The Invisible Mentor

Archive for the ‘Mentoring’ Category

Do you get upset whenever you face a challenging situation? Or do you face them head on? Do you view challenges as nuisances? Or do you view them as an opportunities?

There is no running away from challenges, they are a fact of life. So the next time when you encounter a challenging situation that may rock your world, instead of balking at the situation, think on these words:

“This discipline and rough treatment are a furnace to extract the silver from the dross. The testing purifies the gold by boiling the scum away.” Jalal al-Din Rumi

These words are by Rumi, the great Persian, Muslim poet from the 13th Century. Challenges make us stronger, smooth away our rough edges, and help us to evolve and grow into our best selves.

Rumi Poet of the Heart

If you cannot view the YouTube video Rumi Poet of the Heart, please click here.

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There is truth to the adage that if you show me your company I will tell you for you are. What are your goals in life? What percentage of the time do you accomplish the things that you want in life? If you seldom meet your goals and objectives, it probably is time to look at the people in your sphere of influence.

Who do you spend your time with? Who influences you? There is a story floating around the internet which says that Mark Victor Hansen of Chicken Soup for the Soul fame was lamenting to Tony Robbins about not achieving his results. You see, Hansen wanted to move to billionaire from multi-millionaire status. Robbins asked Hansen how many billionaires he was hanging around and it turns out, none.

The point of this story is to demonstrate that whatever you are trying to achieve in life, hang around people who have achieved those same goals and objectives.

What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right side) by email or RSS Feed.

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Wayne Gretzky, also known as the “Great One,” is a hockey virtuoso. He was extremely adept at anticipating where the hockey puck would land, and positioned himself at that spot. And most of the time, he was correct in his prediction.

To become a virtuoso, Wayne had a lot of talent, he understood the game, and he practiced his craft more than the 10,000 hours required for expert status and rose to the level of virtuoso. If you have talent, and have worked at your craft for over 10,000 hours, like Wayne Gretzky, you too can predict where the “puck” is going to land. But you have to know something about spotting trends in your industry.

How do you stay on top of what’s going on in your industry? Who do you watch to anticipate the “next big thing”? In the past, how did innovation occur in your field? Who are the trend spotters in your industry? What are some trends that are shaping other industries that would work equally well in yours?

After you have learned how to spot trends in your industry, you will know exactly where to position yourself, you will know where your “puck” is going to land. Please refer to the Review of the Next Big Thing which will help you to spot trends.

What are your thoughts? How do you anticipate where your “puck” is going to land? What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right side) by email or RSS Feed.

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What are your thoughts on having experience? What does it mean to you to have experience? Are there situations where having experience is either a blessing or a curse? How do you define experience?

According to AudioEnglish.net, experience means:

The accumulation of knowledge or skill that results from direct participation in events or activities…

Go or live through

Have firsthand knowledge of states, situations, emotions, or sensations

Having experience is very important, but it isn’t everything. If we use the definition above which centers on the accumulation of knowledge, there will be instances where a certain experience is required, which you do not possess, but you do have the skills required to do the job. In this situation, transferring your skills may be enough.

What to do if you do not have the required experience for a job

Let’s say that there is a job that you would like to have, but you feel like you do not have the experience required to apply.

• Forget about the job title and hone in on the skills that are required
• Take an inventory of your skills
• Conduct a personal SWOT Analysis: Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats (Refer to the post “When Was the Last Time You Conducted a Personal SWOT Analysis“
• Align your skills with those of the job, how do they match up?
• From the results of the SWOT Analysis, what unique strengths do you possess that would give you an advantage? What opportunities exist that are relevant to the job?
• If you find that you have more than 50 percent of the requirements for the job go for it and apply

Let’s say there is an unrelated field that you would like to transition into, how do you go about making the change?

• Look at the skills that are required for this field, align them with the skills that you have, work on acquiring those skills needed to close the gap. You can close the gap by:
  • Volunteering in the field that you are interested in, to acquire the new skills
  • Getting a mentor or coach who will work with you to acquire those skills
  • Reading books or observing people using those skills

And most importantly, when you are BUILDING your experience, make sure that you are HAVING an experience, because that means you are LIVING.

What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right side) by email or RSS Feed.

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I read and reviewed The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran in 2006 because two of the interviewees in my book Tales of People Who Get It indicated that this was the one book that had a profound impact on their lives. I read the book trying to understand their point of views.

First published in 1923, The Prophet is a compilation of 26 poetic essays that deal with love, marriage, giving, work, joy and sorrow, buying and selling, laws, freedom, reason and passion, self-knowledge, talking, pleasure, death and so much more. It’s beautifully written in very simple, poetic language.

The book starts off with Almustafa, the “chosen and beloved” one who has been living in a foreign country, Orphalese, where the people have embraced him for the past 12 years. His ship has returned and he must return to the land of his birth. He is saddened, but he knows that he must leave. Gibran’s genius comes out in the simplicity of his writing.

Almustafa asks, “How shall I go in peace and without sorrow? Nay, not without a wound in the spirit shall I leave this city. Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret? Too many fragments of the spirit have I scattered in these streets, and too many are the children of my longing that walk naked among these hills, and I cannot withdraw from them without a burden and an ache.”

Almitra the “seeress,” the first one to embrace him when he first arrived in Orphalese, understands that he must depart. She senses his deep longing to return to his roots, but before he leaves she wants him to impart some of his wisdom. Almitra asks, “Speak to us of Love.” He responds:

“When love beckons to you, follow him,

Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,

Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him,

Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden… And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course…”

Various people in the community ask him to talk about various things, which result in the 26 poetic essays, which are Almustafa’s responses. The book imparts words of wisdom, some of which are outlined below.

Words of Wisdom

On joy and sorrow: Your joy is your sorrow unleashed

On work: You work that you may keep pace with the earth and the soul of the earth… And in keeping yourself with labour you are in truth loving life

On giving: You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. For what are your possessions but things you guard for fear you may need them tomorrow?

On buying and selling: It is in exchanging the gifts of the earth that you shall find abundance and be satisfied. Yet unless the exchange be in love and kindly justice, it will but lead some to greed and others to hunger

On self-knowledge: Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights. But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart’s knowledge

YouTube video of The Prophet

If you cannot view the YouTube video of The Prophet click here.

Though The Prophet was first published over eight decades ago, anyone can find something that’s of relevance to them today. I enjoyed this book and I was able to see how this book could have a major influence on someone’s life. I would like to add that some of the most successful leaders have relied on poetry to inspire them, and they have learned incredible lessons in the process. I recommend The Prophet.

What are your thoughts on reading poetry? What inspires you? What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right side) by email or RSS Feed.

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• HW Bio: Kahlil Gibran the Prophet (harlemworldblog.wordpress.com)

Ambeck Edge, October 2006

You have heard the phrase that assume makes an ass out of you and me. And in The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, one of the four agreements is Don’t make assumptions (the other three are Be impeccable with your word, Always do your best and Don’t take things personally).

But there are situations where you have to make assumptions. Let’s say you are working on a new project, and you have to gather information to understand the situation. You talk to the stakeholders, you observe how things are done, and you use other types of data collection techniques such as surfing the internet or online databases. At some point you have to stop collecting information and start analyzing what you have found. You stop collecting information because it doesn’t make sense cost-wise, or you simply cannot find more information on the topic.

The point is that you will never have all the information you need to make decisions in life, so you have to make assumptions based on your experience – what you already know. But you have to make it clear what assumptions you have made. So a simple rule to follow is to state:

1. What the facts are
2. What you don’t know
3. What assumptions you’ve made to fill in the information gaps, and why you’ve made them

So there are situations when you have to make assumptions, but making assumptions about people because you do not like them, or whatever reason, or making assumptions about situations and circumstances, shouldn’t be done lightly. Follow the three steps above.

What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right side) by email or RSS Feed.

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I have been having fun just letting my mind wander and explore various ideas and see where it ends up. I hope that you enjoy this journey with me. Today, I have decided to explore the idea of taking action. Do you think it’s possible to achieve great success without taking action?

1. The Law of Attraction has become very popular since the movie The Secret was released. Many people believe that they can attract anything, and achieve their goals simply by visualizing them. Is it possible to achieve your goals without taking action?
2. Luck = Opportunity + Preparedness. Is it possible to prepare without taking action?
3. According to Dorothea Brande in her book, Wake Up and Live! – her formula for success is act as if it were impossible to fail. If your success were guaranteed, what actions would you take?
4. Looking at the major successes in your life to date, how did you achieve them? What kind of actions did you take?
5. Would the great thinkers and innovators of yesterday have accomplished so much if they didn’t take action?
6. I saw the following formula – Innovation = Meaningful Idea + Action. I would like to change the formula to Innovation = Great Idea + Purposeful Action. Innovation also occurs when you blend old ideas in ways they haven’t been combined before. What are your thoughts?
7. If our forefathers and mothers hadn’t taken action, would we enjoy the freedom and rights we have today?

There are no guarantees in life, but should that stop you from taking action? I personally do that think that anyone can attain spectacular success without taking action. What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right side) by email or RSS Feed.

Further Reading

Could you Move Mountains, if you Acted as if it Were Impossible to Fail?

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In September we’ll go back to the regular schedule. I have conducted several interviews that I am scheduling for September 2010 and you’ll enjoy them.

Four years ago I attended a film festival and saw Mr. Mergler’s Gift. It was the first time that I reviewed a film. I re-read the review and felt warmed by it so I thought that I’d share it with you. Whatever your vocation be, do you do it with passion? Do you put your heart into it? Enjoy the review below.

This month I decided to review a 30-minute film instead of a book because I found it moving. This story is about a student and her piano teacher. Set in Montreal, Canada, the film begins with Xin Ben and father, who recently immigrated to Canada from China, riding their bicycles. This particular Sunday, as fate would have it, they took a different route from church and rode through a park. As any typical nine year old, Xin Ben wants to play in the park. They park their bikes and Xin Ben goes to play on the swing while her dad sits on a bench beside Daniel Mergler.

Xin Ben’s parents had just bought her a piano at her insistence, and it turns out that Mr. Mergler is a piano teacher. The story is centred on the music. This little girl was very special because when she played the piano she played with such feeling. During the documentary, when Mr. Merglar talks about feeling the music, I paused and wondered if I was capable of doing with words what Xin Ben did with her music. When I am writing I want people to be able to feel my words and connect with what I am trying to communicate.

When Xin Ben plays Beethoven‘s Für Elise, Daniel Mergler realizes this is her song. Each musician has a piece that’s his or hers. Though Mr. Mergler has heard Für Elise played hundreds of times, this time it was different. After 26 lessons, Mr. Mergler’s cancer starts to overtake him and he is no longer capable of giving lessons. It’s at this time that he lets Xin Ben’s family know that he is dying from cancer. Mr. Merglear knows that Xin Ben’s talent is very rare, and that she needs a special teacher to mentor her when he is gone. As a gift, Mr. Merglear finds one of the top piano teachers for Xin Ben, a professor at McGill University. Xin Ben has to play for this music professor. She plays several pieces for him. He is so impressed by her skill and talent that he takes her on.

If you cannot view the YouTube video of Beethoven’s Für Elise click here.

This is a heart-warming film and the music is great. Whatever it is that you do, do you do it by rote, or do you feel what you do? This film reminded me to slow down and experience things. It reminded me about the importance of mindfulness.

I recommend that you view Mr. Mergler’s Gift  it’s only 30 minutes long.  I’m sure that you’ll enjoy it. Click on any of the links to view and I’ve also included the YouTube version, which is in Parts so you can break up the time.

This review first appeared in Ambeck Edge May 2006. What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right side) by email or RSS Feed. 

Mr. Mergler’s Gift, Beverly Shaffer

Part One Mr. Mergler’s Gift

Part Two Mr. Mergler’s Gift

Part Three Mr. Mergler’s Gift

Mr. Mergler’s Gift via Inspiring Film Channel YouTube

I was surfing the internet trying to find some cool websites that you should know about. This is always an interesting exercise because what often happens is that I find websites that I forgot about. Here are six websites that you will find interesting.

6 Websites You Should Know About

Newseum.org

This is a museum for all things news.

GovDeals.com

Looking for deals in the United States, this is the place to go. They sell surplus and confiscated items via the internet.

SoYouWanna.com

This website touts itself as the resort that teaches things you didn’t learn in school.

Howcast.com

Ever wondered how to do “something”? Howcast.com has many short how-to videos that you can watch on how to do a variety of things.

Fark.com

A news aggregator with some really weird news stories. Definitely an idea generator!

Startups.co.uk

This UK website has profiles of entrepreneurs and their start-up businesses. I love it because the entrepreneurs they profile started some very interesting business and their stories will inspire you.

What are some cool websites that you visit frequently?  Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right side) by email or RSS Feed. 

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The Skinny On The Art of Persuasion by Jim Randel is part of the Skinny On series of books, which are designed  and written for the time-strapped professional looking for more than surface level knowledge on a particular subject. The reader can consume and digest any of these books in less than two hours.

I received a copy of The Skinny On The Art of Persuasion to review. Persuasion is defined as “the act of convincing, influencing and inducing.” Based on Jim Randel and his team’s extensive research, they conclude that the ability to persuade is an acquired skill, that means it’s teachable, but, “good persuaders understand that persuasiveness is an art…that to be effective, they must have a sense of dimension and, of nuance. If you push people too hard, they will instinctively pull back.”

The author points out that there is a fine line between persuasion and manipulation. He cited from Persuasion: The Art of Getting What You Want by Dave Lakhani, “Manipulation is inwardly focused on the outcome for the person doing the manipulation. Persuasion is externally focused on developing a win-win outcome where everyone’s needs are met.”

There are 10 Rules of Persuasion

1. Connect with the person you are trying to persuade. Mirror them so they feel comfortable around you.
2. Prepare extensively before you utter a word. Think about what you are going to say and how you are going to say it
   1. The more you prepare the more comfortable you will feel and act
   2. The more prepared you are, the better able you will be to control your listener’s thought processes
   3. The more prepared you are, the better able you are to determine what you can and cannot do during the “persuasion” and you will know when to stop talking
3. Learn to listen and watch. People love it when they feel like they are being listened to and heard. You will also be able to pick up verbal and non-verbal cues
4. Create a feeling of scarcity – people want what they cannot have
5. Do not confuse the familiar with the universal. Because a way of thinking or belief may be familiar to you, it is not necessarily universal to everyone, so be mindful of that. People strive to be consistent in their behaviours
6. People do not like to feel indebted so they will find a way to reciprocate
7. People often take shortcuts when making decisions. They often make decisions in relation to something else, something familiar. People are often operate on automatic pilot
8. People follow crowds, celebrities,  and authorities
9. People often make decisions based on emotions
10. Persuasiveness is about integrity

Rule 10 is particularly important to Jim Randel. He relates an experience he had 30 years ago when he was into flipping real estate. There was a fire and he knew there were often fire sales, so he went to where the fire was. He realized that the owner had died as the EMTs were wheeling the elderly man away. Jim rushed to city hall and learned that the dead man had a daughter living in the Midwest. Later that evening he called the daughter to get information on who would be handing the sale of the house. It was that instant that the woman discovered that her dad died in a house fire.

I winced when I read this, and I understood. I have never done anything like this, but I’m sure that I have offended others because I responded too quickly without thinking things through. I realize that we so often want to win so badly that we do not stop to consider how our actions might impact another. According to Randel, “In my rush to succeed, I lost sight of basic human compassion and decency.” To me this was the most important point in the book. If we think of people compassionately, we will think before we act, and we will strive for a win/win outcome and not cross the line and attempt to manipulate others.

I recommend The Skinny On The Art of Persuasion. Below is a list of the books mentioned in the Skinny On The Art of Persuasion.

Covert Persuasion: Psychological Tactics and Tricks to Win the Game, Kevin Hogan and James Speakman

Maximum Influence: The 12 Universal Laws of Power Persuasion, Kurt W. Mortensen

The Magic of Rapport, Richardson and Margulis

Persuasion: The Art of Getting What You Want, Dave Lakhani

How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie

The 100 Absolutely Unbreakable Laws of Business Success, Brian Tracy

How to Do Tricks with Cards, Bill Turner

The Art of Cross-Examination, Francis Wellman

People Skills, Robert Bolton

The Definitive Book of Body Language, Allan and Barbara Pease

Body Language, Julius Fast

Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, Robert Cialdini

Sway: The Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behavior, Ori Brafman and Rom Brafman

Nudge, Thaler and Sunstein

How to Master the Art of Selling, Tom Hopkins

How We Decide, Jonah Lehrer

Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions, Dan Ariely

Irrational Exuberance, Robert Shiller

The Hidden Persuaders, Vance Packard

Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking, Malcolm Gladwell

The One Minute Salesperson, Spencer Johnson

True Success: A New Philosophy of Excellence, Tom Morris

What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right side) by email or RSS Feed.

Book links are Amazon affiliate links