The Invisible Mentor

Archive for August, 2009

Learning from the challenges that others face can save us time and shorten the learning curve. Below is an interview I conducted over four years ago. I have posted it on The Invisible Mentor Blog because I know that some can learn from Neil Aitchison’s experience. Be sure to let me know what you think.

Interview With Neil Aitchison, Director of Marketing & Development, Drayton Entertainment

Avil Beckford: Describe a business challenge you had and how you resolved.

Neil Aitchison: Challenge – I have a background in broadcasting and theatre and I got a call to do a humour speech on Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy (BSE or Mad Cow Disease) intergovernmental border issue. I had to tie my speech into that theme.

Resolution: I met with the group and I asked many questions, listened and took a lot of notes. I restructured my speech so that it would tie in with what my client wanted. I prepared as I went along.

Avil Beckford: What lessons did you learn in the process?

Neil Aitchison: Lessons Learned

• Listen hard
• Learning never stops
• Everyone has their own issues and concerns that they have to deal with
• There is always another hurdle to overcome

Formula For Success

Success is a gradual realization of worthwhile achievable goals. You have to risk failure, work toward long-term goals. Learning never stops. Take steady steps a day at a time and make small reasonable goals.

If you faced this challenge how would you have handled it? Would you have done anything differently from Neil? Whenever I begin a new project, I ask a lot of questions, and I reinterpret what I heard the client say to ensure that I understand the deliverables. This helps me to deliver what the client requires. How do you deliver what your clients require?

Excerpt Ambeck Edge July 2005

The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin

By Benjamin Franklin

A few days ago I posted a blog titled “Benjamin Franklin in 10 Tweets,” and thought it would be a great follow-up to have today’s post. I reviewed The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin for Ambeck Edge in November 2004 and recommended it with reservation because it was so difficult to read. Four years later, in 2008, I read The Autobiography and Other Writings (Penguin Classics), and found it was easier to read the second time around. Here is the original book review, and the sections highlighted in red are new information that I have added to the review.

The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin is an excellent book, but very difficult to read. It is written in old English and not structured in a way that you would expect. It took three attempts for me to finally read it through. To read this book and get the most from it, you need to set aside at least two hours. This is not a book to read in 15-minute time slots, and you’ll need an open mind when reading it.

The effort you make in reading this book is well worth it. Even though the information in this book was originally recorded in a manuscript in the 1700s, it’s timeless, and reaffirms that there are no new ideas. You will come away feeling richer. There are many lessons you can learn from reading this book. I am amazed at the way he used information to educate the masses.

Franklin wanted to introduce what he called a public subscription library, but when he tried to get the subscriptions, people objected and were reluctant to participate because it was “Franklin’s project”. He immediately learned that it was often more important to relinquish control of a project to benefit humanity if doing so would make it be accepted.

In the book, Franklin talks about his 13 virtues, which he tried to integrate into his life – temperance, silence, order, resolution, frugality, industry, sincerity, justice, moderation, cleanliness, tranquility, chastity and humility. He chose a virtue and focused on it for the entire week. Benjamin Franklin wanted to be morally perfect, but found perfection to be elusive. He realized that being perfect wasn’t possible, but he was glad he tried because he was a happier and better man after trying. Some of the virtues may not make sense in today’s world, but it is still worth thinking about. In May 2009 while I was reading The Analects of Confucius, Confucius outlined precepts to live by which reminded me of Franklin’s 13 virtues.

Franklin was also an excellent time manager, accounting for every minute in the day and would never go to bed without first examining his day. As I am revisiting this book review, I am reminded of Socrates‘ famous quote “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

Benjamin Franklin, inventor, printer, publisher, business owner, franchiser, master of strategic alliances, fundraiser and so much more, gives new meaning to the terms “Jack of all Trades” and workaholic.

Five Great Ideas

1. Develop a Code of  Conduct for the way you live and work, so that when situations arise you know how to respond
2. Provide useful information to your clients
3. After making the first $1 million, it is easier to make the second
4. Before going into partnerships, develop contracts with clearly defined expectations and exit clauses to protect all involved parties
5. History is filled with mistakes, learn from them

I recommend this book with reservation because even though it’s so difficult to read.

Related Posts

Benjamin Franklin in 10 Tweets
What Does This Benjamin Franklin Quote Mean to You?
The Analects of Confucius

Excerpt from  Ambeck Edge, November 2004

I have read a few quotes that resonate with me, and really touch my soul, or ignite something within me. Have you ever had that experience? When I am writing, one of my signatures is quotations, and I often hunt for the perfect quote to add context to what I am saying. And many times I do find that perfect quote that says what I want to say but better than I could have said it.

Two quotes that I really love are:

“For things to change, we must change.” Jim Rohn

“If you don’t like where you are, change what you are.” Henry Knight Miller

I really like these two quotes because they tell me that I have a choice and that I can re-invent myself.

While I was walking today, I let my mind wander because I have been DOING and not BEING so I feel somewhat scattered and out of control. And once again I was reminded by that inner voice that we like to shut up, that I can rewrite my story because I am the author, and I am in control. I can weave my story any way that I want to.

We are always in a state of flux, and as Heraclitus says, we cannot step into the same river twice. I am rewriting parts of my story that do not work for me. Have you ever rewritten your story, or parts of your story?

What quote verbalizes what you are, where you are, or what you are feeling right now? What is your favorite quote? And why is it your favorite quote?

Photo credits: Avil Beckford

Interview With Sandra Miller

In an effort to provide you with information to help you to become the best YOU, I have been revisiting work that I had done previously for my newsletter to allow new readers to benefit from that premium content. We can learn from the people around us. For the interview below, which I conducted over two years ago, I interviewed Sandra Miller, my neighbour at the time. I remember we were having dinner in a Greek restaurant, and Toronto Mayor, David Miller (no relation to Sandra) was having a quick meal before he went to an event. After his meal, he went to every table and greeted everyone. I thought that was quite nice. It is interesting that I should remember that encounter now, though it has nothing to do with the interview below.

I particularly liked this interview because it is so human. Many times we try to do the right thing, we do our homework, yet things do not always work out the way we intended. Instead of beating up ourselves, let’s view the experience as lessons learned.

Avil: Describe a challenge that you had and how you resolved it.

Sandra: I finished my Masters degree in leadership and training and wanted to use my education in the workplace. I had worked for a government agency for a very long time and now wanted to experience another work environment in the not-for-profit sector.

I accepted an offer within a company that I thought I knew, one I thought would be a good fit for me. Not too long into the process I realized that I had misjudged some of the attributes of that company. And what’s interesting is that specializing in leadership and training should have made me more aware of what was presented to me. Some of your other needs often cloud your perceptions no matter how diligent you are when making a decision. My new employer had financial security, and appeared to have opportunities for me, and they came looking for me, which made me feel good.

Previously, I had worked with the company on various projects, but in that context I was an outsider. The CEO said all the right things; we talked about opportunities and my education, and how I could be a change agent, which was what I was really looking for. I had important networks within the sector that the organization was aligned with, and in the public sector where they would receive funding, and I thought that I could leverage those alliances. I made assumptions about the organization’s culture based on my prior interactions with them.

After I joined the organization, I realized that a number of their practices were contrary to my values. It was a company managed by fear and retribution, and not the place I thought; I thought they ran like a “well oiled machine Because of confident empowered employees and found out that it ran that way because of fear and punishment. People were not given the opportunity to learn and grow in the organization. My leadership style and values give people opportunities to learn and grow, and be comfortable in their work environment, which reaps higher productivity and loyalty to a company, and allows a more joyful day-to-day experience.

As you grow older, you start to realize what you really value, what you are willing to, and not willing to tolerate, what you will not sign your name to and what action you are not willing to take. The staff was paralyzed by fear of the leadership, yet the staff actually had all sorts of new ideas. I didn’t realize before coming into the job that I was the fourth person to sit in that chair in about five years so it really didn’t make any difference what I tried to do.

Resolution: After four to five months, I knew that I had made an error in judgment. In planning my go forward position, my first resolution was to continue to perform in my style. I ran the risk of not fitting in with the leadership team, not being successful, and being performance managed. To me, being true to myself was my sole purpose the entire time. And, being true to myself, I decided to perform at a certain level and treat my staff in a way that I believed to be positive, provided them with opportunities, and listened to their suggestions for change and where possible implement them.

As I continued to become stronger and more comfortable with myself in what I believed to be true, my staff started to perform at a higher level and also liked me as a boss. They were more forthcoming with their thoughts and concerns. At the same time I was alienating myself from the leadership, which was a very tight knit group, and the sole decision-makers within the organization. My team was functioning a lot better and was happier, which was perceived as causing grief within the organization. The leadership team sabotaged my success, and the situation started to have a personal impact on me.

A year into the experience I realized that everything I was hired to do I wasn’t allowed to do, and the general management and philosophy around the treatment of people were contrary to my own beliefs, and contrary to an environment where I could personally excel, make a tangible difference, and come in to work every day with a smile on my face.

In a situation like this, you have to be reflective and think about your well-being, your mental and physical health, and you have to make a personal decision even though you’d like to stay for the team. I don’t like to quit or fail. I knew that I still had a number of years to work, and I didn’t see myself here in this environment, so either they were going to pull the plug, or I was going to pull the plug. How do I prepare to protect myself, to look for a new role, and how do you I protect my staff so they are not damaged after I leave?

I started to talk with other CEOs within the system where I was most known in, looking for somewhere else to land, looking for a role that would be more in keeping with the education and the passion and the interests that I have. A place where I would continue to learn and grow, and be able to execute my ideas. Before I completed that process I was released from the company.

I was fortunate, within a short time after my release one of my contacts had a position that was a good fit for my skills. Other corporate contacts provided tremendous support and all my friends and family were extremely supportive. I say I was fortunate because I believe many of life experiences are timing, they come to us to teach us more about ourselves and the company that we keep.

My new role and the organization that I work for is a very good fit for my style, skills, passion and personal need to continue to learn and grow. Within the same short four months that it took previously to identify an untenable situation, I can say that within a much shorter period of time I recognized that this company lives its values, has the respect of individuals and delivers on its hiring promises. It is a place where I can live my values.

Avil: What lessons did you learn in the process?

Sandra: Lessons Learned

1. Ask precise questions during the process because you should be interviewing your prospective employers just as much as they are interviewing you; listen for responses that go “clang” with your values: challenge your assumptions
2. It’s important so see if the culture that the organization is selling is actually the culture that exists within
3. I learned the importance at looking at the turnover rate for the position that I am interviewing for – had I done this, I would have seen the red flag
4. I learned about the importance of looking at the longevity of the leadership, how many years they’ve been leading the company, and with that how they remain familiar with the educational and research environment that’s out there
5. I have always kept my networks strong, building and nurturing my relationships, and while going through this difficult process, I realized just how important my actions were. Because my networks were so strong, my reputation stood apart from the company that I was working for

Avil: In your opinion, what is the formula for success?

Sandra: The formula for success when looking for a job is to research your prospective employer extensively and not act too quickly when making a decision. You need to really understand yourself because the more you understand yourself, the more likely you’ll make a better match between you and your future employer. Question why you are going to make a move in your career, and what you want out of it. Look at not just financial security, but also at how the experience you’ll acquire will be beneficial to you.

Invest in your network and alliances. True connections are based on individual relationships that transcend employer relationships.

If you were in Sandra’s situation, what would you have done differently

Excerpt April/May 2007 Ambeck Edge

Photo credit: Creative Commons Lincense, Photo of Toronto Mayor David Miller by Bahman via Flickr

Review of Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton & Sheila Heen

Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most comes out of the work of the Harvard Negotiation Project. Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen define a difficult conversation as anything you find hard to talk about. The authors explore “what it is that makes conversations difficult, why we avoid them, and why we often handle them badly.” We all face difficult conversations, at home and at work, and each of us has to struggle with how to address them. Do we avoid or confront them? The authors provide a framework for understanding and conducting difficult conversations. One of the authors’ stated goal of Difficult Conversations is to ” help you turn difficult conversations into learning conversations by helping you handle each of the Three Conversations more productively and improving your ability to handle all three at once.”

Stone, Patton and Heen explain that each difficult conversation is really three different conversations – The “What Happened” Conversation, The Feelings Conversation and The Identity Conversation. The “what happened” conversation gets to the facts without placing blame or guessing the others’ intentions. Rarely do understanding the facts alone resolve the situation. Feelings are often at the core of a difficult situation. The feelings conversation helps to unravel the complexities of our emotions, while diffusing the negative effects. The identity conversation looks at how the event interacts with our identity. It helps us to see how our perceptions of ourselves may affect the position that we take.

Difficult Conversations is a lot longer than it needs to be, and bloated in some areas. Despite that, I learned and gained a lot from reading this book, and, as I read, I found myself getting a deeper understanding of the subject matter. All participants in a difficult conversation contribute to the outcome.

5 Great Ideas

1. When you are participating in a conversation, you need to understand not only what is said, but also what is not said. You also need to understand what the people involved are thinking and feeling but not saying to each other
2. The gap between what you’re really thinking and what you’re saying is part of what makes a conversation difficult
3. It’s always possible to define a problem without reference to feelings
4. Most difficult conversations involve the “blame game,” that is, who’s to blame for the mess we’re in
5. When you have to deliver bad news, whether it is to fire someone or tell the children that you are getting a divorce, go in with the purpose of giving them the news, of taking responsibility for your part in the outcome, of showing that you care about how they feel, and of trying to be helpful going forward

This is not a book you read for entertainment or mere information, but one you read to get a deeper understanding of the intricacies and complexities of difficult conversations. It’s packed with a lot of information, so there is no way that you can remember all the information in just one read. The checklist and roadmap at the end of the book is a great review. I recommend this book.

This review first appeared in April/May 2007 Ambeck Edge, and Difficult Conversations  is book that will always be relevant. It was great to re-read this review and be reminded of its content. As I read the review again, I was reminded of two of the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz: don’t take things personally and don’t make assumptions. These two agreements can help to diffuse heated conversations, or prevent conversations from escalating. This is a great lesson for us.

For those interested, the other two agreements are: Be impeccable with your word and always do your best.

Book List

Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most, Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton & Sheila Heen
The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, A Toltec Wisdom Book, Don Miguel Ruiz

Related articles by Zemanta

• Seven Tips for Difficult Conversations (businessweek.com)
• 6 Steps to Better Communication (psychcentral.com)

Excerpt April/May 2007 Ambeck Edge