The Invisible Mentor

Archive for the ‘Lessons’ Category

By the end of 2011, I would have read 200 books for the year. I have always been a voracious reader, but this year I have outdone myself. Despite this, I still feel like a slacker because quite a few people who I know are averaging between four to five books each week. I didn’t read as many classics as I’d like. I find that I struggle to read some of the classics because the story unfolds so slowly.

I try to read books from many genres, and even if it’s fiction, I find that I always take away a lesson or two. I have also noticed that some of the same themes emerging, and I’d like to share them with you.

1. Persistence pays.
2. Where you start out in life does not determine where you’ll end up.
3. Forgive those who hurt you.
4. Let go of anger.
5. You can accomplish a lot more than you think.
6. Take time to enjoy life, the journey is everything.
7. Spend time with family and friends.
8. When others criticize you, instead of immediately being defensive, honestly ask yourself if there is merit to the criticism. If there is, immediately make the changes.
9. Emulate the good qualities you admire in others and check yourself for their bad ones.
10. Things always take a longer to accomplish than you first thought.
11. You accomplish a lot more when you collaborate with people whose skills complement yours.
12. Fall down seven times get up eight.

I’d like to leave you with a quote by Charles Wesley and John Wesley, and a poem by Portia Nelson to reflect on.

“Do all the good you can,

By all the means you can,

In all the ways you can,

In all the places you can,

At all the times you can

To all the people you can

As long as ever you can!”

By Charles and John Wesley

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

Chapter 1

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost … I am helpless.

It isn’t my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don’t see it.

I fall in again.

I can’t believe I am in the same place.

But it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in … it’s a habit.

My eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.

~ Portia Nelson ~

(There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk)

You Tube Video of Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

If you cannot view the video please click here.

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YouTube Video Credit: Uploaded by WildcatTech on May 11, 2009

Interviewee Name: Mike DeSousa

Website: http://www.mikedesousa.ca

Avil Beckford: Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Mike DeSousa:  I am a Career Social Media specialist who helps recruiters & employers find superior employee talent FAST using Social Media.  As well, I am a Public Speaker who trains Non-Profit Agency staff on how to market their job-seeking clients, helping them to find work FAST.

Avil Beckford: How do you integrate your personal and professional life?

Mike DeSousa: My work is based on the personal aspects of my life; I see them as both revolving around helping others. I consider myself the same person in my personal life and in the other aspects.  I actually seek to integrate them together, which my wife doesn’t appreciate — she looks at work as something she does outside of her personal life, and believes in keeping them separate.

Avil Beckford: What are five life lessons that you have learned so far?

Mike DeSousa:

1. Work your buns off
2. Give yourself a lofty, challenging goal — don’t set the bar too low
3. Out-strategize others
4. Ask more of yourself & set tight deadlines
5. Tie in your daily activities towards your long-term goals & reward yourself each time you complete  a tiny step

Avil Beckford: When you have some down time, how do you spend it?

Mike DeSousa: Reading, learning, surfing the net, working on my passion (“Public Speaking”). No ‘downtime’ for this guy. Sometimes watch some movies, though I’d rather do something active than escape to the “mind candy of TV”.

Avil Beckford: What process do you use to generate great ideas?

Mike DeSousa: I make connections between different areas that I read; stream-of-consciousness thinking. Forced Morphological Connections — generating categories of aspects of different things & recombining them into something new.

Avil Beckford: What’s your favourite quotation and why?

Mike DeSousa:

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.”

It reminds me of our decision-making process for life “decisionism,” and reminds me of the life decisions that I’ve reached… Being a contrarian, I also choose to take the path that “was grassy and wanted wear”. Given that Robert Frost also suffered with depressions, it feels that both him and his words speak to me.  Personally, I rhyme like Dr. Seuss!

Avil Beckford: How do you define success? And in your opinion what’s the formula for success?

Mike DeSousa: My definition of success is making a difference in others’ lives, reaching your personal goals, making the world a better place, and working towards the flexibility to make your own choices through financial independence.  The formula for success? No one has the same formula — each one has to find their own personal formula based on their strengths, needs, interests, etc.  My personal formula entails hard work, strategic thinking, creating value for others, having an unquentionable thirst for knowledge, discipline, pursuing your passion, and following your strengths.

Avil Beckford: What are the steps you took to succeed in your field?

Mike DeSousa: I used an existing media (Social Media) and apply it into a new arena.  I researched and ‘power-learned’ this new area, developed innovative workshops, my Brand, started presenting at Conferences, building relationships, and helping others. I’d find opportunities found me in proportion to the amount that I helped others and took a sincere interest in them, giving without expecting something in return, listening to others with my Heart/Brain/Gut/Soul, identified areas of value & gaps for them, offering them solutions, and tieing in my Value Proposition to their needs while focusing on the benefits for them.

Avil Beckford: What advice do you have for someone just starting out in your field?

Mike DeSousa: Identify exactly what you want that is “play” and fun that also pays the bills (your end goal), help others achieve theirs, wake up early to work towards your goal, tie in your daily goals to your end goal, become an expert through reading/watching YouTube videos/doing, market yourself, and have fun. Do what you love that also pays the bills or that can help you pay the bills.

Avil Beckford: If trusted friends could introduce you to five people that you’ve always wanted to meet, who would you choose? And what would you say to them?

Mike DeSousa:

1. Jesus Christ:  I’d say “teach me”
2. Alexander The Great:  “What was your secret to getting men to follow you?”
3. Winston Churchill:  “What led to your greatness as a speech-writer and orator?”
4. My (recently deceased) Dad: Tell me your life story and that of our family
5. Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, Pierre Trudeau, or Brian Mulroney: What were your secrets to winning in politics?

Avil Beckford: Which one book had a profound impact on your life? What was it about this book that impacted you so deeply?

Mike DeSousa: Either of the following three…

1. The Bible (no one single story — the impact of cumulative parables, interlinked for a common message of Love
2. The Little Prince, for its simplicity and many parables, that takes on new meaning with each life event that you experience
3. The Art of War, on winning, outworking, and out-strategizing everyone.

Avil Beckford: You are one of the 10 finalists on the reality show, So, How Would You Spend Your Time? Each finalist is placed on separate deserted islands for two years. You have a basic hut on the island and all the tools for survival; you just have to be imaginative and inventive when using them. You are allowed to take five books, one movie and one music CD, and whatever else you take has to fit in one suitcase and a travel on case. What would you take with you and how would you spend the two years? T he prize is worth your while and at this stage in the game there really aren’t any losers among the 10 finalists, since each are guaranteed at least $2 million?

Mike DeSousa:

Five Books:

1. One of Winston Churchill’s
2. Compendium of Marvel Super Heroes origins in English & Spanish
3. Learning Mandarin/Cantonese
4. Learn Yoga & Chinese
5. Some comedy book

• Movie: The Shawshank Redemption
• Music CD: With my MacBook & iPhone with satellite capabilities & iTune, I’d download unlimited music selections
• One Suitcase: Sunlight-powered satellite MacBook tripped out with a lot of software titles to learn, laptop with extended battery life, mosquito net, mosquito-free clothes, solar-powered iPhone with satellite wifi connectivity, soccer ball, weather-appropriate clothes
• Travel on case: Soap, Razor, nail clipper, nail file, pen, anti-mosquito device

For the two years  I’d spend the time learning (languages, tai chi/yoga, history), playing soccer, dancing, listening to music, playing music (forgot to mention a harmonica & a flute), Skyping/Google Circling Friends, contacting Invisible Mentors, journaling, developing a portfolio of products & services, reading comic books, becoming an expert on investments… I would be doing what I love to do, rather than pandering to the audience of viewers; one must remain authentic.  “To thy self be true”.

Avil Beckford: What excites you about life?

Mike DeSousa: Being of service to others.  It makes me so happy to know that I have helped to “unstick” someone from a state of complacency or a limiting belief, and that I have given them hope, taught them new knowledge, and motivated them to develop new skills and use one of my ideas to propel themself forward in life.

Avil Beckford: How do you nurture your soul?

Mike DeSousa: I learn, help people, speak professionally, listen to music, think, feel, swim….

Avil Beckford: If you had a personal genie and she gave you one wish, what would you wish for?

Mike DeSousa: 1,000,000 more wishes, of course!

Avil Beckford: Complete the following, I am happy when…..

Mike DeSousa: I use my strengths to help others discover and act upon their talents and strengths.

How can you use this information? What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right hand side) by email or RSS Feed.

Pacing back and forth in the open space, Ptolemy thought, “I don’t like the way things are done. So called experts ponder about the known world instead of being scientific about it. I’m sure the world is much bigger than we think. I will make a change. As accurately as I can, I will measure and record coastlines, cities and mountains. It’s time to legitimize things, and I think I will call this new field Geography.”

Image via Wikipedia

It’s doubtful that things unfolded that way, but who knows, the scene could have played out like the one described above.

Name: Claudius Ptolemaeus of Alexandria

Birth Date: AD 100 – 170

Job Functions: Mathematician, Astronomer, Astrologer & Geographer

Fields: Astronomy and Geography

Known As: Father of Geography

Problem: People would get together and philosophise about the extent of the discovered world, but no one had ever taken the time to document the information.

Solution: Ptolemy thought that he would talk to sailors and other ancient travellers and develop a systematic way to document their observations about their travels.

Journey

Not much is known about the man Ptolemy, but he was a Greek astronomer, astrologer & geographer from the second century. Many of his books were destroyed, so some of that knowledge is lost to us. We cannot map his life, but we can certainly map some of his accomplishments. And some historians recreated Ptolemy’s life based on his surviving works.

During the second century, it was an innovative concept for him to try to accurately measure and record coastlines, cities and mountains. He developed standards for practical geography to assess the evidence. As an experimental thinker, his role was to collect and preserve scientific thought and develop his own theories. He gathered, assessed and combined knowledge, which is a technique that is still relevant today.

Ptolemy mapped places using mathematical coordinates, an early form of longitude and latitude. Many of his figures were far off, which is not indicative of his mathematical calculations, but instead due to the source of the data. Since he relied on the observations and estimates provided by ancient travellers, it is understandable why his figures could be unreliable.

Another reason for unreliable figures could arise from scholars copying and improving on Ptolemy’s work over the years, so who knows what really happened, and who introduced errors. According to Jon Balchin in Quantum Leaps: 100 Scientists Who Changed the World, “[Ptolemy’s] genius lay in his ability to distil, and summarise the important findings of his predecessors, then add to or provide ‘scientific’ proof of their theories from an all-encompassing viewpoint.”

Claudius Ptolemaeus’ best known works are Geographia (8-Volume) and The Almagest (1-Volume) which dominated the fields of geography and astronomy for about fourteen centuries.

Key Lessons

• Set standards by which to judge things, and also to take things up a notch.
• You don’t have to be one who follows the status quo.
• You shouldn’t be ashamed if you fail, but you should be ashamed if you fail to try.
• Look at what’s been done before and don’t reinvent the wheel.
• There are always ways to improve a process, product or service

How can you use this information? What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right hand side) by email or RSS Feed.

Sources Referenced

• Biographical Dictionary of Science
• Encyclopedia of World Biography
• American Council of Learned Societies: Dictionary of Scientific Biography
• Quantum Leaps: 100 Scientists Who Changed the World
• Books That Changed The World: The 50 Most Influential Books in History

“…He who shows himself is not conspicuous;

He who considers himself right is not illustrious;

He who brags will have no merit;

He who boasts will not endure…?

This passage is from Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu, a guidebook of Chinese philosophy and tenets to live by. Lao Tzu lived in the 6^th century BC and is believed to be a contemporary of Confucius. Tao Te Ching is comprised of 81 wisdom teaching, so it’s a short book to read.

I’m always amazed at how books written centuries ago still have relevance for us in our lives today. The Tao Te Ching reminded me of the books on eastern philosophy that I have read so far like The Book of Five Rings, Analects of Confucius, The Art of War and so on, which are loaded with ancient and timeless wisdom. This is not a book that you read through quickly, but instead one that you take time to savour and digest.

There are a myriad of lessons embedded in the teachings. For instance, opposites are a part of life:

“The difficult and the easy complement each other;

The long and short offset each other;

The high and low incline toward each other;

Before and after follow each other;

…Between yea and nay

How much difference is there?

Between good and evil

How great is the distance?”

If you are interested in strategy, you’ll find something to delight your palate, if leadership is your thing Tao Te Ching has something to serve. Politics and philosophy are also included on the menu. Whatever your interests, the book offers something to you.

The Tao Te Ching surprised me because one of the things that I have often found difficult to digest with some of the best books on Eastern philosophy, which were written centuries ago is the horrific war imagery included. So it was a welcome change to hear what Lao Tzu had to say about war.

“The gentleman gives precedence to the left when at home, but to the right when he goes to war. Arms are instruments of ill omen, not the instruments of the gentleman. When one is compelled to use them, it is best to do so without relish.”

I enjoy reading books on Eastern philosophy and you can often translate the harsh imagery by using them as metaphors for today’s reality. I recommend Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu because it’s a little book that makes you think. And it is the kind of book that the most successful read to become wiser.

How can you use this information? What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right hand side) by email or RSS Feed.

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Interviewee Name: Steve Olsher

Company Name: The Reinvention Workshop

Website: http://www.steveolsher.com, http://thereinventionworkshop.com

Steve Olsher – Your Invisible Mentor & Workshop Leader

Avil Beckford: Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Steve Olsher: I am the author of The Journey to You: A Step-by-Step Guide to Becoming Who You Were Meant to Be, the creator of the Reinvention Workshop and founder and host of Reinvention Radio, which is based out of Phoenix.

Avil Beckford: What’s a typical day like for you?

Steve Olsher: My work is focused on helping people identify the “one” thing they were born to do, so I call that your “WHAT,” so the question to people is, “What is your WHAT?” And my day is typically filled with lots of fun things to do revolving around that work, from coaching to seminars to workshops to media appearances. I try to do as much as I can throughout the day to really concentrate on that line of work.

Avil Beckford: How do you motivate yourself and stay motivated?

Steve Olsher: I’ve got to tell you that for me it all boils down to being clear on the one thing you were born to do, and once you identify that, motivation is not an issue because that will get you fired up out of bed and keep you focused every single day. My motivation is really helping people discover their “WHAT” and that’s really all I need.

Avil Beckford: If you had to start over from scratch, knowing what you know now, what would you do differently?

Steve Olsher: The bottom line for me is that I would have gotten on path earlier and I think as Dr. Wayne Dyer says, everything that happens in our life no matter how painful, leads to something of higher value, and that certainly holds true for me. I just certainly wish that I could have gotten on path earlier and become clear on what it was I was born to do, but it was the culmination of my journey that has brought me to this point, but evidently this is where I am supposed to be at this particular point.

Avil Beckford: What’s the most important business or other discovery you’ve made in the past year?

Steve Olsher: The most important discovery that I’ve made is that there are millions of people who need clear direction, hope and understanding of what’s next. And it’s amazing to me that we spend so much time in our school system teaching people how to read, write and do some math, but we never teach our children, for that matter, our adults how to live; and being able to discover that there is an opportunity for me to help. It’s incredible to discover that my work is needed.

Avil Beckford: What’s one of the biggest advances in your industry over the past five years?

Steve Olsher: I’m not sure this is a good thing, clearly the movement toward there being so many “experts” and “gurus” out there that it has certainly brought more awareness to the space that you can create the life that you really want to live. Now whether or not, as I’ve said, if that’s a good thing that there are so many people out there who feel they are qualified to help others in that vane, I’m not sure, but I can certainly tell you that the industry is moving toward people being very specific about the niche that they occupy, and specifically look to help others.

Avil Beckford: What are the three threats to your business, your success, and how are you handling them?

Steve Olsher: For our industry as a whole it’s credibility. Credibility is going to be the key threat because of too many people who aren’t qualified to be in this space are putting themselves out there as being fully qualified in what they say they are able to do, and how they are able to help. This whole idea of being a life coach and being able to pay for a coaching degree, and this sort of thing is concerning. Because you go to school to learn a particular craft, or a particular trade doesn’t mean that you are cut out to make a meaningful impact in that space.

From my perspective that is the single biggest threat facing our industry. All I can do is continue to do what I’m doing, and hopefully get to the point where credibility for me does not become an issue, but certainly until I have established my name, and what I’m doing in a way that’s meaningful, it could potentially be an issue as others try to lump me with some of the folks that aren’t nearly as qualified.

That’s the single biggest threat, there are other threats, but that’s my main concern.

Avil Beckford: What’s unique about the service that you provide?

Steve Olsher: I specifically focus on helping people of all ages to discover the one thing they were born to do. I’m not one of those guys who is going to put you in a sweat lodge and tell you to go live in a cave for six months and come out and try to get clear on why you are here and what your purpose is. My work is very specific, very focused on helping people discover their “WHAT” and I have created an exercise, and have spent my life’s work focusing on this area. That to me is the main key because once you identify what it is you were born to do, everything else falls into place. It’s a natural progression of living life and getting to really where you want to be that takes place in a powerful manner once you focus and hone in on how you can have an inordinate difference on the world.

Avil Beckford: What do you observe most people in your field doing badly that you think you do well?

Steve Olsher: I don’t have anything bad to say about any one particular person or something of that nature. There are a lot of people out there who are doing powerful, helpful, productive work, and I would encourage those who feel that they can benefit from those teachings to continue to learn. But to that end, make sure that when you pick someone to sign on to that your teacher is in fact still a student because too often when teachers become so full of their own garbage that they begin to smell like crap. It’s a concern because these are the people who believe they are the be all and end all and have all the answers. The reality is that no one has all the answers, and if you are going to align yourself with someone, make sure that that teacher is in fact still a student because you need to be with someone who is still learning, and is still humble enough to understand that the gifts that they have been given are terrific, but aren’t sufficient, and are in a position to move past their egos and willing to continue to be vulnerable, and continue to learn because it makes them better teachers.

Avil Beckford: Describe a major business or other challenge you had and how you resolved it. What kind of lessons did you learn in the process?

Steve Olsher: Life to me is continually about challenges, and to say that I have had one or two in particular would be doing myself a great disservice because I continue to learn. Life continues to be a challenge. There are obvious issues like being on the brink of bankruptcy, and being divorced, and having a business that “fail.” I’ve gone through the gamut, and I’ve had my fair share of pain, but what I have come to realize is that pain in and of itself, failure in and of itself doesn’t exist. It’s about state-of-mind and the internal dialogue that you associate with those activities. For me, life is a challenge, those who believe a place where this utopia exists with beautiful people and flowing streams and sunshine blowing out of their butts all day, it doesn’t exist. There is no utopia, it’s a utopian myth. From my perspective the challenges will continue no matter where you are. You will always have challenges. I don’t care if you have $1 million in the bank or $10, you will face your own set of challenges.

The main lessons that I’ve learned is that the destination is the road, and the journey is the destination. And this is really what life is about. It’s going to ebb, it’s going to flow. There is a rollercoaster, there are going to be ups and downs, but the main lesson is that to survive and thrive, you really have to set deep anchors into your soul, and stop living life as a windsock. So if life happens, and is affected by external forces where you’re blown this way and you feel good, and you’re blown that way and you feel crappy, the whole idea here is that by setting those deep anchors to your soul you can ultimately determine your own fate and stay on path and be focused on where you are intended and destined to go.

Avil Beckford: Tell me about your big break and who gave you.

Steve Olsher: I have to be honest, there hasn’t been a big break, and I bootstrapped. I have never had a silver spoon in my mouth, no one has ever written me a cheque and say, “Hey, go do this,” simply because they liked and wanted me to do something of that nature. The big breaks for me, and for anyone else, are the breaks you create for yourself, so there hasn’t been any one particular person. I’ve had mentors over my life, but ultimately if you want to get and have a break and do something meaningful, you have to enrol people throughout your life in whatever it is that you are fired up about pursuing.

That in itself will create the breaks that you are looking for because you can’t sit there and live your life in a confined, restricted circle of your potential self. You have to move beyond whatever you believe is restraining you from where you want to go, and the only way to do that is to enrol other people in that process. When you do that, magic happens and the breaks to which you are referring will happen much more frequently than you can imagine. And mentors or people who will provide those breaks will line up along the way. We are not talking about one or two or three, we are talking about dozens and potentially hundreds of people that will help you to get to your destiny.

Avil Beckford: Describe one of your biggest failures. What lessons did you learn, and how did it contribute to a greater success?

Steve Olsher: Failure is one of those terms that weak-minded people throw around at those who soar in an attempt to bring them down. Just because you gave something a try and it didn’t work doesn’t mean that you are a “failure.” It doesn’t exist, failure is a myth. I’ve had business successes and business “failures” but the reality is you learn from your success, and you learn from your failure. Tony Robbins says that success leaves clues, but I also believe not attaining success also leaves clues. What I have learned in my ups and in my downs is that life is continually an ebb and flow, and as I’ve said before, it’s a rollercoaster. The idea of a success being more valuable to you than a failure or a failure being of more value to you than a success is really inappropriate. It’s not the way that I choose to look at life.

Avil Beckford: What has been your biggest disappointment in your life – and what are you doing to prevent its reoccurrence?

Steve Olsher: The biggest disappoint for me in my life is that I didn’t get on path earlier. I believe that we each have an inherent blueprint that we are destined to heed, and whether or not we heed that inherent blueprint ultimately spells the difference between content, satisfaction and fulfillment and just meandering through life and never feeling satisfied. The fact that it took me as long as it took to get on path is a disappointment, but to that end it’s also an opportunity. I now stand with the greatest opportunity that I have ever had in my life. To move forward in a powerful way where I pursue what I’m supposed to do, I can’t deny that this is what I am supposed to be doing. If I were to stop on this path and be sidetracked, or head in a direction other than where I am currently going, that would be an incredible disappointment. So hopefully, I’ve learned enough from where I have been to where I am now to know that the lessons that I have experienced and learned have put me in a position to do the work that I am pursuing. If I were not to pursue that, that would certainly be a lesson that I didn’t learn very well.

Avil Beckford: What’s one of the toughest decisions you’ve had to make and how did it impact your life?

Steve Olsher: Three years ago I had a wake up call. I’ve been a lifelong entrepreneur, and I had success in a number of different areas and I’ve had failures in a number of different areas as well if you want to use that definition. About three years ago, I was visiting my stepfather in the hospital who was on his deathbed. I was with him on his final days and I had a vision while I was holding his hand, and of my own funeral. At that funeral I could hear the words spoken at the graveside, which were, “Here lies Steve Olsher, he dedicated his life to chasing the Almighty dollar.”

That’s all that was said, and it hit me really hard because I realized that my life to that point was really about me and those closest to me, but no one else. I’ve always had this nagging, kind of tugging feeling that I was meant to do something extraordinary, but I couldn’t identify what it was, and I knew that if I continued down the path that I was heading of chasing the Almighty dollar, I would not have created my desired legacy. That’s where I had the choice, that’s where I hit the fork in the road, and that’s the biggest moment I ever faced because I could continue down the path of building businesses and really focusing on the driving factor being profit, or I could move toward what it was that I was really compelled to do, which is sharing the tips, tools, shortcuts and strategies that have worked so well for me in my life, with others in a much more powerful way. And I chose the latter, and certainly I have never looked back.

Avil Beckford: What are three events that helped to shape your life?

Steve Olsher: It goes without saying that the event that I just described is certainly one of the three that would be undeniable.

Two others that I can relate to the audience here is number one, I don’t even know how old I was, but I think I was around 10 or 11 years old, and I was roller-skating with my mom. My brother was in a mental hospital and he wasn’t doing great, so we were visiting him at the hospital, and for a break we went roller-skating. Somehow I got separated from my mom, which wasn’t really a big deal because it’s free skate you just go around but I struggling to skate, and it was hard for me. It didn’t come naturally, I hadn’t done much roller-skating and I just remember stumbling around a bit, and like the hands-of-God picked me up.

I remember it was a woman, and she was kind and gentle and encouraging and she skated with me for about 10 or 15 minutes. She was behind me, so I never actually saw her, but at some point she let go and I was skating completely on my own, but it was a very profound moment because at that point, I realized that sometimes if you just let go the answers that you need and the direction that you need will come from often one of the strangest place. You can’t question it and the idea of becoming who you were born to be, going back to the analogy of the work that I do, sometimes just requires letting go and let the hands of those help you where it comes from unlikely places. And so you don’t question when it comes into your life, you just allow yourself to melt into that and let those hands carry you. It was a very profound moment for me because I never saw her, she must have skated off because I never saw her, and she never said anything to me again, but yet I had the confidence, and I felt the love and it was a powerful moment for a very young man.

The third moment that had an amazing impact on me was we have thousands of conversations with people over our lives and for whatever reason, certain sentences, certain things that people say just stick with you over the years. I was in the process of opening up my own night club at the age of 20, and I was discussing this with an older friend of mine, a mentor. I told about what I intended to about opening up the club, and he said, “Look, what are you doing now?” and I reminded him, that I was waiting tables, pumping gas and I was deejaying in a club and doing some different things, and he said, “What are you afraid of if the club doesn’t work out?” and I said, “You know I’m afraid of failing, afraid of losing money, of disappointing people and I’m afraid of looking bad,” and he said, “Look Steve, the bottom line here is if for whatever reason the night club doesn’t work out, you can always go back to pumping gas.”

It was one of those defining moments where I realized that you can always go back to whatever it is that you know, but if you are not willing to take those risks, and not willing to grow, you are ultimately just going to simply die. That’s the idea here, be willing to grow because if you’re not growing you’re dying. And ultimately if you have to take a step back, you do it, but whenever you look back on your life you will always regret failing to act, and taking action and realizing what others call failure.

Those are three moments that had a tremendous impact on me.

Avil Beckford: What’s an accomplishment that you are proudest of?

Steve Olsher: Being married for 13 years and having three wonderful boys, that’s certainly my greatest accomplishment. Forget about anything that I have done on the business front, or the work that I do with others, or the book receiving awards. Success in life boils down to having a roof over my head, a family that I love, and something to eat. That to me is the definition of success and I have that so in my mind I am inordinately successful.

Avil Beckford: How did mentors influence your life?

Steve Olsher: I talked about the friend who provided the life lesson about pumping gas. And I had another mentor who helped me develop one of my businesses. I have had other mentors along the line including my grandfather. I think what people get hung up on is that mentors don’t have to be someone older than you. A mentor can be a 15 year old kid, mentors come from odd, strange, profound places, and I think we have this vision of a mentor being an old, grey-haired person who has been through life to try to provide life lessons that you can learn from, when in fact you can learn from anyone. Everyone is an expert at something, and if you can look at your life and your world and you can look at your interactions in that manner, anyone can be a mentor for you and to you. You just have to cultivate that relationship and be willing to ask.

Avil Beckford: What’s one core message you received from your mentors?

Steve Olsher: The core message that I have received over the years, is as I stated earlier is that you have to be willing to grow and you have to be willing to take risks. William James has a fantastic quote that I use in the Re-invention Workshop and I’ll paraphrase here, but ultimately what the quote is about is he says most people live within a restricted circle, this limited area of their potential being, potential self and it’s like a man, out of all the resources that he has is into the habit of using and wiggling his little finger.

And the idea is that when we are faced with great emergencies and crises we are able to respond in ways that we didn’t even know we had the capability of doing. I love the story of the woman who recently had a bear barge into her house somehow, and she had nothing to defend her family with but a zucchini, so she grabbed the zucchini and proceeds to beat away this bear to drive it out of the house with only a zucchini. If you had asked her three days earlier, “Hey, a bear is going to break into your house, and the only thing you have to defend yourself and your family with is a zucchini,” what do you think would have happened? I’m sure her natural response would have been, “I’m going to get mauled, that doesn’t sound like a fair fight.” But in fact when pushed to the brink she was able to do it.

I once had a mentor ask me, “If you’re willing to travel at that rate of speed to save someone you love, what rate of speed are you willing to travel to save yourself?” That has been one of the more profound statements, profound experiences that I’ve had in terms of something that has stuck with me all these years, and I try to carry that forth where pushing well beyond what is our normal restricted circle of our potential self, just getting out of my comfort zone.

Avil Beckford: An invisible mentor is a unique leader you can learn things from by observing them from afar, in the capacity of an Invisible Mentor, what is one piece of advice that you would give to readers?

Steve Olsher: If there was one piece of advice that I could offer to your audience, it would be to discover your “WHAT.” The world is waiting for you, that’s the one piece of advice that I can offer, and keep in mind that the world is waiting for you and you have a unique gift to share, and you are not only doing yourself a huge disservice by not cultivating what that gift is, but you’re doing us a disservice as well because you have been given something that no one else has. I don’t care if your stage is 20 people, let’s say you’re a second grade teacher, or if your stage has an audience of millions, it doesn’t matter, but ultimately there are people out there who need you, and there are people out there who will benefit from whatever it is that you were put on this world to do. Just keep in mind that the world is waiting for you, and we need you.

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