The Invisible Mentor

Do you get upset whenever you face a challenging situation? Or do you face them head on? Do you view challenges as nuisances? Or do you view them as an opportunities?

There is no running away from challenges, they are a fact of life. So the next time when you encounter a challenging situation that may rock your world, instead of balking at the situation, think on these words:

“This discipline and rough treatment are a furnace to extract the silver from the dross. The testing purifies the gold by boiling the scum away.” Jalal al-Din Rumi

These words are by Rumi, the great Persian, Muslim poet from the 13th Century. Challenges make us stronger, smooth away our rough edges, and help us to evolve and grow into our best selves.

Rumi Poet of the Heart

If you cannot view the YouTube video Rumi Poet of the Heart, please click here.

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You’ve finally made it, you’re are the Chairman and CEO of a Fortune 500 firm. You’re at the top of your game, you’re at the apex of your career, why would you need a mentor?

A mentor is a trusted adviser, a champion, someone who holds you accountable. Though you may not need someone to open doors for you, you need people in your life who support and encourage you, and who you can discuss pressing issues with to get perspective. Reporting to a Board of Directors simply isn’t enough. Who is one person in a business capacity who you can call on? It doesn’t have to be lonely at the top.

What are your thoughts? What would you like to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right side) by email or RSS Feed.

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One of the questions that I ask when I interview people for this blog is, tell me about your biggest failure and how did it translate into a great success? Like most people in life, I like it when things work out in the end. In life, things do not always work out, but that should not stop us from being hopeful. Though there are many times when what seemed like a sure failure, mistake or whatever you’d like to call it, turned out to be a major coup. Here are seven accidental discoveries:

1. Champagne: A popular story about how champagne was first created suggests that a monk named Dom Perignon was trying to make white wine and instead created a wine with lots of bubbles of carbon dioxide. Wikipedia disputes this popular belief and clarifies that it was the first sparkling champagne that was accidentally discovered by Dom Perignon.  
2. Saccharin: This artificial sweetener was discovered in 1879 by Ira Remsen and Constantine Fahlberg. They were working with coal tar derivatives, and they discovered the sweetness of saccharin because they didn’t wash their hands properly.
3. Viagra: Pharmaceutical juggernaut Pfizer originally developed sildenafil citrate as a heart medication to help men who were suffering from chest pains. The results were not promising so they stopped the studies. But when they looked at the published data, they realized it would be an appropriate treatment for erectile dysfunction. The medication was re-evaluated and the rest they say is history.
4. Band-aid: In 1921, Earle Dickson discovered band-aid at Johnson and Johnson. His wife was always cutting herself in the kitchen while cooking, and he was simply trying to find a solution to keeping the cut germ free while allowing her to continue to do what she was doing.
5. Penicillin: This antibiotic was accidentally discovered in 1928 when Alexander Fleming, a Scottish bacteriologist left bacteria cultures uncovered for several days.
6. Frisbee: Walter Fredrick Morrison and his wife used to toss a cake pan on the beach in California, and he wanted to find a way to make the pan “fly better”  and the modern day frisbee was born.
7. The sandwich: The creator of today’s sandwich is unfairly credited to John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich. There are conflicting stories on the internet about the origin of the sandwich, but the most interesting one is that John was very fond of playing cards and would do so for an entire day. He did not want food to interfere with his game so he asked his cook to prepare him a meal that would be easy to eat. She presented him with today’s version of a sandwich.

Think back to when you were a child, were there games you played that you invented? Are there projects that you abandoned because you didn’t get the results that you sought? Can they be used in different ways? What would you like to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right side) by email or RSS Feed.

Further Reading

The Accidental Innovator, Sarah Jane Gilbert, July 5, 2006, Harvard Business School

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If you conducted a quick search on the internet to identify traits of great leaders, you will find traits such as:

• Excellent problem solvers and decision makers
• Ability to embrace change
• Ability to think on their feel
• Confident
• Act with integrity
• Ability to focus
• Enthusiastic
• Subject matter experts
• Risk takers
• Good listeners

But what is often missing, is that effective leadership requires that you first lead yourself. Authentic leadership begins when you “know yourself. How well do you know yourself? When was the last time you asked yourself the “tough” questions? How often do you honor the commitments that you make to yourself? What do you like about yourself? What are your strengths and weaknesses? What are your values? How self-disciplined are you? How do you respond to the challenges you encounter in life? Can you count on yourself  to respond with thoughtfulness, agility and resilience, when you find yourself in a tight spot? How aware are you of what’s going on around you?  What are you committed to at this moment? Where do you draw your line in the sand?

As you embark on your journey of self-discovery, you learn the wisdom of life.  Through this experience you develop powerful strategies that you can use to help others. Then and only then do you  become an effective leader.

How great a leader are you?

What are your thoughts? What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right side) by email or RSS Feed.

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There is truth to the adage that if you show me your company I will tell you for you are. What are your goals in life? What percentage of the time do you accomplish the things that you want in life? If you seldom meet your goals and objectives, it probably is time to look at the people in your sphere of influence.

Who do you spend your time with? Who influences you? There is a story floating around the internet which says that Mark Victor Hansen of Chicken Soup for the Soul fame was lamenting to Tony Robbins about not achieving his results. You see, Hansen wanted to move to billionaire from multi-millionaire status. Robbins asked Hansen how many billionaires he was hanging around and it turns out, none.

The point of this story is to demonstrate that whatever you are trying to achieve in life, hang around people who have achieved those same goals and objectives.

What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right side) by email or RSS Feed.

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Book link is affiliate link

When I saw this book a couple of years ago, I bought it because I know how important it is to ask the right questions to get the answers that you are looking for. I was in a rush so I grabbed the book without reading the back to see what it was about. Because I was in such a rush, I didn’t notice the subtitle, all I saw was THE RIGHT QUESTIONS. I think that the book should be titled “How to Make the Right Choices.” Even though the book wasn’t what I expected, I still enjoyed it.

What Are The Ten Questions?

1. Will this choice propel me toward an inspiring future or will it keep me stuck in the past?
2. Will this choice bring me long-term fulfillment or will it bring me short-term gratification?
3. Am I standing in my power or am I trying to please another?
4. Am I looking for what’s right or am I looking for what’s wrong?
5. Will this choice add to my life force or will it rob me of my energy?
6. Will I use this situation as a catalyst to grow and evolve or will I use it to beat myself up?
7. Does this choice empower me or does it disempower me?
8. Is this an act of self-love or is it an act of self-sabotage?
9. Is this an act of faith or is it an act of fear?

10. Am I choosing from my divinity or am I choosing from my humanity?

According to Debbie Ford, “These questions supply you with the wisdom you need to make what was previously unconscious, conscious, so that you can choose with all the power that comes from being fully aware.”

Let’s focus on question six, “Will I use this situation as a catalyst to grow and evolve or will I use it to beat myself up?” Ford suggests that every person and situation in our lives is “behaving in exactly the way we need them to at every moment in time.” This concept would be difficult for most people to understand and accept. However, she further adds, which I agree with, that we look at the situation with perspective and ask ourselves what can we learn, and how can we use this to evolve. I would ask what opportunities exist in the situation.

Five Great Ideas

1. The quality of our choices will dictate whether we will struggle in frustration or live an extraordinary life… Choice allows us to pick, to select, to decide between paths. To go right or left. To move forward or backward, be happy or sad, loving or hateful, satisfied or discontent. Choice gives us the power to be successful or unfulfilled, to be good or great, to feel pleasure or pain
2. We are where we are because of repeated unconscious or unhealthy choices that we’ve made day after day that add up to the reality we find ourselves in. if we want to understand why and how we created our present reality, all we need to do is look at the choices we made in the past… Our futures are determined by the choices we are making in this moment… If we want our lives to be different, all we have to do is make different choice
3. We’ve all been blessed with free will, which provides us with the power to choose how we react to our experiences in life
4. Faith invites us to believe in something we cannot see, feel, or know. Fear destroys dreams and exterminates possibilities… Our fears cause us to hold on to habits and behaviours that no longer serve us
5. The ability to rationalize behaviour that goes against what we truly want might be our biggest curse because it makes us masters at justifying our actions

What are your thoughts? How do you anticipate where your “puck” is going to land? What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right side) by email or RSS Feed.

The book review first appeared in Ambeck Edge June 2006

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Wayne Gretzky, also known as the “Great One,” is a hockey virtuoso. He was extremely adept at anticipating where the hockey puck would land, and positioned himself at that spot. And most of the time, he was correct in his prediction.

To become a virtuoso, Wayne had a lot of talent, he understood the game, and he practiced his craft more than the 10,000 hours required for expert status and rose to the level of virtuoso. If you have talent, and have worked at your craft for over 10,000 hours, like Wayne Gretzky, you too can predict where the “puck” is going to land. But you have to know something about spotting trends in your industry.

How do you stay on top of what’s going on in your industry? Who do you watch to anticipate the “next big thing”? In the past, how did innovation occur in your field? Who are the trend spotters in your industry? What are some trends that are shaping other industries that would work equally well in yours?

After you have learned how to spot trends in your industry, you will know exactly where to position yourself, you will know where your “puck” is going to land. Please refer to the Review of the Next Big Thing which will help you to spot trends.

What are your thoughts? How do you anticipate where your “puck” is going to land? What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right side) by email or RSS Feed.

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What are your thoughts on having experience? What does it mean to you to have experience? Are there situations where having experience is either a blessing or a curse? How do you define experience?

According to AudioEnglish.net, experience means:

The accumulation of knowledge or skill that results from direct participation in events or activities…

Go or live through

Have firsthand knowledge of states, situations, emotions, or sensations

Having experience is very important, but it isn’t everything. If we use the definition above which centers on the accumulation of knowledge, there will be instances where a certain experience is required, which you do not possess, but you do have the skills required to do the job. In this situation, transferring your skills may be enough.

What to do if you do not have the required experience for a job

Let’s say that there is a job that you would like to have, but you feel like you do not have the experience required to apply.

• Forget about the job title and hone in on the skills that are required
• Take an inventory of your skills
• Conduct a personal SWOT Analysis: Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats (Refer to the post “When Was the Last Time You Conducted a Personal SWOT Analysis“
• Align your skills with those of the job, how do they match up?
• From the results of the SWOT Analysis, what unique strengths do you possess that would give you an advantage? What opportunities exist that are relevant to the job?
• If you find that you have more than 50 percent of the requirements for the job go for it and apply

Let’s say there is an unrelated field that you would like to transition into, how do you go about making the change?

• Look at the skills that are required for this field, align them with the skills that you have, work on acquiring those skills needed to close the gap. You can close the gap by:
  • Volunteering in the field that you are interested in, to acquire the new skills
  • Getting a mentor or coach who will work with you to acquire those skills
  • Reading books or observing people using those skills

And most importantly, when you are BUILDING your experience, make sure that you are HAVING an experience, because that means you are LIVING.

What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right side) by email or RSS Feed.

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I read and reviewed The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran in 2006 because two of the interviewees in my book Tales of People Who Get It indicated that this was the one book that had a profound impact on their lives. I read the book trying to understand their point of views.

First published in 1923, The Prophet is a compilation of 26 poetic essays that deal with love, marriage, giving, work, joy and sorrow, buying and selling, laws, freedom, reason and passion, self-knowledge, talking, pleasure, death and so much more. It’s beautifully written in very simple, poetic language.

The book starts off with Almustafa, the “chosen and beloved” one who has been living in a foreign country, Orphalese, where the people have embraced him for the past 12 years. His ship has returned and he must return to the land of his birth. He is saddened, but he knows that he must leave. Gibran’s genius comes out in the simplicity of his writing.

Almustafa asks, “How shall I go in peace and without sorrow? Nay, not without a wound in the spirit shall I leave this city. Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret? Too many fragments of the spirit have I scattered in these streets, and too many are the children of my longing that walk naked among these hills, and I cannot withdraw from them without a burden and an ache.”

Almitra the “seeress,” the first one to embrace him when he first arrived in Orphalese, understands that he must depart. She senses his deep longing to return to his roots, but before he leaves she wants him to impart some of his wisdom. Almitra asks, “Speak to us of Love.” He responds:

“When love beckons to you, follow him,

Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,

Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him,

Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden… And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course…”

Various people in the community ask him to talk about various things, which result in the 26 poetic essays, which are Almustafa’s responses. The book imparts words of wisdom, some of which are outlined below.

Words of Wisdom

On joy and sorrow: Your joy is your sorrow unleashed

On work: You work that you may keep pace with the earth and the soul of the earth… And in keeping yourself with labour you are in truth loving life

On giving: You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. For what are your possessions but things you guard for fear you may need them tomorrow?

On buying and selling: It is in exchanging the gifts of the earth that you shall find abundance and be satisfied. Yet unless the exchange be in love and kindly justice, it will but lead some to greed and others to hunger

On self-knowledge: Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights. But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart’s knowledge

YouTube video of The Prophet

If you cannot view the YouTube video of The Prophet click here.

Though The Prophet was first published over eight decades ago, anyone can find something that’s of relevance to them today. I enjoyed this book and I was able to see how this book could have a major influence on someone’s life. I would like to add that some of the most successful leaders have relied on poetry to inspire them, and they have learned incredible lessons in the process. I recommend The Prophet.

What are your thoughts on reading poetry? What inspires you? What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right side) by email or RSS Feed.

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• HW Bio: Kahlil Gibran the Prophet (harlemworldblog.wordpress.com)

Ambeck Edge, October 2006

You have heard the phrase that assume makes an ass out of you and me. And in The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, one of the four agreements is Don’t make assumptions (the other three are Be impeccable with your word, Always do your best and Don’t take things personally).

But there are situations where you have to make assumptions. Let’s say you are working on a new project, and you have to gather information to understand the situation. You talk to the stakeholders, you observe how things are done, and you use other types of data collection techniques such as surfing the internet or online databases. At some point you have to stop collecting information and start analyzing what you have found. You stop collecting information because it doesn’t make sense cost-wise, or you simply cannot find more information on the topic.

The point is that you will never have all the information you need to make decisions in life, so you have to make assumptions based on your experience – what you already know. But you have to make it clear what assumptions you have made. So a simple rule to follow is to state:

1. What the facts are
2. What you don’t know
3. What assumptions you’ve made to fill in the information gaps, and why you’ve made them

So there are situations when you have to make assumptions, but making assumptions about people because you do not like them, or whatever reason, or making assumptions about situations and circumstances, shouldn’t be done lightly. Follow the three steps above.

What do you have to add to the conversation? Let’s keep the conversation flowing, please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below. Many readers read this blog from other sites, so why don’t you pop over to The Invisible Mentor and subscribe (top on the right side) by email or RSS Feed.

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