The Invisible Mentor

Archive for the ‘Career/Career Advice’ Category

I got the idea for this post after I read the headline “10 Reasons You Need a Mentor, Especially Mid-Career.” I decided to approach this post by presenting the responses to mentor questions that I ask accomplished people, and you get to decide if you need a mentor.

How did mentors influence your life?

Dennie Theodore

By believing in me. That’s the thing you need most when the world is feeling dark.

David Gray

Mentors have influenced my life more by their actions and their own ways of conducting themselves rather than by any specific mentoring per se.

Rodger Harding

Mentors have held up the mirror and shown me potential I did not know I had…Oftentimes I only realized the enormity of their contribution years later…

Deborah Koehler

They made all the difference in the world. They believed in me when I doubted myself.

Shannon Van Roekel

I never had a real mentor, unless I can count my mother, but I have had lots of examples of what not to do and a husband who is wise.

Brian Johnson

Interesting that I get to this question after describing the above. I have a complex relationship with mentors.

On the down side, had I followed a couple of “mentors’” advice early in my life, I never would have created my first business, eteamz. When I asked some pretty successful people what they thought of the idea, they thought it was a terrible idea and one actually told me “to take another hit on that pipe if you think you can pull that off.” They told me it would cost at least a million dollars to build the technology (we did it for less than $15,000 + 6 months of hard work and a lot of canned tuna) and reminded me I had no experience or contacts so who was I to get that money and build it (fair points as I had very little business experience and essentially no contacts). Oh, and they said I violated rule #1 of a business: the market has to “need” your product—which was a valid point because, at the time, there were only a few hundred teams and leagues in the world who were using the web so they didn’t think there was a need.

That was just the motivation I needed to rock it. I set the goal of getting 1 million teams in 5 years. (We got there in 4)

On the positive side, I’ve gotten amazing support and wisdom from some extraordinary human beings. Special thanks to Sam Wyly again, plus John Mackey (the CEO of Whole Foods) and Gay Hendricks (author of 30+ books including my favorites: “Five Wishes” and “The Big Leap”).

Being around these guys has totally changed my life. But, I’ve gotta say that it has been less what they *told* me (although they’ve each given me great practical advice) and much more about who they are and how they show up in the world and how that mojo has rubbed off.

For example, the scope of Sam Wyly’s vision is RIDICULOUSly big. He sees the world in terms of THE WORLD. So, when I’d tell him I wanted millions of people in our community at Zaadz, he’d nod his head and smile and say, “How can we do it and how much money do you need to do it?!?” (I remember one day when I met with him (a billionaire) and a nice, well-meaning potential investor (a millionaire) and the difference between how BIG they thought and the resulting advice they gave was *amazing.*)

Additional unsolicited advice: In addition to choosing your mentors wisely, I think the biggest thing to keep in mind is to trust yourself. Ultimately, a great mentor is someone who reflects back your highest potential and helps you tap into the wisdom you already have while sprinkling some tips they’ve picked up along the way. I’d personally run away from anyone who tells me I’m thinking too big or can’t do something or some such other nonsense.

As John Eliot says in his great book, Overachievement: “as soon as anyone starts telling you to be ‘realistic,’ cross that person off your invitation list.”

Steve Spalding

I like to believe that I learn something from everyone I talk to, that’s why I love chatting with different kinds of people.

As for my mentors, I think that all the people I would consider mentors had shared one thing in common — they have given me the opportunity to make mistakes.

What’s one core message you received from your mentors?

Dennie Theodore

To be yourself, ask questions and be an advocate for yourself and others.

David Gray

Establish trust by being principled and doing what you say you will do.

Rodger Harding

That I am a gifted person who has loads of untapped potential…Using this potential will benefit myself and others.

Deborah Koehler

You know what you need to do within yourself, trust yourself and move toward where you are pulled.

Shannon Van Roekel

The best thing I can do to market my book is to learn to write well.

Brian Johnson

Trust yourself.

(I vividly remember a chat with Steve Wynne (the former CEO of Adidas who we brought on as our CEO at eteamz), when he told me the two most important things about business: 1. Trust yourself. 2. Business is simple, keep it that way.)

Steve Spalding

I think that is the core message. To grow as an entrepreneur, you need to have the freedom to make mistakes. If you don’t, you can’t expect to do anything interesting.

People grossly underestimate how complex business can be, they assume that everything will work out exactly as planned. What I will say is that in all cases that I’ve seen, it never does.

One of the few good things a mentor can give you is the room to breathe that you need to learn this for yourself, find a solution (or not) and fail with your head held high.

They need to teach but only after they’ve let you do it yourself for a while.

What are your thoughts after you have read the responses to the two questions? Do you need a mentor?

Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over here The Invisible Mentor (top on the left side) and subscribe by email or RSS Feed. I created a Mini Learning Toolkit and you can grab a copy by clicking here. Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please comment.

Skills often transfer well across industries, and the advice that is dispensed for specific positions and industries also transfer very well. In this post I pull together advice from three interviewees. How do the responses compare, and how can you apply their responses?

Tell me a little bit about yourself?

Dennie Theodore

Professional strategic planner, facilitator, writer and business manager, contributing to business and artistic projects across Canada and internationally. A long and successful history in many communities and known as a caring mentor, negotiator, leader and unappreciated parent.

Don Martelli

I am a 14 year-veteran of the communications business. I started out as a reporter for the Boston Globe and worked for six years in the education space in PR and marketing roles. I’ve worked for three top PR agencies, working on technology, corporate, healthcare and consumer accounts. Currently, I’m a VP and Director of Digital Communications with MS&L Boston (www.mslworldwide.com). You can find out more about me at http://www.donmartelli.com.

Shannon Van Roekel

I am married, with five children, two of which are getting married within the next 6 months. Lately I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night “angsting” over table centerpieces, floral arrangements and crash diets.

What are the steps you took to succeed in your field?

Dennie Theodore

Realized it wasn’t enough to dream but the practical bits needed planning. And that nothing succeeds if you don’t have passion – looked to put that back into my daily life.

Don Martelli

Good education. Staying grounded in my beliefs and vision for my future. Working with smart people that I can learn from. Helping others learn what I know.

Shannon Van Roekel

When I felt the burden on my heart to pursue writing, I did all I could to learn to write well, believing that this was what God was asking of me.

What advice would you give to someone just starting out?

Dennie Theodore

Have as many cups of coffee/tea as you have time for in a week with people who are willing to sit with you. Don’t make it transactional – simply meet them to enjoy them and see where it leads. By doing so you’re building a personal community that will care with you and for you as you start to put your plans in action or require support to see them through.

Don Martelli

Read, read, read, read and read some more. Make connections in the business.

Shannon Von Roekel

Read about writing; find other writers to talk to; go to a writer’s conference!

What are five life lessons that you have learned so far?

Dennie Theodore

1. Speak up
2. Ask questions
3. Speak out
4. Forgive
5. Listen

Don Martelli

1. Be yourself
2. Be honest
3. Help people
4. Take care of your family
5. Own up to mistakes

Shannon Van Roekel

1. Ask God for help, the sooner the better.
2. Forgiveness is always easier than resentment—and healthier.
3. I can forgive myself all I want, but unless God has forgiven me, I get no peace.
4. Nobody is free from insecurity or dysfunctions. Some are just better at hiding it.
5. Life doesn’t last forever so speak the truth.

What process do you use to generate ideas?

Dennie Theodore

I read read read. And then I talk about it with friends till I figure out what I’m thinking.  Then I write write write.

Don Martelli

Playing catch. Walking or listening to music. My creativity is fostered when I’m not thinking about something specific.

Shannon Van Roekel

I ask God to give me His ideas, which are better than mine all the time. Then I wait. Eventually something begins that I can only describe as brain percolation. It’s this craziness of ideas and connections that bubble up and spill over into story.

How might you use some of the interview responses? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please comment.

During a period of incredible change, I though that I’d revisit  email interviews I conducted a few years ago where the interviewees explained how to switch careers. Read and let me know what you think.

Simon Grant

I have walked away from a career twice. The first time I did it for love (met a woman on holiday, moved to Sweden, worked washing dishes till I got a chance to start again in a Swedish company in a new industry). The second time I simply stopped having fun in my career and so quit and went backpacking for a year with my now wife, changed country again and had to start from (almost) scratch again.

In both cases and as a general guide, I think a successful transition is about understanding that you need to “earn your stripes” with those whom you start working with. You should never expect respect. Gaining respect is not just about what you know or the decisions you make, but, about the passion that you bring to your role and how you treat your co-workers. It’s not impossible, but it’s damn hard to be successful without the support and respect of your co-workers.

Nanci Govinder

Moving from one career to another is perhaps one of the most stressful and enjoyable experiences one can have in one’s professional life. Often people do not fulfill their true desires in terms of a career as they studied to do something and are fearful of change. I have made many transitions in my professional life and loved each step–from a scientist to a career in marketing and general management, to a research associate in an international business school to currently being a coach, teacher and speaker.

Here are some tips to change careers I would like to share with you:

Be clear about what you want

Deep down, we all know what we truly desire but are too afraid to even articulate it to ourselves. To get started, write down some things that you achieved between the ages of 5-10, 10-15, 15-20, 20-25. These must be things that bring a smile to your face when you recall them.

Write it down

This is a really important step as seeing your ‘dream’ on paper, starts the process of making it a reality. If you just talk about it or think about it, it remains just that, a pipe dream.

Find role models or mentors

During this process, people close to you tend to project their fears on you and tell you what a bad idea it is and how foolish you are to leave a ‘good job with good prospects blah, blah, blah.’ Don’t listen to them. They are just projecting their fears.

Transition part-time

We all have financial commitments and obligations and it can be a big step to make dramatic changes. Find ways to ease into your new career if you can. I reduced my full-time job to three days a week and spent the other two days working on my company and creating my network. When the time came to leave, I felt confident and at ease to work full time in my company.

List your fears

We all have fears. We are afraid of failure, being embarrassed, humiliated, being successful and so on. What are you afraid of? It’s important to state your fear and to realize that fear is just a thought or belief that you have

These are the tips that Simon and Nanci would like to share with you if you decided that you wanted a career change.

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Do you create your own luck? Professor Richard Wiseman from University of Hertfordshire in Britain, conducted a 10-year study to determine the nature of luck, and published his findings in a book called The Luck Factor: The Scientific Study of the Lucky Mind. Professor Wiseman has outlined four principles to help one increase their good fortune:

1. Principle One: Maximise Chance Opportunities
   Lucky people create, notice and act upon chance opportunities. How do they do this? They network, adopt a relaxed attitude to life and are open to new experiences.
2. Principle Two: Listening to Lucky Hunches
   Lucky people make successful decisions by using their intuition and gut feelings. In addition, they take steps to actively boost their intuition, for example, by meditating and clearing their mind of other thoughts.
3. Principle Three: Expect Good Fortune
   Lucky people’s expectations about the future help them fulfill their dreams and ambitions because these expectations become self-fulfilling prophecies by helping them to persist in the face of failure, and shape their interactions with others in a positive way.
4. Principle Four: Turn Bad Luck to Good
   Lucky people are able to transform their bad luck into good fortune by seeing the positive side of the bad luck. For example, they spontaneously imagine how things could have been worse, do not dwell on the ill fortune, and take control of the situation.

What are your thoughts on the four principles?  How can you use the four principles outlined above to improve your personal and professional situation?

My Related Reflections

• Accomplished people are self-motivated, and most spot opportunities, which they act on, and that’s why they are successful, and appear lucky. Many also work harder, and some have workaholic tendencies. According to a quote attributed to Thomas Jefferson, “I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.”
• Are you in a job which feeds your soul? Are you ready to start your day when you arise in the morning? Does your job feel like work? Would you be doing what you’re doing if your weren’t getting paid?
• Do you take time each day to reflect? You know all the answers, but you have to shut down the chatter to hear the answers within you. What techniques do you use to focus, to go into alpha? Do you know how to go into Alpha, to quiet your mind?
• What is your outlook on life? Is the glass full or empty?
• In every disaster there is a related opportunity. When disaster strikes, do you throw up your hands in the air and ask, “Why me?” Or, do you seek the opportunity to win?

Here is a simple technique that I use to go into Alpha:

1. Close your eyes
2. Take a few deep breaths, breathing deeply into your lungs by flexing your diaphragm (you know that you are breathing deeply when your stomach pushes out when you are inhaling)
3. With your eyes still closed, look upwards, and focus on the point between your eyebrows
4. When you feel a slight pressure, start counting down slowly from ten to one. When you reach one, you are now in the alpha state

The Alpha Brainwave State is where creativity occurs. Whenever you are in alpha – there are four known brainwave states – you never worry. If you have to study for a test, or want to remember large amounts of data, be sure to go into the alpha state before you begin. When you are ready to use the information, go into alpha again and you will retrieve/remember all the information that you studied.

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Source: The Luck Factor: Change your luck – and change your life, Dr. Richard Wiseman

Photo Credit: via Apture

How important is it to have a job that really matters and makes a difference? Or, is money the most important thing at this stage of your life? As we grow older, our focus and priorities change, and also based on our situations, our priorities change as well. When you hear the term meaningful work, what springs to your mind? It doesn’t have to be lofty. For me, meaningful work is work that services a specific need, that I am passionate about.

When was the last time you reflected on your life? Are you happy with where you are, and what you have accomplished? If you and I were sitting here three years from today, what would have had to happen, for you to feel happy, fulfilled and satisfied with your your life? Think about this.

More and more I find myself wanting work that really makes a difference. I enjoy writing and reading, and I am interested in books that were written a long time ago. I have this theory that there is really nothing new under the sun. Yes, there are new inventions, but the inventors likely used pre-existing information and technologies and furthered them. What are your thoughts?

I have another related theory that we can use old ideas to solve today’s problems, so I am on a quest to find some of those old ideas by reading books written a long time ago. Is this meaningful work? I would like to think so. What if I discovered a technique to solve some of those pesky problems that plague our world today?

As a note of interest, people are finding work that matters in the second half of their lives. If this is something that you would like to further explore, please read “On Your Bookshelf: Encore – Finding Work that Matters in the Second Half of Life.” In the review, they mention some programs in place that interested professionals can participate in.

Let’s keep the conversation going, please comment.