else you take has to fit in one suitcase and a travel on case. What would you take with you and how would you spend the two years? T he prize is worth your while and at this stage in the game there really aren’t any losers among the 10 finalists, since each are guaranteed at least $2 million?

David Gray: The movie would be, The Natural.  I would seldom watch the film as I have already seen it at least three times.  But it would act as a constant reminder to focus on whatever is both relevant based on my own gifts and yet ‘doable’ based on circumstances at any given time.  The five books would include The Cat in the Hat by Dr Seuss so as to retain my sense of humour; Cervantes, Don Quixote (Penguin Classics) to ensure that I remember the absurdity of civilization; Foucault’s History of Madness  so as to understand the process as I would surely go slowly quite mad;  Kodokan Judo: The Essential Guide to Judo by Its Founder Jigoro Kano  to give me a structure that might enable me to retain some degree of physical fitness, as well as the anthology, The Poetry of Robert Frost: The Collected Poems, Complete and Unabridged so as to nurture my soul even as my brain inevitably went a bit sideways.

Avil Beckford: What excites you about life?

David Gray: The possibilities for self development and testing one’s own capabilities and limits.

Avil Beckford: How do you nurture your soul?

David Gray: Quiet reflection, exercise, and good wholesome food.

Avil Beckford: If you had a personal genie and she gave you one wish, what would you wish for?

David Gray: Enlightenment.

Avil Beckford: Complete the following, I am happy when…..

David Gray: I am happy when…I am doing what I do best…practising Leadership Coaching.

David Gray:  I am unusually direct in speech, as I consider trust to be a condition most quickly built upon a foundation of honest communication.  At the same time, I take pains to be empathetic and non-threatening in my overall approach.

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Book links are affiliate links.

Interviewee Name: Tracy Matthewman

Company Name: Tracy Matthewman, Network Marketing Sweetie

Website: http://www.TracyMatthewman.com, http://networkmarketingsweetie.com

 Avil Beckford: Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Tracy Matthewman: I come from a corporate IT background, so I worked in IT for 15 years. After I had my daughter I had an opportunity to stay home and work for myself so I jumped at the chance. I started off doing web and graphic design and within a year or so I quickly moved into the internet marketing realm. Marketing has always been a love of mine, and the fact that it was mixed with internet and technology was right up my alley, so that’s what I’ve been doing ever since.

Avil Beckford: How do you integrate your personal and professional life?

Tracy Matthewman: I brand myself so my website is TracyMatthewman.com which is my name. You go on that site and you basically see a picture of me at the top and in the content I create, every thing that I do, I am basically just myself. I make videos and when I write I don’t worry about whether it’s perfectly grammatically done. Obviously I try to make it sound proper so people can understand it, and I pay attention to spelling errors, but when I write or go on video I talk as if I am talking to someone one-on-one.

As an example, I did a video on a tip that keeps my blogging regular, and my daughter was in my office with me when I was making the video. She was very quiet, over the other side sitting in a chair. Toward the end of the video she came and sat in my lap and I could have stopped the video and started again, but it’s really about me and part of me is that I have a daughter and I work from home, so I allowed that part of the video to continue. I continued to speak, I gave her a hug and she was in the video. It was bringing my personal life into my business to some degree. People know I’m a real person and they get to know and relate to me better. 

Avil Beckford: When you have some down time, how do you spend it? 

Tracy Matthewman: My down time is on the weekends, Thursday and Friday nights. Weekends in the summer, most of the time we spend at our cottage, so I’m in the woods by the lake. I’m living in this little house that doesn’t have all the luxuries of a traditional house, so I am living more in nature, so that’s one thing I do in my down time. I read a lot of business books, which doesn’t seem like downtime but for me it is because I love learning, so if I’m learning something, I’m really happy.

Avil Beckford: What are five life lessons that you have learned so far?

Tracy Matthewman:

1. To be present. This is a hard one because we are always busy. My brain is always on overdrive, so when I’m talking to somebody, when I’m doing something, I’m trying to train myself to be in the present moment. So right now I’m in this interview, I’m focusing on my words, and I’m focusing on your words. I’m being present in this interview trying to give everything I can. When I’m talking to friends, I really listen to them. I pay attention and try to give as much good feedback or energy back into that conversation as possible.
2. Having balance is one I mentioned before, spending equal amounts of time in all areas.
3. Setting goals that aren’t too big. I have struggled with this one. I set a goal that’s huge because Donald Trumps says to think big. Thinking big is great but when you set a goal that’s so big and you don’t accomplish it, and you do it again and again you get really discouraged. So I’ve started to set smaller goals that are achievable but still a reach for me, but not so big that when I don’t get it I become disappointed because after a few times you start to think of yourself as a complete failure. So it’s important to set smaller goals whether they are weekly monthly or even yearly. If you are only making $50,000 and you want to make a million dollars by the end of the year, that’s probably going to be a stretch. Set realistic goals with a certain amount of reach that will make you stretch a little bit.
4. Choosing to be happy which I mentioned already. When you’re feeling miserable, one of the tips I heard from someone is to look up to the sky, or if you are not near to a window, look to the ceiling of your room and smile as big as you can. A big, huge smile on your face and just stare at the ceiling for five or 10 seconds and that will help you to instantly feel better. Choose to be happy instead of waiting to be happy is important.
5. Saying no to things that are just going to distract you. Pick one or two things to focus on, and this is in terms of business, anything else that comes up you have to say no to, so you focus on the one or two goals and get them to where you want them to be. Learning to say no is a huge life lesson for people to learn.

Avil Beckford: What process do you use to generate great ideas?

Tracy Matthewman: One thing I do is communicate with my audience quite a bit, and I also ask them questions. I can do surveys or I can just look at their feedback. I always encourage comments on my blog, and so with that I get ideas. I also look at trends that are happening in the market place, and I listen to what other people are saying, and what other people are doing, and I look for trends in those types of activities.

Avil Beckford: What’s your favourite quotation and why?

Tracy Matthewman: “Be the change you want to see in the world” by Gandhi. This is ultimately my favourite quote because there are so many things in the world that I wish I could change, and the first step to changing them is by changing my own actions.

Avil Beckford: How do you define success? And in your opinion what’s the formula for success?

Tracy Matthewman: Success to me is the three areas that I previously said. In the wealth area, you have to be happy with the amount of wealth you have in your life. It’s not the first thing or the priority. In this country that we live in, this area of the world, if you don’t have a lot of money you may struggle, and a lot of money is relative. But if you do not have a lot of money, you’re unable to help other people as well. One thing I truly believe in is that if you have the capacity to make more money to help more people, I feel it’s the obligation of the individuals who have the capacity to do that – to put out into the world what they can, to get back so they can help people who may not have the opportunities that you or I or other people listening may have.

We have a lot of capabilities and just sitting back and watching those talents go to waste, you’re not helping anybody, and you’re not helping yourself, or the planet. Health is also a big thing because if you have all the wealth in the world and your health is terrible, what kind of life is that? But if you have your health and no money, that’s not much fun either. The last one is happiness and that’s where other aspects come in like balance, less stress, being emotionally and mentally stable, being spiritual and giving back, all those other things that are more for the soul. I think those are the three main things we should focus on in balancing our lives and when we do that our lives will be filled with abundance.

Avil Beckford: What are the steps you took to succeed in your field?

Tracy Matthewman: Ongoing learning and doing. I’m a doer and usually when I go to any training program, or buy a new training program, I’m drooling at the mouth to start learning it and then when I’m done, and usually before I am done, when I’m going through chapters and modules I usually implement things right away. The step is to first learn how to do something and then implement it right away. If and when you fail, learn from your failures and implement again. That’s the only way you’re going to get better.

Avil Beckford: What advice do you have for someone just starting out in your field?

Tracy Matthewman: Find something you love doing and figure out a way to make an income from it. And incorporating that with giving back to the world, we should be helping people or helping the planet. If I look at my own story, I love marketing and I love technology, and I’m a logical thinker. I come from a programming background, to take that element of my natural talent, combine it with marketing which is something that I really love, and combine that into a business that helps people. It doesn’t matter what your love is, somebody is out there being successful doing it, so it’s just a matter of figuring out what that is and how to do it.

Avil Beckford: If trusted friends could introduce you to five people that you’ve always wanted to meet, who would you choose? And what would you say to them?

Tracy Matthewman:

• Albert Einstein because he was one of those people who was looked at by society as a little bit crazy, yet he turned out to be brilliant and changed the course of humanity.
• There are some other people who again when they first came out with ideas they were often looked at as out of the norm of society and those are the types of people who create revolutions and transformations on the planet. I would say something to those types of people and it would be, “Thank you for being you! Thank you for being unique because your uniqueness changed the world.”

Avil Beckford: Which one book had a profound impact on your life? What was it about this book that impacted you so deeply?

Tracy Matthewman: There has been a lot just looking at my library right now. One book which had an impact on me is UnMarketing: Stop Marketing, Start Engaging by Scott Stratten. That was an excellent book and I realize that today’s marketing arena is so much more personal. It’s not the advertising it’s more based around a relationship experience or a personal touch. That book brought that home for me.

Another book I read a long time ago is The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari: A Fable About Fulfilling Your Dreams & Reaching Your Destiny. That book started me on the personal development road and it made me think differently because before that time in my life I was brought up as an average thinking person who didn’t have any sort of personal thoughts going on in her head. I led a fairly normal life. My parents weren’t necessarily all that encouraging of me to do whatever I wanted to do in life. It’s was “why don’t you become a secretary?” There was nothing really inspiring in my life. That book completely changed the way I think and the way my life was responding to my thoughts.

Avil Beckford: You are one of the 10 finalists on the reality show, So, How Would You Spend Your Time? Each finalist is placed on separate deserted islands for two years. You have a basic hut on the island and all the tools for survival; you just have to be imaginative and inventive when using them. You are allowed to take five books, one movie and one music CD, and whatever else you take has to fit in one suitcase and a travel on case. What would you take with you and how would you spend the two years? T he prize is worth your while and at this stage in the game there really aren’t any losers among the 10 finalists, since each are guaranteed at least $2 million? 

Note from Avil: I have changed this question a lot, so Tracy’s response is to one of the many iterations of the question.

Tracy Matthewman: I would make a little hut, have camp fires every night, eat coconuts and bananas, make friends with the monkeys, braid my hair, soak up the sun, walk barefoot on the sand, make or build something that took a long time because if I’m going to be there for two years I need something to keep me going for a while so I don’t get bored – something intricate and detailed.

Avil Beckford: What excites you about life?

Tracy Matthewman: What excites me is change. I love change and one of the things that I definitely want to do before 2014 is to move to another country. I have set that date for myself. To me, that’s a big change, and it excites me. For some people, those types of change are way too scary. So I love change and I love new things, and obviously those are closely related.

Avil Beckford: How do you nurture your soul?

Tracy Matthewman: Recently with meditation and reading books that help me to get to know myself better, and also taking part in activities that are helping my personal mission in life. I mentioned my favourite quote, “Being the change you want to see in the world,” so I nurture my soul by being that change.

Avil Beckford: If you had a personal genie and she gave you one wish, what would you wish for?

Tracy Matthewman: I would use it to change the dream of the Western world because the Western world right now is into consumption, and we feel like we have to have all this stuff, and because of that huge demand for stuff, it’s actually destroying our planet. And if I could change one thing it would me that dream that everybody have this idea in marketing that tell us we have to have all these things. So if we could change that dream of consumption to something that would help the planet, that would be great.

Avil Beckford: Complete the following, I am happy when…..

Tracy Matthewman: At the cottage in the hammock looking at my daughter barefoot playing in the sand.

How can you use this information? What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right hand side) by email or RSS Feed