The Invisible Mentor

Transforming a Negative into a Positive: What I Learned from Adversity

April 7th, 2009 |

Grand Etang Forest Reserve, Grenada

The past five years have often felt like I was a runaway train heading for derailment. There were far more valleys than peaks. My bread and butter client disappeared overnight as a result of being acquired by a firm with a very different focus from theirs. Many other projects disappeared and suddenly I was without a safety net. Ninety percent of my income came from that one client.

I scrambled and tried to make it work with little success, until I finally learned to let go. I let go of the control freak within me, and I let go of the intense fear that I was feeling. Realization came crashing down like a cement wall; I no longer enjoyed what I did for a living and felt trapped. I had been feeling that way for a long time but refused to acknowledge those feelings.

My life now felt like a threadbare garment that had seen better days. I often wondered how I would go on. I was stuck in a familiar place that was not so comfortable. I looked at my life and compared it to a large project that’s overwhelming at first. Whenever that happened I would take on bite sized portions, and in no time the project became bearable. So, I viewed my life like one of my research projects taking one step at a time, and suddenly my life seemed less daunting.

And like a research project, I conducted a needs assessment, but in this case I was assessing my life. During this period of darkness, I became more self-aware and wiser. I learned that I didn’t have to discard my research skills, because they would be critical to whatever I decided to do. I learned that even though you are very good at something doesn’t mean that it’s your calling.

I spent a lot of time in solitude reflecting on my life and evaluating everything. I became wiser and more aware of myself. I learned to be easier on myself. Despite the tough times, I still managed to write my first book Tales of People Who Get It and its companion workbook, Journey to Getting It. I marvel now at how much I accomplished even though I felt like I was going nowhere fast.

I experimented with writing poetry, short stories and about life in Jamaica. I was transported back to a simpler time when I would go to the market with grandma on Saturday mornings. I re-experienced happiness. It’s amazing how it took an adversity, the loss of my safety blanket to explore what would really make me happy.

Each day, I take one step closer to the life that I want to live. It’s not easy, but one step is all that I can take. The pieces in the jigsaw puzzle of my life are fitting into place and for the first time in my life I feel as if I am going exactly where I want to go, and exactly where I need to go. Here is one of the poems that I wrote during my time of transitions.

The Square Peg

All his life he tried to fit in,

A square peg into a round hole.

All his friendships were superficial at best.

He worked hard at being liked,

Always being a people pleaser – the “yes” man,

And the “go-to-it” guy.

He catered to everyone else’s needs,

Except his very own.

One day he wised up,

And took stock of his life.

He realized he could no longer,

Continue living his life this way.

For the first time in his life,

He stopped trying to fit in,

And working so hard to be liked.

In the blink of an eye, like a flash,

He was surrounded by square pegs.

All this time he wasted,

When all he had to do,

Was simply be himself.

I believe that we can learn from the experiences of others. And I believe that we can use the words of others as Invisible Mentors. What lessons have you learned from others? Does the poem resonate with you? Do you work very hard at fitting in? How do you deal with adversity?

This post is an entry in the What I learned from Adversity Group Writing Project hosted by Robert Hruzek, Middle Zone Musings.

Photo Credits: Avil Beckford

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