The Invisible Mentor

Do You Need a Mentor?

December 23rd, 2009 |

I got the idea for this post after I read the headline “10 Reasons You Need a Mentor, Especially Mid-Career.” I decided to approach this post by presenting the responses to mentor questions that I ask accomplished people, and you get to decide if you need a mentor.

How did mentors influence your life?

Dennie Theodore

By believing in me. That’s the thing you need most when the world is feeling dark.

David Gray

Mentors have influenced my life more by their actions and their own ways of conducting themselves rather than by any specific mentoring per se.

Rodger Harding

Mentors have held up the mirror and shown me potential I did not know I had…Oftentimes I only realized the enormity of their contribution years later…

Deborah Koehler

They made all the difference in the world. They believed in me when I doubted myself.

Shannon Van Roekel

I never had a real mentor, unless I can count my mother, but I have had lots of examples of what not to do and a husband who is wise.

Brian Johnson

Interesting that I get to this question after describing the above. I have a complex relationship with mentors.

On the down side, had I followed a couple of “mentors’” advice early in my life, I never would have created my first business, eteamz. When I asked some pretty successful people what they thought of the idea, they thought it was a terrible idea and one actually told me “to take another hit on that pipe if you think you can pull that off.” They told me it would cost at least a million dollars to build the technology (we did it for less than $15,000 + 6 months of hard work and a lot of canned tuna) and reminded me I had no experience or contacts so who was I to get that money and build it (fair points as I had very little business experience and essentially no contacts). Oh, and they said I violated rule #1 of a business: the market has to “need” your product—which was a valid point because, at the time, there were only a few hundred teams and leagues in the world who were using the web so they didn’t think there was a need.

That was just the motivation I needed to rock it. I set the goal of getting 1 million teams in 5 years. (We got there in 4)

On the positive side, I’ve gotten amazing support and wisdom from some extraordinary human beings. Special thanks to Sam Wyly again, plus John Mackey (the CEO of Whole Foods) and Gay Hendricks (author of 30+ books including my favorites: “Five Wishes” and “The Big Leap”).

Being around these guys has totally changed my life. But, I’ve gotta say that it has been less what they *told* me (although they’ve each given me great practical advice) and much more about who they are and how they show up in the world and how that mojo has rubbed off.

For example, the scope of Sam Wyly’s vision is RIDICULOUSly big. He sees the world in terms of THE WORLD. So, when I’d tell him I wanted millions of people in our community at Zaadz, he’d nod his head and smile and say, “How can we do it and how much money do you need to do it?!?” (I remember one day when I met with him (a billionaire) and a nice, well-meaning potential investor (a millionaire) and the difference between how BIG they thought and the resulting advice they gave was *amazing.*)

Additional unsolicited advice: In addition to choosing your mentors wisely, I think the biggest thing to keep in mind is to trust yourself. Ultimately, a great mentor is someone who reflects back your highest potential and helps you tap into the wisdom you already have while sprinkling some tips they’ve picked up along the way. I’d personally run away from anyone who tells me I’m thinking too big or can’t do something or some such other nonsense.

As John Eliot says in his great book, Overachievement: “as soon as anyone starts telling you to be ‘realistic,’ cross that person off your invitation list.”

Steve Spalding

I like to believe that I learn something from everyone I talk to, that’s why I love chatting with different kinds of people.

As for my mentors, I think that all the people I would consider mentors had shared one thing in common — they have given me the opportunity to make mistakes.

What’s one core message you received from your mentors?

Dennie Theodore

To be yourself, ask questions and be an advocate for yourself and others.

David Gray

Establish trust by being principled and doing what you say you will do.

Rodger Harding

That I am a gifted person who has loads of untapped potential…Using this potential will benefit myself and others.

Deborah Koehler

You know what you need to do within yourself, trust yourself and move toward where you are pulled.

Shannon Van Roekel

The best thing I can do to market my book is to learn to write well.

Brian Johnson

Trust yourself.

(I vividly remember a chat with Steve Wynne (the former CEO of Adidas who we brought on as our CEO at eteamz), when he told me the two most important things about business: 1. Trust yourself. 2. Business is simple, keep it that way.)

Steve Spalding

I think that is the core message. To grow as an entrepreneur, you need to have the freedom to make mistakes. If you don’t, you can’t expect to do anything interesting.

People grossly underestimate how complex business can be, they assume that everything will work out exactly as planned. What I will say is that in all cases that I’ve seen, it never does.

One of the few good things a mentor can give you is the room to breathe that you need to learn this for yourself, find a solution (or not) and fail with your head held high.

They need to teach but only after they’ve let you do it yourself for a while.

What are your thoughts after you have read the responses to the two questions? Do you need a mentor?

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